


A Star By Any Other Name

by glowingmarauders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: 1970s, Abused Sirius Black, Bisexual Sirius Black, F/M, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, James Potter Has ADHD, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mental Health Issues, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Padfoot - Freeform, Pining, Pining Harry Potter, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Slow Burn, Slow and Painful, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, literally so slow, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:33:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 87,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28341717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowingmarauders/pseuds/glowingmarauders
Summary: "We don't need the moon and stars," he muttered. "Because that's what we are. Moon and star."extremely slow-burn wolfstar fic charting from the first year at hogwarts to the events concluding ootp. told from third-person omniscient, sirius’ pov!i do not support jk rowling's actions in any way, shape, or form.overall cw for child abuse from the blacks - nothing too graphic, nothing described in detail.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1099
Kudos: 229





	1. Summer 1971: Mean Mr Mustard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abbey Road never brings good kudos at 12 Grimmauld Place.

It was cold and dank in his room. The window above his wooden bed was left open all night to rid the room of any candles burnt the day before. Father hated his candles. The Abbey Road record on his beige Crosley buzzed as it spun around in meaningless circles.

"Sirius!" barked a booming voice that stomped up the winding staircase just outside the boys' bedroom.

No reply.

"Sirius!" the voice called again.

His room was always silent, except for the soft records occasionally playing and the rare hoot of the dark grey owl, who came up to deliver letters.

But Sirius Black never got letters. Sirius Black was completely alone. Sirius never went to primary school, no, because Mother said no Black family heir would learn with Muggles. Sirius was never allowed to play with the neighborhood kids, for Blacks did not associate with Muggles.

So Sirius stayed in his room, inside his house, in the Borough of Islington, in Muggle London, in a world where eleven-year-old Sirius Black knew he had absolutely no purpose. ****

**Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park  
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper  
Sleeps in a hole in the road  
Saving up to buy some clothes  
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose**

"Sirius Orion Black!" roared the same striking voice as earlier.

Sirius stood up and slowly approached his barren bedroom door. It slowly creaked open, and standing a foot and a half taller than the young boy was his dreadful, awful, scarily insensitive father.

Orion Black was a tall, lanky, pale-skinned wizard with a sunken face and graying hair. His wife Walburga had sharp cheekbones and dark hair always pulled into an elaborate updo, because the ancestors of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black would not do with a casual hairstyle.

"Turn that atrocity off," he spat, glaring down at his eldest son.

"Yes, father," Sirius replied, gliding over to his Crosley where he removed the needle from the turning record.

"We do not listen to Muggle music in this house," Orion scowled. Sirius nodded.

"Yes, father," ****

**Such a mean old man  
Such a mean old man**

The music stopped suddenly, encapsulating the room in silence once again.

"Toujours pur, Sirius," barked Orion. "Do you know what that means?"

Sirius was silent. Surely his father would not send him away again, like how he did the previous winter. Sirius could not bear going there again. He was alone. But he wasn't far from being alone here.

Although, it was now mid July, he thought, and the sun was finally beating down. Maybe this time it wouldn't be as awful.

"Always pure." Orion whispered coldly. "No son of mine will be listening to Muggle songs, no son of mine..." he trailed off. "Where did you receive this?" he asked, clutching the sleeve of the record.

"My birthday last year. From 'Dromeda," Sirius replied carefully. Sirius knew never to speak unless spoken to, because Black children were to be seen and not heard.

"Andromeda is a blood traitor," Orion hissed. "It is only a matter of time before her name is burnt off the family tapestry, just like your Muggle-lover great grandfather."

Sirius winced. Andromeda was the only family member he liked. ****

**His sister Pam works in a shop  
She never stops, she's a go-getter  
Takes him out to look at the Queen  
Only place that he's ever been  
Always shouts out something obscene**

Orion threw the record at Sirius' bare wall and stormed out of the room, leaving the young boy alone. As he sat down at his desk, thoughts racing through his head, he lit a match and ignited the dark green candelabra resting on his table.

Pacing his large room, he picked up the record laying astray on the wooden floors. Undamaged, he thought. God must be on my side today. He placed the record back on his record player and dropped the needle.

"Sirius!" the voice roared again. Don't hurt me, thought Sirius. You can't hurt me now.

The door flung open and Orion stomped over to Sirius and hit him on the crown of his head.

"I will not ask you again. Reducto," he growled, pointing his wand at the marble bust in the corner of Sirius' room. The bust shattered and Orion left the room, his green robes billowing.

Sirius stared into the mirror above his dresser. His dark, wavy hair hit right above his ears. Mother never let it grow any longer. His piercing grey eyes stared at every detail in his face, from his long and upturned nose to the scar above his eyebrow from one of father's beatings. Regulus never received those, Sirius thought. But Regulus was not a disappointment.

Sirius was skinny, almost too skinny, but that was the result of being banished from dinner almost once a week. Sirius knew he was ill-behaved because at least once a day he was told so by Father.

Regulus was well behaved for a nine year old. Regulus never got in trouble.

Crawling onto his bed, Sirius clutched the pearly white duvet and brought it to his chest. His black hair contrasted against the white silk pillowcase as he stared at the ceiling. The silver fan beat down on him like the London wind.

How he hated London.

From his silent bed in his silent room, he could hear Mother and Father arguing in the library. Sirius loved the library. In the library you could immerse yourself in a book and not care that two rooms away, your parents were fighting and belittling you.

Sirius always knew Father was evil. Father always knew Sirius would grow up to be evil. In some ways, they were the same. In most ways, they were not.

Glass shattered in the room under Sirius. Where was Regulus? He heard another explosion. Reg?

In just 46 days, Sirius would be away, in another building, in another room, in another bed, in another country. Sirius would be away from his parents for nine months. Sirius would be at Hogwarts, for which he hope and prayed would be more of a home than this hellhole ever had felt like.

A roar emitted from the room below.

They're coming, Sirius thought.

The stairs outside his room creaked.

He's coming. ****

**Such a dirty old man  
Dirty old man**


	2. Summer 1971: Used To It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andromeda and Sirius - the Black Black sheep.

"Please stop, Sirius." said the stiff voice of Regulus Black.

"Alright, alright," Sirius sighed, letting go of his brother, who he had embraced in a playful headlock.

He could hear the pitter-patter of their house elf, Kreacher's, footsteps a few floors below them.

"Mother said wear the deep green robes, not the scarlet ones," Regulus pointed out as the two stared into the mirror across from them. Surrounding Sirius' eye were dark purple bruises inflicted by last nights' naughtiness.

"Yeah, well, I don't like green."

"You're gonna have to get used to it by next week." Regulus said. "For Slytherin."

Sirius sighed. The Hogwarts Express would depart to bring Sirius to his first year of wizarding school in less than a week. Just four more days, he thought. Four more days, and maybe the constant stinging of the marks on his back and the aching of his bones would stop. 

"I guess." he replied.

"Regulus! Sirius!" shrieked Walburga from the foyer three floors down.

"We should go. Auntie Druella and Uncle Cygnus should be here soon."

Sirius stuck up his nose. "I'd rather Uncle Alphard."

"Well, Uncle Alphard's in Argentina." retorted Regulus. His eyes glanced around Sirius' bedroom. "What's that?" He strutted over to the closed suitcase record player.

"Muggle contraption. From Dromeda. It's a record player. You put this thing," Sirius picked up _David Bowie_ and placed it on the Crosley, "on this thing, and it plays music."

"Y- you can't do that," Regulus stuttered. "Father says no Muggle things. You need to put it away."

"Oh, shove off." Sirius snickered. "What's he gonna do?"

"You know what he's gonna do."

Sirius pursed his lips. "Well, I'm going to school soon, anyway. Maybe I'll learn defense spells there." He drew his wand from an inner pocket of his red robes. Mother and Sirius took a trip to Knockturn Alley and Diagon Alley just two weeks prior, where Sirius picked up all necessities for school, including his wand. "Thirteen inches, phoenix feather core, rigid."

"Right. I can't want to get my wand next year." Regulus said, slumping down at Sirius' desk.

"SIRIUS! REGULUS!" Walburga screeched.

The elder son rolled his eyes. "We'd better head downstairs."

Sirius Black hated the long, winding staircase right outside of his bedroom primarily because he spent most of his time there. Leading from the study to the hallway connecting Sirius and Regulus' bedrooms, the staircase was where Sirius walked after Father beat him and sent him to bed.

From the rosettes trimming the end of the banister to the sickly grey wall color, Sirius despised anything and everything to do with the staircase.

"Your cousins should be here soon. Floo network's down. They're Apparating," Mother hissed, glaring at the silver watch on her dainty wrist. "Sirius, I told you to wear your new green robes."

"I like these better." He knew never to be blunt with Father, but what was a day without angering Mother?

"You follow my orders, and that is a command." she glared. Per usual, Regulus had disappeared.

"Red looks better."

She grabbed Sirius' arm and yanked him closer to her. Her breath was hot on his face, but his expression remained unbothered. 

"You understand how this family feels about you. Filthy blood traitor, never caring what anybody has to say, purposefully disobeying us-" Mother's grip on Sirius' pale arm loosened, and he quickly shot out of her grasp. As she drew her wand, a face of pure anger etched upon her skin, a faint 'pop' could be heard from a few yards down. "Your family is here. Your punishment commences after dinner."

Sirius' eyes formed into mere slits. "Mum's the word," he muttered as he entered the foyer where Regulus stood. The door shot open, the bleak summer wind trespassing into the dimly lit home.

"Walburga," purred Aunt Druella. They embraced each other as Uncle Cygnus, Narcissa, Bellatrix, and Andromeda followed behind. 

"Sirius!" Andromeda smiled, pulling the lanky boy in for a hug.

He had forgotten what touch was like.

"Hi, Dromeda," he said sheepishly. Bellatrix and Narcissa stared the two down from the doorway.

"Regulus," Bellatrix adressed, her eyes wide as dinner platters. "How are you?"

"Fine. And you?" Regulus said, monotonous.

Andromeda had pulled Sirius aside as this conversation lengthened, into a vacated hallway.

"How is it here?" she asked, worry lines above her eyebrows. "Those bruises..."

"Fine. I'm fine. Used to it. Leaving in four days. Just gotta get through tonight, tomorrow, the next day, and the next." 

"Sirius," she started slowly. "It's not going to be any different at Hogwarts." 

"Whaddya mean?"

"Bella's there, Cissy's there, and her boyfriend Lucius - they're not good people. You're not going to be safe anywhere, unless you're not in Slytherin." She took an abrupt breath. "And face it, all Blacks are Slytherin."

"Not all of them," Sirius mumbled, rocking back and forth on his feet.

Andromeda grabbed Sirius' hand tenderly. "All of them. Sorry, bud. Maybe after dinner we can go to your room and play some records."

He shrugged. "Father doesn't like them."

"He can't do anything when I'm here." She squeezed his hand once more and led him to the dining room.

The dining area at Grimmauld Place was shockingly spacious for a house so small. Concealed by magic, Grimmauld Place was exceptionally tall and skinny. The long black table covered in a white silk tablecloth sat in the center of the room, with numerous chairs surrounding the table. Though only four people were residents, Walburga and Orion constantly had meetings that Sirius and Regulus were not permitted to know about.

Sirius hated family dinners, primarily for the reason that it was hard to find a seat next to somebody who didn't despise him. But tonight, he had Andromeda on one side and Regulus on the other. That would be okay.

Their house elf, Kreacher, entered the room with platters upon platters levitated by magic in front of him. As they clanked down on the table, Andromeda glanced at Sirius.

Black family dinners were awful, thought Sirius as he served himself food from the plates in the center if the table. He could never catch a break.

"Sirius is starting at Hogwarts next week," Walburga sneered, pressing her thin lips into a grotesque smile. 

"The little blood traitor needs to learn to carry on the ways of our ancestors," sang Bellatrix's musical voice from the opposite end of the table.

"Don't speak to him like that." Andromeda retorted, her brown eyes shining with fury.

" 'S okay," he whispered as he pushed his black hair out of his face. "Used to it."

The adults pursued a new conversation about the epidemic piercing the Wizarding World to which they called Muggleborns.

"I just can't believe Muggles are allowed to taint our world," Father tutted, shaking his head.

Bella nodded in agreement. "Disgusting, filth they are, dirtying our pure blood..."

Sirius twirled his fork around on his plate, not exceptionally hungry. The despicable chatter of _sickening Mudbloods_ made his stomach turn.

"Eat something, Siri." Andromeda whispered. He brought his fork to his mouth reluctantly, but chewed and swallowed.

"Big lunch." he muttered in response, keeping his voice down so only she could hear. After all, nobody wanted to hear him speak anyway.

As the dinner concluded (with a monologue by Uncle Cygnus as to why 'Mudbloods' were a disgrace to society and should be brought to St. Mungo's for experimental purposes), Kreacher brought out a platter of champagne glasses.

"Sirius, Regulus, off you go. The adults are talking," Mother said stiffly.

"They're staying," Sirius said quietly, motioning his head towards Bella and Cissy.

"Go to your bedroom, Sirius. We will call you down later." she retorted hotly.

"I'd better go with," replied Andromeda, following Sirius as he stormed out of the dining hall. Regulus had already disappeared to his room.

The door to Sirius' bedroom slammed in front of Andromeda's frowning face. Of course Sirius knew she was standing there. But he could always pretend she wasn't. He could pretend to be in another country, related to another family, with long black hair and cool Muggle clothes. Father and Mother had no tolerance for Muggle clothes - he didn't have many, only dress shirts and trousers to pair with his dress robes. It's not like he was allowed to leave the house. Andromeda had bought him a nice, green jumper for his birthday last year, though, and he liked that much more than any pair of robes.

Andromeda. That's right.

As he stood up from his bed, the serpent knocker on his door rapped. He opened it hastily.

"Sorry, Dromeda." 

"That's okay. Can we talk?"

He nodded.

"Are you okay here? I can bring you to my flat. I'm living in Muggle Salisbury. I'd love for you to join me." she shuddered, stepping into his room and pacing.

Silence.

"Are you serious?"

"No, you're Sirius," she chuckled. "Sorry. Been dying to use that one. And yes, we would love it."

"We?"

"My boyfriend, Ted. We met at Hogwarts, he's a Ravenclaw. And he's Muggleborn, so don't tell anybody. Nobody knows. Though, I'm sure Cissy suspects."

Sirius stared at his shoes. "I couldn't, I just couldn't..." he started. "They'll know where I am. And then they'll come for you, too."

Silent tears streaked Andromeda's face as she nodded. "Of course. It's always an option. And we're connected to the Floo network."

"You don't have to cry," Sirius said awkwardly. He never knew how to comfort anyone - as far as he knew, nobody in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black had emotions. "I'm used to it. It's fine."

"I'm just so sorry," she wailed quietly. "You're just so - so young!" she sputtered.

"Yeah."

He grabbed her around the shoulders and hugged her, tears staining the shoulder of his red robes.

"Let's put on a record," he smiled timidly. "What do you want? I was showing Reggie _David Bowie_ today."

"I don't know if we should," she frowned. "You said your father didn't like them."

"He doesn't like anything. Not even me," Sirius shrugged.

"Don't say that."

"He doesn't, though. It's kind of obvious," he said quietly, rubbing his calf.

"Lift up your trouser leg."

"Why?"

"Please."

A large gash swirled around the back of his leg, creating a serpent-like design on his calf. It was a new spell from Mother, though he couldn't name it. She was exceptional at non-verbal curses. It was a shame.

Andromeda's mouth dropped. "Wha- how old is this? Who did it? Sirius, you have to tell me these things!"

"Reggie knows. From a few days ago. Mother was mad I was listening to records, but I kept putting them back on when she would leave the room. Called me a blood traitor, carved this into my leg so I would know how to be a 'true Slytherin Black'."

"Sirius... I can patch this up for you. Next time anything like this happens, owl me, or Floo me. You can even Head-Only transport to my flat. I need you to be honest, Siri. You're strong, but you're also eleven. No child should be put through this... but then again, maybe that's just what we think. Black sheep." Andromeda frowned, shaking her head and flaring her nose.

"Right, Black sheep," Sirius giggled. "Literally."

"Hold still." Andromeda murmured "Episkey," and the snake design on his leg was instantly healed. "It'll be sore for a few days. Essence of dittany should also work, if you find yourself alone." She blinked, as to keep her tears in, and put her wand back in her robe pocket. 

"Thank you so much." he said, hugging Andromeda.

She nodded, her eyes closed. "Just let me help."

"I will." 

The knocker on Sirius' door rapped hastily. He glanced at Andromeda, fear drawn upon his face.

She opened the door, and Sirius knew why. They wouldn't hurt Andromeda like they'd hurt Sirius. He wasn't stupid. They thought he was, but he wasn't. He would be top in his class at Hogwarts, Father had assured him. He had always told him that he would be Head Boy, and a prefect, and would be first in each of his studies.He had known this since he was nine - Father had even recommended sending him to Durmstrang, to _brush up on his dark arts technique._ Though, this was all before last winter's incident. Mother and Father were incredibly despicable after hi excursion, and it hadn't been the same. It never would.

"Aunt Walburga demands Sirius to come to the drawing room now. I assume you, as well." said Cissy nonchalantly. Her blonde hair swung in its ponytail as she descended down the stairs.

Andromeda squeezed his arm as he went in front of her down the spiral staircase. Four floors down, three hallways to the left, second door on the right. He knew the entire setup of his house, because how else would a child cooped up in hell itself cope?

Entering the room timidly, his entire family sat on the loveseats and sofas surrounding the room. Perched on rosewood chairs emblazoned with the family crest, they all stared at him with placid expressions. It was incredibly unnerving.

"Andromeda, please take a seat," Father said, pointing to a seat next to Regulus.

Sirius blew a strand of silky black hair out of his face and glanced around at the unfazed expressions of his family.

"Sirius, your mother was just educating us on how you disrespected her before your cousins arrived." Father grimaced.

The room spun. His eyes weren't connected to his face; they were spinning around the room. "Yes, sir."

"Of course, this wouldn't be the first time," Bella cackled. The room erupted into laughter, besides Andromeda and Regulus sitting together, glued to their seats.

"No, not at all," said Mother. "And Sirius, it seems none of our punishments seem to _make an imprint_ on you." Her eyed quickly glanced at his leg.

He nodded, trying to keep his expression unchanged.

Father stood up swiftly, his black robes billowing. Father's presence was terrifying.

"We have decided to take - er, another approach," he said in a tone that could curdle milk. "Crucio."

Sirius shut his eyes as the blast of green energy traveled across the room, through the air, colliding with his skin and turning his insides cold.

He was thrown to the floor, writhing and screaming in pain, as his entire family watched. How utterly embarrassing.

"Stop! You're hurting him! Stop!" Andromeda cried.

The red-hot energy flowed through his veins, contracting every muscle. Bones shaking and cracking, bolts of pain jolting through his body, nothing would subside.

The pain was cold. No, hot. No, cold. It was excruciating, and it burned, it seared through every joint and tendon and nerve in his body. He could feel his body writhe in pain, but it was almost as if he was a spirit; a ghost watching his own body shake and seize on the ground. He was disconnected, and it _hurt_ it hurt so bad, and they would _never stop, they couldn't stop, when will they stop?_

He couldn't hear anything over his own screams and yells, but a shaking voice screamed, "Expelliarmus!" and the pain stopped.

He couldn't move. Paralyzed on the ground, his eyes drooped, and closed. He was _so_ tired, and so cold, and just wanted to fall asleep, but his bed was four floors up, and his family still watched from the side. A waft of cold breeze seemed to sear through the study, and Sirius' muscles relaxed.

He was unconscious.

-

Two days later, Sirius awoke in a new bed, in a new house, in a new city. Exactly how he had dreamed.

"Oh, he's up!" sniffled a voice in the corner. His eyesight was still rubbish, and he couldn't recognize the person. "Siri, can you hear me?"

Andromeda.

"Yeah," he muttered groggily.

"Have some of this," she said, handing him a purple potion. "I think I've healed any broken bones. Your parents, they left the house with my family, they're in Hogsmeade now. Or at least they were, I think they're staying at the Leaky Cauldron. They're a little drunk, last time I saw them, they were. And- oh, Sirius!" She sobbed and threw her arms around his neck, which was supported by some Muggle brace. "Ted says you're concussed, he's at work now, he's a Muggle news reporter, and I didn't think you'd wake up!"

"You're hysterical, Dromeda," he mumbled, grinning. "I'll be fine. Thank you. 'S this your flat?" Andromeda nodded in response; Sirius could feel the head movement on his shoulder.

"I think you should be ready to go to school in two days. I went over to your room and got almost all of your things - Reggie helped me. They just left him behind with that godforsaken house elf."

"Kreacher likes Reggie. He should be good." 

"I got an owl from Uncle Orion. For you. I haven't opened it yet," she sniffled, handing Sirius a sealed envelope with a wax marking of the Noble and Most Ancient House Of Black crest. 

_Sirius-  
We will be over to pick you up from Andromeda's flat Tuesday, August 31 at seven o'clock, PM. Have your belongings ready. We will take you to Kings Cross the following day. Do not consult Andromeda again._

_Orion Black III_

Sirius sighed. "Thank you, Dromeda, for helping. Probably won't be the last time."

A few tears escaped her eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm used to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two! i wish i could say i'm following a posting schedule but that wouldn't be true LOL i'll try to post 4 chapters a week :) 
> 
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	3. First Year: Recovery and Repurcussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius meets a boy wearing funky socks and round glasses.

The aftermath of the Cruciatus Curse hurt like hell.

Father came via Floo to Andromeda and Ted's flat, no ounce of remorse on his sunken face.

"Blood traitor," he murmured. "Absolute filth. You are the heir to the House of Black, do you not understand? Go to your room," he spat, letting go of the tight hold he had on Sirius' robes. Sirius stumbled up the stairs to his room, where Andromeda teleported his things earlier that day.

Sirius sulked down the hall, passing Kreacher and multiple fuming portraits of his ancestors. "Filth," one sneered. "Disgusting boy." jeered another. Holding up an obscene hand gesture, he continued down the dark hall.

"Sirius?" whispered a soft voice. Regulus was peering into the hallway through a crack in his door.

"Reg."

"You're back."

"Yeah, for sixteen more hours. It's shit here, that's what it is."

"Don't say that."

"Why? It's true. Maybe not for you, but for me."

"Come in," Reg said, opening the door. Classic Regulus. Changing the subject when things got too personal. That was his specialty - he couldn't cope.

Sirius sat down gingerly on a pouf in the corner of the room, twiddling his thumbs as Regulus stared in his direction. 

"Sorry."

"Wasn't the first time. Won't be the last. Quite embarrassing, though, when the whole family's watching."

"After you fainted, they Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron for drinks. Stayed overnight, they were there a day and a half." Regulus started. "Narcissa stayed behind, so did Annie. Cissy took the Floo network to Lucius Malfoy's house, she wasn't bothered at all by what - er, what happened. Annie brought you to her flat, she asked if I wanted to go."

Sirius shrugged. "Don't wanna talk about it. Probably never will."

"You can go. Just wanted to get some things out of the way. Rest up." Reggie sighed, closing the door behind Sirius as he shooed his brother out.

Sirius went to his room, just two doors down. Right past Sirius' bathroom and the fourth floor coat closet. He threw himself down on his bed, his head pounding. The clock struck eight o'clock. Fifteen more hours. His bones rattled and his nerves tingled and his breaths were short and raspy. But he should get accustomed to it soon.

-

Fifteen hours later, Sirius stood at Platform 9 3/4, feeling incredibly out of place. Everyone knew who he was, but how could he recognize people he had never met?

Standing with Father (he insisted he needed to accompany Sirius to the train, to knock some sense into the boy), clutching only the finest of trunks engraved with a serpent, he glanced out at the train swaying in front of him. Owls hooted and kids dashed around, hoping to reunite with old friends. 

Father did not allow Sirius to don his Muggle attire. Because they Apparated directly onto Platform 9 3/4, no Muggles would see them, so there was no reason to dress like them. Sirius pulled at the collar of his juniper robes. Always green, thought Sirius. We've got a whole rainbow of colors, yet everything is green.

"You will receive the highest marks in your class. You will not socialize with halfbloods, Mudbloods, or any other house besides your own. You will not insinuate any difficulty. You will respect your elders and your relatives. Toujours pur," Orion scowled, staring ahead. Sirius, who was facing the same direction, nodded.

"Yes, father." He glanced at his wristwatch. 10:48.

"Go ahead. Get on the train. We will see you at winter holidays," Father grimaced. Sirius suppressed a laugh. Father always looked like he was smelling something vile.

Sirius entered the line to board the train, clutching his owl cage and numerous trunks. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his father Apparate out of the station.

"Good riddance," he muttered. A boy with wild black hair and tilted, circular glasses bounded up to stand behind him in line. "Cool shoes."

"Thanks," said Sirius, taken aback. Were there truly wizards who appreciated Muggle attire as much as him? 

"They're sick." The boy with untidy hair was wearing snow white Reeboks, yellow tube socks, and a color-blocked pullover. "I'm James. James Potter. By the way."

"Sirius Black." said Sirius, shaking James' outstretched hand. "First year. You?"

"Same. First year." Sirius stepped onto the train, up the stairs, and down the tight walkway between compartments. Choosing a compartment near the back, James followed and sat next to him.

"I've heard of your family," Sirius started. "The Potters. Mother said not to associate with you, 'cause you're blood traitors."

James laughed, swaying back and forth on his feet. "Blood-traitor. That's a good one."

"You seem fine, anyway." Sirius jeered.

"So, Sirius Black, I believe it is the universe speaking to us right now."

"James Potter, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, we must be best friends."

Sirius snorted. "Never had a best friend. Sure. James Potter - Best Friend of Sirius Black, heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black."

"Sirius Black - Best Friend of James Potter, brave, attractive, future Quidditch star, prankmaster."

"Prankmaster?" Sirius asked, in awe. "I wish. Mother doesn’t let me or my brother do much.”

James laughed. "Always wanted a brother. Only child."

"I've got Regulus, my brother. And a shit ton of cousins. Pureblood families, y'know."

"Mum hates the whole façade of blood purity, though. So does Dad."

"I wish. My parents act like being pureblood's the only thing they have going for them. I guess it is all, though." Sirius shrugged.

The compartment door slid open. A slightly overweight blonde boy wearing a striped jumper stood in the entrance. "Mind if I sit here?" he asked, scared.

"Course," James shrugged. "I'm James, this is Sirius."

"Peter Pettigrew," he said, holding out a pudgy hand. 

"We were just talking about heritage and stuff. What are you? Half-blood, pureblood-" James started.

"Not that it matters. We don't care." Sirius interrupted.

"Half-blood." Peter said reluctantly. 

"We're pureblood." James said.

"James, you wanker, he's going to think we actually care about that shit," Sirius hissed.

"I can still hear you." Peter retorted.

"Sorry, Pete. Can I call you Pete? I think I'm gonna call you Pete." James blabbered.

"What house are you guys gonna be in? Not that we can choose... If we could, no one would be in Slytherin!" Peter laughed. James giggled.

"Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad," James said sheepishly. "He was Keeper on the Quidditch team. I play Chaser, I wanna go pro when I'm older." he said proudly.

"My mum was in Hufflepuff. Dad was in Ravenclaw. I've no clue where I'm going," Peter shrugged.

"What about you, Black?"

"Slytherin," he frowned.

The two boys on the compartment erupted into laughter. "Hilarious mate, but really, where'ya going?" James said through fits of laughter.

"No, I'm serious."

"Yeah, we know, you already told us your name."

"Ha-ha, so funny." Sirius said monotonous. "My entire family has been in Slytherin for generations. I don't even think the Sorting Hat tries anymore when he hears the surname Black."

The door to the compartment slid open. "Hi, can I sit here?" asked a lanky, tall, mousy-haired boy with freckles. He was out of breath, and awkwardly clutched his hip.

"'Course." James said, pointing to the seat by Sirius. The tall boy put his shabby trunks away and sat down. 

"I'm Sirius, this is James, and this is Peter." Sirius explained. The boy in the red jumper and khakis nodded. "I'm Remus Lupin."

"Hi, Remus. We were just talking about what houses we reckon we'll be in." Peter smiled. "James is content on Gryffindor and Sirius thinks he's a Slytherin."

"Slytherin, eh? My father was a Gryffindor, mum's a Muggle." Remus grinned.

"Whole family has been in Slytherin. Generations upon generations upon generations... Black family curse, that's what I call it." 

"You're a Black?" Remus' eyes widened.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to hex you!" Sirius said, raising his palms.

"No, no, I've just read about your family. In _The Wizarding World's Most Prominent Pureblood Families_. Interesting read."

"My family's in a book?" 

"Oh, yeah, many of them."

Sirius gawked at Remus. "Huh. No clue."

After a few more hours of conversing and indulging in candy from the trolley witch, the handle to their train compartment rattled and in walked a boy with flaming red hair, and a gleaming pin on his chest reading "Head Boy."

"About to arrive at Hogsmeade station!" he grinned. "Go ahead and pull your robes on, right over your Muggle clothes. Hope to see the four of you at Gryffindor table! I'm Fabian Prewett, by the way. Head Boy!" he beamed. "See you four later." Fabian exited the compartment almost as swiftly as he arrived.

The boys chatted as they took their robes out and put them on over their Muggle clothing.

"If I'm not in Gryffindor, I might off myself." James kept saying, the same horrified expression on his face each time.

"Bugger off, I'm sure you will be," Peter always replied. Remus kept fiddling with the collar of his flannel, making sure it covered his right shoulder.

"I hope you three, at least, are together. Maybe Slytherin and Gryffindor will have a few classes together," Sirius said glumly.

"Don't say that, mate. Maybe you'll be with us. There's always hope!" 

As the four climbed out of the train, they stared at the enormous castle across the lake.

"Woah," Peter whispered.

"Woah is right." Sirius replied.

A massive guy with a short beard and brown leather jacket called from a few yards away, "Firs' years, here! Firs' years, come on!"

Sirius glanced at the three other boys before racing them over to the boats by the lake.

"Three to a boat, hey! Outta the lake, don't wanna get eaten by the giant squid! Kidding, I'm kidding... three to a boat!" the giant man called.

"I'll find another boat," Sirius volunteered.

"No, that's fine, I will." James said, his eyes darting to a head of red hair.

"I'll do it, I-"

"See you at the Sorting Ceremony!" James called before running off into a boat where a red headed girl and a greasy boy sat.

The remaining three climbed into a boat as the waning moon shone down from behind the clouds above.

"We've got boats like these, at our summer home," Peter gabbed. "Magic, y'know. You don't have to paddle."

"That sounds nice. Dad and I used to go fishing when I was younger. We used the Muggle boats, I've never used one like this." Remus shared.

"Fishing?" Sirius frowned.

"Yeah. You know, in the lakes, with fishing poles..." Remus trailed off. "Do you know what I'm talking about?"

"Not in the slightest." Sirius laughed.

Before they knew it, the giant man led them to the castle, which was larger and more magical Sirius ever could have imagined. The portraits, like the ones back at Grimmauld Place, moved and spoke, and the staircases moved when you walked on them. 

"This is crazy. I was reading _Hogwarts: A History_ , you know, and I never imagined it to be this magical. I mean, the portraits speak!" Remus said, tagging along behind Sirius.

"We've got some like that at home. Of ancestors. My great-great grandfather was the headmaster here, once."

"Phineas Nigellus Black?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, he's a little mad."

A woman clothed in deep purple robes with a thin smile walked up to the gaggle of first-years, still in awe at all the magic in the air.

"My name is Professor McGonagall. I am the Head of Gryffindor House and Transfiguration teacher. Now, when I call your name, you will walk up to the stool and I will place the Sorting Hat on your head. Once your house is selected, approach the respective tables." she explained.

James had made his way back over to the other three boys, blushing and walking away from the redhead girl with a stupid smirk on his face.

"You fancy her?" Sirius laughed.

"No!" James hissed. "I fancy her just about as much as you fancy McGonagall. On, McGooGoo, oh, kiss me, madam-"

"Shut it, Potter," Sirius grinned, smacking the back of James' head.

McGonagall shot the two a warning glance and Sirius shot a smirk back. She led the group of twenty kids into the Great Hall, which took their breath away.

A collective gasp came from the pack as they looked up at the sky, which was enchanted to look like the outside stars.

"Oh goodness," Remus breathed, right behind Sirius' shoulder.

The Hall suddenly hushed as a tattered hat was placed on the wooden stool in front of them. It opened at the seam (was that a rip? It surely had to be.) and took in a deep breath.

_Well, yet another year  
And a brand new group of kids  
New faces and new students, don't yet know of the giant squid!  
You may be placed in Gryffindor, where the brave and noble lay  
Or maybe in dear Ravenclaw, where smarts don't go astray  
You could be sorted in Slytherin, where valor and hard work thrives  
Or lastly, be in Hufflepuff, in which there's loyalty and pride  
For each of these four houses was created by a founder  
Who led the school through dark and bright, no matter what they encounter  
So go ahead, try me on! I haven't got all day  
Can't wait to sort these ickle firsties before I go away  
But don't forget, the house I give will be your house for seven years  
But houses here are family, and family never disappears! ___

The Hat concluded its song with a roar of applause from the audience, and a chant of "Encore! Encore!" by the ginger boy they encountered on the train.

____

Sirius swallowed any fear welling in his throat. Family? For the next seven years? He had put up eleven years with Father, not much could be worse. But a lot could be better. Then again, Sirius was used to family. Andromeda's words kept ringing in his head... "It's not gonna be any different at Hogwarts..."

____

"When I call your name, please approach the stool," McGonagall trilled. "Adams, Anne-Marie!"

____

A girl with blonde pigtails bounded towards the chair, and only seconds after the Hat landed on her head, it screamed, "RAVENCLAW!" for all the Hall to hear.

____

Sirius clenched his fists and swayed in place.

____

"Anderson, Warren!"

____

A boy with gelled brown hair sauntered up to the stool. Sirius couldn't see straight.

____

"Sirius, are you okay?" James asked, gripping his shoulder.

____

"SLYTHERIN!"

____

"Black, Sirius!"

____

Sirius walked up to the stool, his mind racing with thoughts and his heart beating faster that it ever had. Of course he would get Slytherin, of course he would, and if he didn't, Father wouldn't hold back on Christmas holiday...

____

He sat down on the stool and the Hat fell on top of his eyes.

____

"Oh, not another Black!" the Hat yelped. "Slytherin this, Slytherin that, I might as well put you in Slytherin too."

____

"Be my guest." Sirius grumbled.

____

"But I sense braveness, chivalry, something your relatives don't have..."

____

Sirius ears perked up. Surely it wasn't saying...

____

"Must be... GRYFFINDOR!"

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! who is here from tiktok teehee?? i'm on a posting spree rn LOL please leave kudos and a comment!
> 
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	4. First Year: New Friends, New Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is new.

The Hall was silent. Dead silence. Sirius sat, frozen, on the stool, his breaths heavy and his eyes wide with fearful anticipation. He blinked them away. Blacks don't cry. If Father were here... he could feel the cold slap against his cheek and the slice of his ring. A cold wash fell over the Hall, and his cousins stared at him from te Slytherin table, where they had accustomed an empty seat for him. 

"Right you are, Black." McGonagall said stiffly, placing a tender hand on Sirius' shaking back. "Gryffindor table. Far left. Glad to have you," She smiled gingerly and continued reading names off the parchment scroll in her hand.

Surely there was a mistake. He couldn't have been Gryffindor, he was a Slytherin. Every Black was a Slytherin. Each and every one, tracing back decades upon decades...

"Sit here, Sirius," said a calm voice a few seats down the bench. It was Fabian Prewett. 

Sirius nodded, keeping his head down and breathing deep breaths. 

"Evans, Lily!" 

The redheaded girl bounded up to the stool and flashed a grin before he hat fell over her face.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Evans sat down a few seats from Sirius, shooting him a toothy grin, obviously giddy with excitement. He watched her try to grab the attention of the greasy-haired boy still in line, who looked absolutely shocked.

Father would be furious. Father would never let him live it down, no, he would never forgive him. He felt Bellatrix and Narcissa's gazes and whispers, and there was nothing more he wanted to do than curl up into a ball under the table, where nobody would see him. The Slytherin table had shifted to fill in the spot they had meticulously saved for Sirius, and his chest tightened at the view. He had _really_ messed up this time.

There was a mistake. There had to be.

"Lupin, Remus!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

His heart was pounding in his chest, his throat was closing up, the room was spinning, his hands were clammy...

"Sirius?" whispered Remus. "You good?" He placed a warm hand on Sirius' forearm and he nodded, slowly.

He was pale, paler than he'd ever been. How many Howlers would he receive tomorrow? Surely quite a few? Narcissa and Bella wouldn't be able to keep their big mouths shut, naturally. Whispers from the Slytherin table became louder, louder to the point where the Sorting Hat was almost drowned out by the growing noise of Sirius' relatives.

"You're white as a ghost, Black." said the grinning voice of James Potter as he sat down next to Sirius.

"Am I?" Sirius said, staring at the wall ahead of him and concentrating on his breathing. "Must be a trick of the light."

"Ah, alright, mate," James said slowly, placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"Guess we're all together," Sirius croaked as the Sorting Ceremony concluded with the sorting of "Zembrodt, Vivian!" into Hufflepuff. Remus sat next to Sirius, Peter across from Remus, and James across from Sirius, sitting next to the redheaded girl from the boats.

"We get to room together! A whole dormitory - just for us!" Peter beamed.

"I didn't realize that!" James replied. "The Choosing Of The Beds will be quite an important ceremony."

Remus laughed. Peter giggled. Sirius stared at the plate in front of him.

"Go ahead. Eat something," James pushed, kicking Sirius' leg under the table. He winced.

"Not hungry." He wasn't - he was sick, he felt even the saliva in his mouth would turn to bile if he even glanced up from the porcelain plate sitting in front of him. The platters in front of them were piled high with different entrees and appetizers, and students began to erupt into chatter, excited to make new friends and meet new housemates. Sirius didn't want to. He liked James, he was nice, but he was sure the Slytherins would be better. _But,_ a small voice in his head said, _if they're all like Bellatrix, do you really want that?_

James' lips pursed. "Okay."

The rest of the feast was a blur. The wheels in Sirius' brain turned and whizzed as he tried to figure out a solution to his _problem_. McGonagall's office was right next to Gryffindor Tower; he would stay behind and talk to her about switching houses. Yes, that should work. She would surely know how dire the situation was.

The rest of the feast was quite a blur - Peter would say a joke, Remus would laugh, James would get Sirius' attention. As Fabian took the first years up to Gryffindor Tower, Sirius could feel the eyes of all Slytherins on him, beating down on his back, shooting daggers into his shoulders. It was incredibly embarassing, and morally dehumanizing. For a split moment, Sirius was taken back to last winter, when Father had sent him away. He shook the uncomfortable memories away, and attempted to stay hidden among the other Gryffindors.

"I'll be up in a minute," Sirius whispered to James before ducking out of the small group of Gryffindors, whose bustling bodies and excited chatters made it easy to slip away.

He slunk down the hallway, stopping in front of a tall, rosewood door with a lion knocker. A plaque reading _Minerva McGonagall - Transfiguration Professor - Head of Gryffindor House_ was displayed on the massive door. He sighed, and rapped it one, two, three times.

The door creaked open, Professor McGonagall standing in front of him. Her hair was sleekly pressed back, a confused look on her placid face. "Mr. Black. Come in."

"Professor, I have a question." he said, slowly sitting in a red chair in front of her desk.

"What might that be?"

He sighed. "IsthereanywayIcanswitchtoSlytherin?" he spat out.

"Pardon?"

"Is there any way I can switch to Slytherin?"

McGonagall's eyebrows furrowed in what seemed to be remorse. "I'm sorry, Mr. Black, but the Hat's decision is final."

"But, I can't be in Gryffindor, I mean, no offense, not that there's anything wrong with it, but my whole family-"

"Goes back to Slytherin, yes. I'm quite familiar with the Black bloodline, as is every person in this school."

"Professor, if I may, I don't think I belong in Gryffindor."

"And why is that, Sirius? Because your cousins are not?" Her eyes twinkled and a momentary silence filled the room. "You are your own person, and I have great expectations for you in my house. Now, off to your dorm. I've got another student to speak to." She led Sirius out of the room, and Remus sat quietly on a bench outside her door.

"They're waiting for you in the dorm. James and Peter. Two staircases up from the common room, first door to the right. Oh, and the common room password is 'Mischief Managed'." he rambled, bouncing his leg anxiously.

Sirius nodded. "Thanks, Remus."

He continued down the hall, stuffing his hands in his trouser pockets and scuffing the floor with his uniform shoes. At least today, there was no trace of red or gold on his solid white shirt and black pants. Tomorrow, he would have to wear the stupid robes and stupid tie, and surely every Slytherin would laugh at him the entire day. He straightened his back, and as his spine straightened, he stifled a quiet moan. Mother's curse had left him sore all over. 

Inside the dorm, the walls were a scarlet red with a golden argyle pattern. Not as sickening as green, thought Sirius. Not even close. 

"Sirius! Hope you don't mind, we've already picked beds." James shouted, pillow in hand and his glasses askew. Peter hit James over the head with a pillow, and the memory foam war continued.

When you walk in the dorm, you're greeted with a four-poster to your immediate left. That had to be Peter's. Following the curve of the room, there was an empty bed across from the door. That was Sirius'. Right next to his, another bed was tucked in the corner. Remus'. And across the room, between Remus and Sirius', there was James'.

His trunks were already placed at the foot of his bed, the metal serpent glaring at him.

"Your parents are gonna have to get you new trunks," James said, peering over Sirius' shoulder. 

"As if." snorted Sirius.

The door swung open, and Remus walked in, ducking under a pillow Peter threw at James.

"Such a warm welcome." he said, taking off his robe and withdrawing a piece of parchment from his pants pocket.

"What's that?" Peter asked, perching on the edge of his bed across the room.

"Map. McGonagall gave it to me. It's just so intricate."

James chortled. "Mooning over a map."

"Shut it, Potter. Someone hand me a quill, please." Remus snapped. Peter threw a quill towards Remus' bed, and he dipped it in an inkpot and began to mark up the parchment.

"Whatcha doing, Rem?" Sirius questioned.

"Trick step on the passage Fabian took us up. So it doesn't mess me up in the future."

"Like some people," James said, glancing at Peter mischievously.

"Hey!"

"First day of lessons tomorrow. Starting with Transfiguration, that's with McGonagall and the Ravenclaws. Then Potions, we've got that with the Slithering Slytherins." James explained.

Sirius shuddered.

"Consider yourself lucky you're not in Slytherin, man." James said, perching at the foot of Sirius' bed. "They're bad."

"I know that already. Like I've said, my entire family-"

"Oh, shut it!" he groaned. "We're glad to have you in Gryffindor. Aren't we, lads?"

Remus glanced up from his map. "Of course."

"Yeah. I like you, at least." Peter grinned from his bed in the far right corner, by the door.

Sirius held back a grin. So, this was having friends was like. And he wasn't complaining. These were, maybe, the best people he'd ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy mamas this chapter was so fun to write!! pls comment and leave kudos :) happy monday
> 
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	5. First Year: Meddling Marauders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first prank.

_He was walking through the corridors of 12 Grimmauld Place, wearing a Gryffindor scarf around his neck._

_"Sirius Black, the Black sheep of the Blacks!" one of the magical paintings howled._

_"Blood-traitor, blood-traitor, blood-traitor!" another jeered._

_Sirius entered the master bedroom. Mother and Fathers. Father stood in the doorway, his cane in his left hand and his wand in the right._

_"How we've awaited this moment," Father scowled, his voice barely a whisper yet levels above the shrieks of the portraits. "Ever since you were born, all you've been was a burden. Regulus is our model son. Regulus is our prized son. Why, Regulus is our only son!"_

_"What are you-" Sirius shivered._

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

He woke up in a cold sweat, the back of his shirt soaked and his hair rumpled.

Of-fucking-course his first night being a Gryffindor he had nightmares about his parents. Shocker there. 

His heavy breaths were the only sounds heard in the room, besides Peter's soft snores.

A red and gold striped tie, along with a grey blazer and black robe with the Gryffindor crest were tied on one of the posters on each of the four boys' beds. House elves, presumably. 

Laying his head back down on his silk pillowcase (brought from home, of course, silk pillowcases were essential to maintain his black, luscious locks), the moonlight streamed in through the cracks in his curtains. Closing his grey eyes, he glanced at the raised ceiling above him. Stars everywhere. Just like home, he thought. Not exactly comforting. 

-

"First class! Ever! At this school!" Peter beamed as he jogged to keep up with Remus, James, and Sirius.

"Peter, there are only so many 'firsts'." Sirius sighed.

"Yeah, at breakfast you kept saying, 'first bacon strip!' 'First time wearing this tie!' 'First time wearing these socks!'" James snorted.

"I think it's charming." Remus intervened. "Besides, Peter, your socks _are_ pretty cool." 

"Thanks, Rem." Peter said as the taller boy rumpled his hair.

"Sirius seems excited for class with dear Minnie today." James beamed.

"Can it, Potter!" Sirius exclaimed, punching James' shoulder.

"Mr. Black has a crush on McGoogoo," James explained.

"And you have a crush on Lily Evans!" he retorted.

"I don't even know who that is. Is she American?" James said coolly, walking through the door to Transfiguration.

That class went by quickly; Remus being the only person to succeed in turning a match into a needle. 

"Natural inclination," he tutted, walking with the other three to class.

"I think Peter was holding his wand wrong the whole time." Sirius snickered, punching Peter in the shoulder.

"Ouch!"

Remus' head was bowed and his map was directly under his nose.

"I like the smell of parchment too, Remus, but this may be a little too much." James laughed, nudging the other boy with his elbow.

"Shut it, James. I'm marking up this map. I just have a feeling it'll be helpful."

"For what?" Peter quipped.

Remus shrugged. "Pranks or something, I know James likes those."

James nodded his head as pushed open the door to the Potions classroom. "Second class of the day, lads. Let's make it fun."

"Anything for you, Jamesey-pie." Sirius sang. "Sit with me. Or would you rather sit with Evans?"

"Bugger off, honeybuns." James teased.

"Pete, let's sit next to them." 

"Good thinking. Close enough to see what they're up to, far enough not to get in trouble ourselves."

Sirius glanced around the room. Bottles of unknown substances lined the walls, and dark objects in mason jars sat on the vacant desk.

"It looks like my house in here." Sirius grumbled.

"That's comforting. Yaknow, if you're homesick." James nodded.

"The farthest thing from it," Sirius snorted, sitting by James at the two-person desks.

A plump, older man wearing a green and yellow argyle vest under his robes and a pocketwatch dangling from his vest emerged from the back office. 

"Ah, new students, new students... Professor Slughorn, head of Slytherin house, Potions master... pleased to meet you!" he beamed, fiddling with his bowtie. "Now, I'd like to do an introductory exercise, would everybody introduce themselves as I go around the room? Let's start with you, young chap."

James flashed a sideways grin. "James Potter. Son of Euphemia and Fleamont Potter. Quidditch extraordinaire."

"Euphemia and Fleamont?" Sirius cackled under his breath.

"Shuddup, they're old."

"And you, son?" Slughorn turned to Sirius. "Chatty ones, chatty ones, I'll have to keep an eye on you!"

"Sirius Black." he said, precisely and quietly. Did he really have to do this? It's not as if Slughorn hadn't been Head of House to every one of Sirius' relatives.

" _You're_ the new Black? Heard tales upon tales of you from Bellatrix and Narcissa, bless your heart... Andromeda, she was one of my favorites, graduated last year."

Sirius nodded. "Spent some time at her flat this summer." He wasn't lying, he spent time with her. Just not in the same way Slughorn thought, probably.

He shook his head sadly, as to shake away any bad intruding thoughts. "And you, sir?" He turned to a black haired, sullen, ivory-skinned boy sitting directly behind them.

"Severus Snape." he said wistfully.

"Did you just say _Snivellus_?" Peter asked loudly. The classroom (at least, the half being Gryffindors) erupted into laughter, besides Evans.

"That's not funny! His name is Severus! Sev, please!" she yelled, still being drowned out by the howls and cackles. She tugged on the greasy boys' robe sleeve as he drew his wand and pointed it at Peter.

"Now, now, Severus, please put down your wand. Not as if you know any spells yet, dear me," Slughorn started, settling down the class. "I'd like to start our first lesson with something, er - fun. Take out your cauldrons, we're going to brew a Hair-Raising potion."

"Snivellus over here might need a hair-cleaning potion." Sirius said, softly enough so most of the class could hear it, excluding Slughorn.

"Watch it, Black, don't want to have to run away to Andromeda's again." Severus drawled back. The hairs on Sirius' arms stuck up, and they hadn't even began the potion. He whipped his head around.

"What are you going on about?" he hissed.

"Oh, see, you're quite the talk of the Slytherin common room. Bellatrix has just been dying to tell us what happened at family dinner night, but Narcissa laughs every time it's brought up. She says it's too embarrassing." Severus said, his eyes narrowing.

"Boys, boys, ingredients! You'll need pufferfish eyes, bat spleen, and dried nettle. The recipe is on page twenty-six of your textbooks, no, Mr. Mulciber, you're holding yours upside down, ah, that's better. Chop chop! Get to it!"

Sirius whipped his head back around and grabbed his book out of his bag. James grasped Sirius' wrist.

"Hey, what happened? Who's Andromeda? You ran away?" he whispered.

"Nothing. My cousin. I didn't run away, she took me."

"Oh. She took you? That's awful."

"Nope. She had good intentions. You had to be there to understand."

"Be where? Family dinner?"

Sirius shrugged the question off, raising his shoulders. It's not like he cared, he just didn't want James pitying him. Knowing his entire life story.

"Hey, Sirius, you can talk to me." James loosened his grip on Sirius' wrist and met his grey eyes. "Doesn't have to be here. Doesn't have to be now. Just - well, I want you to know I'm here."

Sirius smiled. "You're too nice for your own good, James Potter."

He shrugged. "Courtesy of Euphemia and Fleamont."

Sirius shook his head in laughter. "Wish I could make fun of their names, but my name is Sirius. An adjective. A bloody star."

"Least it's not Snivellus."

"Blimey, James, have you got no filter?" Sirius asked jokingly. "Young Snivellus is right behind us, he might jinx you." James giggled and turned to face Severus. "I'm awfully terrified!"

Sirius and James laughed as they turned back around to face their cauldrons. If Mother saw Sirius was fraternizing with a pureblood Gryffindor from a Muggle-loving family, and taking part in teasing a Slytherin... but they couldn't know. There was no way they could find out, he kept reassuring himself. No way.

"Excellent job, Miss Evans, twenty points to Gryffindor! My, absolutely flawless..." Slughorn announced, eyeing the cauldron on Evans' desk. The thin tufts of hair covering his head stood up like someone was pulling it. "Alright. Go ahead and dump your potions out in the stationary tub in the back, yes, McKinnon, that's it.." Slughorn went back in his office, leaving the students behind.

"James likes girls who are good at Potions," Sirius said loudly as they walked past the girls table.

"Oh, but Sirius likes his women older. With long black hair, and the name _Minerva_." James tutted.

"Go away," a tall, skinny, dark-skinned girl groaned.

"Be nice, Mary!" a chubby brunette girl scolded. "I'm Marlene McKinnon. This is Mary Macdonald."

"James Potter. This is Sirius Black. Handsome scoundrels, Quidditch enthusiasts, gorgeous-" James began.

"Brothers from another mother," Sirius smirked, kissing Marlene's hand.

"Potter, would you leave them alone?" an angry voice said, turning around the corner by the stationary tub. A tuft of red hair fell out of her plait and rested on her forehead.

"Evans. Just making new friends," James shrugged. Lily rolled her eyes and Marlene and Mary followed her to the back of the room.

"You're great at flirting," James sighed. 

"Courtesy of mummy dearest, took me to fancy pureblood luncheons growing up. So many women to woo, they give you firewhiskey if you're nice enough nd they're drunk enough." Sirius grinned, clucking his tongue.

"I think Evans fancies me." James said, pouring his potion into the sink. 

"Okay, buddy." Sirius said, stifling laughter. "Whatever you say."

"Only a stuck up imbecile like you would think Lily Evans likes them after speaking ten words to each other." said the purring voice of Severus, only a yard away.

"Bugger off, Snivellus. Get on line for the Lily train, you can be the caboose. Got a ticket?" Peter said, approaching James and Sirius. Remus trailed behind. 

"You don't know who you're messing with."

"I think we do, actually. Messing with an eleven year old who doesn't even know how to perform a levitating spell, so I'd put that wand away." Remus said coolly.

"Says the boy with secondhand robes." Snape retorted.

"Bugger off, Snape, we can see the frayed hems on yours!" James yelled, stomping towards Severus. Sirius followed in suit, pushing his sleeves back and cracking his neck. Remus yanked the two boys back, his knuckles gleaming white against the dark robes. "Don't." he hissed.

And that one syllable, just a four letter word, calmed Sirius down.

Sirius rolled his eyes, still catching Snape's eye and meeting the beady, sunken slits with a dirty glare. Slughorn was still in his office. 

"Sirius-" Remus started, but was interrupted by a loud explosion coming from over his left shoulder. The two turned their heads, and behind them was a beautiful red and yellow firework display, and Severus Snape covered in soot.

"Peter, you genius!" James shouted over the _oohs_ and _aahs_ of the spectacle, shaking Peter by the robes.

__"What did you do?" Lily Evans shouted, storming over to James. Her face was bright red, almost the color of her hair._ _

__"Teaching a lesson, my dearest flower." James blushed. She slapped him. "Don't call me that." she spat, storming over to Severus._ _

__"She touched his face! Evans touched his face! Bet he's just over the moon right now," Sirius gushed jokingly. Remus had a thin smile he was trying to supress grazed against his lips, and Slughorn came booming out of his office._ _

__"What? What is this?" he gasped. "You four! To Professor McGonagall's office! On the first day of classes! Dear me, dear me... Severus, go and wash up." Slughorn muttered, ushering Peter, Remus, Sirius and James out of the room._ _

__As the door to the dungeons slammed, the boys erupted into laughter._ _

__"Filibuster's Fireworks! Pete had some in his pockets." James laughed, leading the way up the moving staircase. "Evil genius, I tell ya. Sorry you two have to get in trouble, though," He frowned at Remus and Sirius._ _

__"Oh, don't be! Can't speak for Sirius, but I consider myself blessed to be a part of the James Potter pranking regime," Remus sang._ _

__Peter was still cackling._ _

__"We need a name!" Sirius exclaimed. "A name. For us." He pushed open the door to McGonagall's office in Gryffindor Tower as James made heart symbols with his hands._ _

__"Oh, not you four," she frowned, her eyebrows furrowing. "Sit. And tell me what you did."_ _

__"It was me, Professor, I set off the fireworks." James blurted._ _

__"Fireworks?" she asked, astounded. "Fireworks! On day one of classes! You- you meddling marauders!"_ _

__"In James' defense, Snape threatened Peter and Remus!" Sirius interrupted._ _

__James nodded. "He drew his wand on Peter and made fun of Remus."_ _

__McGonagall sighed. "Detention. All of you. Polishing trophy cabinets, starting tomorrow night." She slumped back in her seat and excused the boys._ _

__As the door shut, Peter stared the three boys in the eyes._ _

__"That's our name. The Marauders."_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am having so much fun with this story hehe <3 leave a comment and kudos!
> 
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	6. First Year: Howlers for Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius receives an unwanted letter from home.

The stars above Sirius' bed sparkled as they moved in and out of the tufty clouds. Capricornus, Capella, Pollux... when you grew up in a family where everyone was named after stars, you were accustomed to the names.

The dorm was silent, besides Peter's snores, the thrashing of James' sheets, and tiny movements from Remus' bed. Sirius was a silent sleeper; Mother and Father hated sounds in the evenings. He couldn't sleep.

As he turned over in his bed, he heard creaking of mattress springs coming from across the room.

"James?" he whispered, right as he heard the familiar whisper of, "Sirius?"

He crawled out of his silk-clothed bed and into James', the Quidditch patterned sheets rough against his skin. It was common for Sirius to crawl into James' bed at night; the two had been best friends for almost two months, and had grown as close as possible.

"Can't sleep," he whispered, his legs crossed as he sat at the edge of the bed.

"Me neither. Missing Mum and Dad," James laughed softly. "I know, embarrassing."

"No, not at all." Sirius whispered. 

The two boys sat in silence for a few moments, before James stopped tugging on the hem of his pajama sleeve and stared at Sirius. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

James took a breath. "Well, I've been wondering, for a few days..."

"I'm listening."

"Well, I'm not entirely sure how to ask," he mumbled, running his hand through his messy black hair. "But you know you can talk to me, right? Because you're kind of..."

"Kind of what?"

"Never mind."

Sirius took a sharp breath. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Swear to Merlin."

And so Sirius let everything out, like a water balloon pricked by a needle.

"The Cruciatus Curse?" James gawked. Sirius nodded. "You can't tell anyone. Nobody needs to know."

"I mean, it's serious-"

"No, I'm Sirius." he smiled gently.

"Bugger off," James smirked. "Does anyone else know?"

"No. Not anything. So please don't say."

James sighed. Sirius chewed his lip. 

"Goodnight, James." he whispered before heading back to his bed.

-

Sirius couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. He stayed awake, staring at the night sky and thinking. Just thinking. Thinking about his parents, his brother, his cousins. Thinking about his secrets. The ones he had never told anybody. Thinking about his scars, and thinking about his friends. His brain danced with thoughts unwelcome in his brain, but sooner or later he had to think. Think, thunk, thought.

When the sun rose and colored the dorm a golden orange, Sirius decided to shower. He was used to waking up early, because Mother and Father despised hearing him in the mornings. Wake up, shower, join them for breakfast. Go to his room, join them for lunch. Go to his room, go to dinner. Get yelled at by Father. Go back to his room. Simple day.

Straightening his tie as he went back into the dormitory after brushing up, the room still silent. James snored loudly, and Peter was a sleep-mover, always messing up his bed. But Remus sat at the edge of his bed, in his school uniform, his eyebrows furrowed and his map in front of him. Covered in ink blotches and quill scratches, the parchment lay on Remus' comforter as he studied it intently.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, tapping his fingers on one of the four posters of Remus' bed.

"Working on my map," Remus said, spinning his quill in his fingers. "I'm labeling the classrooms."

"That's cool," Sirius nodded. James started to stir. The warm October sun illuminated the dorm, shining in Peter's direction. "I read in a book last week that there are secret passages all around the school." Remus said.

"Secret passages?" groaned James, who had just waken up. "Seriously?"

"I mean, that's what I read." Remus shrugged.

"And you didn't tell us?" Sirius grinned. "Well, we've got to find them."

"I second this." James said from his bed, his eyes lighting up.

"After class today? We have Charms last." James suggested. 

"Can't, Pete and I have detention for Sprout. Tomorrow?" 

"Detention for Sprout?" Remus laughed.

"Yeah!" Sirius beamed. "Threw a few Snargaluff pods at Mulciber and Rosier."

Remus rolled his eyes, grinning. "Good one."

"Oi," Peter grumbled, sitting up in his bed. "Trying to sleep."

"We've got breakfast in twenty minutes anyway," Remus shrugged, smiling at Peter.

"Twenty minutes?" yelped James. "I have to get ready!" He dashed to the bathroom, skidding on the floor before slamming the door.

"He's obsessed with Lily Evans, that's what he is!" Peter whined. "Yesterday after dinner, he saw her with Marlene and Mary in the common room and he walks up to her and winks! Winks! At Lily Evans!"

Sirius snorted. "He's lovesick."

"That he is." Remus agreed.

-

At breakfast that day, Lily Evans and her two friends (M&M, as Peter called them) sat next to the marauders. James and Peter sat across from Remus and Sirius, and Lily and Mary sat on either side of James and Peter today. Marlene sat next to Remus, across from Lily. 

James kept missing his mouth when he would bring the fork to it. Remus was a blushing mess. Peter stuttered in small talk with Lily. And Sirius felt fine. He grew up around his female cousins and flirted with countless pureblood heiresses at Mother's parties. 

"So, Evans, did it hurt?" James stammered.

She stared at James, her eyes squinted and her mouth slightly agape.

"When you fell from heaven," He flashed a pearly grin. "Because you, Lily Evans, are an absolute angel."

She blinked one, two, three times. "Shut up, Potter." Mary giggled, Marlene blushed, and the two continued in their conversation with Peter.

Sirius stifled a laugh as he hid his face in his mug of tea. James had a look of shock on his face as he straightened his glasses. "Seven more years, Jamesey, seven years." Sirius whispered.

As Sirius said this, a flurry of owls came in through the window above the staff table. Shades of grey, black, brown, and the occasional white owl flew in, ducking between floating candles and dropping their letters at their respective recipients. Sirius hadn't received a letter all year. James got a weekly letter from his parents, Remus got the occasional book delivery from his family, and Peter's parents delivered heaps of treats. But Sirius' owl, Monet, remained in the owlery, with no deliveries to make. Each morning, he watched what he recognized as his family owl (Gatsby, named by a six-year-old Regulus) deliver letters to the Slytherin table, and fly right above Sirius' head.

It was silly, he knew, but it was almost as if his own family was ignoring him. Surely they weren't _too_ angry? McGonagall told him, you can't alter the Hat's choices...

His train of thoughts was interrupted by a scarlet envelope dropping in his lap.

Peter and Remus gasped.

"Sirius, that's a Howler." James whispered. Sirius' eyes widened, his palms became sweaty, and his mind was racing too fast for him to keep up. Everyone would hear, they would all know everything, everything he worked _so_ hard to keep secret, this couldn't be happening here, or now...

The paper began to singe in the corner.

"Open it, Siri," James said, a genuine frown and his eyebrows pulled closely together.

Anxiety pricked Sirius' body as he ripped open the letter, which began to smoke.

A cool, low, wispy voice began to speak. Everyone at the Slytherin table stared at him.

 _"Sirius Orion Black,"_ the letter began. Great. Mother.

 _To be sorted into Gryffindor was just the icing on the cake. You absolutely tainted the family name by associating with blood traitors at this school. Do you understand how lucky you are not to be torn apart? Your cousins are keeping a close eye on you."_ Bellatrix and Narcissa smirked at him from the table over. His hands trembled, his body shook, his jaw clenched.

 _"The next time you pull a stunt this dire, you will be facing consequences more serious than those you have EVER felt."_ The floating letter burst into flames before erupting into a cloud of ash. 

Sirius felt eyes from all around the room stare at him. Stupid school, stupid house, stupid letter, stupid parents, stupid James, for not helping, stupid Peter, for being too involved in his breakfast to distract anyone, and stupid Remus, for talking it up with Mary, and not paying Sirius any attention until his mother's voice boomed through the Great Hall.

"Sirius?" whispered James. The Hall resumed its chatter with buzzing conversations. "Are you-"

Sirius stood up and left. Left the Great Hall, left the food on his plate, left his friends, and most importantly, left Gryffindor.

He paced the corridors. Breakfast wouldn't be over for another forty-five minutes, and the halls were nearly vacant. Anger flooded through his veins. He hated everyone, everything, every little part of himself, because he had this _stupid_ last name that he would always associate with stupid Mother and Father.

One foot, then another. Left foot. Right. Step, step, step. He stared at his boots, walking up and down the halls, with nowhere to go, but nowhere to be.

"Mr. Black," a soft voice called from behind him. Sirius turned around, his short black hair whipping around.

"Professor." he replied. 

"Come to my office," McGonagall smiled, taking his arm. She walked him down a corridor and sat him down inside her Transfiguration classroom study, on a plush white chair.

"Did I do something?" he asked, stepping on his feet.

"No, not at all." she frowned. "I just wanted to find you. Nasty scene at breakfast. Tea?" She levitated a platter with two teacups and a ceramic teapot onto the desk in front of Sirius.

"Thank you," he said, taking hold of the already-full cup. Earl Grey. His favorite.

"I wouldn't let your friends come find you." He stared up at his professor. "Why is that?"

"It wouldn't be the right choice. Besides, I think Mr. Potter was hitting it off with Mrs. Evans." she winked. In the light of her study, her thick black hair contrasted with her pale skin. She was pretty, he thought. Couldn't be any older than 35. 

"He's been trying. Don't think she's much interested."

McGonagall laughed and sipped her tea. "Mr. Black, this was not the first Howler we received from your family."

Sirius furrowed his brows. "Did they send some to you?"

"No, heavens no," McGonagall laughed. "I may have come into contact with one full of... derogatory terms, we can say." Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm sorry, Professor-"

"Please, Mr. Black, you do not need to apologize. I have taken it upon myself to intercept any Howlers sent by the Black family. Including, dare I say, the ones sent from Orion to Bellatrix for 'failing to protect her younger cousin'."

Sirius giggled. "I don't think they care much about protecting me."

McGonagall smiled, but behind her eyes lay a haze of sadness. "Come here, Sirius." she said softly, as Sirius stood up and walked up to her.

She stood up and held Sirius in an embrace so tight, so warm, so _motherly_... an embrace he had never felt.

McGonagall was warm, warm and comfortable. He could feel the corners of his eyes begin to wet, an action which surely would have been met with a sharp slap to the face at home. He blinked, and reached his arms around his professor, who still capsulated him in a warm hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy yall last chapter of 2020!! happy early new year!! this year has brought challenges upon all of us but i've also been greeted with IMMENSE support from all of you - in only five days since i've posted this i've received 298 hits! please recommend this fic to your friends or family! love you all!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	7. First Year: Eternal Disappointment and Other Hallows Eve Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets cornered by his cousins on Halloween.

The next two weeks passed reluctantly - Sirius failed a Charms test, Peter spent three days in the hospital wing recovering from a broken leg (courtesy of Madam Hooch's flying lessons), Remus studied _Secrets and Silver Linings of Hogwarts School_ religiously, and James spent hours each night in the library.

It was October 29, and Sirius sat curled up in front of the golden fire, his Astronomy homework and quill laying in between his elbows, which his head rested on. The common room was crowded today - Gideon and Fabian Prewett just announced they were co-hosting a Halloween party in two nights. As he labeled each of Jupiter's moons, the Fat Lady portrait swung open, exposing a disheveled James Potter wearing a mischievous grin.

"Jamesie," Sirius said dully. "What's Jupiter's fifth moon called?"

"Sirius!" James shouted, skidding over to where he sat in front of the fire. "Sirius. Big news. Where're Peter and Remus?"

"Over there," Sirius said, pointing to a table in the corner where the two sat, deeply immersed in a game of wizard chess. "What's the news?"

"Marauders only business, I can't risk anyone overhearing us." James winked, grabbing Sirius' shoulders and hoisting him up onto his feet. "Remus! Pete! Top secret discoveries!" Remus rolled his eyes playfully. "I hope this is what you've been spending time studying in the library."

"Au contraire, my studious friend," James grinned, grabbing Remus' wrist with his other hand. "Pete! Dorm! Now!"

As the four boys entered their dorm, James pushed them down onto Sirius' bed, which was nearest. "I found a secret passage."

"No way," Sirius said, at the same time Remus said, "Woah," and Peter exclaimed, "Actually?"

"It was all on accident, too!" James beamed. "So here I am, on my way to McGonagall's to turn in my essay."

"We had an essay?" Remus gawked.

"Extra credit. Minnie's pretty partial to me. Anyway, I'm walking down the corridor on the first floor, and my shoelaces were untied. So I trip forward, and my hand grabs the big, fat nose of the Gregory the Smarmy statue. And it opens right up, his head falls behind and there's an opening! I didn't have time to go inside, but I reckon the passage is big enough for the four of us. Sort of looks like a slide going downstairs. I think we should go explore it on Sunday."

"Sunday's the night of Gid and Fab's party." said Peter.

"Well, that's perfect!" Sirius exclaimed, standing up. "No one will see us sneak out."

"That's true," Remus piped up. "I can't believe you actually found that passage, James."

"That's one good thing those Reeboks have caused," Sirius smirked, kicking James' shin.

-

Halloween at Hogwarts was unlike any feast or banquet Sirius had ever experienced. Live bats hung from the ceiling where candles usually floated, and enchanted orange streamers flew around the Great Hall like birds. It was decorated in harsh oranges and blues, and even Professor Dumbledore had decorated his greying beard with orange beads for the occasion.

"Woah," Sirius remarked, his eyebrows cocked. That's it. Woah.

"Dad always told me how great the Halloween feast was, but I didn't expect _this_." James breathed as the four walked past pumpkins full of sweets.

"Look at the bats!" Peter yelped.

"It's all just so wonderful," Remus said, shaking his head.

Approaching their side of the Gryffindor table, James kicked one leg over the bench and sat down. "I just love Halloween!" he squealed.

"If there was any night I could spend at Hogwarts for the rest of my life, it'd be tonight." Sirius nodded.

Remus' head dashed around the room, swinging in different directions.

"Careful Lupin, you'll give yourself whiplash." Sirius laughed, putting a hand on either side of Remus' head.

"Sorry, sorry, I just never thought I'd be able to see this in person... Dad's shown me pictures, but I never thought I'd see it in person." Remus beamed.

"Whaddya mean 'in person'? Hogwarts takes everyone!" Peter grinned. "Pass me the rolls, would you, Remus?"

Remus' smile faltered before flickering back. His hands grasped nothingness in the air as he daintily reached for the silver breadbowl, grasping it with two figers before placing it in front of Peter. He immediately wiped his hands on his trousers, wincing.

"You good, Remus?" James asked, furrowing his brows.

"Yeah, of course-"

As he said this, Fabian sat down across from Sirius and Remus, and in between Peter and James.

"Wotcher boys! I'll see you lads the party tonight, right?" he smiled, tapping his fingers on the table.

"Oh, for sure," James grinned, his eyes twinkling. "But not for long," Sirius winked, catching on. "Loads of History of Magic homework. Binns may be dead, but he doesn't lay off!"

Fabian laughed. "Oh, the first year workload is rough. But it gets better the next two years. Then it gets a lot worse. Then a little better. Then a lot worse. OWLs and NEWTs aren't light work. But I'll see you tonight!" He stood up and jogged over to a gaggle of third year girls gossiping at the midpoint of the table.

"Wonder if Evans'll be there," James gushed, poking his plate with his fork.

"Still thirsting over Lily?" droned Severus Snape from behind James and Peter. They whipped their heads around to face him.

"Shut it, prat." Sirius spat, his nose upturned.

"You don't want to speak to me like that, Black. Heard a rumor your dear cousins'll be chatting with you later tonight." he drawled.

"It's not a rumor if you heard them say it directly, Severus," Remus said coolly, wrapping his fingers around Sirius' wrist to keep him from jumping over the table towards Snape. It's almost like he knew what I was thinking, Sirius thought. Weird.

"Half-blooded scum," Snape scowled.

"You're a half-blood too, Snivellus!" Peter retorted.

"He's not worth it," James said, rolling his eyes as Snape, Evan Rosier, Alec Avery, and Darcy Mulciber stood up and walked out the main door.

After stuffing themselves with an assortment of candies and foods, Peter glanced at the clock on the wall opposite them "Six fifteen. We should go up." James and Remus nodded.

"You three go. I've got to find Bella and Cissy, go ahead. If I'm not in the common room by seven, go without me." Sirius shrugged.

"You sure?" James frowned, placing his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah. See you then. Or not." They walked off in opposite directions.

As he stuffed his hands in his pockets and dragged his feet behind him down the corridors, he recognized Bella's wild mane and Cissy's sleek, blonde hair standing by the main stairwell.

"Bellatrix. Narcissa. Pleasure," Sirius smirked, leaning against a nearby pillar.

"Sirius," Narcissa scoffed.

"It's been so long. How has it been?" Bella whispered, her eyes wild.

"Fine," Sirius shrugged. "I'm not stupid. Go ahead and hex me or curse me or beat me to a pulp, do whatever you want," He held his hands out horizontally and stared at his two older cousins.

"Let's go on a walk," Bellatrix hissed, standing behind Sirius and placing her claws on his shoulder. Her talons gripped his clavicle, digging into his flesh, like a raven perched on its owners' shoulder.

"Narcissa and I have been in contact with Auntie Walburga," she droned.

"Great. Send her my love." Sirius said sarcasically.

"Do not use that tone with us." Narcissa snapped. Sirius flinched.

"Is ickle Siri still scared of us?" Bellatrix cackled. He stared at the corridor wall ahead, silent.

"Must be the red and gold finally corrupting his brain," Bellatrix sang.

"Oh yeah, corrupted by blood traitors." Sirius grinned. "Did I mention two of my roommates are half-blood? Yeah, the scent just stinks up the room. Sort of smells like your new servant, Snape."

"You wreak havoc upon the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black." Narcissa spat.

"Auntie Walburga sent us a letter." said Bellatrix coldly, twirling a yellowed piece of parchment between her fingers.

"Okay," said Sirius nonchalantly.

"Go ahead, give it to him." Bellatrix groaned, levitating the old parchment into her younger cousins' hand.

He grabbed the paper and gingerly unfolded it.

_Narcissa and Bellatrix-_

_How are you two? Seventh and fifth year - OWLs and NEWTs! Your father and I were just talking about the two of you. Please deliver this letter to Sirius personally - ENSURE he reads it!_

A second piece of parchment fluttered out of the envelope and onto the ground.

_Sirius Orion Black - it pains me to speak to you when you choose to associate yourself with scum like the Potters and Lupins._

__Harsh, thought Sirius._ _

_You will return to Grimmauld Place via Hogwarts Express for the Christmas holidays. We are absolutely disgusted with you. You are the Black family heir, and the example you are setting for Regulus is sickening. Expect punishments this December. You are a complete and utter ETERNAL disappointment._

___Mother._ _ _

__"See you at Christmas, Sirius." Bellatrix drawled, before her and Narcissa disappeared with the billow of a cloak._ _

__He watched the two disappear, and crossed his arms tightly to his chest, feeling his heart beat through the thin, cotton material of his shirt. It was becoming cold at Hogwarts, for the Scotland autumn was slowly approaching them. It was dreadfully lonely, pacing the halls alone, but he would be back at the feast in just a few moments. He followed empty footsteps from where he stood, perched against the stone wall, and trudged back to Gryffindor table, where his friends were. The parchment still lay in his hands, and he repeated the motion of folding it, unfolding it, and pressing the creases.__

____

"Sirius!" James called as Sirius appeared through the portrait hole, his eyes slightly wild. "What's in your hand?" The roar of the party was quite apparent, and James' voice was barely heard over the shouts and screams and music and yelling.

____

__"Nothing." Sirius blinked, placing Mother's envelope in his robe pocket. Some things would have to wait. "So, secret passage?"_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hi!! thank you all for the support on my last chapter!! i truly love getting comments please leave comments and kudos! love u all!


	8. First Year: Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius celebrates his birthday in the best way possible - pranking his nemesis.

The moonlight washed over the boy's dorm, painting it stark white. The four boys lay stomach-down on James' bed, their faces illuminated by the pale light. Sirius lit one of his magical candles; they never ran out.

"James pulled the nose of the statue down, and it opened right down the middle. So we sent Peter down, and Peter, why don't you tell Sirius where it led?" Remus explained softly. His eyes looked golden in the light of the candle, Sirius thought. Like honey.

"Right to a vent in the Slytherin dormitory! I _saw_ Snivellus and Rosier!" Peter squeaked.

"Amazing. Really amazing," Sirius said, running a hand through his hair. "So that's one passage down. Remus, how many did your book say there were?"

"It said seven. So six left."

"At this rate, we'll have them all before exams!" James smiled, a smile etched upon his face. 

"Alright, lads, I'm headed to bed," yawned Peter, standing up from James' bed. "Need a good ten hours before the Herbology lesson tomorrow. Mary Macdonald says we're doing buboters."

Sirius shuddered. "Buboter pus is not a force to be messed with."

"That's correct, Sirius. Now get off my bed, I'm tired!" James said, kicking Sirius off his four-poster. As he jogged across the room to his own bed and changed from his uniform to his satin pajamas, he thought. Sirius liked to think, because back at home, he could think himself away. He could think himself off to a foreign land where he had no Mother or Father breathing down his neck, or think himself back to the times where Andromeda would come into his room and they would listen to music and paint.

But now, he was at a new home, with a new family. And the thoughts kept coming, except now they weren't good thoughts. They were Mother, pointing her wand at him and watching him crumple to the floor, or Father, taking his serpentine cane out from the closet. They were Regulus, standing in the doorway and watching it all happen, and then disappearing to the corner of his closet. They were anything and everything to do with 12 Grimmauld Place, which was not his home anymore.

On the rare occasion Sirius made it completely through the night without waking up suddenly or staying awake with the fear Father would bust down his door, he couldn't remember his dreams. He never dreamt at night, at least not ones he could remember. Sirius either had night-terrors or a peaceful, dark sleep: there was no in-between.

He couldn't sleep that evening. His birthday was in two days, and James had been counting down the days since he told him about it a week ago. Birthdays at home were always nice; Mother and Father invited the family over to celebrate for dinner and cocktails. He didn't really like it for this reason - more so because family coming meant he'd see Andromeda, who always brightened his day. But November the third was forecasted to be grey and cloudy, and Andromeda was in London with her boyfriend. At least, this year, he had James. And Peter. And Remus.

-

"Sirius," an excited voice whispered from the foot of his bed. "Sirius!"

"Whaddya want," Sirius slurred, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. A rumpled James Potter sat at the end of Sirius' bed, staring at him with big eyes under those glasses. "James-"

"Shush, don't wake the others." James hissed, crawling so he sat right in front of Sirius.

"James, it's almost midnight," Sirius groaned, laying his head back down on his pillow.

"Exactly," James smiled as Sirius watched the grandfather clock by Peter's bed ding midnight.

"Happy birthday!" he whisper-shouted.

"Jamesie," Sirius grinned. "You're the best best mate I could as for."

Eight hours later, James escorted Sirius to breakfast like he was a king.

"James, you can stop now, it's not that big of a deal," Sirius blushed as James and Peter forced some fifth years to clear the halls for him.

"Birthdays are a big deal! Especially your first one at Hogwarts. My birthday isn't until March," James said, slapping Sirius on the back.

"Narcissa's birthday is the seventh, so at home our birthdays were always combined. Always a big Black function, but when they had to pick between Cissy and me, the choice wasn't too hard."

"Well, this year, you've got us four!" Peter beamed.

"And I've got a big plan for tonight," James said matter-of-a-factly, sitting down across from Sirius at the breakfast table.

"Where's Remus?" Peter asked.

"He's away. He says his mum is ill," James explained, helping himself to a slice of toast. "Feel bad for him. Oh, Sirius, you're good at Astronomy, right?"

"My name is Sirius. Like the star. My middle name is Orion. Like the star. I've known everything to do with astrology since I was eight."

"Great, I need help with our homework, it was a full moon yesterday and I'm not too sure what the lasting effects on the world are," he snickered.

Sirius snorted into his tea. "Besides the awakening of ever werewolf this side of the hemisphere, I said it altered the stars. Or whatever."

"Thanks mate," James said, scribbling on a piece of parchment he had pulled out from his bag.

"Happy birthday, Sirius," Marlene McKinnon smiled as her, Lily Evans, and Mary Macdonald walked past.

"Thanks," he replied quizzically. "James, I said you didn't need to make a big deal out of my birthday." he whispered as the girls sat a few seats away, far enough that they wouldn't hear each others' conversations.

"Everyone needs to know! The heir of the Black family has turned twelve." Peter giggled.

"Hear ye, hear ye!" James clapped.

"But we've got a big plan for tonight." Peter winked. "Hope Remus is back in time. I wonder how his mum is doing."

-

From mastering the Softening Spell to a round of Happy Birthday led by Peter, Remus, and James at breakfast to having his favorite meal for lunch (parmesan risotto) to spending the day with his four best friends - Sirius had the best birthday a twelve year old could ask for. Peter got him a David Bowie poster, Remus got him the _Sgt. Pepper's_ record, and James got the two of them matching novelty socks.

After what seemed like countless "Thank-you's" and endless re-playing's of his new record in their dorm, Sirius was delighted with his day.

"But that's not even the best part!" Remus smiled, gingerly shifting his weight from his right to left side.

"We decided, since you and your family don't get along the best, and since Snivellus is an evil git, we should go to the Slytherin dungeon through the new passage and throw bubotober pus from Herbology down there!" James beamed, rocking up and down on his heels.

Sirius was speechless. If Mother and Father found out... he had to put his foot down. He couldn't.

"Sounds great!" he croaked. "Wonderful."

"After dinner, we'll head to the first-floor corridor." James explained.

"Great," Sirius said hoarsely, faking excitement. 

As the boys entered the Great Hall for dinner, Sirius kept his head down walking past his cousins, all grouped together at the end of the Slytherin table. Narcissa and her boyfriend Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange, and Antonin Dolohov were deep in conversation, their voices hushed.

"Didja hear what Dolohov did last week?" James said as they sat down in the smack middle of Gryffindor table. "He cornered a group of Muggle-born Ravenclaws and jinxed them so hard they were in the hospital wing for days!"

"Oh, don't be rash, James, he's a prefect," Remus frowned. "I hope it's not true."

Sirius glanced over at Dolohov. Were these really the people his family surrounded themselves with? People who hexed others because of blood-status? He always knew Mother and Father were bad, but surely they had some guilty conscience. Perhaps they were really as bad as Sirius thought, perhaps they were as awful a Dolohov.

"Sirius?" Remus said, looking at him with furrowed brows. 

"Sorry. Zoned out."

"In the direction of Slytherin table," he said softly, so James and Peter wouldn't hear over their debate on which Quidditch team to support.

"Yeah," Sirius said sheepishly, poking at his dinner. Baked lobster tails. Another favorite meal.

"Peter, you're close with the house elves, right?" Sirius asked, after minutes of thinking in silence.

Peter nodded, his mouth full. "Why d'ya ask?"

"No reason, no reason." Sirius smiled, looking at his plate to hide the smile and blush overtaking his face. He wasn't thick: Peter asked the house elves to make his favorite meals for his birthday. Kreacher would never - though, Kreacher would never do anything Sirius asked him.

"You guys done?" James asked, bouncing his foot. They all nodded. The Hall was nearly deserted by now, and everyone had headed back to their common rooms. 

"The only people at Slytherin table are Megan Hornstaff and Olive McIntosh," Remus whispered, craning his neck subtly to see the ends of the table behind James and Peter.

"Wonderful. Let's go," James grinned, rapping the table with his knuckles before standing up and leading the other three out of the room. James Potter was a natural leader, Sirius thought. Future Quidditch legend, Transfiguration pro, and charismatic. There was not a man in the world Sirius wanted to be friends with more than James Potter, and the two were best friends. It's funny how some things work out.

-

"Here." Peter squirmed, pointing to the Gregory the Smarmy statue on their right. His hooked nose and big eyes were noticible from all around the corridor, but Sirius had never paid much attention to it. The statue depicted Gregory holding a potion vial under his nose.

"Peter, you've got the goods?" James whispered. Peter whipped a tote bag from under his cloak out and opened it, displaying about twenty bubotober plants. "Sprout let me have them, I told her I was brewing a Healing Potion for Pomfrey."

"Wonderful. Remus, you do the honors," James beamed, stepping aside for Remus to get a good grip of Gregory the Smarmy's massive nose. "Watch, Siri."

Remus grasped the statue's nose, his long fingers wrapping around it in a delicate manner. He pulled it down, and the two sides of Gregory's body split apart. "'S a short journey down. About five minutes." Peter said, watching the statue dismember itself in front of them.

"Cool." breathed Sirius, following James and Peter down the tunnel. Remus trailed behind, his steps abrupt and his breaths short. 

"Bad hip." he whispered as Sirius turned around to ask what was bothering him. Sirius nodded and turned around, staring at Peter's back.

Approximately three minutes later, after traveling down a twisting and turning path, the boys came to a halt on top of a metal vent. "That's it." Remus nodded. "That's the Slytherin common room."

"More dreadful than I could have ever imagined," Sirius drawled. "I mean, the seaweed and juniper green combination is clashing so hard, it makes my _eyes_ hurt."

"Sirius, I love you, but you sound _so_ posh right now." James laughed, his tone barely above a whisper.

"It's not a bad thing! You just have a fancy posh accent, that's all!" Peter rushed, waving his hands.

Sirius blinked. "Do I really?"

Remus stifled a chuckle. "Yes, it's really prominent."

"I had no clue!" Sirius exclaimed. "You wait three months to tell me!" he said as Peter moved the vent away, its clatters soft.

"Sprout said in last week's lesson these should explode as soon as they drop, and the pus is vile when it touches human skin. Not dangerous, but anyone within a five foot radius'll need to schedule a visit to Madam Pomfrey and Madam Fabray," Remus whispered. James giggled.

"Good thing Snivellus and his cronies are all sitting at the table right there!" he said, pointing to a table under them.

"On three." James whispered.

"One," Remus started.

"Two," Sirius followed.

"Three!" whisper-shouted James. Peter emptied his tote bag, and the bubotobers fell down the vent and right next to Evan Rosier.

"Run!" James hissed as the four of them ran as softly as they could (what Sirius called 'power-walking') all thw way back the twisting tunnel.

"Well," Remus panted, clutching his hip. "I'd call that a pretty successful Marauders prank!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy THANK YOU ALL! SO MUCH! FOR THE ENDLESS SUPPORT! please leave a comment and kudos i love waking up to your guys comments!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok:@glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	9. First Year: George Harrison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New records and new memories.

The next breakfast was quite eventful. Snape, Mulciber, Rosier, and Avery all came to the Great Hall with their heads buried in their robes, but Sirius caught a glimpse of Avery - pulsating large boils covered his already grotesque body, each more mountainous than the last. 

"We won't get in trouble, will we?" Peter stammered as the Slytherins passed them.

"Madam Pomfrey'll be able to sort them out," James said dismissively with a wave of his hand. 

"I hope so. Mulciber looks ugly as ever," Remus laughed.

"This prank begins the Slytherin versus Gryffindor war," Sirius smirked. "I wonder who'll win," he said sarcastically. 

"And bubotuber pus is just the beginning," James sang. 

A flock of owls came in as James finished speaking, with neutral shades painting the sky above them. Sirius never paid the owls much attention, he had only received one letter almost three months into the school year. When he went back for Christmas, he'd convince Regulus to send a letter, maybe he would want to talk to Sirius. Maybe. Two parcels were dropped in Sirius' lap as Gatsby fluttered away. 

"Who're they from?" Peter asked, noticing the brown paper packages in Sirius' hand. 

"Dromeda and Mother and Father." he grimaced. "I'll open them in the dorm. Father probably sent me a cursed book, or something." 

"Andromeda seems nice," Remus said, swallowing his mouthful of food. 

"Yeah. She is. Sometimes I don't believe Auntie Druella and Uncle Cygnus managed to procreate Bellatrix and Andromeda back-to-back." 

Remus snickered, and James shot a look to the Slytherin table. "You said Bellatrix is graduating this year?" Sirius nodded. "We have to prank her at least _once_ , we'll do something she can't trace back to us."

Sirius stiffened in his seat. "Er, I'm not sure, Mother and Father would never let it go, if they found out-" He was interrupted by an owl coming down in front of James and setting an envelope in his hand.

"Atticus!" James beamed as the whiteish-grey owl perched upon his shoulder. "This is Dad's owl. Wonder what they sent," he said wistfully as Atticus flew away, following the other owls out of the open window. 

James tore open the parchment, snapping the blue seal and pulling another piece of parchment out of it. His eyes skimmed the note, before his cheeks turned red and he immediately folded it up and placed it on the table.

"'S nothing." he muttered. "Er, Remus, how's your mum doing?"

-

Sirius hated the night, perhaps because the night meant there were stars, and stars reminded him of home, and Sirius Black hated home, more than he hated anything. From the disembodied house elf heads on the wall to the creaking of the floorboards outside his bedroom door to his music-less bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place was dark, dismal, dank, and absolute hell on earth. And with Christmas holiday next month, he would have to return, and face Mother and Father, and he could just _see _their straight faced glares and he could _feel_ the eyes on him at Christmas dinner, staring at him because he was some sort of mishap, and there was no way their family heir could be in Gryffindor.__

__So even as he cringed at the difference of material between his silk pillowcase and satin pajamas, and hated the lack of Molton Brown shampoos, and couldn't stop his nose from upturning at the clash of metals (silver bowls and stainless steel silverware, come on) in the Great Hall, Sirius loved Hogwarts and everything that came with it - especially his newfound quartet of friends._ _

__"Do you ever wish you could completely change yourself?" Sirius said that night, laying on his back in the middle of their dorm floor._ _

__"Yeah. All the time," Remus called from his bed._ _

__"Not really," James shrugged, tossing his glasses up and down repeatedly._ _

__"No." Peter said from Remus' bed, chewing on his bottom lip. "Remus, you've messed up here, Credence Barebone is American, not Canadian."_ _

__"Thank you, Peter," Remus said, scribbling down his new answer. "Why do you ask, Sirius?"_ _

__He shrugged. "I dunno. Sometimes I wish I was a Slytherin. Or wish I was from another family."_ _

__"Oh, don't say that," James groaned. "Your parents are filthy rich, they bought you like, your tenth pair of dressrobes for your birthday!"_ _

__"I guess," Sirius grumbled, staring at the ceiling. "But your parents are filthy rich too."_ _

__James shifted uncomfortably. "Just because of Sleekeazy."_ _

__"What's Sleekeazy?" Peter piped up._ _

__"It's a hair potion James' dad created. Old Fleamont Potter," Sirius jeered._ _

__"Your father's name is Orion, I wouldn't be poking fun!" James grinned, throwing a pillow at Sirius on the ground._ _

__"Hey! That's my middle name! And a lot cooler than Fleamont."_ _

__"We both have our fathers' names as middle names!" James gasped, scrambling down to Sirius on the floor. "Peter! Remus! What are your middle names?"_ _

__"Patrick," Peter moaned. "Peter Patrick Pettigrew. The worst name."_ _

__"Mine is John." Remus said._ _

__"John seems like a let-down from a name like Remus Lupin," James piped up._ _

__"That's... hm, Remus means Son of Mars, and John is Latin and Greek, and, er, Lupin is Latin, is it from lupus? That means wolf." Sirius mumbled._ _

__"Pardon?" Remus said, in a voice a little higher than usual._ _

__"You know that off the top of your head?" James laughed._ _

__"Mother taught Reggie and me French and Latin. I'm fluent," he groaned. "And she taught me piano. And she taught me how to ballroom dance."_ _

__"Blimey, and I thought you were kidding when you said your family was fancy!" Peter blinked._ _

__"Black family tradition," Sirius mocked. "The Black family heir mustn't be fluent in _only_ one laguage, no, that is blood traitor behavior!" He imitated his mother's waily screech - the boys found this funny.__

____"I need to meet this woman someday," James snickered, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes._ _ _ _

____"Over my dead body. You guys are never coming to my house. I'd get my head chopped off and she'd hang me up right next to the dead house elves!"_ _ _ _

____Remus gasped. "Dead house elves?"_ _ _ _

____Sirius nodded._ _ _ _

____"That's sick. We have one, her name is Teeny." James said, setting the new record Sirius got from Andromeda on the beige Crosley. It was _All Things Must Pass_ , by George Harrison. George was Sirius' favorite Beatle - he had cool hair and nice clothes.___ _

______"Let me in here, I know I've been here," Sirius belted in time with the music. He stood up and waltzed around the room, spinning onto James' bed, where he was laying. "Let me into your heart," he sang at James._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Wanker," James snickered, kicking Sirius off._ _ _ _ _ _

______"All I have is yours," Sirius sang, strutting towards Peter's bed. "All you see is mine!" he crooned, grabbing Peter's pudgy hands and drawing him closer._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Bugger off!" he giggled. Sirius spun around the room towards Remus. "And I'm glad to hold you in my arms!" he winked, pointing at Remus._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Gotta have you anytime," Remus chanted, rolling his eyes and laughing._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me say it!" Sirius belted._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me play it," James added._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me lay it on you!" Peter shouted._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me know you,"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me show you!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me grow upon you."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"All I have is yours," Sirius sang, tapping his fingers on Peter's footboard. "And all you see is mine."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"And I'm glad to hold you in my arms, gotta have you anytime!" Remus spoke-sang, moving his head to the skips of the record._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me in here," Sirius continued._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I know I've been here," James shouted._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Let me into your heart!" the four boys laughed in unison, all tumbling onto the floor together, in a huddle of friendship and family._ _ _ _ _ _

______-_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius loved Transfiguration class, primarily so he could spend an entire class period with Miss Minerva McGonagall._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You fancy her," James teased as they walked in her classroom one mid-November afternoon._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Like you fancy Lily." Sirius retorted, sticking his tongue._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Mr. Potter. Mr. Black." she nodded, the same cold look on her face that had been there since September first._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Minnie!" James exclaimed, running to her and slinging his arms around her waist._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Mr. Potter, this is not the time for your shenanigans!" McGonagall shrieked, pushing James off of her._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You owe me five Sickles," he sang under his breath as Sirius and him walked to their seats. Peter and Remus sat next to their table, laughing._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You're mad," Sirius muttered, slapping the silver coins into James' hand._ _ _ _ _ _

______Their assignment for the day was to practice Switching Spells; a simple spell Sirius should have mastered when he was nine._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Mother used to teach me spells using her wand. She didn't send me to Muggle primary school, so she homeschooled Reggie and I," he explained, kicking his legs on the desk. "But I never got the hang of these." He drummed his wand on the desk as James stared at the top hat and rabbit on his desk._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You didn't go to primary school?" Remus asked, awestruck._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sirius shrugged. "Nah. Too many Muggles. Or at least, that's what Mother says."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I loved primary school." Peter sighed. "Best years of my life."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Got it!" James exclaimed, exasperated, after a few moments' silence._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Blimey, James, it's been thirty minutes!" Sirius said, peering over at the top hat and rabbit, which had switched spots on their shared table._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Remus is good at Charms, you're good as Astronomy, and Peter's good in Herbology. I guess I'm the Transfiguration guru," he boasted, puffing out his chest._ _ _ _ _ _

______"That means you can get close with Miss Minerva," Peter giggled._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Sirius must be jealous," Remus chimed in._ _ _ _ _ _

______The bell shrieked only a few minutes later, signaling for the four boys to leave their last period of the day._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Sirius, hurry up," Peter said, bouncing his leg up and down as him, Remus, and James stood by the door._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'll meet you in the dorm in five minutes," Sirius said, waving them off. Matching puzzled looks on all of their faces, they slowly left the now-vacant room._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Professor?" Sirius asked timidly, approaching McGonagall's open office door._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Mr. Black," she purred._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I just wanted to say thank you. For the other night," he said awkwardly, shifting his weight distribution._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Mr. Black, you can come to me anytime," she nodded, sorrow imprinted upon her face._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I really appreciate it." he smiled before turning out of the room._ _ _ _ _ _

______Minerva McGonagall might have been the nicest, kindest, most intelligent, best person Sirius ever met. She was like his mother - except, she was a lot kinder, Sirius thought. A lot nicer. Maybe James' mum was like McGonagall, or Peter's mum, or Remus' mum. Maybe that's how mothers were supposed to be._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh i dont love this chapter - it's sort of filler lol. i'm sorry i couldn't post this yesterday, i was pretty busy with errands and such! and with school starting again, i won't be posting every day :( i hope you guys aren't too mad with me about this i'm sorryyyyyyyyyyyy
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	10. First Year: The Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to go home.

November passed in a haze of nights spent at the library and the faint buzz of records from the bookshelf in Sirius' dorm. The first half of December passed the same way - snow sprinkling onto the Quidditch field where James dragged the other boys at every free minute, and their foggy breaths blowing in front of them as they spent time in the cold Scottish winter. James became obsessed with the Gryffindor Quidditch lineup, Remus visited his sick mother again, and Peter led them into the kitchens every week (tickle the pear on the fruit painting in the downstairs main corridor, and you've got it).

It was nearing the Christmas holidays, and Sirius couldn't focus on anything besides the looming threat in the back of his mind that was his mother. It would be their first meeting since his inappropriate Sorting, but he didn't care that he wasn't in Slytherin anymore. At least, not as much as he did at the beginning of the term. 

"Sirius?" James asked one night in the library. "You okay? You're pale."

"Just thinking."

"You do an awful lot of that."

James moved closer to Sirius and placed his hand on his friend's. "Let's go to the dorm. The train leaves tomorrow, that'll be fun. We're all going home."

"Yeah. Great."

The rain outside infected the entire castle, everything inside was dim and gloomy. Sort of like home, Sirius thought. A lot like home. Games of Exploding Snap and Gobstones were played in front of the crackling fire and even as the lightning cracked outside, the soft chatter inside the common room was unfazed. Peter and Remus sat near the fireplace, their noses deep in Remus' map.

"Wotcher," Sirius said softly, slipping down next to Peter, James next to him. "Last night in this common room of 1971."

"That's a shame," Remus sighed. "Seventy-one was a great year."

"We've got tomorrow. On the train." Peter chimed.

"Then we're separated until 1972!" James exclaimed, toppling backwards.

"Unless I crash one of your guys' houses," Sirius grumbled. "That was a joke, I'm kidding.' he said hastily, after noticing the shocked looks on all four faces in front of him. "As if Mother'd ever let me leave," he snorted. "Expect gifts from me. Unless my owls are intercepted."

"Me too!" Peter grinned.

"Same," James beamed.

Remus' smile faltered for a second, before he added, "Me too."

James beamed and met Sirius' eyes. "I almost forgot! Follow me, Sirius!" he exclaimed after moments of silence, scrambling to his feet and sprinting up to the dorm. Passing the card players and chess pairs, Sirius followed James up the stairs, running after him.

"What _is_ it?" Sirius panted, flopping next to James on his bed. 

"It's your Christmas gift, arse." James shot back, grabbing a small black bag from his trunk. "Open it."

Sirius gently loosened the drawstrings and removed the object inside with two of his fingers. "James..."

"It's a two-way mirror. Family heirloom. I've got the other half. Mum sent it early last month, right after your birthday. I asked, well..." He trailed off. "I saw the letters they sent you, and I didn't want them to do it again, what they did over the summer. So if you need to talk to me, just take out the shard. And I'm on the other side. Always on the other side."

Sirius' mouth gaped. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"Yeah, I did." James frowned. "They-"

"They sent me away last Christmas." Sirius blurted quietly. 

"Oh."

"It was awful. Cold. Freezing, actually. But they thought it knocked some sense into me. Not really, though." he whispered, staring at his feet. James scooted next to him and placed his hand on Sirius' back.

"Thank you. So much." Sirius breathed. "I've never had a friend as good as you."

"And you probably never will," James laughed softly. "Let's go back down. Every afternoon, at three, I want you to check in with me. Call me whenever, but I just wanna make sure you're okay."

Sirius stood up after James and stared at the window before pivoting around and wrapping his arms around him, his head fitting between James' ear and shoulder. James patted his back comfortingly and hugged back. Warmth.

-

The next few hours passed slowly - with the storm outside turning from rain to snow. Their last December feast concluded with Gideon Prewett blowing up the mashed potatoes and Narcissa and Lucius passionately kissing at the end of the Slytherin table. That's going to happen at Christmas Day dinner, Sirius gagged to himself. Kissing during the meal. Absolutely vile.

Sirius didn't sleep that night. Perhaps it was the anxiety trickling down his back as he awaited arriving home the next day, or maybe it was the breeze calming his sweating body through the window Peter left open. Maybe it was knowing he would have James the next two weeks, or maybe it was the scent of the lavender candle on his bedside table. 

Around midnight, he finally fell asleep, his mind full of unwanted thoughts. Because that was all Sirius Black knew how to do - think.

He knew, once he was back home, his parents wouldn’t lay off or leave him alone. He’d be stuck for two weeks. On the other hand, he’d have Regulus. And Regulus was nice to him. Sometimes. 

The train would leave tomorrow morning at eleven sharp. It would arrive at Kings Cross around five - give or take. Father would meet him there, Apparate home, and family dinner would creep on them like a spider on a wall. 

He would have Andromeda. Hopefully. She would come (maybe she would even bring her boyfriend!) and he would tell her about his new friends and his new house and his new bed and his new home. And she would tell him, ‘Wow, Sirius, you’re really paving a way for the Blacks!’ And Narcissa and Bella would argue with her over cocktails, and drinks would be shattered, and it would all be right under Mother’s nose. 

It was the same every year. 

But this year, he had his mirror. And he had friends. If things got bad, he would Floo to one of their houses - they all told Sirius he was more than welcome. But Peter was going on holiday and he didn’t want to bother the Potters any more than he already had. Remus was there, but Remus and him weren’t very close. Closer than him and Peter, he supposed. It was James and Sirius and the other two. Separate. Sirius didn’t like this much. Wasn’t it weird? James and Sirius were best friends and the others were just... there. He made a mental note to fix this. 

With his mirror in his trunk and a new warmth in his heart, Sirius fell asleep, not bothering to put curlers in his hair or blow out the candle on his nightstand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter today! hope you guys liked it - pls leave a comment and kudos! also i posted this for like two hours then i hated it so i redid it lol
> 
> where to find me:  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders


	11. First Year: Train Ride Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius sees his friends one final time until holiday is over.

The Hogwarts Express hissed and buzzed under Sirius' feet as it took off from Hogsmeade station, the compartments alive with chatter. Back in their usual compartment (though, a compartment can't be 'usual' if they've only ridden twice), Remus, Peter, James, and Sirius sat, giddy as ever with the excitement of Christmas holiday upon them. It was Sirius' last day with his dormmates until he would see them next semester - not a comforting thought. 

"We always have a big Christmas party, a ton of people from the Ministry come. Dad's got connections there, and stuff." James explained, tapping his fingers rhythmically on his knee.

"I think we're going on holiday. Visiting my brother in Australia," Peter groaned. "He's twenty four."

"We're just going to have a small get-together." Remus shrugged.

"Is your mum home?" Sirius asked, crossing his ankles.

"What? Oh. Yeah, St. Mungo's discharged her. Temporarily." he stuttered.

Sirius stared out the window, the rattling train vibrating underneath him as the city of Hogsmeade drifted out of sight. In nine hours he would be back at home. He'd see Regulus, for the first time in months. They could talk about Hogwarts, or how home was. He missed Regulus. He would do anything and everything for him - he loved him more than anything.

"That's good." Peter nodded.

Outside the window where Sirius' head lay, the stringy clouds left over from last nights' storm followed the train down the tracks. Sirius liked the rain - it left him and his thoughts alone, but not quite silent. It rained a lot in London, and he loved the smell. 

The train ride was long and tiring. Chocolate frog wrappers littered their compartment and bewitched paper airplanes circled lazily above their heads. Stomach and mind both full, Sirius ran a hand through his hair and stared aimlessly at the blank wall between Peter and Remus. The train halted to a stop seconds later, concluding the vibrations under his feet.

"Well, lads," James sighed, slumping down where he sat. "The marauders close out 1971 with one last hurrah."

"Hear, hear!" Remus laughed.

"Let's head out," James groaned, tilting his had towards the location of the door. 

As the four boys walked down the train hallway, their trunks rattling in front of them, a cold hand grabbed Sirius' shoulder.

"Wait," Narcissa hissed. 

"For what?" Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

"Bella and I are Side-Alonging you to your house." she spat, scrunching up her nose. Sirius rolled his eyes. He hated Apparating. "If she saw you with a Potter, a Pettigrew, and that poor Lupin kid, she'd have a fit."

"Since when have you cared what Bella does to me?" he snapped. James, Peter, and Remus were halfway down the train from where their compartment in the back was.

"I don't care! But Lucius is coming to Christmas dinner and you're not ruining it by talking about your blood traitor friends!" she whispered angrily.

"You're evil. I don't want Lucius Malfoy in my house."

"He's a prefect." she jeered. "And if you ruin everything, like you usually do, before I even have the chance to introduce Lucius, you've got a balding jinx headed your way."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would. Now don't mention your stupid Gryffindor friends until December 26th." she threatened, poking her finger to his chest. 

"Fine. Fine," he grumbled, dragging his green velvet trunks behind him as he departed the train. Bellatrix stood in the center of King's Cross station, her arms crossed over her black corset top.

"Could you _be_ any slower?" she moaned. 

"My apologies, dearest cousin," Sirius smirked, an evil grin plastered on his face that he tried so desperately to hide.

"Come on. I have places to be." Bellatrix spat. She laced her arm through Sirius' right side, Narcissa mirroring this motion. Sirius felt a hook behind his navel, tugging him into nothingness. His head spun and legs turned to jelly for a split second, before he stood on the street across from 12 Grimmauld Place. The tall, black townhouse sat just across the road, where old Muggle cars drove past.

"You can go now," he said to Narcissa and Bellatrix.

"Told your mother we'd make sure you get inside the house." Narcissa spat.

"Oh joy. My own mother talks to you more than she talks to me. See you on Christmas," he retorted, rolling his eyes as he stormed across the street. He was aware he looked ridiculous to Muggles - dragging a stack of green trunks with an owl cage upon them through the street. Ensuring nobody on either side was watching him, he disappeared into the seemingly invisibly place where number 12 should sit. The front door creaked open and the paintings on the wall gasped as he walked in.

"'M home," he mumbled as he left his trunks by the front door. "Kreacher!" he yelled.

"Kreacher has come to the needs of young Master Black, the blood traitor-" the greying house elf muttered as he emerged from the dining room on his left.

"Shut it, Kreacher, and bring my trunks to my room." Sirius snapped, waving the elf away. He hated Kreacher.

"Sirius?" a small voice called from the dining room.

"Reggie," Sirius replied, flattening his lips into a flat line as he dipped inside the room where Regulus was.

"Was just helping Kreacher get ready for dinner this weekend." he smiled, pushing his glasses farther onto his nose. 

The room was silent for a bit as Sirius paced around, stroking the dustless table stretching throughout the length of the room. Last time he was here was yet another family dinner. They suck, Sirius thought to himself.

"Are you going to-" Sirius started, as Regulus said, "How was-"

"You first," Sirius sighed, collapsing at his regular seat.

"How's school?" Regulus said carefully.

"Fun. Don't tell Mother and Father, but I made friends. You wouldn't know any of them." he shrugged. "We pull pranks, and stuff. Call ourselves the marauders."

"Cool." Regulus smiled, sitting next to Sirius.

"You'll love it. Maybe you'll be in Gryffindor-"

"I won't." he said quickly, staring at his hands, which rested on the table.

"That's what I thought, and I-"

"You're different, Sirius, _you're _brave. Not me."__

__Sirius looked around the room to fill the silence. Sure, Regulus wasn't brave, but Sirius wasn't very brave either. Not until the past year, where he started to be more outspoken. And, Sirius thought, that wasn't really bravery, that was just incompetency._ _

__"Where're Mother and Father?" Sirius asked._ _

__"Oh. In the drawing room. You should go say hello." Regulus said, fiddling with the table runner._ _

__Come with me." Sirius said, his back stiffening as he stood._ _

__Down the main hallway, to the left, next to Father's study. The door was left open, as were all doors at all times, besides Sirius' bedroom. That door was always shut._ _

__"Sirius," his father said, staring out the window next to his mother._ _

__"Mother. Father." he addressed, his hands fidgeting behind his back._ _

__"Regulus. Go help Kreacher in your brothers' room." Mother said casually, waving her hand dismissively. Regulus ducked out of the door and dashed down the hall. Sirius followed him with his eyes before he disappeared up the stairs._ _

__"Have a seat, Sirius." Father said, his dark eyes piercing Sirius'. Sirius sat in the deep purple chair across from Father, who sat behind the desk. Mother stood next to him._ _

__"We received an owl from your Head of House." Father said. His expressions were always nonexistent - his face was straight and eyes dead. "Regarding your grades this semester."_ _

__"Satisfactory job, Sirius." Mother said, donning the same expression._ _

__Sirius was shocked. Were they not angry about his house? Surely they were, McGonagall said herself that they received Howlers from his family. What are they _on _right now? What should he say? Does he thank them, or bring up Gryffindor? No, that was dumb.___ _

____"Thank you." he decided._ _ _ _

____"You are dismissed," Mother blinked twice before shooing him off._ _ _ _

____As he climbed up the stairs, his head swum with thoughts. They said in both letters to expect punishment over holiday, but now they were treating him as they'd treat _Regulus_._ _ _ _

____"Reg," he grinned as he opened the door to his bedroom. "What did you say to them?"_ _ _ _

____Regulus fought a smile, but it plastered across his face before he could control it. "Told them to lay off."_ _ _ _

____"You didn't!"_ _ _ _

____"Yeah, I did," Reg blushed. "I heard them talking to Uncle Cygnus, in the fireplace. So I just walked in, and I said, 'hey, can you please stop with all the Sirius stuff'?"_ _ _ _

____"You little shit," Sirius grinned, ruffling Regulus' tidy hair._ _ _ _

____"You cuss now," Regulus noticed._ _ _ _

____"James does. A lot," Sirius laughed, flopping down on his bed._ _ _ _

____"I made a friend too," Regulus said sheepishly._ _ _ _

____"How?" Sirius said, sitting up. "Like, a real one?"_ _ _ _

____"Barty Crouch. Junior." Regulus said._ _ _ _

____"Like, Barty Crouch from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?"_ _ _ _

____"His son. Yeah. They came over one night, Barty's cool. He's my age, too. I think we'll be in Slytherin together."_ _ _ _

____"You don't want to be in Slytherin," Sirius said, his brows furrowed. "You just think you're going to be 'cause everyone has."_ _ _ _

____"No, I... I want to." Regulus nodded. "It's the best house. No Mudbloods."_ _ _ _

____"Don't say that word, Reggie." Sirius said, shocked. "We don't use that word."_ _ _ _

____Regulus shrugged. "Bella and Cissy and Mother and Father do."_ _ _ _

____"Yeah, but Bella and Cissy and Mother and Father torture people for fun," Sirius snickered. "That wasn't funny. Shouldn't've said that," he muttered after seeing Regulus' horrified expression._ _ _ _

____"Can we-"_ _ _ _

____"No. It was months ago. 'M fine now."_ It’s funny, Sirius thought, how his mind worked. He was never going to talk about what happened last August, because he already told James, which surprised even Sirius himself. He didn’t tell secrets. Blacks were supposed to figure out everything themselves. You shan’t go around telling blood traitors like James Potter your secrets, especially your secrets that show your parents in a new light. That was disrespectful. Especially in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. _ _ _

____"Sorry." Regulus mumbled._ _ _ _

____"You didn't do anything. You're the only person in this whole bloody family who hasn't done anything, besides Dromeda."_ _ _ _

____"Andromeda has a new boyfriend."_ _ _ _

____"Yeah, I know. She mentioned him when- when I was staying there." Sirius shrugged. "Ted Tonks. Works at a Muggle news station."_ _ _ _

____"Yeah. But he's a Mudb- I mean, he's a Muggleborn."_ _ _ _

____"And?" Sirius scoffed. "What about it? The smartest girl in first year is a Muggleborn."_ _ _ _

____"Well, yeah, but-"_ _ _ _

____"You'll learn next year, when you're in Gryffindor. Blood status means literally nothing."_ _ _ _

____"Sirius, I'm not going to be a Gryffindor!" Regulus whisper-shouted, exasperated._ _ _ _

____"But you don't know that!"_ _ _ _

____Regulus stood up and walked towards the door. "I have a better change being a Squib than I do being in Gryffindor. And I started levitating things when I was four." he spat before closing the door._ _ _ _

____So that was that. He'd be one Gryffindor among a table of Slytherins on Christmas Day, and nobody would come to his defense this time. Hopefully I wouldn't need it, he thought. I'll listen to Narcissa this time, I'll be good. I'll be fine._ _ _ _

____Laying alone on his bed, in his room, in 12 Grimmauld Place, in the Borough of Islington, in London, in a world where he had four friends. Only four. Pathetic. The grandfather clock ticked, striking six PM. James would be safe home by now. He leaned over the side of his bed and grabbed the velour black bag holding the mirror shard from James and lifted it up in front of his face._ _ _ _

____"Shit, I dunno if I'm doing this right. James?" he whispered to the mirror. This is stupid, he thought. You should have asked James how to use it before leaving._ _ _ _

____"Sirius!" the voice of James exclaimed, his pearly smile shining in Sirius' mirror. "Mum! Dad! This is my best mate, Sirius Black."_ _ _ _

____Sirius stifled a laugh as the faces of Euphemia and Fleamont Potter came into view. "Hi, Mr. Potter. Mrs. Potter. Looking lovely as ever."_ _ _ _

____"Oh, Sirius, call me Euphemia," Mrs. Potter blushed, her red hair greying. “We must meet your parents one day, Sirius, James talks non-stop about you!" Mr. Potter said._ _ _ _

____"Oh, I'm not sure-" Sirius started, his eyes widening._ _ _ _

____"They're very busy people, Dad." James stammered. "Maybe sometime! Probably not."_ _ _ _

____James took the mirror back and walked up the grand staircase of Potter Mansion, Sirius presumed. "Look, I can only talk for a few minutes. Mother and Father called me into the study, and I was so scared, because in their letter it said to expect punishment," he whispered, his voice hushed. "But they just congratulated me on my grades and dismissed me."_ _ _ _

____"Hm," James said, his brows furrowed. "Weird. Do you think maybe they changed their minds? Maybe Dumbledore sent a letter. Or something. He’s supposed to come over on Christmas. It’s going to be awkward, now that I actually go to Hogwarts. I can ask him, if you’d like? No, scratch that. Then he’d get suspicious.” He was in his bedroom now, which was Gryffindor red._ _ _ _

____"Don't you ever get tired of red?" Sirius laughed._ _ _ _

____"No! Gryffindor at birth, I-"_ _ _ _

____"Sirius?" a voice from the stairwell called. The room turned cold. "Who on Earth are you talking to?"_ _ _ _

____"Mother." Sirius hissed. "Just Regulus, Mother!" he replied coolly. "I should go, James, I can't risk them finding out about this."_ _ _ _

____"Okay. See you tomorrow afternoon, buddy." With a flash of light, James' face disappeared._ _ _ _

____Sirius fell back on his bed. At least he'd have James the next few weeks, even if it was sporadic. He'd have Regulus, depending on what kind of mood he was in. And he'd have Andromeda, for a day, at least. But that was it._ _ _ _

In a stupid bed, on a stupid street, in a stupid house with stupid people. Sirius hated Grimmauld Place. And he vowed, once he turned seventeen, he was never coming back. Maybe he’d buy a house with Remus and James and Peter. Marauders Mansion. Yeah, that’d be nice. Living with his best mates until they’re all grey and old. He poked an owl treat through Monet’s cage, which lay on his gothic desk, and eyed the old stack of Daily Prophets on the corner of the table. Monet fluttered his wings before settling down on his perch. 

“Out you go, little guy.” Sirius whispered, opening the cage for his owl to fly out. He adjusted his wings and hopped around the desk for a while, before Sirius sat down at his desk and began to write on an old parchment. 

_Andromeda-_

__

Just wanted to say hi before Christmas dinner. Mother and Father are acting weird - beware. Bellatrix and Cissy aren’t horrible, which is weird. Regulus said he told our parents to lay off but I don’t believe it. I’m not sure why I’m asking you, because you don’t know any more than I. Gryffindor is great, and I hope my thank-you note from my birthday made it to you okay. George Harrison is my favorite. He’s cool. Wish my hair was like his. Anyway, see you this weekend. 

__

_\- Your favorite cousin_

“Here,” Sirius cooed, tying the letter onto Monet’s leg before opening the window and letting him out. Fluttering away, Sirius watched his owl take off into the horizon. The golds and purple sky brought a new life to Grimmauld Place, a new color scheme he had never noticed. 

Maybe, if each sunset was like tonight’s, this week wouldn’t be as dreadful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, i read the comments on my last chapter and it seems like some of you guys aren't enjoying this as much as others are! i would love to do anything you guys want (i already have the fanfic planned out plot-wise) so if you guys want longer chapters or more description please let me know! i tried to make this chapter longer because a lot of you guys asked for lengthier chapters but i didnt LMAO i already had it all planned outtttt. i would love your guys' constructive criticism - emphasis on constructive lol #writersblock


	12. First Year: Death By A Thousand Cuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius speaks out at Christmas dinner.

His fingers toyed with the velvet bag, pulling on the strings that opened and closed it. The patch of grass outside Grimmauld Place was covered in a thin layer of powdered snow, as were the roofs of the houses across the street. Lined with white Christmas lights and wreaths on each front door, the other townhouses on Grimmauld Place were decorated for the holiday season.

There were no decorations on Sirius’ front door.

The room was silent. Father forbade Sirius from playing anything on his record player, so the only music in 12 Grimmauld Place came from within his head.

It was Christmas Eve, and Regulus had not spoken to him since the evening before, when Sirius came back from Hogwarts. He spent the day stuck in his room, the only place in this house he was wanted. Andromeda replied to his owl that morning - she told him not to worry, that she was sure everyone had cooled off.

He didn’t believe this for a second.

The floors below him were silent. No glass breaking. No shrieks from Mother. No screams from Father. Everything felt off.

But, he assumed, everything was off. There was a Gryffindor Black - something that hasn’t happened in who-knows-how-many years. Everything was wrong.

Sirius stood up and paced over to his desk, where Monet slept. Quills and old books scattered across the black surface, and dried-up inkpots sat upright. Blacks kept things clean, he thought. As he swept his mess into his desk drawer, the door creaked open.

“Father.” Sirius nodded, averting eye contact.

"Fix your posture and look at me." Father snapped, his hands behind his back.

"Yes, Father," Sirius sighed abruptly. He straightened his back and locked eyes with Father. They had the same eye color, Sirius noticed, and he hated it. 

"The entire family is coming over tomorrow night." Orion hissed, stepping inside Sirius' room. You can't come in here, he thought. This is _my_ room. "Your mother's side, my side, your aunt Lucretia, and her family. The Crabbes, Goyles, Notts, and Lestranges will be joining us, as well as Lucius Malfoy."

"Is Uncle Alphard coming?" Sirius asked, not breaking from the trance he held with his father's eyes.

"Yes." Father scoffed. "Listen to me, Sirius." He took a step towards his son, who stood tall, uncowering. "You will not ruin tomorrow night. You will not speak of Hogwarts unless asked to, and you will not mention the house you were sorted in. Your grandparents do not know that you defied every law we grained into you by being sorted into..." he stopped. "Your house. You will not mention it. You will not speak unless spoken to. Do you understand, boy?" Father growled, taking another step towards Sirius.

"I understand."

And with a blink, Father was gone, but the coldness he brought into the room wasn't. No, the coldness stayed, it stayed as long as Mother and Father were near. It never left. And that was tiring. 

Opening his closet door, Sirius ran his hands through the tens of dress robes hung. Scarlet, violet, forest green, canary yellow, navy, magenta. Sirius hated green - it made him look washed out. He liked red, so he would wear the red and white robes. Of course, Regulus would roll his eyes with the same I-told-you-so attitude he always had after Sirius got beat, Mother would shriek, and Father would find something to blast into smithereens. It was routine. Sirius hated routine.

Sirius slept awfully that night. His dreams were infiltrated with terrors and nightmares, things he hadn't properly experienced since the night before school started, when Father was picking him up from Andromeda's house. Sometimes, he could still feel the aftermath of the Cruciatus Curse, if he tried to remember. Not that he wanted to. 

He woke up, his sheets discarded on the ground, his comforter rumpled, and handprints imprinted upon his fitted sheet. Sweat trickled down his back, his black hair matted and tangled. Sirius cursed to himself, glancing at the clock on his wall, which read 6:34. Trudging his heavy feet to his bathroom across the hallway, the house was silent. Nobody was awake, except for maybe Regulus, who never really made a sound anyway. He twisted the bath knobs and let the hot water run from the shower head, emitting a smoke that fogged up all of the mirrors. Sirius liked hot showers, because every room in this house was cold, and he hated the cold. The bathrooms at his dorm never ran out of hot water, and they were warm and cozy. At home, the marble bathroom just _radiated_ cold.

As he blow-dried his hair, running a hand through it, he heard a sharp shout from a few floors down. "Sirius. Get down here," Father barked. Rolling his eyes and stomping his boots down three flights of the spiral staircase, he entered the second dining room - this one was significantly smaller, and had a four-person table in comparison to the eighteen-person table in the main dining room. Every morning, for the first eleven-and-a-half years of Sirius' life, the Blacks ate breakfast together. Sirius hated breakfast - there was no reason to wake up so early. Back at Hogwarts, Remus would sleep through breakfast, Peter would scramble to finish his homework, and James would drag Sirius out to walk the Quidditch field. It was much more comforting than sitting straight-backed at the rosewood table.

"Hurry, Sirius." Mother scowled as Sirius slowly walked to his chair, running a hand through his hair. "Your hair is getting entirely too long, let me cut it. Doesn't it look ridiculous, Orion?"

Father sat at the head of the table, his straight nose deep in today's Daily Prophet. "Yes, Walburga, he looks like a Gryffindor," he muttered, not glancing up from his paper.

Sirius sat down at the seat opposite Regulus, his face stoic and his shoulders stiff. He wasn't hungry. He felt sick, like his stomach was a bottomless pit that was the size of a ashwinder egg. 

They always ate breakfast in silence. It was always silent. Always silent, and always green. On his way back to his bedroom, the portraits on the wall muttered to each other.

"That's Sirius the Third." one of the portraits hissed. "They say he was sorted into Gryffindor."

"Dear me!" another gasped.

He held up an obscene hand gesture as he strode down the halls, his steps heavy. As he entered his bedroom, where Mother ordered him to stay until the guests arrived, an owl pecked at his window. It was brown and tawny, with a red-sealed envelope tied to his leg. Puzzled, Sirius opened his window, and the bird dropped the parchment before fluttering off.

_Sirius-_

_Happy Christmas mate! Hope this letter gets to you in good health. Mum got me a new broom, she reckons I'll be on the Quidditch team next year! I can only hope... and pray to Merlin. Anyway, how are your folk treating you? I tried talking to you on the mirror last night but you didn't answer. Everything good?_

_James(ie)_

Sirius grinned to himself as he creased it and stuffed it in his desk drawer. Cocky git, he smiled. 

"James," he whispered into the mirror.

"Sirius!" James' beaming face appeared in the shard of glass. 

"Happy Christmas, James. Just got your letter. And last night, Mother made me and Reg draft letters to our relatives for dinner. Took hours," he yawned. "Never mind that."

James nodded. "Ah, sounds awful. Things have been good here, wish you could come. Maybe the four of us can spend the holidays together next year!"

"That would be a dream." Sirius sighed, stepping over to his bed and laying down on his back. "Maybe one day. I could tell Mother I'm spending the week with Uncle Alphard and he'd cover for me."

"Well, there we go! You'll have to come over soon. I've been owling Remus and Peter, they said they got your owls fine."

"Wish I could send more. Father's getting suspicious because Monet's always gone, but I just tell him Reg is using him."

"He'll be at Hogwarts next year, right? I'll get to meet him!" James laughed.

"Reg's the best. Look, I've got to go, because Kreacher's polishing the trophy case down the hall and he can probably hear us. Can we call at, like, nine tonight?" Sirius groaned. "The whole family's coming. Pray for me."

James laughed. "Always. Yeah, nine works. See you then."

"Happy Christmas, Jamesie."

"Happy Christmas, Siri." James' faltering voice glitched as Sirius put the shard back in its bag.

-

Around four thirty, the guests began filling in Grimmauld Place, its walls finally alive. Sirius and Regulus stood in the foyer, guests Apparating in and out every few seconds. 

"I'll bet ten Galleons Grandmother comes in wearing some sort of dead bird on her hat," Regulus hissed, slinking to stand by Sirius. He stifled a snicker. 

"And I'll bet fifty Grandfather gets drunk within an hour, and Splinches himself Apparating home."

Regulus smiled softly, his fingers fiddling with the hem of his robes. "I hate these things."

"Me too," Sirius muttered, pulling at the collar of his white button-down shirt. Regulus' robes were cleanly ironed and pressed, his collar perfectly centered and folded, his trousers creased perfectly. Sirius' collared shirt was rumpled, his robes laying lax, and his trousers in dire need of ironing.

"Boys, welcome our guests." Mother snapped, her basil green dress billowing behind her as she exited the office.

"Yes, Mother." Regulus squeaked, scampering to the front door to take Great-Aunt Dorea's shawl.

Sirius sulked in the foyer, standing in front of the floor-length mirror. Almost everyone was here, Sirius thought, even the people he didn't recognize. But the House of Black was so big, he didn't recognize half of his cousins.

"Sirius," a kind voice whispered from behind him. He whipped around, his robes slapping against his leg. "Uncle Alphard!" Sirius exclaimed as a pair of strong arms wrapped around him. 

"It's been too long, m'boy." Uncle Alphard grinned sheepishly. His hair was starting to grey, and his face was barely wrinkled. 

"Too long," Sirius smiled. "Didja hear, about school-"

"I did. Now," he glanced around the room, ensuring no elders were near. "We can't speak about it here. Owl me. Andromeda told me about what went down, over this summer. She's celebrating the holidays with her boyfriend, Ted." Uncle Alphard closed his eyes and inhaled. "There's a spare room in my cottage. If you ever need it. It's Unplottable, they won't be able to find it."

Sirius went silent. Surely Uncle Alphard didn't want him to run away? 

"Thank you, Uncle Alphard." he whispered, blinking. The house began to fill with louder chatter and yelps, all rooms on the first floor full of unknown people. Uncle Alphard disappeared into the crowd of people, and the foyer began to spin. There were too many people, he was alone, he was stranded...

"Sirius," a devilish voice purred, a cold and familiar bony hand grasping his arm. 

"Happy Christmas, Bellatrix." Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You look nice." Her wild hair was pulled out of her face, and her dress was shorter and purple.

She narrowed her glare and leaned down. "Your mother wants you in the keeping room. You and Narcissa are playing something for the relatives."

"I haven't played in two years!" Sirius cried. 

"Go to the keeping room." Bella glared dangerously. Sirius stomped off, his footsteps loud. Mother was setting me up for failure, he thought, I haven't played the stupid piano in two years. As he entered through the arched doorway, Narcissa, Mother, Auntie Druella, great-aunt Dorea, Grandmother Irma, and Regulus all sat perched on loveseats and sofas, Narcissa on the bench in front of the grand piano. One of their six Christmas trees was nestled in the corner of the roo, its white-flocked branches illuminating rare light.

"Sirius," she whispered, a look of disgust on her face as she scooted over for him to join her.

"Sirius, your grandmother wants to hear you two play a duet." Mother drawled, her voice faking kindness and empathy.

He sat down at the piano in silence, Narcissa only a few inches taller than him. The piano bench was plush underneath him and the warmth emitting from the baby grand was comforting.

"Winter. Vivaldi's Four Seasons," Sirius grumbled as he positioned his fingers over the ivory keys.

"I'm not playing a Muggle piece," she hissed.

"It's the only one I remember," he shrugged, drawing his shoulders back.

"Fine." Narcissa groaned, striking the first chord.

Sirius loved the piano, he just strayed from it because it reminded him of home, and he hated home. Mother trained him for years, during his homeschool lessons, but stopped once Regulus was old enough. Because Regulus was always better, always smarter, always more talented than Sirius, and they both knew it. 

As Vivaldi's concerto neared the conclusion, Narcissa's sage green nail grazed over Sirius' knuckles, drawing blood. He snatched his hand back, which caused the final chord to sound dissonant.

A light patter of applause was heard from the five person audience as Sirius stood up. Grandmother Irma turned to Mother and great-aunt Dorea and encapsulated them into a conversation, no doubt how 'Sirius is such a good boy, where did you go wrong, Walburga?'

"You ruined the ending," Narcissa hissed.

"I wouldn't've ruined it if you kept your nails short, like a normal person."

"It was just a little cut! We all know you can deal with that!" she whisper-shouted, her voice barely masked by the conversation happening.

"Don't talk to me like that," Sirius snarled, stepping closer to her. "You're no better than anyone else in this family."

"I don't pride myself on thinking I am!" she retorted, her voice raising and gaining attention of the women at the sofa. 

"And how have I? I've stayed silent this whole time, because it's supposed to be a secret where I was sorted, but they'll find out eventually! Everyone will find out! And I've just sat here and done nothing wrong-" Sirius shouted, his voice loud enough that everyone could hear.

"That's quite enough, Sirius." Mother's shrill voice rang, her eyes wide and mouth thin. He could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears. 

Sirius didn't meet her eyes. He stared into Narcissa's blue eyes, his hand clenched into a fist and his body shaking. She shot daggers into his skin with her eyes, not breaking the trance.

"Dear me, Walburga, where have you gone wrong with this one?" Grandmother moaned. Sirius glared at her and stormed out of the room, leaving his pride behind. 

He hated it here. He hated every person here, because they all hated him equally so. He hated the creak of the loose floorboard in his bedroom, he hated the footsteps of that ugly house elf, he hated the tapestry room, where people were blasted out of the family tree for no reason, he hated his stupid cousins and his stupid mother and his stupid father, and his stupid brother, who doesn't care about anything. Sirius loved Regulus more than anything, but he knew Regulus didn't feel the same way. He never did, and he sure as hell didn't now.

"Sirius?" a small voice called. "It's dinner."

"Shut up, Regulus." Sirius scowled, entering the main dining room. He sat where he always did - sandwiched between Regulus and Andromeda. But Andromeda wasn't here, because she didn't care about keeping Sirius safe, he thought, so Cissy sat next to him.

The entire family, and their guests, all sat at the table, which was more crowded than ever. Lucius Malfoy sat next to Narcissa, his platinum hair reaching his shoulders. It looked cool, Sirius thought. Really cool.

Sirius stayed silent though dinner, rage coursing through his veins. He stared with glazed-over eyes at the wall across from him whilst Father shot dirty looks at him. 

"...Really, Cygnus, the Sacred Twenty-Eight is falling apart," scowled Grandfather Pollux. "The Potters, Prewetts, Weasleys, and _now_ the Longbottoms are all straying from our beliefs. We're falling apart."

"Father, we need to separate ourselves. The Blacks need not to associate ourselves with those families," Mother purred.

"If I may, sister, I believe keeping in contact with those families will deem itself necessary in the upcoming events," Uncle Alphard said coolly, setting his goblet down daintily. "I assume you all read the Prophet this morning?"

Auntie Druella nodded. "Four Mudbloods in critical condition at St. Mungo's from an attack."

"A toast! To the attackers of the filthy blood-stealers!" Bellatrix squealed. Everybody held their goblets up, beaming and toasting, but Sirius didn't raise his. 

"Sirius. Toast," Regulus muttered. 

But nobody noticed him not participating in the toast; the table was so crowded.

"Half-bloods and Mudbloods alike will cower at us!" Bella continued, her dead eyes now alive and glittering with evil. 

Anger still fueling his body, Sirius spoke up. "My friend Remus is a half-blood, and he's the smartest boy in our class."

The table went silent, and twenty pairs of eyes relaxed upon him, eyebrows cocked and shoulders straight.

"That is the last straw! Go to your room, Sirius!" Mother screamed, rising from her seat and slamming her cup down so hard the table shook. Sirius whipped his head around and left the table, leaving his entrée behind. He stormed up the stairs, three at a time, his jaw clenched and fists swinging at his side. Slamming his door behind him, he glanced at the clock. 6:14. Two hours and forty-six minutes until he could call James. But, he knew, in two hours and forty-six minutes he would be downstairs, facing Mother and Father's wrath.

-

"You messed up down there." Regulus said darkly, shaking his head. "They all left. You're wanted in the office. I'm sorry," He stared at Sirius for a few seconds before scampering back to his bedroom next door.

It was a long journey down the stairs. Sirius procrastinated going downstairs. Maybe he could jump out the window, or talk to James about it. But James couldn't do anything. Nobody could do anything. Only Sirius could do anything about it, and he already ruined the night. He always ruined the nights, he always spoke up and ruined the mood. He fucked up on the piano and he fucked up at dinner. He fucked up everything. He was a disappointment.

As he approached the foyer at the bottom of the grand staircase, Mother and Father waited for him. Father's fingers clenched his serpentine cane with a death grip, his knuckles white.

"You have tainted our family name tonight," Father growled, taking a step towards Sirius, who fought himself not to tremble. "Do you understand the height of your actions tonight?"

Sirius did not move.

"Speak to me, boy." Orion hissed dangerously, his eyes gleaming in the same way Bellatrix's did.

"Yes, Father."

"Do you comprehend the embarrassment you have created?" Mother sputtered. "Is there any room in that brain of yours?" She whipped her hand across his face, slapping him and cutting him with her rings. Sirius could feel the red mark it left.

"No, Mother." he muttered, the room spinning around him.

Father grabbed Sirius by his collar, choking him and pinning him against the wall. Blood trickled down his cheek. "You are no Black heir." he grumbled, his voice hoarse and deep. He pulled Sirius away from the wall and slammed him into the mirror, which shattered around him. The shards cascaded around his face, slicing his fair skin and drawing scarlet blood. Mother and Father stormed away, leaving him helpless on the ground. Glass shards stuck out of his skin, swimming in a pool of blood. His legs were weak as he stood gingerly and walked up the staircase, pieces of the mirror acting as a tourniquet which kept his blood from pooling out. His head swam and his eyes hurt, he tripped over his own legs as he went up the stairs, he was too dizzy to keep going, but he had to. He had to keep going.

Four flights later, blood-stained footprints following his trail, Sirius collapsed on his bed, grabbing James' mirror shard. 9:01. 

"Hi Sirius!" James chirped.

"James," Sirius wheezed, not showing his face or his vulnerability. He can't let James know, he'd freak out.

"How was your dinner? It all went good?" he asked, throwing up a thumbs-up.

"Yeah. Fine. Really tired, I should go." Sirius said quietly, the loss of blood and cuts on his body finally getting to his head. 

"Sirius, I want to see you before you leave." James said sharply.

"It's just dark in my room, you can't see-"

"Show me your face, Sirius." James frowned, eyebrows furrowed.

"James, I can't." Sirius said, matching James' sharp tone.

"Show me now or I'll send my parents to come get you. I'm not kidding." James said darkly.

"No, I-" he started. James couldn't see, he'd overreact. He doesn't know the whole story. He doesn't know half the story.

"Sirius."

"Fine, James." Sirius snapped, flipping on the lamp by his bedside table. He looked grotesque. Tiny cuts littered his body and vermillion blood poured from them, drying in the cold wind from the open window. He brushed almost all glass out of his hair, but in the glimmer of the moon he could see the sparkles.

"Sirius-" James began, slowly.

He hung up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! so, i think for my new schedule i'll be posting every other day. does that work for everyone? pls leave a comment and kudos!! i miss my actives!
> 
> where to find me:
> 
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	13. First Year: Potions Class Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius learns new things about his dormmate.

The Christmas holiday fell apart after the evening of December the 25th. Every night, James made sure Sirius had no more scars or bruises, but they weren’t too hard to hide if they were on his torso or arms. And once he was back at school, Madam Fabray wouldn’t have too much trouble patching him up.

The train ride to Hogwarts was solemn. The scars littering Sirius’ body had healed almost completely, but a large gash on his cheekbone was visible.

“Fell down the stairs,” Sirius grumbled to a curious Peter. Nobody asked many questions after that.

The first week of the semester passed slowly - at least to Sirius. He was moody that week, and who would want to talk to a moody Sirius? Bad moods were contagious, especially Sirius’. Perhaps, he thought, James told them what happened. Maybe they were ignoring him because they knew he was some blood-traitor freak - maybe Father owled the school. Maybe he told them not to talk to Sirius, that way he’d learn his lesson. Perhaps, Sirius thought, James told them. Nobody wanted to be friends with a pureblood failure. Sirius’ mood seemed to infect the entire dormitory: no pranks had commenced yet that term, besides Peter bewitching a wad of paper to continuously hit Darby Mulciber between his shoulders.

It was funny, but not funny enough to lighten up Sirius.

“I need to show you something.” James said one night in the dormitory, his hands behind his back. 

“Sure,” Remus grinned, setting his map on his nightstand. 

“What is it?” Peter squeaked, his face in awe. Sirius did not reply - he stared at the ceiling from where he lay on his bed, his arms crossed and face stoic. 

James turned his back to the other three and ransacked his trunk, a sheepish smile on his face. He turned around seconds later, holding nothing. 

“What is it, James?” Sirius groaned, sitting up and rolling his eyes. James just grinned in response, before swinging his arms over his head and disappearing. 

“What the fuck?” Sirius blinked, looking from Peter to Remus. 

“Did he Apparate?” Peter gasped. 

Remus stood up and walked over to where James was standing last, his hands folded behind his back. He reached out a hand and seemed to grasp something between his ring and middle fingers, but nothing was there. . He pulled his arm back, and James re-appeared out of thin air.

“Is this…?” Remus asked, his mouth agape. 

“Invisibility cloak!” James exclaimed, his smile from ear to ear.

“Where do you even find one?” Peter gaped

“My dad gave it to me for Christmas. It’s his old one, he says it’s been passed down the family for generations. He says I have to give it to my kids, but I’m not sure I will.” James snickered.

“I don’t even wanna think about having kids,” Remus shuddered. 

“Bloody hell, James,” Sirius grinned, running a hand through his hair. “Cloak of Invisibility. That’s gonna come in handy.”

“Dad said I deserved it after I told him about the secret passage. Oh, I almost forgot!” he groaned, slapping his forehead. “Dad found a secret passageway when he went here! He wouldn’t tell me exactly where, but he said to keep our eyes peeled in the second-floor corridor leading to the West Wing,” he yawned. 

“West Wing,” Remus repeated under his breath, staring at his map. 

“Cloak of Invisibility. Blimey, Potter, I didn’t know you had it in you,” Sirius grinned, 

“Believe me, Black, neither did I.” James said, shaking his head and pulling his comforter up to his chest. 

-

Sirius’ mood slowly rose the next few days - the excitement of James’ new pranking cloak bringing his mood up significantly. Classes went by dreadfully; end of year exams were upon them and there was still so much to learn, especially in Potions. 

“I want all of you to spend this week’s class brewing a Fire Protection Potion,” Slughorn beamed, clapping his hands together. “With the assistance of a partner, that I will assign! Let’s see, let’s see… let’s have Mr. Rosier and Miss Evans-” James’ jaw dropped and his eyes widened. “Mr. Avery and Miss McKinnon, Miss Macdonald and Mr. Mulciber, Miss Jennings and Mr. Pettigrew-” Peter was now the one wide eyes, shocked at being partnered with a girl - “Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black, and Mr. Snape and Mr. Potter.”

Sirius gasped and covered the smirk on his mouth with a hand. “James, you and Snivellus!”

“Shut it, Black.” James muttered, looking like he was on the verge of tears. 

“I would like you to go sit with your partners! Chop chop!” Slughorn smiled, shimmying down in his chair behind his desk. Sirius took the empty seat by Remus, where Peter usually sat.

“Lupin,” Sirius sang, tapping his fingers on the table.

“Hi, Sirius,” Remus grinned, positioning his shabby cauldron in between them. It was chipped, Sirius noticed, and had cracks running up and down the side, like scars. Sirius’ shiny new cauldron lay on top of the desk next to them, in mint condition.

“We can use my cauldron, if you’d like-” Sirius said awkwardly.

Remus’ cheeks turned bright red. “Oh, yeah, sorry-” he sputtered.

“No, no, we don’t have to, yours is fine,” Sirius said, horrified. “Yours is fine.”

“Okay.” Remus said, in a small voice.

It was weird, thought Sirius. He had been roommates with Remus for almost five months, but barely knew him. He barely knew Peter, either. All he knew was Remus liked to read, light incense, and he had a sick mum that he visited around the same time each month. He only really knew James, he had never had a one-on-one conversation with the other two. A good conversation, at least. Things were weird. 

“Sirius? Are you listening?” Remus said, his eyebrow cocked as he glanced up from his Potions book. “You’re staring at Mary.”

“Am I?” he blushed. “Sorry. Zoned out.”

“Would you cut the bursting mushrooms?” Remus asked, his eyes running over the lines of the textbook. 

“Yeah.” Sirius nodded, picking up the knife on the edge of the table with two long fingers. “I wonder how Snivellus and James are doing. Maybe James’ll get some insight, you know, and we can figure out our next prank.”

“Yeah. Look at Peter, though,” Remus said, snickering softly. “He’s lost complete use of his hands.”

Remus wasn’t wrong. Peter and Florence Jennings, a Slytherin in their year, sat three tables down. Peter was blushing bright red and fumbled everything he picked up, much to the dismay of Florence, who repeatedly rolled her eyes. As he went to drop his chopped mushrooms into their concoction, he dropped the knife in, which caused yellow flames to lick the air and expel soot onto both of their faces.

Remus giggled softly before glancing back into the cauldron. “Right, so, er, it says to stir clockwise until it turns cerulean.” he stuttered, using the wooden spoon Slughorn had passed around to stir the potion. “Sirius, could you please crush the Wartcap powder?”

“Remus,” Sirius laughed, placing his hand on Remus’, which was anxiously stirring the potion. “You don’t have to work so hard. Class is almost over, anyway.” he shrugged. “We’ll finish it tomorrow.”

“Okay. Sure. Tomorrow.” Remus said, sitting straight up. And with that, the dismissal bell rang.

-

“I don’t even want to talk about it.” James sulked, playing with his food. Two days later, James and Snape’s partnership had been the talk of the Gryffindor table - well, at least the first-year section, thought Sirius. 

“Oh come on, James, he can’t be that bad.” Peter shrugged. 

“He’s really good at Potions, though. Almost better than Lily.” Remus added. 

“Don’t even mention Lily!” James moaned. “She’s with Rosier! Evan Rosier!”

“James is just jealous, don’t mind it,” Sirius snickered. “Jealous that Lily is hitting it off with a Slytherin.”

“My beautiful Lily,” James sighed, sinking his elbows into the table. "My little flower." 

“Now now, Jamesie, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Sirius laughed, kicking James from under the table. “Seems like Pete hit it off with Florence, though.”

“Oh, can it!” Peter blushed. “I don’t like Slytherins. But she has nice hair, I’ll say that.”

“Lily has nice hair. Thin and long and red.” James frowned as the four boys stood up to go back to the dorms. 

“Mary’s pretty, I like her braids.” Remus shrugged. 

“Sirius, do you think any girl here is pretty?” James asked. Sirius blinked a few times. No, he hadn’t really given it much thought. Marlene was pretty, she had nice hair. If hair was any indication of how pretty a girl was, he thought. 

“Not really,” he said, cocking an eyebrow. “But I could pull any bird here. The old Sirius Black charm.”

“You wish,” Remus said, before stopping in his tracks, smacking his palm to his forehead. 

“I almost forgot! Sirius, we have to check on our potion, it’s been a full day.” Remus groaned.

“Chill, Lupin, it won’t blow up. Like Pete’s did,” Sirius snickered. He grabbed Remus’ forearm and dragged him to the dungeons, the corridors empty. Dinner wasn’t quite over yet, so the hallways were more-or-less vacant. 

As Remus pushed open the door to the Potion’s classroom, Rosier and Lily Evans stood over their cauldron in the back corner. 

“Evan, you’re doing it wrong!” she groaned. “Four teaspoons of salamander blood, not tablespoons! We’ll have to restart!”

Sirius closed his fingers around Remus’ small wrists, placing a finger over his mouth and dragging him to a shadowed corner, where Rosier and Lily wouldn’t see them. 

“Like a Mudblood would even know salamander blood properties!” he jeered. “It won’t change anything. It’s fine.”

Sirius’ eyes widened and met Remus’. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyebrows were raised, but Remus was unfazed. Minutes later, Lily and Rosier left through the back door, and Sirius dragged Remus out of their hiding spot.

“Did you hear what he called her? If James were here… oh, I’ll jinx him! I’ll jinx his pants off!” Sirius raged, pacing the room. The blood coursing through his veins was tainted with anger and his nose turned up at the mention of Rosier. Sure, he had heard the word, but only by his older cousins. Never by someone his age, and never to someone in particular.

“Sirius, calm down.” Remus said coolly, steadying Sirius’ shaking body by placing a hand on his shoulder. He never noticed how tall Remus was - he had to be at least three inches taller.

“Does that not make you angry?” Sirius scoffed.

“Sure it does. But only the first few times.”

“First few times? You’ve heard him call Evans a Mud- that word before?”

Remus looked down at Sirius, puzzled. “No, I’ve never heard that.”

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating, Lupin.” Sirius shrugged, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Sirius, you’re one of my best mates, but you’re just so thick. Sit down.” Remus sighed, rubbing his eyes. Sirius obeyed. It was funny - he would do anything Remus said. If James told him to sit down, he thought, he would go straight to tackling him. But Remus was different - he was collected, calm, and cool. 

“My father, he was a pureblood growing up, he worked for the Ministry. Still does, he’s in the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.”

“Like vampires? And werewolves?” Sirius asked.

“Um, yeah.” Remus said, cracking his knuckles. He seemed on edge. “The Ministry sent him to Wales to investigate this Boggart, in a forest. And he met my mum there, she was getting attacked by the Boggart. She’s a Muggle, so she didn’t know what it was. And they fell in love, and built a cottage in Wales, and everything was happy-” he winced and twiddled his fingers, not making eye contact with Sirius, who looked at him with big, grey, longing eyes. “But that’s the issue, y’know? You’re pureblood, and James too, and both of your families are in the Sacred Twenty-Eight. And Peter’ half-blood, but the Pettigrews have been half-blood. For generations.” Remus glanced at Sirius. “But I guess it’s different. For us. They didn’t like that my father married a Muggle, so they all call me… call me that word, the one Rosier used. It’s not a big deal anymore. You just get used to it over time.”

Sirius blinked. “I’m sorry, Remus. You can tell us, if they say it again. James knows quite a few hexes.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” he smiled, rolling his eyes. “I don’t mean to mope. It’s a learning experience.”

“Yeah.” Sirius agreed quietly. “I had no idea.”

Remus shrugged. “Not a lot of people do.”

“My cousin said it on Christmas night. That word. She toasted the people that attacked the Muggleborns.” he said smally.

“One died.” Remus frowned. “In St. Mungo’s. Earlier in the week.”

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “I didn’t know. I’m sure Bellatrix’s glad about it. Bet everyone in my family is.”

“You don’t talk much about your family.” Remus said somberly.

“Not really. There isn’t much to talk about.”

Remus inhaled sharply. “Sirius, I’m not dumb. You were silent for the days leading up to holiday and you were silent for the days after we came back. You have nightmares at night and I’ve never heard you say a single positive thing about any of your relatives, besides your cousin Andromeda.”

Sirius blinked. “I-” he sputtered, blinking rapidly. “I-” His hands were clammy and shook, and his breaths became more shallow. Nobody could know. Nobody can know. 

Remus reached over and closed his fingers over Sirius’ wrists, and the latter went still. He was calm. “You don’t have to tell me anything. Keep your secrets and I’ll keep mine. Just so you know, I’m a good listener.”

Sirius stared at Remus as he stood back up and began to inspect the insides of the cauldron in front of him. 

Remus Lupin was the coolest boy Sirius had ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy this chapter is lowkey filler LOL but it took so long yet i still hate it... writers' block !!!! let me know how you like it and please leave comments and kudos!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	14. First Year: Quidditch and the Cloak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James drags the boys along to the Gryffindor v. Hufflepuff game.

February arrived in a haze of colder weather and snow storms, freezing every ivy leaf on the exterior of the castle. In a flash of sub-zero temperatures, travelling to and from buildings submerged each student in freezing winter. The sun disappeared for weeks, momentarily halting the Quidditch season. The long-awaited Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff game was postponed, due to the snow storm scheduled for that Saturday morning.

“Rubbish! Absolute rubbish!” James shouted in the middle of Transfiguration class, thumping his fist on the table.

“Believe me, Mr. Potter, if I could have it another way, I would.” McGonagall trilled, her shrill Scottish accent angrily ringing through the classroom. It rendered the class silent.

“Just as well, Jamesie, Hufflepuff would beat the living daylights out of us,” Sirius sighed, placing a hand on James’ shoulder.

“They wouldn’t.” James sulked, hunching his shoulders.

“Oh, James.” Sirius snickered. “Dear James. You are incredibly wrong.”

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, I would suggest the two of you to silence yourselves before I do it myself.” McGonagall hissed, rapping the table between the two boys.

Sirius smirked as she stormed away and grabbed a spare piece of parchment, scribbling on it before flicking it towards James.

_Seems McGooGoo is more mad about the game cancellation that you are._

_-Sirius_

James shot Sirius a murderous glare before laying his head on the desk. 

Sirius sighed and glanced over his shoulder, where Remus and Peter sat, practicing their _Avifors_ spell for the upcoming practical test on Friday.

“Sirius, you really need to apply yourself.” Remus tutted.

“Apply myself to what?” he scoffed, kicking his feet on the table in front of him. “I’ve got an inner talent for Transfiguration.”

“Inner talent won’t help you pass your end-of-year exams,” Remus sighed, shaking his head and grinning.

“Oi, Remus, we’ve got four months.” Peter chirped. “Four months.”

Remus exhaled. He had dark circles under his eyes, Sirius noticed, and his hands were bruised and discolored. A silvery scar trailed from his temple across his eyebrow, joining the two other scars which lined across his nose and from his jaw to his mouth. He looked awful.

“And I’ll be using every second of those four months for my benefit.” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“Whatever you say, Lupin.” Sirius giggled, grabbing his wand from his table. “ _Avifors_ ,” he whispered, and the snapped quill by James’ resting head turned into a shimmering silvery-blue bird.

-

The rain and sleet beat down on the four boys as they walked, heads tucked, to the Quidditch field. Bundled up in Gryffindor scarves, the group of marauders trudged from their cozy, warm common room to the freezing Quidditch pitch - after listening to hours of James’ complaining, going to the game would lift _everyone’s_ spirits.

“Who would have thought! Countless letters to Dumbledore from a _first-year_ would’ve convinced him to reinstate this week’s match? I tell ya, James, you’ve outdone yourself this time,” Peter gushed.

“When you’ve got connections like I do, people find me hard to resist.” James swaggered, a sheepish smirk on his face.

“Tell that to Lily Evans.” Sirius laughed, clapping James on the back.

“Wonder if she’ll be here,” he added dreamily. 

“I would think so. It’s the biggest game so far, isn’t it?” Remus quipped, shivering in the February frost.

“You need to brush up on your Quidditch, Lupin.” James said, shaking his head. “Yeah, this is the biggest game since we went against Slytherin in November. Tragic loss, Steve Laughalot’s the best Keeper they’ve seen in decades. We didn’t stand a chance.”

Sirius liked hearing James ramble about Quidditch, because it showed that James was passionate for something, and Sirius wasn’t passionate for anything. He _liked_ Quidditch, but he could never play it much, living in urban London. He didn’t like anything much, except his friends, and he was okay with that. That was fine. Though, of course, there was not much to like. Besides his admiration for silk sheets and long hair care routines, Sirius took pride in almost nothing. Not his last name, not his heritage, not his blood status, because none of that was important anymore. He was an above-average student with no drive. And that was awful.

“But after Laughalot graduates this year, there’s no doubt they’ll make Rodolphus Lestrange captain. He’s a Beater, that’s the worst position, if you ask me. I’ve only ever played Chaser.” James explained, four steps ahead of the other three.

The sky above them was a deep asphalt grey, and sleet mixed with snow pounded down on their heads, which tucked in as the four walked up the stairs into the Gryffindor stands. Fifty feet above the ground, and eye-level with the Hufflepuff team, which circled around the pitch doing drills, the Quidditch stands encircled each corner of the field. They were dusted with fine, white snow and the benches frosted over with a thin layer of translucent ice, shattering at the smallest touch. 

James’ leg bounced as he looked longingly at the Gryffindor team, which had just exited their dressing tent, clothed in crimson and gold robes. 

“We’ll be out here next year, watching James!” Peter exclaimed, sitting on the edge of his seat. For someone so enthusiastic about Quidditch, he had close to no idea of anything that happened in the sport. 

“I hope,” James said, biting his lower lip. “I _really_ hope so.”

Silence fell over the four boys as Gryffindor captain Charles Taylor shook hands with Hufflepuff captain Heather Flemingway, Madam Hooch supervising. The latches on her trunk unlatched, and out flew four balls: two Bludgers, one Quaffle, and one tiny Golden Snitch. 

Sirius never had an eye for the Snitch, he would never play Seeker. There was just so much happening on the field, how were they supposed to focus only on a tiny ball? His grey eyes darted from side to side on the pitch, following the players as they swiftly flew, following the Quaffle. 

When they would visit Auntie Druella and Uncle Cygnus’ house in rural Sussex back when Sirius was younger, before his entire family hated him, he thought, his cousins, Regulus, and himself would play games of Quidditch in their backyard. Andromeda was a skilled Keeper, Narcissa was a below-average Chaser, Bellatrix was a satisfactory Beater, and Regulus was one of the best Seekers Sirius had ever watched. Because of his thin frame, he was able to dart from side to side, searching for the glimmering Snitch and disregarding any setbacks. 

Sirius was not great. He wasn’t bad, but he didn’t have the drive. He never had motivation, like Remus or James or Regulus. He was smart, one of the best in the class, but he never had to study. Remus would call it “natural inclination,” and, Sirius thought, he guessed that was true. In one way or another. 

“Are you listening?” James ranted, his left leg bouncing excitedly.

“ ‘Course,” Sirius muttered, staring at the flurry of garnet and mustard robes fluttering through the sky.

“Rogue Bludger from the Gryffindor side comes and knocks Child off her broom! Bloody hell, Matilda, keep a firmer grip!” seventh-year commentator Jane Hopkins shouted from the commentator’s stand. “Must’ve come from Ken Trotter, that’s Gryffindor’s number five. Go to hell, Trotter!”

“That’s quite enough, Miss Hopkins!” shrieked McGonagall from the commentator’s stand.

“We’ve got quite a feisty commentator today.” Peter shrugged, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Oh, come on, Prewett, guard the middle hoop!” Jane Hopkins sighed exasperatedly.

“Gideon’s doing fine,” James said, rolling his eyes. “It’s a shame we’ve got Fab graduating next year, though.”

“You’ll be going out for his spot, correct?” Remus said quietly, his left hand caressing his right shoulder gingerly.

“Probably, yeah,” James muttered, blushing and staring at his lap. “Chaser.”

“Oh, James, don’t be so modest.” Sirius grinned, jabbing James in the side with his elbow. “You know you’ll get on the team.”

“Always fueling my ego, Black.”

“It’s what I’m here for.” he smirked, slapping James on the back.

“There’s the Snitch!” Peter exclaimed approximately ten minutes later. He rose in his seat and pointed a single pudgy finger at the space by Hufflepuff Chaser Violet Verana’s head.

“I don’t believe it, Peter.” Remus gasped, smiling. 

“Pete’s found the Snitch before _either_ of the Seekers!” James blinked, staring Peter in the eyes. He began to wring his hands and turn scarlet red.

“Oh, Merlin, I think Taylor's seen something!” Hopkins yelled. “He’s dashing down, down, and… yes! Gryffindor’s got the Snitch! Gryffindor wins, 220-80!”

Cheers erupted from the Gryffindor stands, shouts and stomps filling the air around them. Sirius glanced over at Bellatrix and Narcissa in their stand across the pitch, who remained seated and unfazed. 

-

“Come on,” James hissed at the three other boys, who stood, bewildered, in the stands, still shocked by the outcome of the game. The school was starting to funnel out of the pitch, for the game ended a quarter hour ago. 

“Where’re we going?” Sirius slurred, still basking in their glory. 

James glanced around - they were the only four left in their stand. “Come closer.”

“James, there’s no time for whatever you’re doing, I have so much work to catch up on-“ Remus started, running a hand through his mousy brown curls. 

“Aw, Rem, live a little,” Sirius grinned, patting Remus on the back. 

He winced. 

James dug around in the inner thigh pocket of his robe, and retracted a silvery, shimmering piece of fabric. 

“You didn’t-“ Remus gaped. 

“It looks a lot silvery-er in the light,” Peter blinked. “A lot.”

“Hurry up, get under it. We’re going into the team tent.” James squeaked, holding out the cloak for the four to slip under. It was significantly more spacious than Sirius anticipated, the four boys could slip under comfortably. 

The journey down the stairs, though, was not comfortable. 

“The next time you step on my foot, Black, I’m going to curse you into next week.”

“Oh, Peter, you love me, I know you do.”

“I never noticed how tall Remus was!”

“That’s because you’re tiny, James.”

“What’s the weather like up there, Lupin?”

“Sirius, I’m really fighting the urge to kick the back of your kneecaps.”

“Hey! That’s violent!”

By the time the four reached the green Quidditch pitch, the area around them was vacant. Sirius glanced around the field - it was incredible. Massive, lush, and icy under his Oxford shoes, the frosted grass crunched with each step. The wind and sleet whipped the cloak, which lay haphazard around the four boys’ shoulders, and soaked the bottom of Sirius’ trouser leg. 

Halfway across the field, a gust of wind blew directly in their faces, momentarily exposing Sirius’ left leg.

“Fuck.” he whisper-shouted, his eyes wide as saucers.

“Just keep walking!” James hissed, power-walking to the tent, which only sat a few yards away.

“Minnie, did you just see a- a leg?” the voice of Madam Hooch stammered, walking out of the Hufflepuff tent. Sirius stopped dead in his tracks.

“Pardon?” McGonagall’s voice rang, her Scottish accent heavy.

“I swear, I just saw a leg in the middle of the field,” Hooch breathed.

“Shall we go see Madam Fabray?” McGonagall said, taken aback. She led Madam Hooch across the field, presumably to the castle. What was good, thought Sirius, was that they were now both out of the way.

“Close call.” Peter whispered.

Two yards away. One yard. Two feet. Half a foot. Soon, the canvas flaps to the Gryffindor tent snapped open, and the four boys, concealed under James’ cloak, entered stealthily. Inside the bleak tent stood a wooden easel with a musty chalkboard, scribbled with Quidditch plays and notes about the past game. Stalls separated by scarlet curtains lined the right side, and a small table sat opposite the easel.

On top of that table lay a trunk, enclosed and shaking slightly.

“There.” James breathed.

“What, that old trunk?” Sirius scoffed, pulling the cloak off his head.

“No, you prat, it’s got the Quidditch balls in it.”

“What about them?” Remus sulked.

“We’re gonna let them off in the Great Hall. Dinner tonight.” James smirked.

“Well, what about the Snitch? It’ll take ages to catch.” Remus said pointedly.

James’ mouth formed into a circle. “I did not think about that.” he said smally.

“Just nick it,” Sirius shrugged, walking around the tent.

“Oh, are you sure?” Peter winced.

“They’ve got, like, fifty sets of these trunks. They use a new set like, every other game. ‘Cause of the Snitch’s touch memory. The same team can’t use the same Snitch twice, because it gives them the advantage.” he explained.

“You know a lot about Quidditch technicality.” Remus said, raising an eyebrow.

“I guess,” Sirius blushed, squaring his shoulders. “Are you gonna take it?” he quipped, turning his attention to James.

James nodded, slipped the vibrating Snitch into his trouser pocket, and threw his cloak over the trunk. “Remus, levitate this bitch.”

-

The Marauders giggled all throughout dinner that evening. James reminded Sirius (about nine times) that they had to wait until the end of dinner to release the trunk. James’ Snitch lay buzzing around in the top drawer of his nightstand, and his cloak covered the rust-colored trunk between Peter and Sirius’ feet.

“You’ve got an eye for Charms, Remus.” Sirius admired, as he aimlessly twirled his fork around his uneaten spaghetti.

“It’s the only class I’m actually good at.” Remus smiled, shaking his head. It made his curls move in a funny way, Sirius noticed.

“Remus, are you shitting me?” James snickered. “You’re the best of all of us. Except, Sirius is better at Astronomy and I’m better at Transfiguration. Pete’s pretty good at Herbology, too. But you’re best at Defense and Charms and Potions and History.”

Remus’ pale cheeks turned beet red as he lifted his eyebrows. “Thank you, James.”

“I think it’s time,” Peter hissed. Some of the Ravenclaw and Slytherin tables began to stand up. James ducked under the table, removed the cloak, and swiftly unlocked the latch.

The Quaffle and two Bludgers flew out from under the table as the other three joined James on the floor. In one swift motion, they were all covered by the cloak and were running out of the Great Hall. Calls of “Immobulus!” could be heard, and high-pitched screams rang through the corridors.

The four boys laughed all the way to Gryffindor Tower, where they collapsed on their respective beds in fits of hysteria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys i haven't posted in so long whoops... i hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as i did! please leave a comment and kudos :)
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	15. First Year: Muffled Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New secrets are revealed while the Marauders search for new passages.

The release of the Quidditch balls into the Great Hall resulted in three weeks of detention, and forty points taken from Gryffindor. Not an awful punishment, Sirius thought, but not great. 

The scariest part, though, was Dumbledore's confrontation.

Sirius stared with glazed-over eyes at his Headmaster as he calmly monologued their punishments, which, thankfully, had nothing to do with owling parents. Three weeks of detentions with Filch.

"Filch! Of all people, Filch! I'd rather have McGonagall." James grumbled as they arrived to the vacant common room that evening.

"McGonagall isn't that bad, James." Remus assured him, gingerly sitting down next to Peter on one of the sofas.

"Remus, you really look awful. Do you need the hospital wing?" James said, laying his head down on Sirius' lap and kicking his feet over the arm of the sofa.

"I'm fine, James." he grinned, cracking his knuckles.

"Okay," James said, his voice wavering. Sirius glanced over at Remus on the couch, who had his wrist cradled in an awkward position.

"He was limping this afternoon, under the cloak." Sirius whispered that night, crawling into James' bed. Peter and Remus were fast asleep.

"Really?" James yawned, propping himself up on his shoulders. "He's been with us every day, I don't know how he's still getting hurt."

"He visited his mum last week," Sirius said after minutes of silence. "D'ya think she-"

"No, no, she's sick, Sirius." James said. "And... I mean, most parents don't act like... like yours do."

Sirius pursed his lips and nodded. "Yeah. I guess. Sorry."

"Maybe she's like, contagious. Because, like, he's always sick. Or hurt." James speculated.

"Oh, yeah. Probably," Sirius nodded, stifling a yawn. " 'M going to bed,"

"Just stay here. Room for two," James said, rolling over to the left side.

Sirius stayed silent as he crawled in next to James, pulling the duvet up to his chin. 

-

The next day was a Sunday, which, in Sirius' opinion, was the most useless day at Hogwarts. There was never anything to do, besides study and pull pranks, but when you were in almost a months' detention, pulling a Sunday prank was not the smartest idea.

Remus and James sat on either side of Sirius at their favorite seat in the library, which had been informally dubbed 'The Marauders' Table' by second-year Frank Longbottom, who claimed himself to be an "avid supporter of their shenanigans". This made Sirius snort and shove his face into his book to stifle his laughter. The early morning sun shone in through the window-covered walls, bathing every book in a warm, orange glow.

"I'm here! I'm here!" panted Peter as he ran through the wide door to the library, where he was greeted by a harsh 'shush!', courtesy of Madam Pince.

"Took you long enough," Sirius jeered, kicking his feet up on the table and closing his Transfiguration textbook.

"The house elves set us everything we'll need." Peter grinned, dumping a bag full of sandwiches and treats on the table they sat at.

"What's this for?" Remus blinked.

"No clue, Lupin." said James.

"Peter and I had quite the spectacular idea," Sirius grinned, leaning his chair back on two legs.

"We've been thinking about how your dad said to look for a passageway in the second-floor corridor by the West Wing. So, that's what we're doing today. Skiving off lunch to find passages." Peter squealed. Sirius knew Peter was excited to finally be behind a prank, so he let his friend have the spotlight.

"Okay." James said, his eyes lighting up. "Sounds perfect!"

"Where did you say it was? Second floor West Wing?" said Remus, his eyes focused on the parchment map in front of him.

"Yeah." 

"There's a mirror, a painting of Barnabus the Barmy, and if you continue down the corridor, it takes you to the infirmary." Remus dictated, tapping his fingers on the table.

"Right, right. I reckon we check behind the portrait, or behind the mirror." James noted.

"Perfect. Hurry up, lads!"

-

The four boys continued down the Grand Staircase, trick steps no longer fooling Peter. The early-afternoon sun beat down on them, warming the inside of the castle in comparison to the frigid February weather outside. The sunbeams shot in through the windows, illuminating each step in front of Sirius as he followed James, sprinting up the staircase. Their robes discarded back in his dorm, the four Marauders skidded to a halt at the corner of the corridor outside the hospital wing. 

"Filch!" Peter hissed, scampering to hide himself against the wall. The other three dashed after him, pressing themselves against the wall to hide. Two voices were heard from the infirmary, which was one paper-thin wall away.

"... poor thing, he's got to lie to his friends, did you know that?" the muffled voice of Madam Pomfrey rung.

"He hasn't told them?" Madam Fabray asked, annoyance apparent in her tone.

James reached an arm out to keep the other boys pressed against the wall. Filch's footsteps became much louder and more apparent

"He told me last month, he tells them he's visiting his sick mum," Madam Pomfrey said. Her voice was faint, and slightly suppressed by the wall between them and her, but her word were evident.

Sirius glanced at James, then Peter. Their expressions were the same as his, evident in raised eyebrows and wide eyes. A sharp head shake came from James, and Sirius and Peter nodded slightly.

"Think he's passed." Remus whispered, his voice high. Sirius could tell his shoulders were tight and tense, and he watched James stare at Remus through wide-framed glasses with a look of worry. Peter and Sirius exchanged a look of confusion; neither of them understood what James did.

"Yeah. Yeah." James said, tilting his head. "Let's go."

Peter and Sirius strayed behind as James and Remus lead the way, the former's hands grasping the map.

"D'you know-" Sirius started, his voice dangerously low and quiet.

"No clue." Peter replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I thought you would know."

Sirius sighed, and diverted his gaze from Peter to James and Remus, where James was being oddly affectionate. It was weird, Sirius noticed, James had an arm slung around Remus' shoulder, in a loose grip, in comparison to the tight grip he would sling around Sirius. He was gentle, unusually gentle - James was reckless and _very _touchy-feely. His right hand lightly rested in front of Remus' shoulder, his left holding the map.__

__"Check behind the painting," Peter beamed, rocking between his heels and balls of his feet. The four had just arrived in the center of the corridor, which was vacant. The stifled voices of Madam Fabray and Pomfrey rang through the hall, but they were too far away to be legible._ _

__James stroked the golden frame of the Baranbus the Barby painting (Barnabus was in a deep sleep, unfazed by the four boys pestering him) and wrapped his fingers behind it, revealing an extension of the maroon wall._ _

__"That's not it," Sirius snickered. Remus stared at the golden floor-length mirror, wrapped with vines and golden flowers. His fingers danced across the frame, one curving behind and pushing the mirror out, like a trapdoor._ _

__"By George, Remus, you've done it," Peter smiled, scrambling to stand by Remus._ _

__"Now, there's only one thing left." James grinned, his eyes wide with mischief._ _

__"What might that be, Jamesie?" Sirius smirked, mocking interest._ _

__"We go in. Duh," Remus said, rolling his eyes playfully and following Peter, who had already scurried sideways into the hallway leading across from the mirror. James and Sirius grinned at each other before following their lanky friend down the concealed hallway._ _

__Peter and Remus were far ahead of James and Sirius - Remus' strides were longer, and Peter went in first. Sirius glanced at James, who stared at Remus with extreme focus, studying him._ _

__"What are you _doing_?" Sirius demanded, his voice ringing in annoyance._ _

__"Tonight. When Pete and Remus are asleep. Come to my bed, I think I know something. Don't tell Peter, he can't keep a secret if his life depended on it."_ _

__Sirius nodded, an eyebrow cocked. "Sure. Yeah."_ _

__The path continued for a few more minutes, significantly shorter than the passage to the vent above the Slytherin common room. It was straightforward, without any twists or turns, and was comfortable enough for all four boys to stand up and have a few extra feet on either side of them._ _

__James stared at the map, which still resided in his clutch. They were only a few feet behind Remus and Peter now, because Peter tripped over his uniform shoelace and had to stop and tie it._ _

__"I've not the slightest clue where this is leading," James said, running a hand through his hair. Sirius peered over his shoulder onto the map, his eyes darting around it._ _

__"Well, door's here, so I guess we'll find out now," Remus whispered. Peter began to wring his hands._ _

__"Oh, Merlin, I hope it's not Dumbledore's office," he whimpered._ _

__"You doofus, Dumbledore's office is on the seventh floor. That's _five_ floors up," Sirius scoffed, kicking a fallen piece of rock in front of him. Remus glanced at Sirius, then James, then Peter, then enclosed his hand around the silver handle. His eyes widened and he snatched his hand back, pressing his ear to the door._ _

__"No way," he whispered. Peter, James, and Sirius all stepped next to him, pressing their own ears to the door._ _

__"I don't think he's _that_ cute," a giggling voice rang._ _

__"That's Mary Macdonald." Peter nodded quietly._ _

__"Oh, but his hair is so nice! And he's got three friends, that's one for all of us _and_ a leftover!" another high voice sang._ _

__"That's Marlene," Remus whispered._ _

__"They're definitely talking about me. I've got the best hair." James smirked._ _

__"Oh, you _wish_ , Potter!" Sirius gasped, slapping the crown of James' head._ _

__"Get a hold on yourselves!" a third voice scolded from the other side of the door._ _

__"That's Lily Evans." James giggled, his bright red cheeks visible even in the dim light._ _

__"Maybe it leads to the common room," Remus suggested._ _

__"Only one way to find out," Sirius grinned, pushing the door open. The four boys tumbled out of the other side of the passageway, which, ironically, was another mirror. Glass shattered on the floor next to them, and Sirius flinched, curling his hands into fists. Mirrors, he thought, didn't hold great memories._ _

__James fell on top of Sirius, and Peter on top of Remus _and_ Sirius, falling between them. Three horror-struck faces glanced down at them, wide eyes from each girl glaring daggers into them._ _

__"Good afternoon, ladies." James grinned._ _

__"This is the _girls_ bathroom, Potter!" Lily shrieked. "Get out!"_ _

__"Must've taken a wrong turn somewhere, right, Remus?" James said, his entire face colored red and his usual cheeky grin now lopsided and faltering._ _

__Remus just nodded in reply, blinking rapidly._ _

__" _Reparo_ ," Lily growled, pointing her wand at the shattered mirror next to them. The shards of glass rose up and repaired instantly. James shot Sirius a look, which he was sure said 'could've used that two months ago.' _ _

__"Mary. Lily. Marlene. Charmed." Sirius smiled, flashing a row of perfectly white and straight teeth at the three._ _

__Mary squinted her eyes at Sirius, and flipped her head of cornrows. Lily's glare faltered, and she shot him a small, gentle smile. Marlene glanced at Mary, then smiled (with teeth!) at Sirius._ _

__"Hi, Sirius." Marlene giggled._ _

__"So! Er - we'd better be leaving. Ladies, see you tonight." Sirius said, clapping his hands._ _

__"James, you've got a cut on your cheek." Mary frowned, diverting her angry glance at Sirius to a calm, worried stare at James._ _

__Lily clenched her jaw, her eyes darting from Mary to James. "Fine. _Episkey_." she muttered, pressing her wand to the gash on James' cheekbone. Sirius stifled a snicker - the blood almost blended in with his blushing cheeks._ _

__"See you three at dinner," Sirius smiled, dragging the arms of his three other Marauders out of the bathroom, three glares following them out._ _

__"Girls bathroom!" James blushed, his grin wide. "That'll come in handy."_ _

__"Oh, gross, James," Peter winced._ _

__"That was absolutely mortifying." Remus said, his mouth agape._ _

__"You could say that again."_ _

__-_ _

__That evening, after an awkward dinner sat next to Lily, Marlene, and Mary and a brief study session in the common room, Sirius crawled into James' bed through a small sliver in the curtains. It had to be around midnight, Sirius thought, and Remus and Peter were fast asleep._ _

__"What was going on between you and Remus?" Sirius asked, his eyebrow raised and nose scrunched._ _

__James opened his mouth, then closed, then opened. "I don't know if I'm right."_ _

__"Well, tell me, I'm not gonna tell anybody."_ _

__"I think Remus - I think he might be a..."_ _

__"A what?" Sirius asked. His heart was beating quickly, like he had just ran a marathon, and the blood drained from his face when the realization hit. "You don't think that. James, be rational!"_ _

__James had a pained expression on his face, and his mouth curved into a frown. "A werewolf."_ _

__"James, he can't be, werewolves are evil!" Sirius said, shaking his head and laughing slightly. "They wouldn't let a _werewolf_ come to Hogwarts. 'S supposed to be the safest place on wizard Earth! And, he told me a few weeks ago, his father works in the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. That's literally the Ministry branch that takes care of getting rid of werewolves." he rambled._ _

__"Sirius, it's only logical, he's gone every full moon, and you _heard_ the Matrons, they basically described his situation-"_ _

__"Where does he transform, then? And don't you think he would have attacked someone by now? Werewolves are dark creatures, James. They're the kind of people that follow the Dark Lord."_ _

__James winced. "I haven't worked it all out yet, Sirius." he said sharply. "There's just... so many holes in his stories. Like, explain why he visited his mum the day after Bloody Sunday."_ _

__"Maybe it was already planned out. His trip to visit her, I mean."_ _

__"I don't know. Let me sleep on it. Don't tell _anyone_ else. It's Remus' secret."_ _

__"Okay, James. Alright."_ _

__Sirius fell asleep that night with a vision of werewolves attacking young children._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! thank you so much for 1K hits - i never expected this!! i appreciate all the love and support from you guys, please leave a comment and kudos and recommend my fic to friends!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad; @glowingmarauders


	16. First Year: Concerto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is greeted by dirty looks and new instruments.

The morning after came slowly, but most mornings did when the night was spent awake. After what James theorized mere hours before, Sirius had difficult sleeping, with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

There was no way Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

Around five in the morning, Sirius rose from his four poster, his mind buzzing and eyes wide awake. The curtains on the other three beds were still pulled back, concealing the four other boys. Outside, the sun barely peeked over the horizon, painting the lake a dim orange.

The cold water emitting from the shower head washed over his head and his back, dripping from his sharp nose and cheekbones. His hair was getting longer, he noticed. In contrast to the haircut he had been accustomed to all his life (middle parted, reaching the tips of his ears), his black waves now were long enough to comfortably tuck behind his ears. Sirius liked cold showers - for the sole reason that he had been accustomed to them. Nothing back home was warm enough to be comfortable, so he settled with the cold. It was tolerable. Frigid water washed the conditioner out of his hair as he ran his long fingers through it, massaging his scalp.

His fingers danced around the buttons of his shirt, his trousers pressed and his tie perfectly centered. James always looked disheveled - messy hair, wrinkled pants, loosely tucked shirt - but Sirius was always intact. He hated it, of course, hated having to revert to his parent's opinions on appearance, but if even one button was out of place, his head would spin. Resting his elbows on the counter, and ensuring every aspect of him looked presentable, he glared at the stray strand of hair poking up in the back. Just as well, he thought. Mother and Father would never let this pass - might as well let his hair be messy where they couldn’t say anything.

Slowly pushing the bathroom door open, the floorboards underneath him creaked slightly. It was a quarter to six, so the others wouldn't be awake. 

"Sirius," James hissed, his head peeking out from between his curtains.

"James," Sirius breathed, pulling the curtains apart and deftly ducking between them, shutting them behind him. 

"Been up all night."

"Me too." Sirius chewed his lip. "I was thinking. Remus isn't.... one of them. He can't be."

"Sirius, stop being so thick." James groaned.

"You're being irrational." Sirius scolded, flopping on his back next to James.

James opened his mouth to retort, but closed it. "Fine."

-

Remus and Peter suspected there was tension between James and Sirius for two reasons. Partially, because the two latter boys made it exceptionally obvious they were disagreeing on something, and partially because, for the first time since September first of the year prior, they weren't attached at the hip.

"I'm just saying, James, there's no way." Sirius hissed from his favorite library chair.

"Do you have to disagree with me on _everything_?" James retorted, rolling his eyes.

Sirius was dumbfounded. "You're just making pretty big accusations!"

"Yeah, accusations with evidence that I've researched."

"Go on. Tell me evidence. And saying he's gone once a month isn't evidence."

James sighed and took off his glasses, wiping them clean on his shirt. "Merlin, Sirius, you really are stubborn," he said, cracking a smile. 

"What're we talking about?" Peter asked, sliding down next to James on the bench in the back of the room, Remus next to Sirius.

"Oh. Nothing." Sirius smiled, baring his teeth slightly.

"Nothing important, at least." James added, running a hand through his thick curls.

Sirius yawned and rested his face in his hands, propped up by his elbows on the table. He could sense the dark bags under his eyes, and the untidy hair from getting no sleep the night prior. His eyes fluttered open and shut, indecisive whether to close or remain, when ultimately he lost control and slumped onto the desk, his hair cascading in a pool around him as his cheeks met the wooden table. The chatter amongst the room died down as he fell into sleep, fading around him.

-

"Sirius." a calm voice hissed. _"Sirius, _" it repeated. His eyes fluttered open, and his head shot up. The room around him was hazy, and his head spun for a moment before he readjusted.__

__"Sorry for waking you." the same voice said, this time slightly louder._ _

__" 'S fine," Sirius muttered groggily. "Merlin, how long was I asleep?"_ _

__"Just an hour or two. James and Peter left a while ago, but I stayed to study History of Magic. Thought you needed sleep, you looked awful today," Remus snickered._ _

__"Oh, I look better than you." he grinned, running a hand through his hair._ _

__"You wish." Remus retorted, tucking a stray curl behind his ear. "Anyway, Pete and James are in the common room. They were talking about setting off Dungbombs, so be cautious."_ _

__"Thanks for the heads-up." Sirius grimaced. Remus stood up, towering over him, favoring his left side to his left. As the two exited the now-vacant library, Sirius noticed Remus’ obvious limp._ _

__“Are you okay?” he asked slowly, lessening his strides._ _

__“Yeah. Yes. Thank you,” Remus stammered, blinking rapidly._ _

__“You’re limping, though,” Sirius said, warily._ _

__“No, I’m fine, just a bad knee.” he replied, staring at his feet._ _

__“You sound like a grandfather,” Sirius snorted, leisurely making his way up the Grand Staircase. Remus let out a short laugh before returning his focus to his limp up the stairs. James was right - he was in awful shape. Not his physique, but his hands _were_ covered in bruises and scars littered his forearms, and two stretching across his face. Sure, he had a few scars, but none that prominent. And Remus’ scars had been there since September - almost half a year ago. Only dark magic scars would stay that long, Sirius knew, because he had his fair share._ _

__“You said those were from a freak accident when you were younger, right?” Sirius tutted, pointing to a silvery scar on Remus’ wrist, exposed by his slightly pushed up shirt sleeve._ _

__“Oh, yeah,” he replied awkwardly. Obviously he didn’t want to talk about it, thought Sirius. And obviously, he was going to keep pushing._ _

__“What was the accident?” Sirius said coolly, meeting Remus’ eyes._ _

__“Oh. Nothing,” he replied, brushing away the question._ _

__

__“I won’t tell.”_ _

__“Really, Sirius, nothing important.” Remus said, equally coolly and stern._ _

__“You’ve a lot of secrets.” Sirius said as the pair approached the portrait hole._ _

__“Er-“ he started, stopping in front of the Fat Lady. “Whippersnap,” he said, swinging the portrait frame open. He was interrupted by a loud conversation from the far corner. Marlene, Mary, Lily, Peter, and James were deep into a debate._ _

__“I just don’t see what your issue is, Macdonald!” James scoffed, his arms crossed around his puffed-out chest. Sirius glanced at Remus with pursed lips as they slowly approached the group of five._ _

__“It’s not an issue, James, it’s just the facts!” Mary retorted, flipping her braids over her shoulder._ _

__“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” shouted James, his face bright red._ _

__“I do, Potter!” Mary trilled angrily._ _

__“Mary, come on, you’re being rash-” Marlene whispered. Their voices suddenly stopped when Peter whipped his head around, noticing Sirius and Remus eavesdropping a few feet away._ _

__“Come on, let’s go.” Mary scowled, storming in the direction of the portrait hole. Marlene and Lily exchanged a look of exasperation, then followed her. As Mary passed Sirius, she glared at him with utter disdain._ _

__“What was that about?” Sirius asked, walking up to James._ _

__“Nothing important,” James sighed, slumping down on the chair nearest. He ran a hand through his hair and rolled his eyes. Peter looked absolutely terrified._ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__-_ _

__Three weeks later, a mystery alum donated an obscene amount of Galleons to Gryffindor house, which resulted in annoyance from other houses, and a new addition to the common room. A sleek upright piano sat pressed against the wall opposite the fireplace. It was gorgeous - a beautiful wooden bodice met with a scarlet-upholstered bench. The first day it arrived, all Gryffindors buzzed with excitement of their new toy. Two days later, the piano was old news._ _

__Not for Sirius, though. Each day as he left the common room with the other marauders, his eyes longed for the piano, for his fingers to brush the ivory keys, for the sounds to emanate from the strings. Throughout classes, for the next few days, it was all he could think about._ _

__“I haven’t seen anybody play the piano yet.” James frowned one late-night spent in the common room. “Shame. Mum taught me how to, but I was dreadful.”_ _

__“I wish I could play an instrument,” Remus sighed, dog-earing his book page._ _

__“Me too,” Peter moaned as he attempted to levitate a balled-up piece of parchment into the blazing fire._ _

__“Must be a pureblood thing, James, my mother taught me piano too.” Sirius said. “And ballroom dancing-” he snorted. Reg was better at both._ _

__“Are you any good?” James asked, his eyebrows raised in interest._ _

__“Er - I don’t think so,” Sirius said, shaking his head and raising his hands in front of his chest. “I haven’t played in _years_ , until Christmas, when Mother made me and Cissy play…”_ _

__“Go on! Play us something!” Peter grinned. James sat on the edge of his seat, and Remus shot an endearing smile._ _

__Sirius opened his mouth in protest, but rolled his eyes, exhaling. “Fine. _Fine_.” he groaned, walking over to the bench, which was only a few steps away. The room was vacant - perfect. “It’s not going to be good. By any means.”_ _

__His fingers settled on the piano, his right index on Middle C. Taking a deep inhale, his hands danced across the keyboard in front of him, playing a Tchaikovsky piece he barely remembered, from when Mother used to teach him. Back when Mother liked to teach, back when Father showed him things about the wizarding world, before he made everything fall apart. Before he messed it all up, that December afternoon two years ago. It went downhill so fast, he thought, so, so fast. All because Sirius was _rash_ , because he was a _blood-traitor_ , he was the Black heir, yet he was such a disgrace. Obviously, he didn’t want that, he scoffed to himself. Obviously. Who wants to be the family disgrace?_ _

__The short number ended soon after, and as Sirius struck the last chord, he turned around, grimacing. “That was dreadful.”_ _

__“I loved it,” Peter beamed. Remus nodded in agreement._ _

__“Sirius, I loved it!” James grinned, too overly-enthusiastic for Sirius’ sake. “Much better than the three of us could have done.”_ _

__Sirius smiled. This was how music was supposed to be - in a warm room with the things you love, and the people you love. Not like Grimmauld Place. Not cold, and dreary, and surrounded by disembodied elves, and not at all like he was used to._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys so sorry this chapter took like three days to write and post i have just been SO stuck on how to write this chap but i think i've got it! leave a comment and kudos pls!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	17. First Year: Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius hates hearing from home - especially in the company of friends.

The rain beat down outside the windows as the four marauders dashed down the stairs, dry and careless. Scotland was always rainy, but late April opened the floodgates at Hogwarts. 

“Hurry up, you two!” James shouted to Peter and Remus, who trailed many steps behind James and Sirius. 

“Oi, give it a rest!” wheezed Peter. James had woken the other three boys early that morning (which was a shame, considering Sirius was fast asleep) explaining the vision he dreamt, which epiphanized Lily Evans finally speaking to him. 

“It’s magic, lads, I know it’s real!” he said, squirming on the bench once they made it to the Great Hall. Disregarding their usual seats, they sat where Mary, Marlene, and Lily usually did. 

“But, James, with the rare possibility it _doesn’t_ happen…” Remus asked cautiously, reaching across the table to place a finger on James’ twiddling thumbs, calming him. 

“She’s mad for me, Remus. Mad!” he grinned. 

Sirius glanced at Remus, a quick smirk dancing across his lips. 

“Obviously, James. Yet she’s had two conversations with you.” Peter said dryly. Sirius covered his face with his hands, masking his laughter. 

“Hey! She’s warming up to me. Maybe she’s just shy, like Remus.” James theorized, tousling his hair.

“Or maybe, James, she isn’t interested.” Sirius said with a wink. Moments later, the three girls came bounding into the Great Hall, giggling all the way down the path between the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables.

“Hi,” Marlene said warily, cocking her head as she noticed the marauders. “What’s-”

“We needed a change of scenery. Isn’t that right, James?” Sirius blurted, grabbing James’ forearm. His eyes were glazed over, his grin sheepish as he stared at Lily. “Yeah,” he smiled.

Mary, her nose upturned, sat across from Sirius, Marlene next to her. Lily sat next to Sirius, across from Marlene, only two seats away from a dazed James.

Sirius had never paid much attention to any of the girls, because they had never paid attention to him. But, now that he sat across from them, there wasn’t much room to ignore them any longer. Mary was dark-skinned, slender, and always had a disgusted expression on her face, Marlene was a little chubbier, with brown hair and icy eyes, and Lily was pale, with fiery red hair flowing down her back. 

He blinked a few times, then glanced apologetically at James. “Erm, shall we…” he muttered, motioning to move back to their usual seats. 

“No.” James snapped, adjusting his glasses. “Alright, Evans?” he grinned, holding up two thumbs-ups. Lily did not acknowledge this. “So, Lily, I’ve heard you’re an expert potioneer,” he said, this time a little louder.

She glared at him, her green eyes piercing. “I’m sure you’ve also heard I can do a mean Jelly-Legs Jinx,” she scolded. Sirius glanced at James once again.

“That’s funny, James hasn’t been able to master that yet!” Peter exclaimed, his eyes darting. “Maybe you could show him, Lily?”

Her response was masked by the fluttering and hooting of the mail owls arriving in through the open window, each pair of eyes now glued to the parliament of owls dropping parcels and envelopes on the laps of their respective students. Sirius hadn’t received any mail since his birthday, and wasn’t expecting any. Sure, a letter from Regulus would be nice, but it’s not like he would actually send one. He didn’t want to talk to Sirius anymore, and the family owl was never available, anyway. Sirius could always see Gatsby delivering letters to Narcissa and Bellatrix, where his cousins would tuck the parchment into their robes and exchange a nod of understanding.

Three owls swooped down to his table; one a handsome tawny, the other a white snowy, and the third was a Black family owl. It wasn’t Gatsby, but it was a Black owl, Sirius knew this because of the family crest emblazoned on the owl’s leg in dark green, evident against the dark feathers. The tawny dropped a letter in Marlene’s lap, the snowy dropped a letter in Lily’s lap, and Sirius reached out to grab his letter between his two fingers. The nameless Black family owl quickly sped away, its beak upturned and darting towards Bellatrix at the Slytherin table next to them. Great. Not even a bloody owl wanted to associate with him. Sirius quickly tucked the letter into his robe pocket. It wasn't a Howler this time, which was good, but it definitely was not something to open in the company of friends. He could feel Narcissa and Bellatrix’s eyes on his back.

“Who’s the letter from, Marls?” Mary sang, glancing over at her friend’s fingers, which deftly tore open the envelope.

“Oh, just Michael,” she explained. Who was Michael? “He says Mum and Dad are going crazy at home alone.” Ah. Had to be her brother. “Oh, Mum had the baby!” she squealed, her eyes wide. Mary and Lily gasped in response. Girls loved babies. “They named her Mary! Mary-Jane McKinnon!”

“That’s such a cute name,” Lily gushed. Sirius watched her scamper to cover her letter, tucking it under her forearm. 

So, he wasn’t the only one with secrets.

-

The piece of parchment lay in Sirius’ back trouser pocket all day. He had to relocate it from his robe pocket, because the sound the parchment made when rubbed against the material of his robes made an obnoxiously loud noise. 

“Just open it already,” James grunted under his breath, so the others wouldn’t hear. 

“Bugger off.” Sirius groaned. “It’s not that important.”

James pursed his lips and returned his judgemental gaze to the open History of Magic book laying in front of him.

It was important, thought Sirius. It obviously was, because if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have received a letter at all. His mother’s dainty scrawl decorated the exterior of the parchment, addressing it to _S.O.B_. They always addressed letters to Regulus and Sirius by initial; it must be a Black thing. The letter burnt a hole in his trousers, his fingers aching to open it. Maybe it was an apology. Maybe it was from Regulus, and it was just addressed by Mother. Maybe it was Father, saying he was disgraceful yet again.

He was planning to open the letter after classes were over, but Remus dragged him to the library to study. 

“Thank you _so_ much, Sirius,” he gushed. “I just need someone to study with.”

“Course,” he muttered croakily. Bellatrix and Narcissa sat on the opposite end of the library. “Goblin uprising, right?” he asked, thumbing through Remus’ book. He nodded in agreement. _Stop being so selfish. You could have opened that stupid letter at breakfast. You’ve had it all day, it isn’t a big deal, so stop acting like it is. And it’s Remus. One of your best friends. Remus - your maybe-werewolf-sick-mother-scarred-kind-smart-clever friend. Just stop being so selfish for once_.

After studying, James dragged him out to the Quidditch pitch to run laps and drills, which lasted until seven. It was fine, Sirius thought, he loved flying. Besides, him and Sirius (and Marlene) were the best fliers of the year, and extra practice could guarantee him a spot on the team next year. If he even wanted it. After chasing James around the pitch on the school’s old Tinderblasts, which vibrated under him, the warm wind billowed around the two boys as they walked back up to Gryffindor Tower, taking the long way.

“I’m telling you, Sirius, they’ll put us on the team! Taylor’s leaving this year, he’s a Beater _and_ team captain. And Fab, he’s one of the Chasers. Same with Miranda Hopshead, she’s the Seeker, seventh-year. Bloody fuck, I hope we make it.” James rambled on their way up to the castle.

“Yup. Yeah,” Sirius replied dryly, completely unfocused.

“Is it about that letter again?” James asked, his eyebrows furrowed and the corners of his lips turned down. 

“Kind of. I don’t think I’ll open it.”

“Sirius, you have to!” James exclaimed. “What if it’s important?”

“It _has_ to be important if they contacted their blood-traitor son over it.” he sighed, his jaw clenched. He didn’t want to talk to James, or Remus, or anyone, he just wanted to be alone. But that wouldn’t be happening soon.

“Don’t say that, Sirius.” James scowled. “You’re not a blood traitor.”

“ ‘S what they all say,” he muttered, kicking the ground under his feet.

“So? Who cares?” James said, his voice raising. There was silence for a few moments. 

“ _I_ care, James.”

-

After flying drills came dinner, which was spent casting miniscule Stink Pellets at the Slytherins - _especially_ Snape, Mulciber, Avery, and Rosier. Remus left shortly before James and Sirius went to the pitch, saying he needed to visit family for the weekend. 

“You know, I don’t think Snivellus even noticed a difference in scent. He already smells like expired Dungbombs,” Peter snickered, levitating another pellet into Snape’s greasy mane. 

“There’s no reason to be so awful to Sev!” Lily whinged from a few feet away. Sirius noticed she was on edge all day - always looking on the verge of tears. He felt pitiful for her.

“Lighten up, Evans, just a little fun.” James grinned, shrugging his shoulders. Her eyes narrowed, and in a flash of red hair she stormed out of the Great Hall, Mary and Marlene on her rear.

“Mad for you, James. She’s mad for you,” Sirius mocked, patting his friends’ shoulder.

Their supply of Stink Pellets ran out soon after, and dinner ended almost half an hour ago, so the boys made their way back to the common room hesitantly. Sirius fingered the note in his back pocket, which was crumpled and wrinkled after a day of movement. He was surprised it didn’t fall off while flying, and partially crestfallen about it too. 

The night came quickly upon them - the day was spent with noses crammed in books, preparing for exams in a month and a half - and all three boys were worn out. Peter and James were out like a light the second their pajama-clad bodies hit their mattresses respectively, but Sirius stayed up, his fingers edging the ripped parchment. It was too dark in his bed to read even the outside of the letter, so he concluded on fingering the wax seal, perfected with a pressing of the family crest.

Toujours pur.

He couldn’t use _Lumos_ , that would be too bright, even with his curtains pulled. Maybe he could go into the bathroom and close the door and turn on the light in there? But there was a creaky floorboard between him and the bathroom door, and if he woke James, he wouldn’t hear the last of it. He was being a _girl. Man up, Sirius!_ He could almost hear his father barking, scolding him and slapping him with that stupid cane. His fingers brushed a raised line on his shoulder, where his father’s snake walking stick had punished him over Christmas. The gash went deep, and it never healed right, he had no magic nor Muggle medicine on hand to repair it. He sighed into his pillow.

He needed to read the bloody letter.

Anxiety had pricked at him all day, begging to open the stupid parchment, but he brushed it away, ignoring every plead. He didn’t want to, he kept telling himself. He didn’t want to read the letter. It was from Mother and Father, and they were awful to him.

But it wasn’t too bad. They were still his parents. And everyone loved their parents. He loved Mother and Father, like he loved Regulus, even like how he loved his marauders.

Sirius stood up, hesitantly, slipping his feet into slippers and tiptoeing past James’ bed, out the door, and down the winding staircase to the common room. Nobody was in the common room this late (or was it this early? The clock read a quarter past two o’clock, AM), and nobody would see him. Nobody could see him. What would happen if everyone learned the heir to the most prestigious house in the wizarding world was too cowardly to read a letter from his loving parents?

He stumbled down the next few steps, slowly gliding in front of the fire and sitting, legs crossed. He twirled the parchment through his fingers for a few moments. It would be simple to throw it into the fire, and that would be it. But he yearned for it, he wanted to read it.

For the first time in his life, Sirius Black _wanted_ something. And he wanted it badly.

As his fingers slid through, breaking the seal, he could hear faint footsteps coming from the girls’ staircase.

Shit.

Small sobs and sniffles were heard from behind him, with quick steps trailing behind.

“Hello?” the voice called. The voice was breaking, and slightly masked by worn cries, but he still recognized it. “Sirius?”

“Come to spy on me, Evans?” he said coldly. Fuck. He didn’t intend to be rude. There he goes again - scaring everyone away.

“No!” she exclaimed, taken aback. “No, I would never!”

“Why? Is it because I’m a dark wizard? Scared I’ll hex you?” he spat, his face still turned to the fire.

“Sirius, stop that right now.” she said pointedly. She had the same stern tone as James. He stared up at her; she was standing right behind him.

“Well, you found me,” he groaned. “Heir to the House of Black, too terrified to open a bloody letter.” Oh Godric. Why was he saying this? In the gleam of the fire, Lily’s green eyes glistened, and tears streaked down her cheeks. He sighed. “Sit, Lily. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

There was a quick beat before she scrambled to sit next to him.

“My sister, Petunia, she sent me a letter,” she babbled. Both of them stared into the fire, unable to make eye contact. “She’s a Muggle, of course, and she… she doesn’t like that I’m going here. Says it’s a school for… for freaks. And she’s only saying this because she didn’t like Sev, all because he lived in Spinner’s End!” Sirius had no idea what Spinner’s End was, or why Petunia cared so much, but he nodded remorsefully. “And she just _hates_ me, and I didn’t do anything!” At this point Lily was hysterical. Sirius wrapped his arms around her, bringing her face into his shoulder. Her tears would ruin the silk, but that was fine. It was all fine. Besides, Lily was a friend.

“I’m sorry, Lily,” he frowned, squeezing her. Her shakes seemed to lessen, but she clutched the front of his pajama shirt like it kept her tethered to the ground. She took a deep inhale, then exhaled it all.

“Never mind me.” she breathed, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Sirius, what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly, inching the now unsealed parchment away from him. 

“Sirius, you can’t just not tell anyone.”

“I talk to James.” he gushed. There was something about Lily Evans, something that made him feel safe. Like he could tell her anything and everything.

“We both know that’s not true. To an extent,” she added, leaning back into his shoulder. “I won’t tell anybody. Go ahead and open your letter.” 

“I can’t, Lily.” he whispered.

She just blinked.

“You… you wouldn’t get it. Honestly.”

“But you can tell me, still.”

He sighed. She couldn’t know everything, not about how he was tortured, not about what they did in the winter of ‘70, but she could know about Christmas. Maybe just a little. “Okay.” His fingers lined the creased parchment, and he sighed.

He opened the letter. His heart beat heavily, he could feel it through his shirt, and his head spun. _Stop being so sensitive._

He took a deep inhale.

_Sirius-_

_Your past actions have not only disappointed your father and me, but also your younger brother. Regulus is deeply concerned for you - not that we can blame him. Your traitorous actions and disgusting attitude have created a reputation for you so strong, we can no longer defend you. You are required to return to 12 Grimmauld Place this summer, under the same travel pretenses issued over winter holiday. We expect you will have changed by then._

_Mother_

He blinked a few times. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“That’s it. Just a regular letter.” he whispered.

“That isn’t normal, Sirius,” she started, inching closer to him. She was warm, and smelled like coconut.

“For me, it is.” he snapped. Tears pricked his eyes. Blacks don’t cry. He tilted his head back and blinked them away.

“Sirius?” she asked warily after a few moments of silence. “Maybe, we… maybe, we can be friends. Talk to each other. About this kind of stuff. Because-” she looked up at him with big eyes. “You can’t keep it all bottled in. You have to let some of it out.”

“I would love that,” he said, his eyes darting from her to the parchment next to his right hand. Lily reached over and, balling her letter up with his, threw them both in the fire.

“Whoo,” she exhaled. “Feels a lot better, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” he said. “Yeah. Thank you.” He embraced her in a tight squeeze, relishing in the warmth.

“Goodnight, Sirius.” she sang, drifting back to the girls stairwell. She rested her hand on the banister and hesitated a few seconds. “Love you.”

Sirius rose to his feet quickly. By the time he turned back around, she had disappeared, red hair and lacy nightie gliding up the stairs. Nobody had ever said they loved him. Nobody.

By the time he got back to the dorm (well past three, after time spent consoling Lily), he climbed in bed with James. It was warm, and soft, and, even though half-asleep, James reached an arm around and pulled Sirius closer into a brotherly embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this chapter was super fun to write - over 3000 words! hope you enjoy please leave a comment and kudos!
> 
> where to find me:  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders


	18. First Year: Exams and Other End Of Term Treats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exam season comes upon the marauders, as do many other surprises.

The last two months of the spring term sped up significantly. Time spent planning pranks turned into time spent cramming for exams, every waking moment spent revising. Sirius didn’t mind this - he _needed_ to study, or he wouldn’t pass his exams, and if he didn’t pass, he wouldn’t hear the end of it from Mother and Father. Lily, Marlene, and Mary joined the marauders’ study group, gushing about how great of an idea it was. Sirius wasn’t fazed much by the girls entrance, but the three others were babbling.

“Great weather outside, eh?” Peter croaked. James shot him a dirty look. Remus didn’t look up from his papers - _ever_. 

Lily and Sirius became significantly closer friends over the span of the past few weeks, spending the occasional late night in the company of each other. Of course, James didn’t know this, he couldn’t know. 

He had finally returned to spending nights in his bed - with summer holiday peering just around the corner, and Sirius woke up almost every night in cold sweats, resulting from a nightmare about home. Sirius found this absolutely mortifying. It was embarrassing - he was twelve, having nightmares. Thank Merlin for the curtains surrounding his bed. James wouldn’t understand, neither would Peter, or Remus. As if he would even talk to Peter or Remus about stuff like this. 

The week of exams was Sirius’ least favorite time all year. No time for pranks, no time to mess around. Days were spent practicing simple spells, and Peter managed to nick potion ingredients to experiment with. One potion, created by Peter, turned James’ hair purple for a week. That might have been the highlight of the exam week. 

“I’ll fail,” Peter moaned, shifting from side to side outside McGonagall’s classroom. She was pulling first-years in one by one to do their exam - transfiguring a mouse into a snuff box. The first-year Gryffindors had already done all of their exams, besides Transfiguration and History of Magic. “I’ll fail, and everyone’ll say, ‘Wow, Peter, you’re nothing like Philip’!”

“Philip?” Remus questioned. 

“My brother.” Peter grumbled. “Curse-breaker. At Gringotts.”

Remus nodded, making a small ‘ah’ sound. 

“I wish I had a brother,” James harrumphed. “Dad says Mum struggles enough raising _one_ of me.” As Sirius opened his mouth to snicker, the door swung open and out flew a hysterical Marlene. 

“It still had a tail! A _tail_!” she wailed, her light brown hair bobbing behind her as she stormed off, to where Mary stood, reaching out her arms to console Marlene. “I’ll fail! They’ll kick me out!” she babbled. Wiping her eyes, she sniffled, “Sirius, she wants you in there.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but the two girls were off in a flash, small sobs following Marlene down the hall. 

“Girls. Too sensitive.” James grimaced. “Good luck, Siri.” He pat Sirius on the back, sending him flying into the open door of the Transfiguration class. James’ hand reached out, swiftly swinging the door shut as Sirius stumbled into the vacant classroom. His hands were sweaty as they clenched his wand, which felt supple in his grip. 

“Mr. Black.” McGonagall nodded curtly. In a flash, the slightly hairy, tailed snuff box on the table in front of her transformed back into a mouse. “You may begin.”

Sirius blinked a few times. He glanced at the mouse, scampering around the table. Twirling his wand in his hands, he bit the inside of his cheek as he waved it over the squeaking rodent. A stream of lazy white light cascaded out of the tip of his wand, falling over the mouse, which twisted grotesquely, transforming into a decorative red snuff box.

“Very good,” Professor McGonagall nodded, the corners of her lips upturned slightly. “ _Very_ good. Results will be sent via owl over the summer holiday. Please fetch Mr. Potter.” She dismissed Sirius with a wave of her hand, an extra buoyancy in his step as he sauntered out of the room, smirking.

“Jamesie,” he sang, stepping out of the classroom. “You’re next.”

-

“I don’t understand what’s so important that you had to _drag_ me from my exam.” Sirius drawled, his arms crossed tightly in front of his chest. Bellatrix and Narcissa just replied back with equally evil glares.

“As if a first year exam is more important than NEWTs. Or OWLs.” Bella scoffed. “You’ve been ignoring us.”

“Have I?” Sirius asked, his eyebrows raised. Of course he had been. He spent enough time with them over holiday, anyway, why did he have to spend time with them at school? They were in a completely different grade; he barely saw them anyway. Not to mention, a different house, he thought. 

“Don’t play coy, idiot.” Narcissa snapped. “Your mother is _forcing_ us to keep an eye on you when we have much better things to be doing.” Her tone was cold.

“So? Don’t keep an eye on me.” he shrugged, glaring back. 

“I know you’re idiotic, and incompetant, but can you really not wrap your head around this?” Narcissa groaned.

“Cissy, don’t stoop to his level.” Bella scoffed, rolling her eyes. She diverted her glare to Sirius, leaning down to be eye to eye with him. Her blue eyes were wild, dancing with sparks of mania, and her curly black hair was pulled back into a messy updo. “You act as if we don’t know everything you do with that Potter boy. You know, the Notts are proposing to remove them from the Sacred Twenty-Eight.”

“So what? It’d be the Sacred Twenty-Seven?”

“Idiotic boy!” Bella hissed, fisting the front material of Sirius’ shirt. “Get _off_!” he groaned, pushing her hands off of his chest. He brushed his palms on his pants, immediately regretting his reaction. His eyes widened as Bellatrix grasped her wand and pointed it towards him, a blast of green light emerging and throwing him backwards. His body slammed on the coldcement, ringing through the empty corridor with a dull thud. 

“Merlin, Bella, hold your temper.” Narcissa tutted, rolling her eyes and pursing her lips. “Sirius, if you don’t pull your act together before summer, the entire family will feel your father’s wrath. All because you can’t act _normal_ for once. So clean yourself up, and learn what it means to be a Black.”

Sirius scrambled to his feet, glaring at his cousins. With a single glare, he stormed away, the blood in his veins dusted with pure fury. He felt the area under his right shoulder tense. Surely there would be a purple bruise there in the morning - he’d have to make sure James didn’t see. He’d freak out. 

“Sirius!” He heard a pair of footsteps skid from around the corner, and out of the corner of his eye, he watched James, Remus, and Peter tumble out of the neighboring corridor. “Hey! You missed dinner, we couldn’t save you any, but Pete can go to the kitchens if you want…” James started, trailing off. 

With one glance, their eyes met, and in that split second, they both knew. In that split second, James shared his pain, and his thoughts, and his feelings, and everything Sirius just couldn’t say. Everything he kept inside. 

“I’m good,” he grinned, brushing the forlorn looks off. “Just basking in my glory after beating you in Transfiguration, James.”

-

He could hear the curtains on his four-poster shift and rub against each other, the velvet rustling. The dorm was utterly silent, two figures asleep and two awake. He turned onto his side, rolling his eyes, tucking his knees into his chest. _Not right now_. 

“Can we talk?” a small voice mumbled. James poked his head through the space between the two curtains at the foot of Sirius’ bed. His glasses sat on his nightstand, and his hair was uncharacteristically messy. 

“We already are,” Sirius replied, sitting up. “Come in,” he said, shifting over to make room for James. He sat down gingerly, laying his head on Sirius’ pillow. 

“I saw you talking to Bellatrix and Narcissa.”

“Yeah? They’re my cousins,” he snorted, annoyance prevalent in his tone. 

“Well, I just know that… what you said… last summer-“

“That wasn’t a big deal.” Sirius snapped. He was tired, and he didn’t want to be talking about _anything_ , especially this. “Blimey, James, if I knew you were going to act like this, I wouldn’t have told you.” He rolled his eyes and dropped his head onto his pillow. Anger still flooded his body from his earlier ordeal, and he was _tired_. He didn’t sleep well the night before - only two weeks until the end of term. Two weeks until he’d be out of contact with Remus, and Peter, and James for the next two months. Unless he could sneak Monet out without Father seeing. 

James kept his lips closed tightly and tucked his knees into his chest. He was still sitting upright. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, James.” he retorted. 

“You’re so _angry_ recently. Always mad at something.” James said, scooting closer to Sirius’ turned-away body. 

“No ‘m not,” he grumbled. 

“Okay.” James whispered. 

Silence fell over the bed for a few moments, encapsulating the two bleary-eyed boys in uncomfortable quietness. 

“I really, really _really_ don’t want to go back.” Sirius whispered. His voice was uncharacteristically quiet, nearing silence. 

“You could always stay with me. We’ve got four spare bedrooms.” James said, squeezing Sirius’ forearm. 

“I can’t, though. They’ll find me. It won’t be hard.” 

James nodded. 

“Do you think they hate me?” 

“Huh?” James scoffed. 

“I don’t want them to. Because, I know it’s dumb, but I love them, they’re my family. And it was all my fault. It’s _always_ my fault.”

“That’s not true,” James said, a little too quickly. 

“They sent me away. And it was so cold, and miserable, and no one was there.” Sirius whispered. He shivered. 

“D’ya want to talk about it? More?”

“No.” Sirius said firmly. “Not now.”

“I’ll always listen.”

“I know you will.”

Within the next few minutes, both boys were asleep, their limbs intertwined under the thick comforter. The moon was bright, and the sky was dark, but the stars shone through the room, dancing on the walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry i haven't posted in a while :( this chapter took a while to write i'm lacking motivation all across lol! i'm getting better slowly but surely! new chap should be up tomorrow or the next day thank you for the endless support :) love each and every one of you guys. please leave a comment and kudos!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	19. First Year: Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marauders help older friends with an end-of-term prank.

They’re just so… _big._ ” 

Sirius rolled his eyes at Peter’s quavering statement. “Godric, Pettigrew,” he snickered, staring at the two boys pacing around the room. Concealed under James’ cloak, the four boys stood in the corner of the common room, the midnight moon illuminating the lush carpet in front of them. It was well after hours, and the two red-headed figures paced the room aimlessly. One was lanky and slim, the other tall and stocky.

“They’re not that scary. Honest. They even let me play with them at Quidditch one day.” James piped up, his voice still a barely distinguishable whisper.

“But they’re so _tall_ ,” Peter hissed. And he was right - the two boys stood at a solid 6 foot each. The one boy collapsed on the sofa, groaning and rubbing his forehead. 

“It’s my last year, we need to do something big.” one grumbled. 

“Yeah, Fab, but _I’m_ still here next year.”

“So what?” Fab snapped. He was less introverted than the other, always speaking his mind.“You can still help _me._ ”

“I’ve got it!” the larger boy exclaimed, minutes later. He set the book he had been flipping through down on the table. “ _Hogwarts: A History_ says that, even though they’re protected from jinxes, spells can still work on the portraits. Imagine, we use _Cantabo Nobis_ , and have all the portraits in the school sing.”

Sirius glanced at James, their smiles equally large and eyes wide. Remus stared at the two boys thoughtfully, chewing on his bottom lip. Peter’s mouth slightly opened and he watched the two boys in amazement. 

“Gideon, that’s the smartest idea I’ve heard in a long time.” Fabian sighed, slamming his book shut. He jumped up from his seat, his grin wide. 

“Told you they were planning something. And we’re helping them.” James smirked, his voice low. In a blink, the marauders turned back and scampered up the stairs, their minds slightly fuller than ten minutes before. 

-

James Potter was a lot of things, but he was definitely not a planner. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Sirius groaned, setting his teacup on its respective saucer. The earl grey stung his tongue, but he didn’t mind the burn. He only drank scalding tea; if you waited too long, the heat would wear off and you would be left with a gross, temperate cup of dark water. 

“To be fair, Sirius, he has a point.” Remus said. God, he was always calm. Too calm - it was infuriating, sometimes.

“I’m with Sirius,” Peter said nervously, wringing his hands. “I mean, they’re sixth and seventh years.”

“In _no_ world are they going to let us prank with them.” Sirius said, cocking an eyebrow. James stuck out his tongue at Sirius from across the table, kicking his shin.

“You’re mental!” James exclaimed. The Great Hall was almost completely empty; only a few Ravenclaws and Gryffindors were there. Most had already left for their first class of the day - which began in a quarter of an hour.

“They’re about to leave,” Remus said, beckoning to the Prewetts, who had just stood up from their spot at the end of the Gryffindor table. James stood up, his eyes wide. 

“Gideon! Fabian!” he called, sprinting between the vacated Slytherin and Gryffindor tables. The two redheads turned their heads, a look of confusion present in their raised eyebrows. They looked similar - Sirius never noticed this. Exasperated, he glanced at Peter, who just rolled his eyes and laughed at James, who stood over a foot shorter than the Prewetts. After a deep exhale, Sirius jogged up to James, who was painted red.

“Ah, sorry about that, he…” Sirius said, stifling a snicker. “He gets a little carried away.”

“You’re the Black, right?” Gideon asked, his nose flared. Sirius pursed his lips, nodding. “Meet us in the library at five. Sharp.”

“ ‘Course,” Sirius said hoarsely. Both duos turned around, walking in opposite directions. 

-

Sirius never learned what exactly James said to Gid and Fab that morning in the Great Hall, but whatever it was, it must have been influential, because that night in the library, the Prewetts were incredibly impressed.

“ _You_ were the ones who let out the Quaffles and Bludgers?” Fab gawked. “I didn’t even see you four in the dining hall.”

“A great magician never reveals his secrets,” James winked. He was obviously basking in the attention, absorbing everything the older boys said to him. Sirius didn’t mind much - with Black family banquets, where everyone was at least five years older, he was well accustomed to talking to people decades (or in this case, a mere six years) older. 

“Alright, alright.” Gideon grinned. “There’s no way you conjured a Disillusionment Charm that powerful, especially in _first year.”_

James shrugged, his smirk lopsided. Remus sat next to Sirius, silent. The sun lit up the book in front of him ( _Hogwarts: A History_ ), his fingers dancing through the pages. Peter, who had finally mastered his Switching Spell, couldn’t stop switching the two books in front of him. 

“God,” Fabian sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You guys‘re good. What did you say you called yourselves?” He grabbed a matted quill and parchment from his bag. 

“The marauders,” Peter piped up, beaming. 

“Marauders. Okay.” Fab muttered, scribbling the word down. “Gid and I were thinking-”

“To enchant the portraits to sing,” Remus interrupted, folding the corner of his book page. “We’ve heard.”

The Prewetts looked at each other, mouths agape, blinking. “R-right,” Gid stammered. “Damn.”

“There’s six of us, and I think, if we go in pairs, and only do the paintings on the first floor and Grand Staircase, it should work well.” Fabian explained. “Someone can do the actual spell, and the other can do _Intentus_ , you know, the extension spell.”

“Sirius and Peter and I aren’t great at Charms,” James snorted. “Remus could be with Sirius, keep him in line, and Peter can go with Fab, and I could go with you,” he continued, facing Gideon.

“Sounds good. Are you sure you’ve got this?” Gideon asked Remus, eyebrows cocked.

“Remus is the best at Charms in the first year,” Sirius snapped. Gideon’s eyes transfixed upon his own, their gazes meeting. Sirius cowarded farther down into his seat, flinching ever so slightly.

“You’re bold, Black. I like it.”

Sirius fought back a grin. “What song are you thinking?”

Fabian exhaled. “I’m not sure. I’m thinking Queen, maybe, that’s a good way to leave, or maybe Stones…”

“Bitchin,” Sirius said, leaning his chair back on the back two legs.

“Bitchin!” Fabian exclaimed. “That’s it!”

-

“Come on, Remus!” Sirius squealed, bouncing up and down. The six prankers skipped breakfast that day, staying in the vacant common room.

“Hold on, I’m just brushing up,” he muttered, exasperated. 

“You’ve got this,” Sirius grinned, flashing two thumbs-up. Remus rolled his eyes and smiled back.

James was deep in conversation with Gideon, no doubt about Quidditch. Gideon would undoubtedly be captain next year, and James was determined to make the team. Fabian and Charles Taylor, the current captain, were the only team members graduating, opening the spots of Seeker and Chaser. Sirius loved playing Chaser, but he would never go against James. Never. So, he thought, he would just have to wait. Peter and Fabian sat in a thoughtful talk on the couch, obviously about something they were both passionate about, because the explosions coming from Gideon and James didn’t faze them.

Fabian glanced at the battered watch on his wrist. “Half-past-nine. Let’s get going. Gid, James, you two take the corridor to the right. Pete and I’ll get the staircase, and Remus, you and Sirius take the corridor to the right.

“Alright,” Remus breathed, gripping his wand. Sirius grabbed his shoulder as he skid out of the common room, following the four in front of them. James protested on bringing the cloak, but they ultimately decided not to, to keep it a secret from the Prewetts. The trip down Gryffindor Tower was silent, trying not to draw any attention to themselves. Once down the Grand Staircase, the open door to the Great Hall greeted them. It was bustling with students of all ages, grabbing the usual morning meal before classes.

Fabian and Peter casually lingered behind on the break between flights on the staircase, James and Gideon gliding down the opposite side of the hallway.

“Fabian said he’d send green sparks when it’s time.” Remus explained. He was chewing the inside of his cheek, and shifting his weight from leg to leg.

“Calm _down_ , Lupin,” Sirius grinned, putting his hands on Remus’ shoulders. He winced. “Sorry,” Sirius mumbled. 

“No, no, not you!” Remus exclaimed, horrified. “Just… hurt my shoulder a few weeks ago.” Sirius clicked his tongue and nodded. “Ah,” No teachers or students were near; all were in the Great Hall.

Perfect.

Remus leaned back as a flash of green sparks erupted from the staircase. “It’s time!” he grinned, his wand at the ready. “ _Cantabo Nobis_!” he exclaimed, as Sirius muttered, “ _Intentus_.”

Sirius’ wand caught the pale light coming from Remus’s, and with a single flick, the magic had shot down the corridor, each portrait straightening up. 

Music rang through the hallway, people ran out of the Great Hall, hoping to see who made the commotion.

**Feeling so tired, can't understand it  
Just had a fortnight's sleep  
I'm feeling so tired, I'm so distracted  
Ain't touched a thing all week**

“Merlin, Remus! It worked!” Sirius grinned, sprinting down the halls. Remus was at his heels, running directly behind. James and Gideon came from the opposite direction, their faces gleeful. Peter and Fabian bounded down the stairs. Each portrait within a floor radius began to sing, the voices bellowing throughout the corridors. A large crowd had gathered outside the Great Hall, concealing the six.

**I'm feeling drunk, juiced up and sloppy  
Ain't touched a drink all night  
I'm feeling hungry, can't see the reason  
Just ate a horse meat pie**

“What is going _on?_ ” the distinct voice of Bellatrix rang. Sirius glanced over, a smile on his face, to see his cousin fighting her way through the crowd. Her nose was upturned and scrunched up as she used her elbows to push students away.

“Batty Black’s going mad!” Fabian jeered. 

“Batty Black?” Sirius blinked. The crowd had increased; almost all of the student body stood in the corridor, yearning to see who the masterminds were behind the singing portraits.

“ ‘S what we all call Bella,” he giggled. “She’s mad.”

“I know. I’m related to her,” Sirius gagged jokingly. Fab chortled, slapped him on the back, and sprinted off. 

**Yeah when you call my name  
I salivate like a Pavlov dog  
Yeah when you lay me out  
My heart is beating louder than a big bass drum, alright**

Muggleborn and half-blood students had joined in at this point; _Bitch_ was a popular Stones song. Sirius wanted _Sticky Fingers_ on vinyl, but hadn’t had the chance to ask Dromeda. 

The students filled the hallway, dancing and screaming the lyrics as the portraits led them. Edessa Sakndenberg’s portrait even led a few students in a conducted opera, whereas Gifford Abbott’s painting joined Heliotrope Wilkins to dance the tango.

**Yeah, you got to mix it child  
You got to fix it must be love  
It's a bitch, yeah  
You got to mix it child  
You got to fix it but love  
It's a bitch, alright **

Lily, Mary, and Marlene came running out of the crowd, seeing the four boys stare at the portraits in amazement.

“I wonder who did this!” Marlene squealed.

“Me too,” Peter replied, holding back a smirk.

Even Lily was enjoying herself, Sirius noticed, she was tapping her foot and her red ponytail swayed to the beat. 

“Wotcher, Evans!” James said, flushed. 

“Hi, James,” she said, rolling her eyes. She turned away, her hair swishing, and walked away to where Marlene and Mary were congregated, a few feet away, near Peter and Remus.

“Lily Evans just talked to me!” James cried, his mouth wide.

**Sometimes I'm sexy, move like a stud  
Like kicking the stall all night  
Sometimes I'm so shy, got to be worked on  
Don't have no bark or bite, alright**

Sirius pulled his gaze away from a blushing James and transfixed his gaze onto five boys, trying to break their way out of the mob.

“Psst,” Sirius hissed into Remus’ ear. “Look at Snivellus and his gang.”

Snape, Mulciber, Rosier, and Avery were trying to escape the horde, but seventh and sixth years trampled them as they attempted to flee.

“Back in the Great Hall! Back in the Great Hall!” McGonagall ordered shrilly. Dumbledore still sat at his seat, at the head of the staff table, a large smile prominent under his snow-white beard.

“They’re bloody idiots,” Remus said dryly.

**Yeah, when you call my name  
I salivate like a Pavlov dog  
Yeah, when you lay me out  
My heart is bumping louder than a big bass drum, alright**

“Sirius! Remus!” James shouted, his voice barely over the roar of the crowd. Students began to funnell back into the Hall, still singing along with the music. Peter, Fabian, and Gideon trailed behind him, Fabian holding an orange bag.

“Get into the Great Hall! Sit in your usual seats, Gid and I’ve got the grand finale,” Fab spat quickly, his smile from ear to ear. Puzzled, Sirius followed James and Peter into the Hall, sitting at their favorite bench at Gryffindor table. The belts of the portraits were still extremely audible from inside the Great Hall, as the doors were still wide open.

“Grand finale?” James questioned, taken aback.

**I want it, woo  
I said, hey, yeah, get alright now, get it  
Got to be  
Hey, I'll get alright now, get it**

Gideon and Fabian clambered onto the table, Gideon emptying the orange bag onto Gryffindor table and arranging them.

“Not FIlibusters…” Remus started.

**Hey, hey, hey  
Hey, hey, yeah  
Hey, hey, hey  
Hey, hey, yeah**

In a flash, twenty Filibusters’ Fireworks erupted from the empty table, zooming around the sky above the other house tables. The Hall exploded into applause (of course, not Slytherin table) as Fabian and Gideon watched their handiwork. The fireworks died down, diminuendoing into a cascade of bright colors across from the staff table.

“SO LONG HOGWARTS!” they spelled.

“FROM FABIAN AND GIDEON PREWETT,” a second group of fireworks displayed. 

“AND THE MARAUDERS!”

**Hey, hey, hey  
Hey, hey, hey  
Hey, hey, yeah, get on  
Hey, hey, hey**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy end of first year!! whoooo, that went by faster than i thought! things will gradually start to get more exciting - thank you all for the comments on my last chapter! please leave a comment and kudos here!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders
> 
> p.s: song is 'bitch' by the rolling stones from their 1971 album sticky fingers!


	20. Summer 1972: Summer Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer 1972.

“Leave me alone.”

It was those three words that ruined Sirius’ summer; those three words that snapped him back into reality. Regulus didn’t like him. Neither did Mother, neither did Father, and neither did his aunts or uncles or cousins or grandparents, and that was made all too apparent. Nobody liked him much, and the few that did wouldn’t understand. He couldn’t talk to anyone. 

Except, maybe Lily Evans.

It was ten o’clock on a July night, and James couldn’t call that night. James and Sirius had called every afternoon at tea time - whether the conversation was ten minutes or an hour, Sirius was just glad to have a real person to talk to. Sure, he had sent a few owls to Remus, Lily, James, and Peter, but it wasn't the same. He hadn’t spoken to anyone all day, besides Regulus. But that conversation didn’t even count.

It started that morning, when a handsome eagle owl flew in through Sirius’ bedroom window, a small envelope tied to its leg. He untied the letter, which was hastily attached to the bird’s leg. 

_Sirius-_

_How was the rest of your school year? I haven’t heard from you since February. Please keep in contact with me._

Sirius stood up, casting the parchment onto his desk. He rolled his eyes as he walked to his record player in the opposite corner of his room, setting the needle on the _Hunky Dory_ vinyl already resting on his Muggle contraption. The silent room was filled with the soft music, but Sirius wasn’t listening. It just sounded like buzzing to him.

_I’ve moved in with Ted into a nice cottage in east Sussex. We sold our flat, it was getting too small for us. We’d love for you to visit soon, there’s a spare room._

The stairs outside his room creaked. Praying it was just Kreacher, he continued to read the letter.

_Not sure if there will be any summer banquets, but I doubt they’ll extend the invitation to me. I need to stress one thing - and you have to promise to listen to me._

He rolled his eyes. 

_Listen to everything your parents say. Listen to Bella, and Cissy, and my parents too. And especially if Grandmother Irma says to do something, do it. It doesn’t matter what._

God, thought Sirius. She couldn’t lay off for one day.

_Things are getting worse and I need you to promise to act how they want you to._

_Lots of Love,  
Dromeda_

Sirius clenched his jaw, slamming the letter onto his desk. Of _course_ she writes just to tell him off, just to tell him to be good, just to act like everyone else. She was a Slytherin through and through, always bossing him around, never laying off.

“Sirius!” called a booming voice from the staircase. He could tell the voice came from the study, which was quite a few floors down. Keeping his lips pressed closed and mouth shut, he continued down the spiral staircase, turning into the study, where Father stood. He was staring out the window, with a slightly recognizable owl perched on the windowsill.

“Do you know why you are here?”

Father did not turn around to address him, and he still couldn’t figure out where the owl was from.

“No.” Sirius said quietly, his shoulders squared and back straight.

“I will repeat myself.” Father said coldly. “Do you know why you are here?”

“No, sir.” he repeated.

Father turned around, and as his dead eyes met Sirius’, the room went cold. He took three steps forward, standing behind his desk. His hands gripped the edge of the mahogany table, knuckles white. Sirius gulped. 

“You are a _filthy_ blood traitor, besmirching my family name.” Father sneered, bending ever so slowly over the paper-lined desk. He tore his glare from Sirius, who stood terrified across the table, to tear the letter off of the owl’s leg. The bird fluttered out of the open window.

“This,” Father started, holding the letter between his index and pointer fingers, “is a letter addressed to you. Do you know who it is from?”

Sirius almost shook his head, but he knew better than that. He wasn’t stupid. “No, Father.”

Father stepped out from behind the table, his stride long and slow. _No, no, no, not right now, no, he can’t, he won’t,_ Sirius thought, his breaths shortening, becoming sharper. It _hurt,_ it already hurt, and father hadn’t even done anything yet.

Father towered over Sirius, who had grown quite a few inches since last summer. Mother complained the entire way to Madam Malkins, where he went to get new school clothes last week. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t control how much he grew. But, he couldn’t control anything.

Sirius’ eyes met the pair above his, locking for a few moments before Father growled.

“Do you know who James Potter is?”

Sirius blinked. Of course he did. James was his best friend. James had been his best friend for the greater part of a year, he was always there. But he wasn’t here now.

“Yes, sir.”

Father’s lips curled into a grotesque smile. “I assume you will be glad to receive this letter then.”

Sirius did not reply.

Father took another step towards him, his hot breath on Sirius’ face. He was a mean man, he was scary, he was awful…

Father flicked the letter between his fingers, the gloomy rain from outside reflecting onto it. He met Sirius’ glance, which was part worried, part unfazed. _Stop, stop, stop, get out, get out, leave me alone,_ he thought. It hurt, his head ached, his body swayed. He inhaled deeply, clearing his mind. James showed him how to do this during one of his episodes, he knew what to do now. Father bent down, his eyes puncturing Sirius’ mind. He couldn’t have, he wouldn’t, unless Mother taught him how…

“Ah.” Father scoffed. He glared at Sirius with disgust. He stood right above Sirius, looming down on him. He was terrifying.

In a millisecond, he grasped the collar of Sirius’ robes, blocking his airway. His hand swatted against his son’s face, slicing his cheek. Sirius kept a straight face, though it was turning a deep red. Father’s hand swung against Sirius’ head, knocking his head to the left. _It hurts, it hurts so badly._ Father let go of the grip on Sirius’ robes, releasing the chokehold he had on his windpipe. Sirius took a sharp inhale, his feet staggering beneath him. Father glared at Sirius, his eyes narrowed. 

“Leave.” he ordered.

And so he did.

-

There was a knock on his bedroom door later that day, before he received his owl from Andromeda. His body ached, his head spun, and his hair pooled on his pillowcase like spilled blood. Sirius stretched out his limbs, pain searing throughout his muscles.

Fuck. 

There was another knock on the door, the sound of the snake knocker evident against his wooden door. It wasn’t Regulus, because Regulus always whispered, “Can I come in?” after the first knock. And Father always barged in. It had to be Mother - her short raps continued against the door. Sirius exhaled as he stood, a sharp moan of pain escaping his lips. Shit.

He strode over to the door, holding in any groans, and opened it carefully. Mother stood outside, her deep indigo velvet robes trailing behind her on the floor. Her greying hair was pulled back, away from her wrinkled and frowned face.

“Mother.” he nodded curtly.

“Do not speak to me like that.” she grimaced, scowling. She entered his room, pushing past him. She was evil, that was evident, but her heirloom Black family grace was prominent as she strutted into his bedroom.

“You are an awful stain on this family.” she tutted. Unlike Father, he supposed, she was calm when she was angry. Until he started talking. Then her inner banshee was released. “You are filthy, disgusting, no-good… I do not think you understand the havoc you have wreaked by manipulating your Sorting ceremony. You are _lucky_ Regulus will be Sorted next year, boy.”

“Yes, Mother.” He knew what was coming. It happened every time. Every single time.

 _”Obfula.”_ she hissed, pointing her long, bony hand at him. Purple light dashed across the room, hitting Sirius in the chest. Mother used this curse commonly - especially when Sirius was younger. When she heard him cry from Father's whip, or scream on the occasions where Bellatrix would use the Cruciatus Curse, or when he would sob silently into his pillow. But none of this happened anymore.

Sirius Black did not cry. Sirius Black did not scream. And, most importantly, Sirius Black did not back down.

But, he thought, he didn’t speak up either. He was in between crossroads from being ill-behaved and a satisfactory heir, but maybe that was the result of last winter. Maybe. As the pain consumed his body, he swayed on his feet. It started in his chest, but spread throughout his body, feeling his flesh tear apart like a scalpel had run across his arms and legs. Mother exited swiftly. _It hurt, it burned, it hurt_ , he thought. He wanted to yell, or scream, or maybe cry, but he hadn’t done any of those in a while. And he sure wouldn’t now - that would be awfully embarrassing. 

Sirius maneuvered over to the window, where he curled up in the corner. The wounds on his body opened, his skin tightened, his mind swam. _It fucking hurts._ His nose felt broken from Father’s welcoming earlier, and the dried blood on the collar of his robes agreed with that. It hurt so bad, he wanted it to stop, why wouldn’t it stop?

Why won’t they stop?

He closed his eyes, maybe that could postpone the pain. _Focus on other things_. That’s what James would say. Okay.

There was James, who was probably playing Quidditch with his father right now, or helping his mother deliver treats to the village kids. Peter, who was most likely abroad on holiday. His birthday was later that month, maybe he was celebrating. And Remus, whose mother lay in a hospital bed, and whose father was consumed by his Ministry work.

Sirius lifted his trouser leg, revealing a set of straight, perfectly scarlet scars covering his ankles in an orderly fashion. They were neat, precise, lined up exactly. They were on his shoulders, and his ribs. If Dromeda was here, he caught himself thinking, she would have murtlap essence or something. Something to help. 

But she wasn’t, and she wouldn’t be. 

His body begged to relax, to sleep, to tranquilize. His eyes fluttered shut, his head leaning against the juniper walls, and yearned to fall asleep.

And so he did.

-

He woke up hours later, the clock ringing five o’clock. He was still curled up in the corner of his room, the lights dimmed and curtains drawn. He hated the dark. Gingerly standing up, he limped over to the bay window and pulled the curtains open, doing the same with the window behind him. The early evening light illuminated his bedroom, London’s sky grey and gross. He hated London. He hated it so much.

His bedsheets were rumpled, and his comforter had a small imprint on the corner closest to where he sat. He knew that was new, because Kreacher tidied his bedroom during breakfast. The mark couldn’t have been from Mother or Father, because they didn’t like his room. Earlier in the summer, Sirius hung up a Gryffindor pennant and a picture of him, Peter, Remus, and James. Kreacher removed them from his bare walls every day, but he hung them back up nonetheless.

He knew what the indentation in his bed was from, but he wished it wasn’t.

Leaving his room, the after-effects of the Obfulus Curse still eminent, he walked down the hall, past tens of portraits. 

“Sirius Black the Third,” Magenta Black drawled. “They say he was sorted into Gryffindor.”

“You complete imbecile, that’s impossible.” Misapinoa Black snapped.

“No, it’s true.” yawned Hesper Black. “Phineas Nigellus came from the Hogwarts Headmaster’s office and said himself.”

“Well, I never!” Misapinoa gasped.

“Fuck off.” Sirius grunted. “The lot of you.” Shocked murmurs and shrieks came from the portraits, but were drowned out as he pushed open the door to Regulus’ room.

Regulus stiffened as his older brother entered the room - this was obvious, Sirius noticed. 

“Hi.” Sirius said, perching on the edge of Regulus’ bed. Regulus merely smiled back.

“Are you going to talk to me?” said Sirius smally. Regulus put down his book ( _Wuthering Heights_ , he could tell by the cover) and stared at Sirius.

“What’s there to talk about?” he shrugged.

Sirius sighed. “I dunno.” The wounds on his legs were starting to tingle - it was the dark magic, this spell’s aftereffects always felt like this. “I knew you were in my room.”

“I’m sorry.” Regulus said. “I was looking for you.”

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, frowning. “For what?”

“I’m not deaf, Sirius, I can hear what happens right under my nose.” Regulus said, standing up. It always aggravated Sirius, how Regulus held his temper. _He_ never blew up, he always kept collected under pressure. Sirius was not like this. _He_ acted like Mother and Father.

“Is this supposed to be my fault?” Sirius leapt to his feet. What the fresh hell was Regulus going at?

“I mean…” Reg trailed off. “You know I love you, you’re my brother, but you don’t understand anything.”

_”What?”_

“Mother and Father… they’ve been talking about Andromeda all year. She’s dating a Mudblood, Ted Tonks, and they’re all furious. She moved away from her flat, and they think her new house is Unplottable. So nobody can find it.”

Sirius pursed his lips. “So?”

 _”So?_ ” Regulus said, turning around. _”So_ she’s a Black dating a Mudblood. A filthy, no-good, dunglicking-”

“Shut your mouth.” Sirius snapped, balling his hands into a fist. “Don’t say that word.”

“You’ve gotten soft, Sirius, and it’s not a good look.” Regulus scowled, his expression still remaining unchanged. “Don’t tell me you’ve befriended Mudbloods at Hogwarts?”

“Actually, Regulus, yes I have.” Sirius riposted. “And she’s the smartest bloody girl in my year, so I would lay off if I were you.”

Regulus stared at Sirius, forget-me-not blue eyes meeting cool grey. “You’ll never learn.” Reg scowled.

“Learn what, exactly? That you’re being outright rude to an entire group of wizards?”

Regulus stepped towards his older brother, his chin raised. He was the same height as Sirius, but was different in almost every other way. Sure, they both had the signature Black family raised cheekbones and straight nose, but Reg had pristine, ivory hair, that lay parted down the middle and icy blue eyes that pierced Sirius’. Sirius’ grey eyes were the same as father’s, as was his jaw, and build, and wavy coal-black hair.

“Get out, Sirius.”

Sirius blinked. “What?”

“Leave me alone.”

And so he did.

-

Reflecting back upon this, hours later, Sirius realized something, something important.

His family always knew there was something wrong. They always knew he was awful, and traitorous, and everything he did was sickening.

 _They weren’t wrong_ , he thought, curling up on his bed. The comforter covered his body, exposing only a few locks of black hair that had been recently cut to above his ears by Mother. _I ruined everything. The whole bloody family counts on me, and I couldn’t even get Sorted into the right house_. 

The letter from Andromeda still sat on his desk, and Sirius felt extremely guilty for ignoring her. _She ignored you,_ a small voice in the back of his head rang. _She didn’t come for Christmas, even though she knows what happens. She told Uncle Alphard, even though he said not to tell anyone_. Though, he supposed, he did tell James. 

But secrets were meant to be kept, and promises weren’t meant to be broken.

He hobbled over to his desk; hunger and agony searing through his body. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, Mother and Father wouldn’t let them. Picking up a quill and parchment, he began to write, his cursive scrawl tidy.

_Dear Dromeda,_

_I’m really sorry. I think they all hate me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! i labored over this chapter and i've been super excited to write it! do you guys like the little vignettes i constructed! pls let me know! please leave a comment and kudos :)
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	21. Second Year: Eye Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorting Ceremony of Sirius' second year.

Mother’s hand gripped his shoulder, talons piercing his collarbone. Father stood behind him, his hand on Regulus’ shoulder, holding him in a fatherly fashion. As Father walked away with Regulus, undoubtedly to tell him to uphold the Black family reputation, a bony hand grasped Sirius’ forearm, whipping him around. His head was spinning from the beatings he had received over the summer, and his black eye had just begun to heal. _If anybody asks, you fell. You fell down the stairs and hit the banister_. 

Sirius could feel the skin under his dress shirt split, and blood slowly drip out, scarlet beads becoming visible on his maroon robes. Mother stared at Sirius, four grey eyes meeting each other.

“I have absolutely nothing to say to you.” she scowled. He glanced away, his eyes attaching to Narcissa, who stood nearby with her boyfriend Lucius, their lips in a tight embrace. Disgusting. “Do not disgrace us again, boy.” 

“Yes, Mother.” He looked around, searching for James, or even Remus or Peter. 

It was 10:49.

Father and Regulus sauntered back, the two of them wearing equally judgemental expressions. Regulus’ trunks sat a few feet away, a silver owl cage on top of the top suitcase. Of course, it was Sirius’ owl. Father confiscated it earlier that month and gave Monet to Reg, because at one of their banquets, Sirius used ‘vulgar terminology’ towards Narcissa. _She deserved it,_ he thought. _Fucking bitch._

“Onto the train.” Father commanded. “Go on, Regulus. Send us an owl this week. Have a great time in Slytherin.” He transfixed his gaze to Sirius, glaring. “We will see you at Christmas.”

“Yes, Father.”

He turned around, dragging his snake-emblazoned trunks behind him. Rattling on the cobblestone train station floors, the green suitcases clattered as he stormed towards the train.

“Slow down, Sirius.” Regulus said matter-of-factly. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“D’ya wanna sit with me or something?” Sirius frowned, kicking the rocks on the floor. “Because there’s four to a compartment. And ours is full.”

“I have friends, you know.” Regulus hissed. “I’m not like you.”

“Will you bugger off?” Sirius snapped, aggravated. There was a faint ‘pop’ as Mother and Father Apparated away, and a few eyes stared at the two arguing boys. Sirius felt his pale cheeks flush with embarrassment, praying Narcissa wasn’t eavesdropping.

“I’m not doing anything wrong.” Regulus explained calmly, rolling his eyes.

“You know exactly what you’re doing,” Sirius growled, his hands curling into fists at his sides. His voice was rising to a dangerous level, eyes on him from the small gaggle of fourth years near. “I-”

“Sirius!” called the most melodic voice. Sirius whipped his head around, greeted by a slightly taller, more muscular James Potter. His eyes darted from Sirius to Regulus, blinking and comprehending. “Let’s get on the train.” Sirius said quietly. James nodded slowly. The clock read 10:54.

Leaving Regulus behind, Sirius followed James onto the train platform, finally glad to have a friend.

-

Remus and Peter were already in the compartment when Sirius and James entered, the two looking much brighter than last June. Peter had a strip of red burn on his nose, and Remus was colored a light butterscotch. Sirius looked the same as the end of first year - gangly and pale.

But this time, he was tinted grey and had a bruised eye.

“Sirius! James!” Remus beamed as the two boys entered the compartment. 

“Hi, Remus, Peter.” James grinned as Sirius passed in front of him, taking his favorite seat by the window, across from Peter.

“We were just talking about the summer.” said Remus, rubbing his inner forearm. “How’d holiday treat you two?”

“Quidditch training. I’m on Gideon’s good side, and I saw him sporting the captain’s badge. I wanna go for Fab’s old spot, Chaser.” James explained, tapping his foot. 

“Not much for me. Usual Black family shit.” Sirius snorted. “Regulus being a prat, Bellatrix being insane.” James shot him a wary look, and he knew he had overstepped. “But it was fine, sorry,” he rushed.

“Right.” Peter nodded. “We visited Philip in Australia.”

“Did you meet a kangaroo?” James asked, his eyes wide.

“Er, no?” Peter snickered, raising an eyebrow. “Sirius, it looks like you’ve been _punched_ by one. What’s with your eye?”

Sirius gulped. He hadn’t expected anyone to ask this quickly, he hadn’t been able to plan, he didn’t know what to say, because his mind was blank and his head was empty. The compartment spun in endless circles, and he couldn’t keep up with it.

“Sirius?” Remus said softly, placing two finger’s on Sirius’ shaking arm. 

“Fell down the stairs.” he murmured, and that was the end of that conversation. Remus removed his hand from Sirius’ arm, but the eye contact they held was persistent.

“Remus, how’s your mum?” Sirius blurted out, breaking the unsettling quietness. His eyes went wide and his mouth shaped into a small circle. 

“Better.” he nodded. “Better.”

“That’s good.” 

The ride on the Hogwarts Express continued with prank plans, summer stories, and Muggle music.

“Bowie’s new album is phenomenal.” Sirius gushed as he changed from his everyday robes to his Gryffindor ones. “It’s been on repeat all holiday. EVen when Father tells me to turn it off.”

“He doesn’t even let you listen to music?” Peter frowned, fiddling with the button on his cloak.

“Barely.” Sirius grumbled.

James blinked. “I heard _Starman_ a few times. There’s a star- _man_ waiting in the sky!” he screeched, utterly off-key.

“Maybe cross serenading Lily off your list of ways to woo her,” Remus winced.

“Oh, you’re just jealous, Rem,” James stuck out his tongue, running a hand through his hair.

“Your ego has inflated _so_ much, Potter,” Sirius snickered. He touched the ends of his hair, which was entirely too short for his liking. Lucius Malfoy had long, blonde hair that reached his shoulders. It looked _sick_ , Sirius thought. Much cooler than his hair, at least.

As the four boys exited the train, the familiar call of “Firs’ years! Firs’ years!” rang, and Sirius watched Regulus, along with two other boys, walk towards the larger-than-life man and into the boats.

“I don’t see Evans, or McKinnon, _or_ Macdonald.” James frowned, standing on the balls of his feet. 

“Evans is over there with Snape.” Peter groaned. “It’s like you’re obsessed with her.”

“Snape?” James gasped, taken aback. “Snivellus?”

“They live in the same village. Er, neighboring villages, or something, I’m not sure.” Sirius shrugged.

“As long as they’re not dating,” James shuddered, climbing into the horseless carriages. “That would be awful.”

“He’s Slytherin, he would never date her.” Sirius sighed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I mean, she’s Muggleborn-” he stammered. His cheeks quickly heated up, bringing color to his wide-eyed gaze.

“She’s also the smartest in the year.” Peter said, quietly yet pointedly.

“I know that, Peter, I’m just saying.” Sirius snapped. “No Slytherin would date a Muggleborn.”

Remus pursed his lips and met eyes with Sirius. The carriages took off, rattling on the bumpy pathway. He could feel Remus’ gaze on him even as he broke eye contact, red with embarrassment.

-

James, Remus, and Peter made it abundantly clear that they weren’t interested in the Sorting Ceremony; not in the slightest.

“It’s _boring_ when you’re not a part of it.” James moaned, sitting down at his favorite spot at the Gryffindor table.

“How do you know?” Peter asked, sitting next to him.

“Because,” James said, rolling his eyes. “I just do.”

Sirius diverted his gaze to the group of first years, shaking and some wet with lake water. He could see Regulus, who was the tallest of the lot, and noticed his raised chin and sneering face. Two boys stood on either side of him - one plump and short, the other lanky with dark hair and wild eyes. Throughout the Sorting Hat’s song, Sirius couldn’t tear his eyes from his brother, who stood placid among other anxious eleven-year-olds. A year ago today, thought Sirius, he was standing in that same place, sore and anticipating his new Slytherin bed. Now, a year later, he watched his younger brother, and even though he was still sore and yearning for his Gryffindor bed, he had something to excite him.

The inhabitants of the Hall began to clap, and Sirius took that as a sign to follow suit. McGonagall approached the wooden stool in front of the staff table, the tattered wizard’s hat silencing and clutching a long scroll of parchment.

“Aubrey, Bertram!” her shrill voice called. Peter snickered, covering his mouth. “Bertram? Really?” James, who was also stifling laughter, swatted Peter’s pudgy arm.

“SLYTHERIN!” 

The short and wide boy who stood by Regulus stood up from the seat, looking smug as he swaggered to the Slytherin table where Lucius Malfoy slapped him on the back. Malfoy had a shiy badge on his robes, glimmering under the candle lights. He was definitely Head Boy - Sirius thought Narcissa might have mentioned it over the summer.

Sirius tried to catch Regulus’ eye as McGonagall began to read the next name on the list.

“Black, Regulus!” 

Applause was heard from the Slytherin table, which seemed premature to Sirius, considering Reg hadn’t even been Sorted yet. Of course, he knew they applauded him because there was _no_ way he would be in Gryffindor, and the Black family had connections to almost every Slytherin students’ families. Sirius could almost hear his father bellowing, _”Do not be distracted by our other son. Regulus will be a primitive example of the Black family, he will be our perfect son.”_ The whole ‘blood-traitor’ spiel became overused quickly, and Sirius was tired of it. TIred of always being second, tired of getting the same speech screamed at him every time he went home, tired of the pain that constantly seared through his nerves.

Regulus sat on the three-legged stool, his expression of disgust and elegance tainted by a slight smirk. James looked at Sirius from across the table, his eyebrows furrowed. He touched Sirius’ foot with his under the table, as to say, _”Hey, it’s okay, you’re fine, he’s not worth it.”_ McGonagall placed the Hat on Regulus’ head, his hands folded delicately in his lap. Always the perfectly poised, perfectly mannered, perfectly Black child. Less than a second after the Hat touched his head, a roar echoed across the room.

“SLYTHERIN!”

Sirius winced, slumping in his seat. He was dumb, expecting for Regulus not to be in Slytherin. He wasn’t a freak like Sirius was. He was a Black through and through, he was a true Slytherin. As McGonagall called, “Cresswell, Dirk!” Sirius watched his brother cross to the Slytherin table, as if it was the only place in the Great Hall he had even _anticipated_ to sit at. Dirk Cresswell was sorted into Ravenclaw, and bounded to that table, greeted with warm welcomings. 

James was still staring at Sirius, studying his face intently, as to uncover bottled-up emotions under his sullen face. The next first year was called - Bartemius Crouch Junior - and was sorted into Slytherin after a brief Hat-Stall. Sirius recalled the name, that was one of Regulus’ friends. He sat next to the ivory-haired boy at their house table, Bertram Aubrey on the other side.

Sirius exhaled, masking his frowns. _God, why are you so let down? You never really thought Reg would be Gryffindor, did you? Stop trying to force your brother to be a failure like yourself. Listen to your parents - you’re the problem._

He looked at James, then at his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY EVERYONE ITS GLOWINGMARAUDERS FROM THE FUTURE. basically i formatted the ENTIRETY of second year wrong, so the last two chapters are over a span of four months. just thought i should say now. love u. 
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	22. Second Year: Picture Shrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Sirius are left alone - and no good comes from that.

The feast that evening went by quickly; Sirius found every outlet to distract himself from the multiple pairs of eyes glaring at him from the Slytherin table. But, the negative energy stuck with Sirius for the rest of the week, infecting everyone in Gryffindor Tower. He didn’t want to do pranks, he didn’t want to get detention, he just wanted to sulk. And sulking is what he did.

The common room was silent, filled with book page flips, the crackling of the vibrant fire, and clandestine whispers. The room was desolate; most people had better things to do in the first week of school than sitting on a lumpy couch and skimming through History of Magic textbooks.

“So!” Remus said, clapping his hands together, interrupting the uncomfortable tranquility. “James, when are Quidditch tryouts?”

James’ placid expression broke into a smile; Remus had brought up the thing he had wanted to talk about most, but hadn’t had the chance to yet. “Probably the end of the month. Season starts in November, and our team pick this year is top notch. Marlene is going for Seeker, we’ve been practicing all summer.”

“Marlene?” Peter asked, fiddling with the fringe on a nearby throw blanket. 

“McKinnon. She lives in the same village as me. Barnton, near Cheshire.” James explained. “It’s a wizarding village. No Muggles for miles.”

“Sounds like a dream,” Sirius droned. “I hate London. There’s Muggles everywhere, we never even leave the house. Mother made it Unplottable.”

James’ eyes bore holes into Sirius’ cheek, watching every move. Diverting his gaze to James, Sirius jerked his head. James obviously got the memo, and blinked a few times before rejoining the conversation. 

-

The second Sirius’ head hit the pillow, his eyes closed almost automatically, endless thoughts racing his head just moments before ceasing .He had been like this the past week; secretive and moody. At least, when asleep, he could be in a world of his own, where Father would never be near him again, and Mother was normal, and didn’t hurt him. Because it _did_ hurt, it hurt a lot, and he never got used to it. 

Even though he probably should. 

It was just him and James in the dorm tonight; Remus was visiting his mother and Peter was staying overnight in the hospital wing after being hit with a rogue jinx from a fourth-year Ravenclaw Preston Fawley. But Sirius didn’t want to sleep in James’ bed tonight, he hadn’t wanted to all year. Because he was _mad_ , because he was _tired_ , because he didn’t want James asking any questions, and he had been biting his tongue all week. Every time Sirius would look up at him, whether it was from his cauldron or a textbook, he was always eyeing him cautiously, as to not overstep, but still wanting to know.

Sirius could decipher all of James’ stares; he wasn’t good at hiding his emotions. It was obvious he wanted to know, to help, but Sirius didn’t need help. He needed sleep, the past nights had been awful. He woke up in cold sweats every night, an imaginary Mother and Father cackling in his face.

The curtains by his feet shuffled, the fabrics rubbing together and pulling apart. A figure climbed into his bed, sliding under the comforter next to him. Sirius could feel his sheets adjusting and rumpling, and air infiltrated the underside of the quilt. Sirius shivered as he rolled onto his back, matching the body next to him, who stared at the scarlet curtains above.

“Hi.” James whispered.

“Hi.”

It was quiet for a bit, before James propped his body up on his shoulders. Sirius mirrored this action, glancing over at James, who was chewing the inside of his cheek thoughtfully.

“You look awful,” he murmured, slumping onto his side to face Sirius.

“Thanks, James.” he glared, swatting his friend on the shoulder.

“No, I’m serious.” James’ voice took on a wary tone. “Don’t tell me… don’t tell me _they_ did that?” He was still staring at Sirius’ yellowing and bruised eye - the same he had been doing every waking minute for the past week.

Sirius looked away. _Why does he care so much? It doesn’t involve him. You’re just being a bother,_ a small, devilish voice in the back of his head whispered. No. He was just being curious. And that’s what James was - curious.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, it is.” James breathed. “To me. At least.”

“But not for _me_.” Sirius sighed. “And it’s almost healed, anyway-”

“Would have been faster if you went to Madam Fabray last week.” he said, keeping his eye contact with Sirius steady. It freaked Sirius out.

“What am I supposed to tell her?” he snorted. “Godric, James, I love you, but you just don’t understand.”

“Stop moping, for fuck’s sake!” James groaned. “I don’t understand, but I’m _trying_ to help!”

Sirius exhaled, slumping his head back on his pillow. “Sorry, James.”

“I know you didn’t mean it.”

Sirius cracked a grin, staring at the ceiling.

“Hey, Sirius?” James asked cautiously.

“Mm?”

“Please just tell me what happened.”

“I don’t see why you care.”

“Because you’re my bloody best mate, and you come back from break with some new ailment every time!” James hissed. His brown eyes shone with anger, flakes of honey floating around behind his rage-ridden gaze. He was mad, he was really mad. His hands glew white against the sheets, which he gripped in a fist.

“It wasn’t anything in particular. Just a lot of little things,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “You’re so pushy, James.”

“Tosser.”

“Asshat.”

“Arsehole.” James slapped a pillow on Sirius’ imperturbable face, earning a snicker.

“Whatever,” Sirius yawned, rolling back on his side. 

“Please tell me, Sirius.” The tone in the room suddenly turned cold, and James was sullen faced, frowning at Sirius’ expressionless stare. Frigidness washed over him, and suddenly he was reminded of Grimmauld Place, how he curled up in his bed each night begging for it all to stop, for them to _leave him, just leave him,_ how his body ached and asked for it all to stop every night, and he was just so tired of it…

“They don’t love me.” he said smally. “They never did. I think. I know it’s dumb. But they love Reg, so they always take it all out on me. ‘Cause he’s better to them.”

“Take it out on you?” James breathed. “Sirius…”

“They use this one curse, I think they created it. It’s for punishments. Father likes physical violence. Mother likes magic.”

It felt good getting this off his chest. A weight was lifted from his shoulders, lightening his load and bringing a newfound warmth to the inside of his bedcurtains. Maybe that was just James, though. The bed was only soon overcome by coldness again, encapsulating Sirius in a feeling reminiscent of home. He hated it.

James stood up suddenly, yanking the curtain away. He quickly jumped off the bed and strode over to his own bed, walking around the room. His steps were sudden and loud.

“James?” Sirius whispered. _He’s mad. He doesn’t want to be friends with you. Nobody would, not if they knew._ “James?”

Heavy breathing and laden paces swallowed the room as James paced; Sirius pulled the curtains by his feet apart.

“Fuck.” he muttered. “Fuck.”

“Do you wanna… like… hit something?” Sirius offered, wincing. “Are you good?”

“Come to my house this summer. Please.” James said quietly.

“Why?” Sirius furrowed his brows. “That’s months away. And I probably won’t be able to.”

“Can you try? Please?” James said, a little too quickly. 

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. “I guess.”

James continued to pace.

“Go to sleep, James.” Sirius groaned, leaning back onto his pillows. Why did James care so much? Did he do something wrong?

“Merlin.” he muttered.

Sirius stood up gingerly. Obviously he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. James stood in front of the empty wall by the bathroom door, studying the argyle wall.

He drew back his hand, and in a single swing, punched it through the wall. Drywall drifted to the floor, powder locked inside the carpet tufts by his feet.

Sirius flinched.

“Oh.”

“D’ya think-”

“They won’t care.” Sirius said, motioning towards Peter and Remus’ empty beds. “Just… oh, I’ve got an idea!” He stepped over James’ broom, over a pile of Peter’s sweaters, and a stack of books by Remus’ bed and ransacked his trunk. Opening the silver snake latch, he sorted between pairs of robes and dress shirts until he pulled out a small snuff box. He tapped it twice with his wand, then opened it, revealing a stack of his most prized possessions - his mirror, a stack of letters from Andromeda and Uncle Alphard, and a few photos of him, Remus, James, and Peter.

“Put these up over it.” Sirius grinned.

“Can’t we just repair it? I’m sure Longbottom’ll know how-”

“But this way it’s _sentimental!_ ” Sirius sang. “We can cover the whole wall. It can be our legacy.”

“Legacy? My legacy’ll be being Quidditch captain.” James said, puffing out his chest.

“Shuddup,” said Sirius, kicking James in the shin. James rolled his eyes, grabbed the moving picture out of Sirius’ hand, and tacked it onto the wall.

As Sirius watched the four boys in the picture move around from his bed, James next to him, he slept soundly knowing there were three people in the world he would do anything for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this is not my favorite chapter lol and it's a little too short. i hope you guys enjoy it tho LMAO! also - i hope it's not too much to ask but i would love it if you guys recommended this fic to your friends or even on tiktok! :) of course you don't have to tho! please leave a comment and kudos love you alll!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	23. Second Year: Defense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Defense professor, and new spells.

Peter’s head had shrunk down to its normal size (which was still pretty massive, thought Sirius) and Remus returned from his visit to his ill mother two days later, his face sunken and tinted red. Both of them were surprised about the hole in the wall, covered lazily by a picture, but eventually agreed it was sentimental. It was a Sunday afternoon, and the marauders sat on the terrace of the Astronomy tower, watching the September sun beat down on the Black Lake.

“I bet they named the lake after me.” Sirius joked, tilting his head onto James’ shoulder. “Because I’m the best student Hogwarts has ever had the privilege to teach.”

“Fuckin’ wanker.” James snickered, joling his shoulder out from under Sirius.

“Did you hear about the new Defense professor?” Remus said, his fingers brushing against the metal balcony.

“No. Who is it? Is it that blond guy who sat by Flitwick at the feast?” Peter asked, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“I think so,” James nodded. “Anything’s better than Professor Lilipad from las year, she was a bore.”

“He’s scary, though.”

Peter wasn’t wrong - the platinum-haired teacher was tall, muscular, and looked as if he could crush all four marauders with just a snap of his fingers and a stomp of his feet. The second-year Gryffindors hadn’t had Defense Against the Dark Arts in class yet; they were scheduled to have their first lesson after breakfast the next day.

“Mhm.” Remus nodded. “Reed Griffis. He used to work at the Ministry, they say he was an Unspeakable.”

“Being an Unspeakable seems _so_ sick,” James sighed. “I wonder what they even do.”

“Me too.” Remus said. “Must be something super important.”

“Yeah, if they can’t even tell their families what they do,” Peter added. “I don’t even know where they work, and my step dad used to be Captain of Aurors.”

“Blimey,” Sirius blinked. “Being an Auror seems fun. You get to go on missions and stuff.”

“I bet the four of us could be Aurors,” James said, puffing out his chest and slapping Remus’ arm. “We’re the brightest in the year, _obviously _. And Minnie can put in a good word for us.”__

__“Imagine that!” Peter beamed. “Fighting dark wizards together.”_ _

__“I say we go for it,” Sirius smirked, clapping James on the back._ _

__-_ _

__“Lumos,” a small voice muttered as footsteps padded across the wooden floor._ _

__Sirius rubbed his eyes, gracefully raising his head from his pillow and clambering to the foot of his bed. He pulled his curtains apart, and across from him he watched Peter slide into James’ bed. The whispers were unintelligible, but he could hear Peter’s squeak and James’ _you-just-woke-me-up-fuck-you_ voice, soon turning into his _oh-shit-really-let’s-talk_ voice. Sirius watched Peter’s wandlight illuminate through the velvet curtains, and watched the two boys scramble around. He narrowed his glare, and pulled the curtains shut. Of course he wasn’t _mad_ that Peter and James were together without him, but he was slightly irked. Was this how Peter and Remus always felt? He didn’t like being alone. Leaning back onto his pillow and squeezing his knees to his chest, he tried to sleep, but James and Pete’s whispers were too loud. Not yet loud enough to understand, but loud enough to sound like a fly was buzzing around his ear._ _

__“Sirius,” James hissed, yanking at his bedcurtains. The moon shone onto his face, and he groaned, pulling his quilt farther over his head. “Sirius, I know you’re up, come over.”_ _

__He groaned, rolling onto his back and stretching._ _

__“Hurry up or I’ll drag you out myself,” James whispered impatiently. Sirius let out a short laugh before trudging to James bed and perching on the left side, closing the curtains. James sat next to him, and Peter sat, legs crossed, at the foot._ _

__“Go on Pete, tell him the story,” James offered, leaning forward awkwardly._ _

__“Yeah, right.” Peter winced, twisting his hands. “So, when I was in the infirmary the other day, Madam Fabray had me spend the night to try and find a counter-jinx. My face was all red and puffed up, so I couldn’t see well, but I could still see a little. I couldn’t sleep at all because my face was numb and it felt _so_ weird. So, around dawn, Madam Pomfrey came in with this kid, he was holding onto her arm and limping. I thought it was weird, but didn’t think much of it, but then I heard her talking to him. I think it was Remus. Actually, I know it was Rems. I couldn’t see well, like I said, but how many kids are there named _Remus_?”_ _

__Sirius blinked a few times. “Do you remember the date?” James asked, reaching over to his nightstand and grabbing a doodled-on piece of parchment._ _

__“Uh, it was Friday night…” Peter shrugged, twisting up his face in concentration._ _

__James glanced over at Sirius after removing his eyes, which seemed glued, from the parchment. Sirius realized it was an Astronomy chart._ _

__“That was the full moon,” he said quietly, peering over James’ shoulder._ _

__“Okay?” Peter said slowly, tilting his head._ _

__“He’s been visiting his mother just about the same weekend every month for the past year.” James explained warily._ _

__“And…?” Peter asked, confused._ _

__“We think he’s a werewolf,” Sirius blurted out, looking at where Remus’ bed would be if the curtains were drawn._ _

__“We?” James said._ _

__“Yeah,” Sirius answered reluctantly. “There's no good explanation. Right?”_ _

__“Unless his mum is actually sick.” Peter offered._ _

__James glanced at Sirius, who glanced back with the same wary expression._ _

__-_ _

__Sirius idly poured a spoonful after spoonful of sugar into his tea, his eyes dropping closed as he brought the cup to his lips._ _

__“You wouldn’t be half-asleep if you and James didn’t stay up all night,” Remus grinned, nudging Sirius’ elbows off of the table._ _

__“S’rry, Remus,” he yawned, massaging the back of his neck. “Always speaking sense into us.”_ _

__“It’s a full time job.” Remus said, rolling his eyes playfully as Peter stared aimlessly at the open door leading out of the Great Hall. Moments later, James and Marlene stormed in, the two obviously bickering._ _

__“Been waiting for this,” Peter moped. “They’ve been at each other’s throats for _days_. Just watch.”_ _

__“You little _git_ , Potter!” Marlene hissed, stomping down between the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables._ _

__“I didn’t do anything!” James retorted defensively. Both of them were soaking wet - whether it be from sweat or actual water. Marlene’s ponytail swung behind her, her cheeks bright red. James’ glasses were slightly askew, and his black hair stuck up in all directions._ _

__“You know exactly what you did,” she hissed, blue eyes glowing with anger. Lily and Mary slid down the bench closer to the three marauders, equally as puzzled as they were._ _

__“Do you know-” Lily started._ _

__“Sh,” Remus hissed, biting his lower lip as to prevent himself from cracking a grin. Remus and Lily had grown obviously closer after being placed as partners in Transfiguration (obviously James and Sirius were together), and this friendship was important for James to maintain, as it kept Lily close to _him_ by default. “I don’t want to miss a second of this.”_ _

__“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, Marls!” James whined, dropping his shoulders and scrambling to sit by her at the breakfast table. “I promise!”_ _

__

__She glared daggers at him, fire in her expression._ _

__“James, what did you do?” Mary said, shaking her head._ _

__“I didn’t do anything!” he said, his eyes and mouth wide and arms spread as to plead innocence._ _

__“What happened, though?” Sirius asked, leaning on the edge of his seat to look at James across the table._ _

__“Gid posted a flyer in the common room last week for a quick practice for anyone who wanted to try out for the team. Actual tryouts are Saturday, and he wanted to get to know us, or whatever. And obviously he knows me, so he was talking to me and Marlene the whole time, basically.” James sighed and ran a hand through his wet hair. “We ran a few laps, did a few drills, and since it rained last night the pitch was muddy. Marls and I dismounted at the same time, and a ton of mud splashed up, except it only got on her.” He fought back a grin. “It was funny, at least I thought, so I started to laugh, and she got mad! So I tried to use _Aguamenti_ , but I’m lousy at Charms, so it drenched her. And she shot me with even more water, ad=nd I thought it was funny, but she didn’t!”_ _

__Sirius exhaled, a small cheeky grin on his face. “James!” he scolded playfully. “You can’t just _do_ that!”_ _

__“I thought she’d think it was funny.” he harrumphed, crossing his arms. “I’ve known her since I was born, basically.”_ _

__Sirius glanced at Marlene, who sat by herself a few feet away. He slid down the bench until he sat across from her, staring at her as she looked at her lap, hands propping her head up._ _

__“Hi.” Sirius said. “Nasty thing James did.”_ _

__“Yeah,” she snorted._ _

__“He can be a douche sometimes.” Sirius explained, running his fingers through his hair. “A lot of the time. But know this, you’ve known him longer than me.”_ _

__She looked up from her lap, making eye contact with him, her irritated expression turning into a serene smile. “I guess so.”_ _

__“Are you going for Seeker?” Sirius asked, crossing his ankles._ _

__“Yeah. Me and a third year, and a sixth year.” Marlene said. She tucked her static curtain bangs behind her ears and smiled._ _

__“You’d be a good Seeker. I’ll be cheering you on from the stands once you make the team,” Sirius grinned, scrunching up his nose._ _

__“Merlin, Black.” she grinned, kicking his shin from under the table. “You’re hopeless.”_ _

__-_ _

__Sirius tapped his quill on his desk, bouncing his leg rapidly. Remus twirled his wand between his index and pointer finger, and James and Peter sat at the table next to them, levitating papers on Professor Griffis’ table and magicking them into crumpled-up balls._ _

__As Peter dropped his wand, releasing the last piece of parchment from its suspension mid-air, Professor Griffis stepped out of his office behind the desk. Six feet of pure terror stood in front of the class (Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs this year), almost white hair laying lax at his shoulders._ _

__“Good morning!” he bellowed. His smile revealed a set of perfectly straight and white teeth and his brown eyes gleamed._ _

__“Doesn’t look as scary now,” Remus muttered. Sirius let out a small laugh in response._ _

__“My name is Professor Griffis, I’m your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I was a former Hufflepuff myself, and I’m glad to be teaching at my alma mater.” he grinned, beckoning towards the Hufflepuff side of the room. A few girls giggled and blushed as he rolled his sleeves up._ _

__“I want to start class today with a more _practical_ lesson.” he explained, clapping his hands together. “Go ahead, stand up and get your wands out,” he said, flicking his wrist. All desks were thrown haphazardly to the sides of the classroom, revealing an open area where the class stood awkwardly. _ _

__“I’ve forgotten my wand,” James laughed, strutting over to Remus and Sirius._ _

__“You idiot, you gave it to me at breakfast so you wouldn’t lose it,” Sirius grinned, grasping a stick of willow wood from the inside of his robe pocket and tossing it to James._ _

__“Cheers!” he replied, smiling._ _

__“The incantation for the Disarming Spell is _Expelliarmus_. Go ahead, repeat after me. _Expelliarmus_ ,” Professor Griffis explained, stepping out from behind his desk._ _

__“Expelliarmus,” the class repeated staggardly._ _

__“Okay, perfect,” Griffis said, enthusiastically. “Now, move your wands in an inward spiral… yes, perfect!” he exclaimed, diverting his glance to James. “Mr…?”_ _

__“Potter. James Potter,” he grinned, smirking cheekily._ _

__“Now, get with a partner, try to put the two together!” he said. Remus went with Peter, and James went with Sirius, as usual. Calls of ‘Expelliarmus!” rang throughout the room as Griffis paced. “It’ll be a lot of trial and error, more advanced defense spells take a while to master-”_ _

__Griffis was interrupted by the sound of Sirius’ wand hitting the floor, a powerful force throwing it out of his tight grasp. James was taken aback, staring at his wand which had just produced a spell so powerful, Sirius’ wand now lay two yards away._ _

__“Mr. Potter!” Griffis gasped. “Perfect, perfect! Ten points to Gryffindor, that’s wonderful, I haven't seen a disarming that perfect since… wonderful, Mr. Potter,” he said, clapping James on the back._ _

__Sirius jogged back to James after retrieving his wand, who was smirking cheekily._ _

__“Merlin, James, can’t go one class without showing off,” Sirius snickered._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i'm aware professor griffis is extremely similar to professor ferox from all the young dudes, however i have had this fic plot planned for months, before i read atyd! :)
> 
> new chapter whoop whoop! i hope you guys like this i'm in awe on the support i'm getting! pls leave a comment and kudos and recommend this fic to friends!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	24. Second Year: Quidditch Trials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius watches James' tryouts and takes a small trip.

“You know you can still try out, right?” James asked, nervousness striking across his usually brazen face. “Just because we’d both be going for Chaser-“

“Nah,” Sirius shrugged, waving a hand. “Haven’t even broken out my broom yet.” 

James opened his mouth for a second before closing it. 

“I really don’t understand why you’re so nervous, James.” Sirius grinned, slinging an arm around James, who clutched his broom tightly as the two walked to the Quidditch pitch. “You’re the best bloody Chaser I’ve watched.”

“Yeah, but there’s _so_ many people going out…” he said, frowning and glancing at the scarlet-robed boys roughhousing on the greens. 

“And?” Sirius scoffed, grinning. “You’re better than any of them.” He glanced up at the stands, where Peter and Remus sat, shivering in the untimely October chill. Lily and Mary sat on the bench in front of then, immersed in a conversation.

“Good luck, mate,” Sirius smirked, slapping James on the back before running up the metal stairs to the bleachers.

“Sirius,” Lily nodded, beaming. 

“Hi, Lily.” he sang, slinking down next to Remus. Peter was shivering on the other side of Remus, bundled in gloves and scarves.

“Here for James?” she asked, adjusting her body to face him. Her freckled cheeks were tinted pink from the cold, matching her hair, which was pulled back in a plait. 

“You guessed it,” Remus beamed. “Marls is looking good out there.”

Through the hazy mist of morning dew, Marlene’s brown ponytail was visible whizzing above the pitch, James a few feet away from her. She was quick, dashing around the pitch as the veil of mist fell over the team hopefuls, enclosing them in a bubble of anxiety. The wannabe Beaters swarmed the field as the Chasers flew to sit down, giving them a break. Marlene tightened her ponytail, cracked her neck, and swooped down to Gideon.

“She’s phenomenal,” Mary breathed, crossing her legs.

“She really is.” Remus agreed. 

“Her brother Milo was captain a few years ago. He was really good, I bet he trained her.” Lily gushed, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Sirius learned from Lily and Mary’s gossip that Mary had four siblings - two brothers, two sisters. There was Milo, who graduated four years ago, who was a Quidditch player for Puddlemere United, Matthew, who was eight and a fraternal twin to Melanie, and her baby sister, Maryjane.

“Why aren’t you going out, Black?” Mary asked, a slight sneer in her tone.Mary didn’t talk to Sirius much, but when she did, it wasn’t especially kind. 

“I didn’t want to,” he shrugged. It was a slight fib, but there’s nothing wrong with little white lies.

“Not against _James_ you wouldn’t.” Mary said, pursing her lips in annoyance. He blinked.

Gideon Prewett signaled for the competitors over to him, had a quick, unintelligible chat, and the hopeful-Seekers disbanded, waiting on the benches on the opposite side of the pitch. There had to be at least twenty-five people trying out, but Sirius identified most as upperclassmen. James sat, legs spread, across the pitch, shaking his head as to mess up his hair. Sirius couldn’t make his expression out clearly, but he was bouncing his leg and was _definitely_ silently judging each Seeker auditionee. 

“It’s between Marls and Benjy Fenwick,” Lily breathed, perched on the edge of her seat. “Benji’s got seniority, he’s a fifth year, but Marls is, frankly, better.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Peter shrugged.

James mounted his broom as Gideon made another call, pushing off the ground and into the air. He was exceptional; easily the best flyer trying out. He was just _so_ good, good at everything. Good at Quidditch, good at Transfiguration, good at Defense. Sirius was good at very few things. He was best at History, but dreadful at Potions and Herbology. He was right behind James in Transfiguration and Defense, not close enough to bask in the glory, but just _right_ behind. And it was annoying, of course, because he’d never be as good as James, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it. Regulus had always been smarter than him, more talented than him, more musically gifted. Sirius was average. Painfully average.

Which, Sirius assumed, wasn’t a bad thing. He didn’t need to be good at everything. He was popular and girls liked him. Not that he was much interested, none were very pretty, not yet. Marlene was cute, but more in a friendly way. Lily was pretty, like the girl next door, but he would never go for her, James wouldn’t let it happen. In hindsight, Sirius thought, James _would_. He was so easygoing, too nice for his own good. Besides, Sirius didn’t like gingers. And there was Mary, but she always looked like there was a Dungbomb under her nose. She was nice enough, and smart, but she was a little rude, too sharp. There were girls in other houses too, he supposed, but he didn’t need a girlfriend.

Not yet, at least. He bit his lip to suppress a grin.

James soared through the air, Quaffle under his arm, casting the burgundy ball through the hoops guarded by Gideon. Seven out of ten balls made it in - exceptional, considering Gideon was a burly seventeen-year-old who was obviously putting his all into Keeping. The other Chasers attempted their turn at Chasing, but they weren’t a match for James. Nobody was. Half of them fumbled the Quaffle, dropping it twenty feet before James swooped down to grab it and bring it back to them.

“I think Potter’s too full of himself already,” Lily confided in Mary. “I mean, if he gets on the team, he won’t ever shut up about it.”

“I can see that.” Mary said. She shot an incandescent glare at Sirius, which imperturbability crossed her face in a look of disgust before looking back at Lily. “Be glad it’s _just_ Potter, though.”

“It’s _freezing_ ,” Sirius shivered, tapping his foot.

“You’re wearing a thin sweater,” Peter pointed out. “I’d be freezing too.”

“I didn’t have time to get my cloak,” he moaned, kicking his feet onto the bench and leaning his head on Remus’ lap.

“Didja get a haircut, Sirius?” Remus asked, taken aback.

“Like, four months ago!” Sirius snickered. “Honestly, Remus, you don’t notice _anything_.”

Remus rolled his eyes, grinning. “Gerroff,” he laughed, pushing Sirius’ pale face off his lap. 

“You love me, Lupin,” Sirius teased, his shoulders shuddering.

James and Marlene soon came running up the stairs to the bleachers, their faces red and sweaty, but frostbitten and puffy. Clad in perfectly tailored red and gold robes, they had matching grins from ear to ear, James’ arm slung around Marlene.

“We got in! Both of us! Two _second_ years!” Marlene squealed, gripping her broom with a single hand.

“Congrats, Marls!” Mary shrieked, squeezing Marlene into a breathless embrace. Lily clapped her hands, rolling back and front on the balls of her feet.

“Knew you had it in yourself, James,” Sirius said once the four had made it back to the common room. It was warm, the fire had been going since six that morning when they had left for Quidditch trials. It was now past midday, and it wasn’t yet warm enough to sit outside. Fall was upon them, which meant winter was soon, which meant the holidays were basically tomorrow.

“Blimey.” James kept repeating. _”Blimey,”_

“Say blimey as many times as you want, no one’s surprised you made the team,” Remus said, gripping James’ shoulder. For someone who barely understood Quidditch, he (and Peter) were extremely proud of James. As anyone should be, thought Sirius. He was the proudest he had ever been, most likely because it was one of the first instances he had anything to be proud of.

The couches were soft underneath Sirius, and he sat down next to James, laying his head on his friend’s stomach. He felt James’ heart beat underneath him with excitement.

“Well, I’m famished,” James grunted, sitting up from where he lay on the red sofa. 

“Lunch’s passed by now,” Peter said, glancing at the large clock above the fireplace. “Shall we take a trip to the kitchens?”

“Oh!” Sirius exclaimed, jumping up from where he sat., intertwined with James. “You haven’t shown Remus and I how to get in yet!”

“Have we not?” James said, furrowing his brows and scratching his head. “It’s insane. So many house elves. Can’t believe they don’t get trampled.” He clapped his hands together suddenly. “Well. Let’s get moving!”

The journey to the kitchens was short; the passage started on the first floor and took the marauders through different corridors, one where they came into contact with none other than Severus Snape and his posse of clowns. Hiding behind a suit of armor until the four Slytherins passed, the marauders clambered out and giggled all the way down the green and silver hall until they found the Hufflepuff common room.

“ ‘S right across the hall,” Peter explained. “Hestia Jones, she’s a second year Hufflepuff, she showed me the second week of classes.” Pete fought back a smile, but his chubby cheeks were bright red against the freckles spattered along his nose.

Across the corridor was an oil, still-life painting of a bowl of fruit. It was massive - easily ten feet tall. Unlike the other Hogwarts paintings, this one was still, like a Muggle’s would be. It looked just like one of the paintings he saw at a Muggle art museum Uncle Alphard brought him and Andromeda to a few years ago. The Muggle painting was by Vincent Van Gogh, and it was almost identical to the one in front of him. With yellow undertones, it depicted pears and apples and lemons in a platinum woven bowl. Sirius liked Muggle art much more than wizard portraits - the wizard paintings at home would hiss at him and screech, but Muggle portraits were silent and unmoving. He wondered if the people in the portraits ever got bored of sitting in the same position all their lives.

“Tickle the pear. The big one,” James said, correcting Remus, who began to hover his hand towards the smaller fruit. The painting swung open, similar to the Fat Lady portrait in Gryffindor Tower, and the four climbed through.

Hundreds of house elves roamed the room, which was solid white and spotless. Each elf wore a clean, unspeckled tea towel that gleamed white against their beige skin. Carrying anything from metal bowls to heads of lettuce, the elves scampered sound the room before a few sprinted up to James and Peter.

“Mister Pettigrew! Mister Potter!” one squeaked, holding out a silver platter of finger sandwiches.

“Cheers,” Sirius grinned, taken aback. Kreacher would never act this kind. Kreacher was a moody git who spent most of his time under the boiler, or kissing the ground Mother walked on. James set the platter down on a table, and Sirius could almost hear Remus audibly exhale sharply from behind him. James stuffed a few sandwiches into his mouth, holding a hand over his mouth as he chewed. Sirius daintily plucked one from the platter, contemplating whether or not to offer it to Remus. If he really _was_ a werewolf, he couldn’t touch silver. But he wanted to make sure he couldn’t touch it. Make sure he was a silver-resistant werewolf before they accused him. After what seemed like hours of contemplating, but what was really only seconds, he handed Remus the tea sandwich, smiling. 

Taking one for himself, he sat in the chair next to James, who was directing an in-depth production of the morning’s trials. It was relaxing, being alone with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi loves! lmk how you like this chap i had fun writing it! also - weird thing to sya, ik, but feel free to ask ANY questions in the comments! i got some comments about wand cores on my last chap and i love geeking out about stuff like that :)
> 
> where to find me:
> 
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	25. Second Year: Zonko's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marauders find a new passage.

The late-October flush passed in declining temperatures and chilled breezes. It had been two weeks since James and Marlene were admitted onto the Quidditch team, and Sirius had spent most of his now-Jamesless time with Peter and Remus.

It was weird - he had known them for close to a year and a half, but was significantly more distant to them than with James. Of course, they were friends, they were _best_ friends, but it wasn’t like he had told Remus or Pete any secrets, or slept in their beds yet.

“I’m bored,” Sirius drawled, laying on his back in front of the warm common room fire. There was a velvet throw pillow under his head as he sprawled on the ground, exhaling. The fire crackled near his head as warmth engulfed his body, spreading like wildfire.

“Reckon we go watch James and Marlene practice?” Peter offered, setting his Charms essay down on the wooden table. Sirius hadn’t started his yet - it was over the theory of the Memory Charm, and the passages Flitwick assigned for the class to read made no sense. Memory Charms themselves wouldn’t be practiced until fifth year, when OWLs rolled around, and it was close to impossible for Sirius to write an essay on the theory of something he couldn’t practice.

“It’s freezing,” Remus said dryly. He sat, legs crossed, on the maroon sofa, with his Potions textbook opened across his lap. He was jumpy, and Sirius watched him stretch his twitching limbs as he closed his book and set it next to Pete’s essay.

“Don’t wanna watch James,” Sirius grumbled, rolling onto his stomach. “It’s too _cold_ ,”

“So what do you want to do?” Peter grimaced, furrowing his brows. 

Sirius shrugged. “Dunno. Filch is on patrol today, we can mess with him.”

“Sure.” Peter agreed. “Think I’ve got some Stink Pellets left over from my birthday. Remus?” He began rummaging through his bag, straw-blonde hair falling in front of his face.

“Sounds good.” Remus stood up, extending his long legs as Peter scrambled to his feet. Sirius sat up from where he lay, running a hand through his hair.

Climbing out of the portrait hole, Sirius noticed how vacant the halls were; only a few students passed through, most of them headed towards common rooms, or the library. Two Gryffindor boys ran past - they had to be two years older. 

“Quidditch’s gone longer than usual,” Remus frowned, glancing at the setting sun outside. It was drizzling, but it seemed to always be in Scotland. “James and Marlene’ll be lucky to be back before dusk.”

“It’s Prewett, I swear,” Sirius said, shaking his head and descending down the staircase. “He takes being captain so much more seriously than Fabian did. Fab only did Saturday morning practices, but Gideon does Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturday mornings, and sometimes Saturday afternoons.”

“Godric,” Peter groaned. “Dunno how James does it.”

“He’s been practicing all summer,” Remus added. “Marlene and Mary were talking about it in Herbology. Think they fancy him, or something.”

“Marlene and Mary?” Sirius snorted. “He’s got everyone _but_ Evans.” Peter and Remus laughed as they continued down another flight.

“So,” Sirius started, stopping at the fourth floor landing. “If Filch is patrolling, he’ll be down by the dungeons today.”

“Why’s that?” Remus asked.

“Cause he doesn’t patrol by Hufflepuff, because he’s scared of the house elves. And Peeves hangs out by Ravenclaw, and you know how they get on.” He shuddered. “And _obviously_ he’s not around here, because-” 

There was a creaking of stairs that rang through the corridor, and they exchanged the same glance - raised eyebrows, slightly agape mouth, and colorless cheeks. Though, Sirius thought, his cheeks didn’t have much color anyway. Peter was the first to dash across the bend of the hallway, pressing his body against the exposed brick wall. Remus and Sirius were soon to follow, attempting to blend in with the red wall.

Argus Filch was a man of many words - oddly enough, none kind. He was tall and lanky, with balding grey hair exposing his flaky scalp. He had eyes like a mouse, beady and dark with purple bags underneath them. His thin, chapped lips were always pressed into a grotesque frown, and his button-like eyes glared at any student that had the misfortune to scamper below him. Sirius had been in detention with Filch enough times to learn that he wasn’t a force to be reckoned with. 

Expecting to see a scabious, lanky man and his rancid orange cat tiptoe around the corner, Sirius, Remus, and Peter shrunk into the wall, wincing.

“Wotcher!” a grinning voice called. Peering out from the raven strands of hair that had fallen over his eyes, he was greeted by two honey-brown eyes under circle spectacles, clad in a rumpled uniform stained with the rainwater from outside (or was it sweat?).

“ _Godric_ , Potter, we thought you were Filch!” Peter gasped, letting go of the tension held in his chest. 

“My bad,” James sang, biting his lower lip. “What’re you _up_ to?”

“Going after Filch. Sirius thinks he’s down by the dungeons,” Remus said, rolling his shoulders back. He cracked his knuckles, and Sirius glanced abruptly at Peter, who was staring at a pearly white scar momentarily exposed by the lack of a schoolrobe on Remus’ shoulders. Peter blinked, and his gaze faltered.

“I’ve got Stink Pellets!” Peter added, holding up a hand and beaming. Sirius pressed his lips together and glanced at his friend before rolling his eyes and looking at James.

Peter didn't have a filter. He said whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, and it was dreadful to have to listen to his constant moaning, Sirius thought. But, he supposed, Peter was a marauder, and marauders stuck together.

Even if one was a half-breed.

 _Godric_. Sirius internally scolded himself. _Stop saying that. He’s just Remus. He’s normal 353 days a year. Stop being rude. You’re acting like Bellatrix._

“Sirius?” James repeated, waving a hand in front of Sirius’ glazed over eyes. “You in there?”

“Got distracted,” he said, brushing his hair out of his face. ”Sorry.”

“Do you see that?” Remus asked, craning his neck forward.

“See what?” Peter asked, standing on the balls of his feet to get a better look. It was a shame - even on his tiptoes, he was a solid three inches shorter than Remus.

“Remus, how can you see _anything?_ ” James asked, taking off his glasses and polishing the lenses with his uniform shirt. “It’s pitch dark.”

He wasn’t wrong - the sun had set in an untimely fashion, and the only lights illuminating their path were the dim candles mounted on the wall. Sirius could barely see Peter, who was only standing about a yard away. He glanced at the clock. It was almost after hours, they shouldn't be out this late. But, Sirius thought, what’s one more detention?

“Oh!” Remus said, taken aback. Even in the dim corridor light, his flushed cheeks were apparent. “Erm, good eyesight.”

“Don’t you wear reading glasses?” Sirius questioned, taking a step closer.

Remus shrugged uncomfortably. Great.

“Anyway,” he continued. “That shelf.” He pointed two fingers at a shelf across the hallway that held a lit candelabra and a porcelain vase. “Has it always looked that… that weird?” Sirius stepped forward, slinking across the vacant hall. The shelf looked _different_ , it was slightly off-center, and a little lopsided. He fingered the shelf, feeling the mahogany wood, before he felt a silver keyhole embedded into the wall.

“There’s a keyhole,” he said, dumbly.

“No shit.” James grinned. “We don’t have a key though.”

“Ding ding ding,” Sirius said, sticking out his tongue and jabbing James in the side with his elbow.

“Oi!”

Remus stepped in front of them, eyeing the keyhole, tapping it with his wand and brushing his fingers against it. James reached over, grabbing Sirius in a chokehold and ruffling his hair.

“Not the hair!” he yelped, pushing against James’ strong arms.

“Hey,” Remus said slowly. “D’ya think _Alohamora_ would work?”

“Probably,” Peter said, shifting his weight awkwardly. “I still can’t do it.”

“Pete, you wanker, Alohamora is a dunce.” James tutted. 

Remus muttered the incantation, waving his wand over the keyhole. He stepped back, and the shelf began to shrink into the wall, vase and candelabra included. After it had disappeared into nothingness, a barren door began to push forward out of the wall, wooden and mildewed.

Remus looked awe-stricken.

“Bloody hell,” James breathed.

“ _Another_ passage!” Peter gasped. “Remus, you’ve gotta put that on the map.”

Remus did not say anything. He nodded. “Merlin.”

The door was obviously old and had not been in use for _decades_ , this much was evident by the rotting wood and smell of mold. 

“Ignite your wands,” Sirius said, muttering _”Lumos,”_ and stepping forward. “Filch can wait another day.”

“You _know_ I haven’t got mine,” James grumbled, clutching onto Sirius’ arm. “And I hate the dark.” he whimpered.

Sirius grinned, holding back a laugh. “Godric, Remus, can’t believe you saw that shelf,” he admired, staring over his shoulder at the boy behind him.

Remus shrugged awkwardly, grinning. “Obviously I have an inner aptitude for things like these,”

“Oh, can it, Remus,” Peter snickered, jutting Remus’ side. He giggled in reply, and Sirius turned his head back forward.

James hated the dark. Sirius knew this - he told stories about how he used a magic night light back at home. Sirius was never allowed to use a nightlight, or anything similar. Mother said they were preposterous Muggle contraptions. It wasn’t like he was scared of the dark; he wasn’t scared of anything. Not that he knew of. Besides, maybe Bellatrix.

At the end of the ten minute walk through the tunnel, there was another sullied door, this one less moldy, and less blemished. “Remus, do the honors,” James squeaked, still clutching Sirius’ forearm.

“Like I said,” Remus started, pushing open the door. “Inner aptitude.” He stepped forward, and motioned for the rest of the boys to follow. Sirius extinguished his wand, which earned a small yelp from James, and followed Remus through the door.

Peter flipped on the lights, and they were greeted by a bright room, colored in primary colors and striped walls. It smelled like polyester and latex, a clean sort of scent. Cardboard boxes littered the floor and there was a large white table in the middle of the room. No room at Hogwarts looked like this.

“Don’t think this is Hogwarts,” Peter shared, stepping forward. “Definitely not Hogwarts.”

“I think we’re in Hogsmeade,” James said, stepping forward. 

“No!” Sirius gasped, grinning.

“I’ve been here before,” James shared. “Just a few times.”

“D’ya recognize the store?” Remus asked, peering around with his arms behind his back.

“Gimme a second,” James said, walking slowly. “Oh! Here’s a door, we must be in the back room.” James creaked the door open and slid through, before extending a hand that beckoned the others to follow.

Sirius was first to follow, exiting the back room and opening the door wider for Remus and Peter.

James let out a strangled gasp, slapping a hand over his agape mouth. 

“We’re in _Zonko’s!_ ” he exclaimed. “Zonko’s Joke Shop!”

The shelves on the striped walls displayed different joke products; everything from Dumgbombs to Sugar Quills to Nose-Biting Teacups. Toy models of dragons slept on the different tables staggered throughout the room, and the occasional blast of sparks would appear from knickknacks across the store.

It was wild, wilder than Sirius had ever anticipated. He hadn’t been inside Zonko’s, but he had been to Hogsmeade plenty of times before, always praying that Mother or Father would let him go inside. They never did, of course, but it wasn’t like he would ever outright ask. They much preferred stores like the ones in Knockturn Alley - Sirius hated them. They were always dark and dismal, not to mention how terrifying the shoppers down there were. Zonko’s was basically the store embodiment of James Potter - loud, flamboyant, bright, but warm, and relaxing.

“Pete!” James called. “Guess we won’t be needing those Stink Pellets anytime soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! how do you like this chapter?? emotional chapters are coming soon, so i wanted a happy one teehee pls leave a comment and kudos and recommend this fic to friends!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	26. Second Year: The Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin has a massive secret.

The night after the secret passage to Zonko’s was discovered and recorded, Remus mysteriously disappeared to visit his mother.

“I checked Professor Sinistra’s moon charts,” Sirius said tentatively as he and James descended the steps from the Astronomy tower, headed to the Great Hall for dinner. Remus left shortly after Astronomy class, claiming that there was a “family emergency underhand.”

“Mm?” 

“I checked the charts,” he repeated. “And it’s a full moon today.”

James pursed his lips. “So when do we say something?”

_”Say _something?” Sirius asked, bewildered. He stopped in his tracks as the staircase began to move.__

__“Uh, yeah.” James said. “You don’t think…?”_ _

__“No, no, I didn’t think you wanted to _tell_ him!”_ _

__James laughed, stepping from the moving staircase to the landing by the Great Hall. “We’ll be bunking with him for seven years, he’ll tell us sooner or later.”_ _

__Sirius eyed him warily. “But it’s his secret-”_ _

__“And we found it out, didn’t we?” James frowned. “Besides,” he slid down on the bench across Sirius. “He won’t have to keep it secret any longer.”_ _

__“I guess so,” Sirius shrugged. “But what if we’re wrong? I’d be offended.”_ _

__“There’s no way,” James said through a mouthful of food. “D’ya think he’ll be mad we found out?”_ _

__Sirius furrowed his brows in concentration. _Would_ he? Remus didn’t get mad often, but when he did, it was awful. When James got angry, he got _angry, _Peter sulked until he couldn’t take it any longer, Sirius got blunt when angered, but Remus was different. Remus kept cool, but would have episodes throughout the week where he would explode. Nothing obvious, but he’d snap, or be upfront. Really upfront.___ _

____“Nah,” Sirius said, waving a hand dismissively. “Nah.”_ _ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

____It was well into Tuesday mid-morning when Remus staggered back into the dorms, his limp pronounced and dark bags hanging under his eyes. His shoulders drooped and his head was slightly tilted, and he caressed his jaw meaningfully, opening and closing it._ _ _ _

____“Alright, Lupin?” James said, holding up a thumbs-up._ _ _ _

____“Great,” he sighed, gingerly slumping down on his bed. The curtains were drawn, and the sun gently shone through the windows onto his bed. Herbology classes were cancelled that day, so second-years had a free period until lunch - Professor Sprout accidentally mutated a nasty mix between bubotuber puffs and Devil’s Snare._ _ _ _

____“You don’t look great,” Peter frowned. Sirius shot him a tentative glare._ _ _ _

____“You were gone for a while,” Sirius said, standing up from where he and Peter were congregating on James’ bed. Brushing his trousers with his hands, he straightened his collar._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, well, Mum and I just wanted some… quality time.” Remus said, fiddling with the frayed hem of his schoolshirt. He looked absolutely dreadful, and extremely fatigued._ _ _ _

____“Doing what?” Peter piped._ _ _ _

____“Oh, you know, just mother and son things.”_ _ _ _

____It was quiet for a bit._ _ _ _

____“Erm, look, Remus…” James said, standing up. “We’ve been… well, the three of us, we’ve been talking…”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____He trailed off. It was uncomfortable, almost unbearable, because Remus was so _cool_ about it. He sat, perched on the edge of his four-poster, his expression unchanged. _ _ _ _

____“About?” he asked. His voice shook slightly, but nothing too apparent._ _ _ _

____“Well… it’s hard _not_ to notice that you’re gone every month, and, well-“ James started awkwardly. _ _ _ _

____“We know you’re not visiting your mother.” Sirius interrupted, shifting his weight between legs._ _ _ _

____Remus stood, his face stark white._ _ _ _

____“And, even if you were, it happens every month.” Peter said. “Every month. Do you get what we’re saying?”_ _ _ _

____They didn’t say the word. At least, Sirius never wanted to say the word. It made him sick - Remus wasn’t a monster. But werewolves were. And, he supposed, he wasn’t any different than the first year he had known Remus, but now he knew. Knew his secrets - God, it made him sick. Some things were better kept private, he supposed._ _ _ _

____But Remus stood by his bed, his honey-brown eyes wide, and his paled, terrified expression contrasting against the deep purples under his eyes. He looked petrified, and even though he stood significantly taller than any of the other boys in the room, he seemed to shrink with fear as three pairs of eyes stared him down, noticing everything from his fresh, red scar on his hand to his shabby, olive-green shirt. It was pitiful, Sirius thought, he really didn’t get it. They didn’t _care_ , not even Peter, they just wanted to make him feel safe. Execution was _Remus’_ strong suit, and he wasn’t there to plan out his own confrontation. Swaying back and forth, Sirius warmed up as Remus opened his mouth._ _ _ _

____“I’ll pack my trunk.” Remus said hoarsely, his eyes gleaming with terror and all color drained from his face. The two scars lining his face stood out bright red against his pale cheeks._ _ _ _

____“Remus…” Peter said, calmly placing a hand on Remus’ arm as he squatted down, grabbing his trunk from underneath his bed._ _ _ _

____“ ‘S not a big deal,” he shrugged. “I get it. Don’t wanna share a room with a… with me.” He squeezed his lips together into a straight line and dropped his shoulders._ _ _ _

____Sirius glanced over at James, who hadn’t spoken in a while. His mouth was slightly open, as if he was about to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out. He felt the same way - there wasn’t much to say. Nothing he could come up with the words for, at least._ _ _ _

____“Well, we don’t care! Not at all.” Sirius blurted out. His eyes were wide watching Remus. “We don’t care. Honest.”_ _ _ _

____Remus chewed the inside of his cheek, staring down Sirius. His face flushed._ _ _ _

____“I suppose I’ll go back home, anyway.”_ _ _ _

____“What in the fresh hell are you on about?” James said shakily._ _ _ _

____“No parent wants a werewolf going to school with their child,” Remus scoffed. “I’m not thick.”_ _ _ _

____“Obviously,” Sirius drawled. “You’re the best boy in our class, I think.” He looked at James for support, but he was staring at his shoes, lifting and dropping his heels periodically. Peter was staring at the corner of the room, his eyes glazed over. Sirius could tell they were both ignoring the conversation occurring, and instead rehearsing what they would say. Tossers._ _ _ _

____“We won’t tell anyone.” Sirius whispered. “I promise.”_ _ _ _

____Remus stared at him for a bit, before blinking and breaking the trance. “It’s not a joke, Sirius. If you tell _anyone_ I’ll be expelled. I’m not even supposed to tell anyone. Do you understand?”_ _ _ _

____“So Dumbledore knows?” he asked, sharply changing the subject. Of course he wouldn’t tell anyone. There was no benefit to - not for anyone._ _ _ _

____Remus nodded. “And McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey and Madam Fabray. And most of the teachers.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh.” Sirius looked at James, whose eyes were large and no longer glazed over._ _ _ _

____“But we won’t tell anyone. Maybe we can help!” he piped up._ _ _ _

____“Getting your notes and stuff from classes,” Peter added pointedly._ _ _ _

____Remus was still pale, his mouth somewhat open and his eyes tired and dark. “You’re not kidding?”_ _ _ _

____“No.” James frowned. “It doesn’t matter to us. Not at all.”_ _ _ _

____“You won’t mind sharing a dorm with a monster?” Remus said, cocking a smirk._ _ _ _

____“Monsters that wear wool socks and read classic English literature can’t be that scary,” Sirius jeered, wrapping his arm around Remus’ shoulder. James and Peter stepped forward, continuing to engulf Remus in an embrace, and the four boys toppled over onto the nearest bed._ _ _ _

____“It’s just a… furry little problem.” Peter said, sprawling his short limbs._ _ _ _

____Sirius cackled and cast a pillow at him, running his spare hand through his hair._ _ _ _

____“Godric, Peter, don’t ever try to be poetic again.” Remus snickered._ _ _ _

____“That can be our code name,” James remarked. “I love a good code name.”_ _ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

____It was evening, and the moon shone overhead, brightening the otherwise dull room. Heavy breathing came from James’ bed, soft snores from Peter’s, and Sirius could see Remus’ wandlight through the curtains. Reluctantly pushing his curtains back, he took the short commute to Remus’ bed._ _ _ _

____He slid in through the closed curtains and settled on the foot of the bed, crossing his legs underneath him._ _ _ _

____“Hey,” he said. “I saw your wand.”_ _ _ _

____“Are you here to…?” he started. His voice was small, and his eyes were puffy. It looked like he’d been crying - he hadn’t ever seen Remus cry. He’d seen James and Peter cry; homesickness, probably. But not Remus. Remus was independent, not childish. How are you supposed to deal with someone _else’s_ emotions?_ _ _ _

____“Yeah.” he whispered. “Honestly, we really don’t care. I promise.”_ _ _ _

____Remus set his book down on his nightstand, exhaling. “I know _you_ don’t.”_ _ _ _

____“Huh?” he asked, puzzled. “You think James does?”_ _ _ _

____“No.”_ _ _ _

____“Pete?”_ _ _ _

____“No,” he groaned, rubbing his forearm. “I mean, I guess I’m just… whatever.”_ _ _ _

____“Go on, I’ll listen,” Sirius said, readjusting._ _ _ _

____“I mean… well, I guess it wasn’t awfully smart for me to come here, in the first place. Not very safe.”_ _ _ _

____“Are you joking?” Sirius asked incredulously. “You’re the backbone behind all our pranks. Besides, everyone knows you’re the sensible one.”_ _ _ _

____“I guess,” he shrugged. “You just wouldn’t get it.”_ _ _ _

____“I suppose not,” Sirius frowned. “You wouldn’t understand a lot about me.”_ _ _ _

____“Such as?” Remus asked, his voice irritated. “Sorry.”_ _ _ _

____“You keep your secrets. I’ll keep mine,” Sirius smirked, crossing his arms._ _ _ _

____“You just found _out_ my secret,” Remus said, squinting his eyes._ _ _ _

____Sirius harrumphed. “And? You can find out mine.”_ _ _ _

____“Consider this a challenge,” Remus said, tilting his head. “I’ll find it out. Eventually.”_ _ _ _

____Sirius smirked. “You’re on.”_ _ _ _

____“Good _night_ , Sirius,” Remus said, shooing Sirius off of his bed. Sirius leapt off, and padded his feet across the floor back to his bed. Concealed by his curtains, he watched Remus’ wandlight extinguish, and in a few minutes, a third set of heavy breaths joined the mix of sounds in their dorm. _ _ _ _

____-_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“I said move it to the _left_ , you wanker.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, shove it, Black.”_ _ _ _

____“Not until you learn your left from right.”_ _ _ _

____“Speaking of learning, I’m not writing your Charms essay this week.”_ _ _ _

_____”Peter!”_ _ _ _ _

____“If the two of you don’t stop bickering, I’m kicking you both out.” James finally snapped._ _ _ _

____Sirius rolled his eyes and stared at the parchment in front of him. Remus was in the library, and Peter, James, and Sirius were working on a surprise for him when he returned._ _ _ _

____“I reckon he’s almost done with his notes, Slughorn only gave him a two-day extension, and Remus would _never_ turn anything in late.” James said, passing Peter the final piece of parchment._ _ _ _

____“Old bat.” Sirius grumbled. “Stays up all of last Sunday night howling at the moon and Sluggy only gives him _two_ days.”_ _ _ _

____Peter stepped down from the chair he stood at, and admired their work, his hands on his hips. The stairs outside of the dorm creaked, and three heads swung around as the wooden door opened slowly._ _ _ _

____“Wotcher,” Remus said slowly, eyeing the scarlet wall opposite him. In the past month, it had accustomed different prints, in addition to the moving picture of the four of them concealing the hole. Poems, doodles, and old Zonko’s receipts were pinned onto the wall, and the plan was to cover the entirety before they left in five years. Depicted across the wall were nine yellowed calendar pages, with red ink circling one date each month._ _ _ _

____“You didn’t have to…” Remus said awkwardly and quietly, dropping his bag near his bed and stepping forward, lanky limbs askew._ _ _ _

____“But this way it makes it easier for all of us,” James said, beaming his lopsided smile. “So nobody forgets.” Peter piped._ _ _ _

____Remus ran his fingers through his curls, searching for words. “Fucking Christ,” he muttered._ _ _ _

____"Merlin's balls," James snickered. "We've truly got a lot on our plate."_ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one took FOREVER! so sorry guys! i really want to thank you for the support i got on my last chapter i love each and every one of you! i didnt think anyone would actually read this! ILY! pls leave a comment and kudos!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmaraders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	27. Second Year: Boggarts, the First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Defense class, the second years are required to face boggarts.

Professor Griffis’ classroom was incredibly different from Professor Lilipad’s the year prior; he traded the vines and flowers decorating the room for gold-plated trinkets and pottery vases filled with different flowers. 

“For a man so terrifying, his interior design choices are pretty ironic,” Remus drawled, sitting next to Sirius at their desk, James and Peter at the table to their left.

“Oh, I agree,” Peter whimpered. “I suppose a florist can’t be too terrifying.” Peter had developed a strong (and irrational) fear of their new professor, but Sirius couldn’t blame him.

“Oi, Evans!” James called, plucking a red flower from the blue vase in between him and Peter. Lily led Mary and Marlene over to James, rolling her eyes and swishing her long hair from side to side. “A beautiful flower,” he started, nimbley slipping the scarlet floret in between her fingers. “For a beautiful Lily.”

Sirius opened his mouth, failing to fight back a grin, and covering his mouth with his hands to stifle a laugh. Lily was fuming; her jaw was clenched and her face was almost as red as her hair. 

“I think she’s crying,” Remus whispered, leaning over to watch the scene. Hufflepuffs began to filter into the classroom. And he was right - wet, angry tears pricked her green eyes as she ripped the petals off the flower, crumbling the stem in her hand and throwing it at James’ shocked face. She stormed to an empty table in the opposite corner of the room, Mary and Marlene not far behind.

Sirius craned his neck, peeking over at James and Peter’s table as the two watched Lily storm off. 

“Remus,” he started, whipping his head around. “Aren’t those flowers petunias?”

“I think they are,” he frowned. “That’s her sister, right?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded. “They don’t get on well.”

Remus groaned. “Then James comes in, and… Christ,” he muttered. “Wonder if she’ll be up for tea after lessons.”

“I’ll join.” Sirius said, nudging Remus’ shoulder with a grin as Griffis entered the classroom. The professor held his wand in a death grip, levitating in a shaking mahogany desk. 

“Greetings, greetings, greetings,” Griffis beamed, his platinum hair laying lax across his forehead. He set the desk down on the ground in front of the door, still shaking. “Welcome back, great to see all of your smiling faces.”

Sirius glanced at Remus, who was fighting just as hard as he was to control a snicker. 

“Er, today’s lesson plan has been interrupted, Mr. Filch has found a boggart in Professor Binns’ desk. Now, does anyone know what a boggart is? Yes, Ms. Zembrodt?”

“A boggart is a shape-shifter that takes on the appearance of the viewer’s worst fear.” Vivian Zembrodt from Hufflepuff explained. Sirius screwed up his face at Remus - Vivian was incredibly annoying. 

“Perfect, ten points to Hufflepuff. And does anyone know where boggarts reside?”

“Please, sir, boggarts like dark and tight places.” Peter explained. 

“Sounds like my house,” Sirius muttered, grinning at Remus. 

“Perfect, Mr. Pettigrew.” Peter smiled a lopsided grin - one similar to James’, but less charismatic and more unkempt. “Boggarts are dark creatures who take dark places, such as this desk, as a home. When they come into contact with a person, they take on the figure of one’s greatest fear. Much like a poltergeist, they are classified by the Ministry as non-beings. Lupin, I’m sure you know the incantation to rid a space of a boggart?”

Remus flushed red. “Er, it’s Riddikulus,” he stammered. 

“Wonderful, ten points to Gryffindor. Now, I want you all to repeat after me. Riddikulus!”

“Riddikulus,” Sirius repeated, along with the rest of the class. 

“Go ahead and get into a line, we’ll go one at a time. This class is fairly small, I’m sure we’ll all have time,” Griffis winked. The class rose to their feet, scampering to the desk. Sirius joined Remus, Peter, and James in the very back of the line. 

“Dad works with boggarts, it’s how he met Mum. Saved her from a boggart,” Remus explained. 

“Sounds romantic,” Lily beamed, joining Mary and Marlene a few spots ahead of them. 

“Merlin, Remus, Evans kisses your _feet!_ ” James moaned. “How d’ya do it?”

Remus shrugged. “I listen to her. I don’t flirt with her.”

James stuck out his tongue, crossing his arms. “Wonder what our boggarts’ll be.” Kevin Rainer, a Hufflepuff in their year, had transformed his vampire boggart into a ballerina. 

“I’m not scared of anything.” Sirius boasted, shaking his hair. “I think the boggart will be scared of me, me and my terrifyingly good looks.”

“Oh, shut it, Black,” Peter grimaced. The line continued to inch forward - lots of vampires, lots of insects, and an absurd amount of clowns. 

As they inched closer towards the boggart, Emmeline Vance, one of the Hufflepuff girls in their year, reluctantly stepped towards the boggart (which was currently a shark wearing a wedding dress). It quickly transformed into a grey-furred, bloody, teeth-baring werewolf. 

Sirius’ eyes widened, and he glanced at Remus, who dropped his shoulders. The wolf’s teeth were caked in dried blood, and his fur was matted, contrasting against his yellow slits where eyes should be. Sirius had never seen a werewolf - is this what they looked like? Is this what Remus looked like? 

He glanced over at James, who also had his eyes glued on Remus. Surely _Remus_ didn’t look like that? Surely he was less terrifying?

“Riddikulus!” Emmeline squealed, and the wolf transformed into a stuffed animal, which bounced on the ground. 

James and Peter both warily eyed Remus, but Sirius shook their glances off. It would be awful, Sirius thought, having people scared of you without knowing. Absolutely awful. 

Marlene and Mary both passed the boggart, with Marlene’s taking the form of the dead bodies of her family, and Mary’s turning into a man cloaked in pointy white robes hissing at her. Lily was up next. 

“Bet her biggest fear is life without marriage with me,” James boasted under his breath. Sirius rolled his eyes, shifting his weight. 

Lily shakingly approached the boggart, wringing her hands and tucking her red locks behind her ear. A tall and slender girl clad in a lavender dress appeared in front of her, brown hair in two tight plaits. She looked strikingly similar to Mother; her high cheekbones and long nose were very Black-family-esque. “You freak,” she scowled. “Going to a school for learning magic with that Snape kid. I-“ Lily called out the incantation with a fierce hiss, and the girl turned into a baby doll in a split second. 

“Petunia,” Remus muttered, catching Sirius’ eye. He nodded sharply, frowning. 

Peter warily walked in front of the boggart, wincing and bouncing. The baby doll disappeared, and taking its place was a massive Rottweiler dog that lunged forward, its mouth wide open, displaying a row of rotten, yellow teeth.

“Riddikulus!” Peter whimpered, and the dog shrunk into a wind-up toy.

“You next, Potter,” Griffis said, and James approached the chattering toy. It transformed into a dark haze, covering the room in a fog.

“Riddikulus,” James blushed, his cheeks flushed red. A gleaming sun popped out, and it was no longer dismal. Of _course_ his biggest fear was something small, like the dark. Of course it was nothing. James swaggered away to where Peter stood, the bounce in his step still evident. Remus, next in line, walked forward, and the sun turned whiteand silver, craters forming. A sick feeling arose in Sirius' stomach, bubbling up to his throat.

Remus tensed, his shoulders square, and sharply waved his wand; the moon deflated like a balloon. Sirius frowned - if anyone was paying attention, they’d see the full moon shining a damp glow. 

“You’re last, Black,” Griffis smiled, clapping Sirius on the back and pushing him towards the boggart. He winced, stepping forward. 

He hadn’t gotten a good look at the boggart, but close up, you could tell it wasn’t real. There was a faint brown haze surrounding the boggart, and each object it shapeshifted into was not completely accurate. Sirius took a breath, and stepped closer to the creature. 

A tall figure billowed up from the ground, clothed in deep mahogany robes and high silver boots. Dark hair and sharp cheekbones emerged from the muddy mist, and Sirius staggered backwards. _It’s not her, she can’t be here, she’s not allowed, she’s not real._

But the figure stepped towards him, and he stumbled backwards over his robe. 

“Riddikulus,” he muttered, raising his wand with a shaky hand. 

“You filthy little boy, we ought to burn you off the tapestry,” she hissed. Sirius gulped. “You’re an awful heir, and an even worse son.”

“Riddikulus,” he repeated. He flushed, feeling all of the eyes in the room on him. “Crucio,” she called, and Sirius winced, covering his head with his hands. 

“Riddikulus,” a rapt voice said. Mother disappeared, engulfed in smoke, and erupted into a haze of smoke. It was gone. 

“That’s quite enough for today.” Professor Griffis said, jabbing his wand (which he had just used to banish the boggart away) into his robe pocket. “Bell’s about to ring. Go ahead and take an early lunch.”

The class buzzed, exiting the room as Sirius stared at his shoes, ivory hair falling in front of his face. 

“Sirius,” James whispered, brushing his fingers across Sirius’ shoulder, which was slumped. He brushed James off, shaking his shoulders and blinking. A few students in the room began to funnel out, some catching not-so-subtle glances at Sirius as they left. 

“Sirius,” James repeated, this time still in that same soft tone, but tougher. “Hey, do you… do you need to talk?”

Sirius pursed his lips together, making an ‘Mm’ sound before abruptly shaking his head. 

“Should they…?” James murmured, motioning towards Peter and Remus, who stood a few yards away. The final students gathered their books, packing up. 

“No. You and Peter can go, though.” he muttered, not meeting James’ eyes yet. 

“Oh,” James nodded, popping his lips. “I’ll see you in the Great Hall.” He was let down, and couldn’t hide it. Sirius noticed. James was the best friend he could have ever asked for, but there were some things he would never understand. 

Especially family shit. 

Because James grew up pampered and rich, and he never had to lock himself in his closet when Father was mad, and he didn’t have to learn how to keep a straight face when Mother would shriek at him for hours, and he didn’t have a little brother that he tried _so fucking hard_ to help, and he didn’t have an insane cousin who practiced hexes on him, and his family was normal, and his parents loved him. And yes, Sirius was rich, richer than James, but how much does wealth matter in the grand scheme of things?

“D’ya wanna talk?” Remus asked, pursing his lips. They were the only students left - Griffis stood behind his desk, pretending not to be eavesdropping and instead organizing loose pieces of parchment. Sirius shrugged.

“Christ,” Sirius sighed. “Completely embarrassing.”

“You’re fine. My boggart was embarrassing too. Though, not as bad as yours.” Remus frowned. “C’mon. Do you want to go to the dorms…?”

Sirius shrugged, crossing his arms. “Dunno. But hey, you figured out my secret.”

“Hm?” Remus asked, turning around to face Sirius. 

“You heard her, didn’t you?” he groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. “The Cr… the curse. The one she said.”

“Oh, right, yeah.” Remus paled. “Didn’t wanna bring it up until you did. Did she actually… did they do that?”

“Not really.” He removed his gaze from his feet and met Remus’ puzzled expression. “I mean, yeah, my father did, but it was a while ago, before first year even started.” Remus looked horrified, his eyes wide and mouth agape. “But it was just a one time thing, and I was being dreadful, so it’s fine.”

“It’s not _fine_ , Sirius.” Remus grimaced. “That’s horrible.” It was silent for a little, except for the sounds of Griffis fingering through pages in his office - the door slightly ajar. 

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t think anyone saw. Er, any of the Hufflepuffs. Lily and Mary and Marlene might’ve. And I don’t think Peter did, though I suppose James has already told him.” Remus explained, fidgeting with his tie. 

“I just didn’t want people to know,” said Sirius. “Like, it’s embarrassing, I’ve only told James. And Dromeda, but she was there, so…”

“And that’s fine, Sirius, you don’t need to tell anybody. No one is going to push it out of you. But you can talk to me, if you need to. I know sometimes James is a little… hot-headed,” Remus laughed. Sirius grinned, finally meeting Remus’ eyes. 

“Go on to lunch. I’ll be there in a few,” Sirius said, pushing his books into his bag.

“Are you sure?” asked Remus as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded. Remus exited, and Griffis entered the room through his office.

“Mr. Black,” he said tentatively, walking in eggshells over to where Sirius stood. “Care for a chat in my office?”

-

The Defense Against The Dark Arts office was up a spiral staircase, and was large enough to accommodate for a small family dining room. Bigger than the rest of the other offices (excluding Dumbledore’s and the Head of House office), Griffis redecorated it to accustom himself, with different architectural design than the year before.

A platter of tea and saucers appeared on the table between them, the same as it had with McGonagall early in first year. Sirius wondered whether tea was a requirement when interrogating a student.

“I wanted to talk,” Professor Griffis said cooly, stirring his tea with a spoon, “about your boggart in class.”

“I have no idea who that woman is,” Sirius said. The lie came easy, considering he had never fibbed about anything of the sort before - Mother and Father would never permit it.

“Ah, but one lie can make all of your truths questionable.” Griffis frowned. He leaned across the table, his musky scent wafting over the platter of teacups and scones. “The truth, please, whenever you are ready.”

“Not much to say,” Sirius shrugged, setting his cup down on its saucer. “My mother, it was her.” he continued after silence filled the office once again.

“Your mother,” Griffis echoed, setting his teacup down.

“My mother,” he repeated. 

“And, this… situation, that the boggart, er, _reflected_ , was this a real-life scenario?”

Sirius bit his tongue. He could _lie_ , the only person that really knew everything was James. And one person was enough to confide in, because James had the personality of five people. 

“Yeah,” he sighed, fidgeting.

“Do any other teachers know about this… happenstance?” Griffis said, furrowing his brows.

“No. Only the people that were there. And James. James Potter.” he mumbled, awkwardly crossing his ankles.

“People that were there? Can you elaborate?”

“It was a family dinner. My cousins, they were there, and my aunt and uncle. My oldest cousin took me back to her flat and she fixed me up. And it was _forever_ ago, it was right before the first day of first year.” he whispered, his eyes tracing the inking on his porcelain teacup. “But it’s not a big deal,I’m not sure why they all act like it is. Remus, my friend Remus Lupin, he was freaking out. I was being bad, so they punished me.”

Griffis stood up, the old floorboards under him creaking. “Well, I can’t keep you here much longer. Go on to lunch, eh? Catch up with Potter, didn’t look like he wanted to leave you.”

“Thank you for the tea, Professor.” Sirius nodded, standing up. Griffis squeezed his shoulder, and Sirius left the office, never uttering a word of this excursion to anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! loved writing this chapter it took an INSANELY short time! i hope you guys enjoyyy! please leave a comment and kudos my last chapter flopped lmao i think its because it was so fluffyyyyyyy
> 
> where to find me:   
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	28. Second Year: Severus Snape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets into a brawl in Potions.

Gryffindor lost the long-awaited Quidditch game to Slytherin, and the school was in a slump for the rest of the week. James and Marlene sulked in front of the common-room fire, their knees pressed to their chest and their hair still coated with sweat from the five-hour match.

“Hey, James,” Sirius said calmly, entering the common room. “Are you well?” Marlene and James both shot him a cold glare, before diverting their bloodshot eyes to the dying fire. 

He bit his lip, glancing at Lily, who sat frowning with her legs crossed on a nearby sofa.

“Don’t mind them. They’ve been sitting round _all_ day.” Lily started, patting the seat next to her for Sirius to sit down. “Still mad about yesterday’s match, I guess. Marls is mad she couldn’t catch the Snitch, and I’m assuming James is mad about his… incident.”

Lily was undoubtedly correct - James had fumbled the Quaffle, which dropped on the head of Emma Vanity, the Slytherin Seeker, which threw her to the left-most side of the field, where she spotted (and caught) the Snitch.

Sirius slunk down next to her, sighing. “James is so hard to deal with when he’s like this,” he grinned. “I guess you get the same, with Marlene.”

“Oh, not at all,” Lily scoffed, smiling. “James sulks. Marlene takes the criticism and uses it to better herself. His ego is too big for that.” She paused, exhaling. “You know, they’d make a good couple. Opposites attract, and all that.”

Sirius laughed, glancing at the two figures who still sat on the shag carpet. “You know James would never. Besides, Marlene and him are like brother and sister.”

“I don’t understand how she puts up with him,” she supposed. “Marls is so kind, would never hurt a fly, and James is… he’s _James._ Doesn’t take no for an answer.”

“You don’t know James well, then.” Sirius tutted. “He’s smart. Nice. Helpful.”

“He’s nothing but an egotistical toerag.” Lily snapped.

“Egotistical toerag who scored _half_ of Gryffindor’s wins yesterday,” Sirius started, huffing. 

“Quidditch is superficial!” she scoffed, crossing her arms. 

“Is this all about Defense last week?” he murmured, whipping around to face her. Lily opened her mouth, widening her eyes and searching for words. Marlene and James stood up, trudging back to their respective dormitories up the separate staircases. “With the flower, and the boggart. Is this what it’s all about?”

“No,” snapped Lily, turning up her nose. “And if I were you, I wouldn’t be commenting on anyone’s boggarts.”

“So you saw,” Sirius retorted. “You saw.”

Lily returned her glare to him, but after a few moments, it softened. “Yeah,” she said, placing a hand on his kneecap. “Yeah, I did. Mary pointed it out to Marls and me.”

Sirius chewed his lip, looking away. Two sixth years sat by the fire, playing Exploding Snap, and a seventh year lay down on the piano bench, no doubt revising. It was fairly quiet.

“I didn’t know it was that rough for you,” she whispered, inching closer to him. “You do a really good job of covering it all up.”

“Well, that’s not really a good thing.” he whispered, standing up and rolling his shoulders back.

“You’re right,” remarked Lily, jumping up soon after. “I’d love to chat about it.”

“I wouldn’t.” he scoffed. He met her eyes, and her sharp frown, and immediately regretted it. “Sorry, Lily.”

“Don’t be. Nobody’s forcing you to… to talk about it. And I don’t really understand what goes on at home, for you, but I’d love to listen.”

Sirius turned up the corners of his lips, grinning. “Maybe some time. Night, Lily,” he started, walking towards the boy’s spiral staircase.

“Goodnight, Sirius.”

-

It was days later when the weight of Lily’s conversation finally tore through where it had been laying on Sirius’ shoulders. He had been sitting upon the conversation for a solid week, thinking back to every phrase Lily had uttered. _”I don’t really understand what goes on at home, for you, but I’d love to listen.”_ She didn’t understand. James didn’t, and Peter didn’t, and Remus didn’t. But Lily said herself he couldn’t keep everything bottled up, and he supposed she was wrong, in this instance.

Sirius wasn’t perfect - in fact, he was far from it. Mother had made this abundantly clear over the last few years, ever since the incident where Father sent him away. 

He could control his emotions a majority of the time, but a heavy growing sense of guilt and a seemingly increasing weight on his shoulders grew every day.

Especially around people like his family.

“Come _on_ , Sirius.” James groaned, tapping his foot.

“I’m almost done, hold on,” he retorted, piling textbooks into his bag.

“We’ve got Sluggy next,” James grimaced, glancing at the open door of McGonagall’s study. “Sure he’s already mad about something.”

“When is he not?” Sirius grinned. “C’mon.”

The walk to Potions was reserved; the corridors were empty and cold. Sirius could feel James shivering as they walked from the Transfiguration wing down into the dank, cold dungeons. The mildewed door creaked as James pushed it open, his small hangs frigid and red.

“Ah! Potter! Black! Wonderful seeing you, please, take a seat.” Slughorn said, clapping his hands together. Sirius glanced at James, eyeing him, and sat down at the open double-desk next to Remus and Peter.

“We’re doing Calming Draughts,” Remus murmured, stretching his arms behind him. The full moon wouldn’t be for a few weeks, but his last transformation took a toll on him; it was right before they had confronted him, and Sirius assumed the wolf knew what was headed his way. He had been researching werewolves recently, and the information he had been acquiring was much different than the prejudiced views he had been fed growing up about half-breeds.

“Page forty-seven in your books, that’s right, Macdonald, and you’ll find ingredients in the class apothecary. Good luck!” he bellowed, and in a flash he retreated back behind his mahogany desk. 

“Forty-seven,” Peter repeated, rummaging in his bag for his textbook.

“Do you _smell_ that?” drawled the voice of Severus Snape from behind Sirius and Remus. 

“Please back away, Snape, I can almost feel the grease droplets dripping down the back of my robes.” Remus said cooly, not diverting his glance from the shabby cauldron he had placed on their shared table. 

“You mean those second-hand ones?” Snape retorted, pursing his lips. 

“They’re not any worse than yours, Severus.” Sirius scoffed, slicing the pulsating crocodile heart and dropping the pieces into the bubbling cauldron. “Peppermint next, Remus.”

“Oh, Black, yours are _so_ much better than mine,” Snape continued, pressing onto the matter and leaning over Sirius and Remus’ cauldron. “Did mummy dearest buy them? Or was it your _terrifying_ father?” he mocked.

Sirius tensed up, stiffening his shoulders and sitting rigid. 

“You look extra pale today, Black. Was Narcissa’s message from dear mummy relayed yet? Or have you been too scared to read it?” he teased. “Too scared of mum?”

“Shut it, Snape, before I hex you into oblivion,” Sirius growled, not meeting the two beady eyes staring at him from behind. 

“Ah, I forgot, a Black heir must be trained in all combat. Surely Bellatrix taught you some of the more… _advanced_ spells?”

“Two tablespoons of lavender, Sirius.” Remus said sharply, scooting over as to prevent Snape from getting closer. Sirius’ hands fumbled as he reached for the oil, shaking as he poured it into the tablespoon. Remus reached an arm over and steadied his raised hand, the other leafing through pages of his textbook.

“But, I understand your mother is _so terrifying_ ,” taunted Snape. “So terrifying. In fact, it’s been the talk of the common room that she was even your boggart.”

“Go back to your desk, Snivellus, and stop tormenting everybody with your disgusting voice.” Remus snapped, rolling his eyes.

“Loony Lupin. Loopy, Loony Lupin.” he sang. “Let’s see, we’ve got Potter, who can’t hold a Quaffle to save his life, and Loony Lupin. I actually quite like the ring of that, I-”

That was the last straw. Sirius whipped his head backwards, his seat toppling over, and lunged at the greasy-haired Slytherin. Pushing him to the ground, he drew his fist back and allowed it to collide with Snape’s jaw; his head jolted to the side, and he placed his hands on Sirius’ shoulders, flipping him onto his back. Snape’s sallow knuckles connected with Sirius’ nose, and a satisfying _crack_ was heard, red blood oozing out of his nostrils.

“Sirius!” he could hear James yelling over the shrieks of the class, met with an equally angry “Sev!” from Lily. What felt like hours later, he felt two rouch, calloused hands on his shoulders, pulling him away from Snape, who donned his red blood, staining his white shirt. 

“ ‘Fuck’s wrong with you?” James hissed, brushing his robes off and tilting Sirius’ head back to stop the blood from flowing out of his presumably-broken nose. 

Sirius rolled his eyes in response, loosening his tension as James wrapped his arms around him from behind.

“What in Merlin’s beard is _happening?_ ” Slughorn gasped, his voice even higher than usual.

“Sirius attacked Severus!” Mary snitched, her hands on Remus’ shoulders as she stood on the balls of her feet, inching to get a look at the bloody scene.

“Goodness, goodness…” Slughorn trailed off. “Two weeks detention, for both of you. And twenty points from each house.” He frowned, straightening his bowtie. “Severus, you go freshen up. Potter, please take Mr. Black to the infirmary.”

“Yes, Professor,” James inclined, turning Sirius away from the crowd harshly, and leading him out the door.

As the door slammed behind them, echoing through the underground corridors, James loosened his grip and let out an exhale.

“What’s got you so riled up? You’ve been on edge for days.” he frowned.

“Nothin’. Jus’ ‘nivellus.” Sirius said, choking on a mouthful of fresh, scarlet blood. “ ‘E might be annoying, but ‘e can throw a ‘ood punch,”

James rolled his eyes, smiling. “For _real_ , though. Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s nothin’,” he replied shortly, swallowing the blood in his mouth.

“Sirius.” James said, stopping in his tracks as the stairs began to move.

“ _What?”_ he groaned, exasperated.

“Is it… are they… at home… did they do something?” James said. Sirius inwardly sighed. He always walked on eggshells around Sirius - it was dreadfully annoying. Just because his parents weren’t always as kind as Fleamont and Euphemia didn’t mean he had to mope all the time. Which, he supposed, he still did.

“No.” He closed his mouth, contemplating whether or not to continue. “Jus’ the boggarts messing me up.”

“I’m really sorry about that,” he said quietly. Sirius shrugged. “It’s fine.” The hospital wing was to their left, and James pushed open the door slowly.

“Oh dear, what’s happened here?” Madam Fabray frowned, scuttling over to the two boys.

“Fight in Potions,” James boasted, fighting a smile.

“Dear me,” she murmured, yanking Sirius’ arm and dragging him towards an empty bed. “Sit down, love.” Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but ultimately sat on the stiff cot. It was just a broken nose - nothing he hadn’t felt before.

“Hm.” she kept repeating. “Hm. Hm.” She prodded his nose with her wand, tenderly pushing it from side to side. “Mr. Black, it seems you’ve got a nasty case of septal hematoma. Have you ever broken your nose before?”

“Over the summer,” he answered. She didn’t say he had to tell _why._

“Interesting,” she said skeptically, a glimmer in her eye. “I can heal this for you in a tizzy, just hold still.” Madam Fabray muttered a few non-intelligible words, and Sirius felt his nose realign, feeling more comfortable than it had in months.

“Thank you,” he muttered, and was quick to exit, James scurrying behind.

“Only have half an hour left. I reckon we skive off the rest of Slughorn.” Sirius shrugged, trailing in front of James, who was obviously busy adding two and two together. “You good?”

“I’m just confused, still. So, you fought Snivellus ‘cause you were sad ‘cause of the boggart?” he presumed, his eyebrows furrowed. Sirius rolled his eyes, slumping his shoulders.

“I dunno. I guess.” 

“Oh, God, stop being so _mopey_ , Sirius!” James exclaimed, grasping his forearm. His eyes were worried and he looked genuinely concerned. “Please, I wanna help. Mum - my mum, I told her some things about your… _situation_ , and she doesn’t think you’re safe.”

That hit Sirius with a pang.

“I’m perfectly safe, James, and I don’t need you gossiping about my home life with your mother.” he spat, turning his head swiftly.

“Sirius!” James called, running after him. “You _know_ that’s not what I meant! And I didn’t say… the big thing. I just told her about what they did at Christmas.”

Sirius stopped in his tracks, his fists ceasing to swing at his sides. “No one gets it.” he harrumphed, so utterly quietly.

“I’m really sorry.” James apologized, stepping behind him. He could feel James’ hot breath on his shoulder, and it was homely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hiii! spent most of today writing this chapter with the assistance of iced coffee. let me know how you like it with a comment! also - i genuinely love each and every one of you. pls don't hesitate to contact me on any of my socials if you need to talk to anyone. love always -a
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad:@glowingmarauderd


	29. Second Year: Teenager Tentativeness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius turns thirteen.

“He sleeps through _anything.”_

“I reckon we all jump on his bed, that’ll get him up.”

“No, no, too childish. I say we go intermediate, shoot red sparks at his face.”

“Not the face,” Sirius murmured, rolling to his side, still half-asleep. “Anything but the face.”

“Sleeping beauty’s finally up,” James giggled, yanking the velour curtains open and diving next to Sirius. Peter perched on the foot of the bed, and Remus leaned his arms on the footboard.

“Can’t believe you got Remus up,” he groaned, stretching his limbs. “A miracle in and of itself.”

“Shut it.” Remus retorted, throwing a pillow at Sirius. “If it wasn’t your birthday, you’d be awakened with a nice punch to the jaw.”

“How’s it feel?” Peter quirked. “To be a teenager.”

“Let me _collect_ myself first,” he grumbled, pulling his duvet down. James grabbed his arm, pulling him back under the covers.

“Stay,” he whined, grinning widely. Sirius rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and propping himself up.

“I guess it feels different than twelve. I’m _grown_ now. A teenager.” he explained, smoothing his rumpled hair. “I suppose the true feeling won’t come in until later in the day.”

Obviously, as the eldest marauder, Sirius was the most experienced in teenager activities. Even the usual breakfast spent in the Great Hall felt more mature - Sirius could feel his posture correcting itself and his fingers becoming more nimble around his fork. 

“Happy birthday, Sirius.” Marlene beamed, slinking down next to Remus. Mary chose a seat by Peter, smoothing out her skirt as she slid onto the bench, and Lily sat across from James, not meeting his eye. She had been wary of the four of them since the Snape incident in Potions, and had obviously been holding her tongue for the past few days. Sometimes Sirius forgot that somebody as kind as Lily Evans could be acquainted with someone as vulgar as Snape - he was absolutely terrible. 

“Marlene,” he nodded, grinning. “Lily. Mary.” Lily glanced up from her plate to meet Sirius with a quick grin, before tilting her head downward again. It had definitely been Peter and Remus who had convinced the girls to join them at their spots in the Great Hall - James just didn’t have the same _reign_ on girls that the other two did. Neither did Sirius, to be fair. 

Mary pursed her lips, upturning her lips into a small smile. “Happy birthday,” she said slowly, glancing ever so quickly at Marlene, who gave a sharp nod. 

James, who sat across from Sirius, almost automatically straightened his back, his eyes growing wide. He jerked his head behind him, communicating non-verbally, using almost eyebrows. 

That was Sirius’ favorite thing about James - he always knew. 

Sirius turned his head, and standing behind him were Narcissa and Regulus, warily eyeing him. 

“Ex _cuse_ me.” Sirius mumbled to the table, standing up and leading Narcissa and Regulus out of the Great Hall. 

“What?” he scowled, crossing his arms. 

“From your mother,” Narcissa riposed, flinging a small, parchment envelope at him. He caught it - seemingly, Mother and Father had advanced past _real_ gifts. Not that he had ever gotten any; the usual Christmas and birthday gifts were robes, or family heirlooms that lay dusty in his armoire back at home. 

“Happy birthday, Sirius.” Regulus said awkwardly, stepping on his feet. 

“Thanks,” Sirius said slowly, tucking the envelope into the largest pocket in his robes. 

“Thirteen, right? When _I_ was thirteen, I was a model for _Witches Weekly_.” Narcissa said judgingly, her eyes darting to Sirius’ unkempt uniform. “Pity.” Regulus was silent, but stared at him with pursed lips and a raised eyebrow. 

“Some people just aren’t as naturally beautiful as you, Cissy.” Sirius grinned, kissing the top of her hand. He fought back a retch. 

“Oh, shut it, before I hex you into next week.” she snapped, drawing her hand back and wiping it on her robes. “Have a good day. Your mother expects you to owl back, so don’t mess it up.” 

”Sure,” Sirius shrugged. “Thanks for the well wishes.” He turned his back to the two, reapproaching the now-crowded Great Hall. It was quiet down the corridor back to breakfast, for most students were deep in conversation over toast or porridge. It was nice to have silence, even momentarily, because he could assume the afternoon and evening would be fairly busy. 

_-_

The rest of the day continued with high spirits - they had Transfiguration that morning, where Sirius earned an earnest ‘Happy birthday’ from McGonagall (which was, interestingly, the favorite gift he received). After a long Transfiguration lesson revolving around the _Vera Vero_ spell, they had an equally-long (but exceptionally more boring) History of Magic class. 

Days like these, Sirius supposed he was glad Binns was a ghost who didn’t notice anything going on, because instead of the usual dozing off in his class, Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter levitated Muggle paper airplanes around the room for the entirety of the hour-long period. Lunch, alternatively, was celebrated with a round of the ‘Happy birthday’ song sung by the majority of Gryffindor table. Sirius could notice Narcissa’s judgemental gaze on him, but he brushed it off. He would talk to her tomorrow. 

After the day’s classes, the four marauders slumped on Sirius’ unmade four-poster, completely awake even after a full day of lessons. The clock struck five o’clock, and the three other boys jumped up from the bed. 

“Brush up, lads, we’ve got places to be.” James grinned, rumpling his hair in front of the golden mirror. 

“Can’t. Detention at six with Slughorn, from the Snape bit last week.” Sirius groaned, slamming his face into a pillow. 

"Didn’t we tell you?” Remus quipped. “He’s cancelled it for tonight. His classroom’s got an insane Cornish Pixie infestation.” A smile crept onto his placid face. 

“Wanker.” Sirius grinned, throwing a pillow at Remus, who was fascinated by the tightening of his tie. “Was it you, Pete?” 

Peter met Sirius’ eyes, shrugging his shoulders and smirking. “You’ll never know.” 

“Oh, come _on.”_ Sirius drawled. “A secretive hit-and-run’s got ‘Peter Pettigrew’ written all over it.” 

“Hurry!” James sang, bouncing on the balls of his feet by the door. 

“Alright, al _right!”_ snickered Sirius, tripping over his shoelace as he rushed to pull them on. Stumbling over his trousers, he met James by the door and slunk out. 

“Alright, under the cloak.” James popped, slinging the silvery-blue cloak out from behind his back and covering the four boys with it. “Remus, you need to stop growing, I swear I feel like a garden gnome next to you.” 

“Where are we-“ Sirius started, and was met with an index finger pressed to his lips. 

“Can’t say. James swore us to secrecy.” said Peter giddily, wringing his hands with a big smile from under the cloak. 

Sirius rolled his eyes, kicking the back of James’ kneecap. “Tosser.” 

“Oi, it’s all for _you_ , lovebug.” said James, batting his eyelashes. 

The four continued down the Grand Staircase, hidden from the naked eye. Where the Potters acquired an invisibility cloak was beyond Sirius, because it was highly unlikely one actually existed. Of course, there was the tale of the Deathly Hallows, where one of three brothers stumbled upon Death and asked him for an Invisibility Cloak, but that was a children’s tale. 

After descending five stories, Remus led the group into a vacant corridor, his wandtip aflame. 

“Just to the left,” he muttered, glancing both ways to ensure no professor or prefect were near. James stopped in his tracks, his left foot momentarily exposed as the cloak wafted in the air. 

“Filch.” he spat, and around the corner walked a mangy man, followed by a prudent, prancing cat. The cat, Mrs. Norris, danced around the hallway, poking her nose into the air and slowly approaching the four marauders. Peter backed up, pressing himself into the wall, his eyes large. He began gasping for air, his chest rising and falling as the cat began walking closer. 

“Smell any students out of bed, my beloved?” purred Filch, tapping his fingers together and slinking towards his evil cat. 

Peter squeezed his face shut, opening his mouth to sneeze as Mrs. Norris pawed the hem of the cloak. 

_”Sternus finitus!”_ Remus whispered, jabbing his wand in front of Peter’s nose. He let go of the breath he was holding, and his sneeze disappeared. 

“Are those children I hear?” Filch sneered, prowling the corridor, sniffing the air as to mimic his dear cat. “Come out, little ones…” 

Sirius felt his eyes growing wide as James grasped his arm and sprinted to the end of the corridor. They were still concealed by the cloak, but freshly-waxed floorboards underneath them creaked and squelched as they approached a full length mirror. Remus slipped his hands behind the frame, and swung it open like a door, dragging the others behind. 

Panting, Peter finally let out the sneeze - perhaps Remus’ spell didn’t have enough force to it, considering it was an OWL level charm. 

“Blimey, Remus, good going,” James sighed, cracking his neck. “Saved our heads.” 

“Wasn’t much,” Remus shrugged, twirling his wand between his long fingers, like a baton. 

“C’mon. The girls are at the other end of the tunnel. Sorry, Sirius, we weren’t planning for Funky Filch to be on duty.” James grimaced, pulling a face. 

“We had a blindfold and everything.” moped Peter. 

“That’s fine. I usually don’t do anything for my birthday, ‘cause Narcissa’s is soon. ‘S always a joint dinner, it’s dreadful.” Sirius snickered. 

“Eurgh.” James spat. 

Down the tunnel, wands lit, the walls seemed to hiss and scream as the four stepped on the squelching ground. It was eerily silent. 

“Charming, really, that you host my birthday party in the girls’ bathroom.” Sirius laughed. 

“We had much better plans, trust me.” said James darkly. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, catching Remus’ eye. 

“There was an attack. In Hogsmeade, yesterday. My dad, he’s Chief Publisher for the Prophet, he sent me an owl today. They don’t want to publish anything about it, yet, but two Muggle-borns died.” Peter whispered. “Zonko’s and Honeydukes are closed for the week, the whole village is. Trying to figure out who’s behind it.” 

“Absolutely despicable,” murmured Remus, shaking his head as to shake out any dark thoughts. 

“Oh.” Sirius whispered. They left it there. 

Approaching the end of the tunnel, Peter dashed forward and opened the mildewed door at the far bottom corner. A muffled ‘Wingardium Leviosa’ could be faintly distinguished from the other side; Lily had levitated the mirror out of the way of the door, to minimize any glass-related injuries this time - surely she was completely against healing James once more. 

“Happy birthday!” Lily smiled, guiding the four boys out of the raised doorway behind the mirror. The bathroom, though dull and damp, was decorated with streamers and balloons, enchanted to gleam and float in midair. 

It was wonderful - Marlene busied herself doing anything involving Sirius, and though the attention was quite overwhelming, he couldn’t refuse Marlene. The night was fun, exciting, probably the best birthday celebration he had ever had. James, Remus, and Peter had obviously put lots of thought and effort into this, and he couldn’t commend them enough. 

On their way back to the dorm, the moon outside seemed to shrink, matching the miniscule stars pictured out of the massive mirrors. Waning crescent - he had been studying the moon phases using Peter’s lunar calendar they had hung on the wall for Remus’ sake. 

It was well after hours, almost nearing half an hour to midnight, so the cloak was an unnecessary adjunctive. Of course, James still held on to it, clenching it in case a professor were to find them. Yawning, Sirius turned to head up the Grand Staircase, but was met by a hand grasping his forearm. 

“What, you thought the party was over?” James mocked, cocking a smirk. 

"There’s _more?_ ” Mary sighed, slumping her shoulders. 

“Sorry, Sirius, but I’m dead on my feet. Hope you had a great day.” Marlene yawned, trudging behind Mary and Lily up the stairs. The moonlight which illuminated around them hazily faded as they inched closer to Gryffindor Tower. 

“Just as well.” Peter shrugged. “Come on.” Sirius followed the other three up a secluded winding staircase, up tens of stories and tip-toeing past hundreds of sleeping portraits. 

"Keep it down, youngins!” wheezed a portrait of an old man, his beard touching the tips of his pointed shoes. 

“Aw, fuck off.” James giggled, holding up two fingers. His parents didn’t let him curse, he told this to Sirius, so he was trying to let it all out before the winter holidays. 

Remus held open a grey metal door at the height of the stairwell (surely it was platinum, because it couldn’t’ve been silver) and allowed the other three marauders to climb in, him being last. 

The door shut behind them, opening up the spacious Astronomy Tower to the four boys, who slumped down on the outwards gate, staring at the night sky in the same way they had stared at the bubbling Great Lake months before. 

“That’s my star.” Sirius said. It was fairly quiet, and James was nodding off. 

“Hm?” said Remus. 

“The dog star. Sirius.” He held up a finger to the luminous star, which, though the brightest in the sky, began to flicker. “That one’s Regulus.” He transfixed his gaze on the Leo constellation, and especially focusing on the bright star in the heart of the roaring lion. 

“Your brother.” James yawned, leaning his head on Sirius’ shoulder. 

“Yeah.” 

The dim ringing of the clock inside signified it was midnight - a day had passed, and Sirius had been a teenager for twenty-four hours. It was funny how things worked, he supposed, everything around him was moving so slow. 

But as he sat, an arm around each of his friends at the balcony of the Astronomy Tower, things could move slowly for a bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! completely unrelated to this chap but i've been rereading a few of the beginning chapters of this fic and i am honestly underwhelmed. i have been contemplating going back and correcting continuity errors and ading more detail, would you guys be okay with that? the way i would edit would NOT require you to reread these chaps lol i wouldn't add any new plot focus. love u! pls leave a comment and kudos!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	30. Second Year: November's Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius watches his first second-hand full moon.

The rest of Sirius’ birthday month passed in basically the same fashion - pranks, detention, and the pungent feeling of needing to completely isolate himself from his family. Narcissa and Regulus exchanged glances with him each time he would pass, which was seemingly increasing. It was almost like they were _following_ him, them and Regulus’ little friends.

As the moon grew wider and the days grew shorter because of the upcoming winter solstice, Sirius’ sleep schedule was thrown off. He had been eyeing the fresh, white calendar hung on the wall opposite him, and the November full moon was approaching. Last full moon, Remus had been in the hospital wing for days, but refused to tell what his injury was. His limp had been more pronounced recently, though. Similarly, Mother and Father’s birthday gift to him had been burning a hole in his pocket in the weeks since it had been received.

It was Father’s ring. Technically, it was a family heirloom that had been passed down his side of the family for generations, and the heir received it once he decided that he would want to continue leading the House of Black. Sirius did not want to. He didn’t want the stupid ring either, it had been a reminder of his family that he couldn’t escape from, not even whilst at Hogwarts.

It was a golden band with engraved serpents swirling around the thick ring, with the House of Black crest centered. He hated it. There was a magically enhancing charm placed on it to adjust to fit whoever the owner was, and it sat desolate on his nightstand for the past few weeks. Narcissa cornered him in the library a few days after he opened the envelope from Mother, and shoved a quill and parchment into his hand. _”You should be honored to receive this. You know, Uncle Orion almost gave it to Bella. She was this close to persuading him.”_ Good, he thought. Give it to Bellatrix. He scribbled down a half-hearted thank you note and Narcissa rolled her eyes, and took it to the Owlery.

Which was fine, it wasn’t like he could have sent the owl himself. Regulus had his owl now, and he would have had to use James’. That would rile Mother and Father up.

But even as the moon shone through his thin curtains, lighting up his very much awake face, he couldn’t stop himself from the impending worry. He didn’t worry much, not anymore, not since first year. He was a teenager now, and he stopped caring about Mother and Father and family and being the heir and transforming Regulus. But there were a few more things (completely unrelated to family business) that worried him, one being the boy sleeping in the bed just a few feet away.

The study of werewolves was something Sirius had become fascinated with in the past month, and Madam Pince tutted and rolled her eyes each time Sirius asked her to order more books about lycanthropy. She didn’t know about Remus’ issue, and Sirius was sure his constant reading of books about werewolves was suspicious. But then again, he didn’t look like Remus. He had no facial scars, and as far as anyone knew, he had no scars at all. 

There were a lot of interesting passages about werewolfism, and though Sirius knew Remus didn’t want him reading about it, he couldn’t pry his eyes away. There was one specific book, anonymously published, called _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ that Sirius read cover-to-cover in just a day. James had teased him about it, but it genuinely was an interesting read. Remus’ condition was more understandable, and though Sirius still knew Remus was dangerous upon the moon’s turning, the author explained in-depth the transformation itself. It sounded incredibly painful, and was equally humanizing to the other werewolves out there.

Similarly, in _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ the anonymous author explained the infection of lycanthropy itself. Werewolfism is exchanged through a bite, and once infected, any werewolf can spread the ‘disease’. Sirius hated referring to Remus’ condition as a disease, because Remus wasn’t sickly, or disgusting. He was just Remus, who had a furry little problem. Anyway, a werewolf could also spread canine-like symptoms if they were to attack someone whilst in human form. The transfer of lycanthropy was a slippery slope that Sirius felt could only be learned by reading books in the Restricted Section. McGonagall could sign him a form, that would be easy. He just didn’t want Remus seeing. The most interesting tidbit Sirius learned was that animals couldn’t be affected with lycanthropy, so if a transformed werewolf was to attack another animal, the animal in question would not face any lycanthropic symptoms. The author also said that they had faced most of their transformations in a forest, where the other animals had comforted the wolf and calmed it down. 

Remus would find out Sirius’ uncontrollable interest in werewolves sooner or later, but for now, he would have to research in secret.

-

“I’ll have to go up to the hospital wing after this.” Remus mumbled, rubbing his droopy eyes. It had taken lots of persuasion to drag him out of his bed the day of the full moon, and he looked awful. Skin pastier than normal, and accentuated purple eyebags, he had skived off lessons for the day. Sirius knew why, because his book had explained how sensitive werewolf senses can be in the days leading up to transformation. Remus was twitchy and locked himself in his bed all day, curtains drawn to prevent the sunlight from peeking in - James had brought him up lunch, because he was so worn out after breakfast.

“That’s fine.” Peter said, opening the portrait door in the common room. “Dinner shouldn’t take too long tonight.”

Remus winced as the sunlight peered through the floor-length windows and hit his skin. It wasn’t bright in Scotland, but it must have been a daft difference from spending the day in his bed. It was fairly warm for November, and the flushed chill swarmed in as they entered the Great Hall and sat at their table.

“So,” Sirius started, glancing around - the table was so massive, nobody sat near. “You said you go to the hospital wing?”

Remus nodded, cracking his knuckles. “I go there before the… thing happens.”

James nodded thoughtfully, studying Remus. “Right, okay.”

Maybe he was oblivious, or maybe he was directly ignoring their obvious curiosity, but Remus wasn’t being very descriptive at all. Sirius kept his mouth shut - in all the books he had read, none explained where one transforms when the full moon comes around, with the exception of one Ministry leaflet he found tucked into a yellowing novel explaining how it is to be transformed once registered. It sounded inhumane, and he hoped the registry would be reformed once Remus was of age.

Dinner was quiet, besides James and Lily’s quick-lived debate over a recent debacle in Potions - for once, James and Peter had concocted the best tonic, and Lily and Snivellus demanded their mixture be checked for any tamperation. Marlene and Mary had sat near Remus and Sirius, and were tutting at the debacle across the table. Remus was jerky and wide awake, and his muscles seemed to spasm constantly. 

“You’re not eating much,” remarked Peter through a mouthful of shepard’s pie. “You eat so much usually.”

Remus shrugged, slinking his head into his hands. “Not feeling well. Maybe I should go to the hospital wing.”

“Oh, what’s wrong?” Lily frowned, ending her chattering conversation with the other two girls.

“Er, just… sick.” Remus fabricated. 

“Feel better!” Mary called, pursing her lips in concern.

“I’ll take you,” Sirius said, leaping off of the bench.

“You don’t have to, I know my way.” Remus joked, murmuring. “I’ll be fine.”

“No, I want to.” Sirius pressed, eyeing James and Peter, deep in conversation. Remus rolled his eyes. “‘Kay,”

“So,” Sirius began slowly, ensuring the corridors were empty (which they were, dinners at Hogwarts gathered the entire school). “I’ve been doing some reading.”

“For what? A prank?” said Remus, furrowing his brows.

“No, no, something else,” he continued warily.

“Sirius Black, _reading?”_ Remus mocked. “Next thing I know, you’ll tell me you actually studied for a test. Go on,what was it about?”

“I’ve been interested in your furry little… problem,” he winced, trailing behind Remus.

Remus’ eyes went from surprise, to shock, then to despondency. “Why?”

“Well, I just wanted to learn some more, like how to help.” Sirius jabbered. “There’s some really good books in the library, and I thought it could help, a lot, maybe.”

“But-” Remus sputtered, blinking. “But no one was supposed to know.”

“Pardon?”

“I didn’t want anyone to _learn._ ” Remus said angrily, stepping off the staircase on the floor of the hospital wing. “God, Sirius, it’s like you have no filter.”

“I _tried_ to help you!” Sirius retorted. “I did all this reading to help!”

“Well, you didn’t!” Remus scoffed. “You didn’t help!”

“You _could_ say thank you!” Sirius shot back. “Did you think of that?” 

“There’s nothing to thank.” Remus hissed, composing himself. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He closed his eyes, took a breath, and stormed into the infirmary, leaving Sirius alone with angry thoughts.

-

It was another quiet night. Sirius worried about Remus, as did James and Peter. It was the first full moon since they had found out about his condition, and they all hoped it would be a less dangerous night. Sirius knew he overstepped, but Remus was _so_ hotheaded, they did not work well together when mad.

It was only morning when he realized the impact of their conversation.

“Won’t let us in.” Peter grumbled as Sirius stood with his arms crossed to James - Quidditch practice had just ended, and they were cutting it close trying to visit Remus - skipping breakfast hadn’t given them enough time as anticipated. “Of course we didn’t tell her we know, but I’m sure she’s suspected. Does she think we’re thick?”

“Pete wouldn’t let me break in.” Sirius rolled his eyes, kicking the wall. “But I reckon if we had the cloak, we could get in.” He bat his eyelashes at James, leaning his head on his shoulder.

“Fuck off,” James laughed. “Tosser.”

The infirmary door creaked open, and a warm Madam Pomfrey stood in the doorway. “Gentlemen,” she smiled, looking weary. 

“Can we see him?” James squeaked, pushing his sweaty hair off of his forehead.

“He’s had a rough night, poor boy,” she frowned, smoothing her dress. “You can visit for ten minutes. Then it’s off to classes, Remus will be staying for the rest of the day. Make sure he drinks his potions!” She dropped her shoulder and busied herself in her office, the door closed.

“Hey, Remus,” Peter said softly as they approached the cot in the far corner, secluded from the rest of the vacant beds.

“Mm.” Remus groaned, his eyes fluttering open. 

“How was your night?” James asked, handing Remus a small, indigo vial from the small table next to him. Remus sipped the potion, grimacing.

“Terrible.” he slurred, sharply exhaling. 

Sirius’ cocky smirk dropped and worry overtook his face. “Why?”

“The wolf was mad,” he garbled, rolling over to his side and letting out a groan. “Angry.”

He felt his heart drop and let his chest cavern as he sat at the foot of the bed.

“Two broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. And spine rupture.”

Sirius winced. The wolf was mad. Mad at him, and he took it out on himself, because there was nobody near. It was Sirius’ fault.

“Damn,” James murmured.

“Pass me a Sleeping Draught, please, Peter.” Remus groaned, rolling back onto his back and clutching his midsection. Peter passed a lavender potion to Remus, who drank it in one sip. “Thanks for coming,” he mumbled, before slipping off into magically induced sleep.

-

“He looks awful.” Peter said once the door to the hospital wing was closed. “Bet he feels even worse.”

“He’ll have to go through this every month for the rest of his life.” James sighed, running a hand through his messy black hair. “Every _month.”_

“There has to be something we can do.” said Sirius, running his fingers along the staircase banister.

“He said there’s no cure.” Peter frowned. “And we all suck at Potions.”

They had History as their first class of the day, and Sirius was not immersed in the content at all - though, he never was in Binns’ class. After that was Transfiguration, and Sirius was epically down, for the seat next to him in History usually occupied by Remus was cold.

“I’ve got his notes.” James said, waving a few loose pieces of parchment as they exited Binns’ class and continued down the corridors to McGonagall’s classroom.

“Good, I wasn’t paying a bit of attention,” Sirius yawned. 

“You’ll have to up your studies some day if you want to pass your exams,” Peter tutted.

“And your parents’ll need you to,” James added thoughtfully. Sirius rolled his eyes, pulling a disgusted face. He pushed open the door to the classroom, and inside was a striped tabby cat perched on the edge of McGonagall’s desk.

“Me _ow_ ,” Sirius snickered, approaching the cat curiously. 

“Someone’s cats’ loose.” James said, looking around the room, McGonagall’s office door was open and the lights were off. “And Minnie isn’t here.”

“Oh, she’ll have a fit about all the cat hairs on her papers,” Peter moaned.

“Dare you to pet it, Pete.” Sirius said, slapping Peter’s forearm. 

“Oi!” he yelled, rubbing the presumably red mark under his shirt. He reached out a hand towards the purring cat, and as his fingers met the crown of the cats head, it leapt off the desk. Peter yelped, and in a twist of white light, the cat turned into McGonagall.

“Human Transfiguration.” McGonagall shrilled, her head turned to face the now-full classroom.

“You’re an Animagus!” James gasped, his eyes wide and grin lopsided.

“Take a seat, you three, before detention for all of you.” she snapped, and the three hurriedly scampered to their seats. “As I was saying, Human Transfiguration is an incredibly advanced method of Transfiguration introduced in NEWT level classes. A subcategory of Human Transfiguration is the act of becoming an Animagus. Now, Potter, I assume you’re well-brushed on the craft of Animagi?”

“Well, er, it’s people who can turn into animals, Professor,” he said slowly, scratching his head. Sirius laughed, as did most of the class.

“Very verbosely said,” she pursed. “An Animagus is a witch or wizard who can transform into an animal at will. It is a learned, and extremely difficult, skill. Because of this, there are only seven registered Animagi in this century. However,” she continued, “today’s content will not revolve around the craft of Animagi, though I have many book recommendations for anyone interested in the craft. Now..”

Sirius wasn’t listening. 

-

“Animagi are people animals,” Sirius whispered, climbing into James’ bed.

“You paid attention.” he slurred, propping himself up on his elbows. 

“No. I read in my book that werewolves can’t turn other animals into werewolves,” Sirius explained. 

“Get Pete.”

“Peter!” Sirius yelled. Remus had stayed another night in the hospital wing - he was recovered, but he wouldn’t get a good nights’ sleep in the marauders’ dorm. 

“Hmph.” Peter snored.

“Get your arse in here, wanker.” Sirius snapped, and Peter trudged from his bed in the corner towards James’ bed. Rubbing his eyes, he perched on the foot as Sirius slid in next to James.

“What?” Peter whined. “ ‘M tired.”

“Well, you haven’t missed much,” James grumbled. “Sirius is talking nonsense.”

“Am not! I read in my book that werewolves can’t turn animals. And Animagi are animal-people. And I also read that werewolves are calmer when they’re near animals.” Sirius huffed. 

“So let’s become Animagi,” James said, half-asleep.

“Do you not understand how _difficult_ that is?” Peter said, rolling his eyes.

“James and I are the smartest in the class.” Sirius indulged. 

“So?” Peter retorted.

“So, let’s become Animagi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! long chapter today! hope you enjoyed, i don't have much to say lmfao. pls leave a comment and kudos!!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	31. Second Year: Durmstrang's Winter Institutional Reform Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets a surprise invitation and reveals some secrets.

Remus returned from the hospital wing quickly that moon, at least, what Remus said was quick. Sirius was still worried, and he was sure James and Peter were too, but guilt impeded him each time he was reminded of scarred and glassy-eyed Remus sleeping in the hospital cot, all alone and bones broken. He had never realized how difficult transformations were; even after reading book after book about lycanthropy, and seeing Remus pained in the infirmary, he would never know the pain of changing into a werewolf, or feel the pain of the aftermath.

As December rolled around, the weather seemed to dip tragically, and the subzeroes infected the castle. Not much colder than London, he presumed, but still insanely cold, and each day he seemed to grip his cloak tighter and tighter. It was similar to the way he spent winters in London before starting at Hogwarts, but he hadn’t had a Christmas with Mother and Father since 1969, when he was ten. He had been at Hogwarts the past year, and the year before was when Father sent him away. He didn’t like to think about it.

It was really cold, and really miserable. Andromeda wasn’t there, and neither was Regulus, though he wouldn’t have really helped anyway. He was too scared, but everyone was scared of Father. Especially when he cracked.

He would have to go back to them eventually, but for now he was at school.

The midpoint between moons was Remus’ sweet point - they all could tell. He was lively, energetic, and his usual self. He did a fine job at hiding his limp and his scars, but it was hard to put on a show for roommates. Sirius, James, and Peter saw the worst side of Remus.

“It’s pretty lame,” Peter said one morning over breakfast. “The Slug Club.” Lily had mentioned it briefly in Potions, and after asking around, the marauders had discovered another secret gathering. Of course, Sirius _wanted_ to be a part of it, but Peter was correct. It was lame.

“You’re not wrong,” James said, chewing his porridge. “I mean, I’d only want to be in it for Evans.” His hair was windswept and cheeks flushed - Gideon Prewett had begun enforcing morning Quidditch practices, and Sirius refused to tag along, much to James’ dismay. James had assured him the sweaty look made the girls swoon. Sirius respectively disagreed and would rather keep his hair clean and dry, thank you very much.

“I dunno, it seems fine to me,” Remus shrugged. “Like, I know it’s based on favorites, but still. ‘S not like I’d get chosen.”

“You’re the best out of all of us at Potions,” Sirius quipped, nudging Remus’ arm. He hated when he talked down about himself.

“I’m not a pureblood heir like you two.” he said, rolling his eyes and grinning. “Nothing special.”

“I’ll trade being a pureblood heir _any_ day.” Sirius drawled, tapping his fingers on the table. James shot him a quick frown.

“Herbology today, then double Defense,” James read from the parchment schedule dropped by the first parliament of owls. The second group - owls from parents, friends, and teachers would be coming next.

“Joy.” Sirius grumbled - he had never had a green thumb. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t in Slytherin, he giggled to himself. 

A flurry of neutrally colored owls swooped in from above the staff table, hoots and scuffles heard as students readjusted themselves to get a look at the gaggle of birds. Mail had been coming less and less for Sirius, but he knew it was because Regulus was constantly getting sent heirlooms and antiques. They wanted to embarrass Sirius. He was well aware.

There was no Black owl that swarmed down to his table, today, but there were instead four brown owls that came down, dropping red-sealed envelopes with the Hogwarts crest - one in Lily’s lap, one for James, one for Sirius, and one for Mary.

James, who looked incredibly puzzled, sipped his fingers across the seal, breaking the wax.

“I don’t believe it.” he murmured. “Sirius, open yours.” He did as he was told, and stifled a laugh.

“Not the Slug Club!” he cackled, slapping the parchment down on the wooden table. “Really, does Slughorn know Remus here is the only reason I’ve been passing his class?” he continued, jabbing Remus’ arm next to him. “Speaking of, how did you not get an invitation?”

“Oh, he’s invited me to Slug Club meetings before,” droned Remus, shrugging. A smile crept onto his face. “He actually asked last week if I could come to the Christmas feast. Not really my speed. Anyway, there’s also my… thing. It’s the same day.” He chose his words carefully - Lily, Mary, and Marlene were only a few feet away.

“I never expected to get one,” moaned Peter, crossing his arms.

“Shame.” James frowned. “You’re good in Herbology, though, and History.” He paused. “Sirius, it says there’s another meeting on Christmas night. You reckon we go? I wonder what holiday is like here.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Better than holiday at house, that’s for sure.” he shuddered. “There’s a lot of traditional stuff I’m sure’ll be happening.”

“Like what?” asked Peter, twirling his fork. 

“Erm, just Black stuff. Pureblood nonsense, you know.” Sirius stammered. He knew Peter _didn’t_ know, because he was halfblood. Sometimes it was easy to lie about things like that - he only had one _close_ pureblood friend, and he wasn’t involved at all with wizarding prejudice.

“Oi, Evans, Macdonald, will we see you two there?” James called across the table, standing up and waving his invitation.

Lily huffed, rolling her eyes. “ _Yes_ , Potter, you will, and don’t go ruining the Slug Club for everyone else.”

“Anything for you.” James blurted, sinking his elbow into the tub of margarine in front of him.

-

“Do you ever wish you could just make everyone happy?” Sirius whispered that night as James crawled into his bed. 

“Yeah. I guess so,” James shrugged, pulling the duvet to his chest. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

“No.”

“Well,” James continued hastily after a few moments of silence. “I’ve been thinking about last Christmas. With the mirror, and you were all scratched up.”

“Oh. I forgot about that,” Sirius whispered, rolling the other direction. He didn’t want to meet James’ eyes, he really just wanted to sleep.

“Is it always like that?” breathed James, grasping Sirius’ shoulder and gently tugging him onto his back. They both stared at the curtains draped above them for a few moments.

“Yeah.”

“Sirius…”

“I don’t _want_ your pity, James, that’s why I don’t like talking about it.” he snapped. 

“I’m not here to give you pity, I just don’t like how you never talk about any of that stuff.” James tutted, twiddling his thumbs. “You talk so much about everything else, but when we talk about family, you shut up. Like at breakfast, today.”

“Do not.” Sirius grumbled.

“Do _too_.” James said, pressing his lips into a straight line. “Just tell me. I’ll find out sooner or later.”

“You have no boundaries,” Sirius spat. “And I said I don’t want to talk about it.” He knew his temper was getting a hold of him, just like how it did when he was around Mother. But James was nothing like her.

“Please,” James begged, pulling on the hem of Sirius’ pajama sleeve. He turned his head, and James stared at him, a look of genuine concern on his face - a look Sirius didn’t usually see.

“Tell me what they do. Over summers, and holiday and stuff.” he pleaded. Sirius sighed. It was hard to ignore someone who really cared about you.

“You know about the, er, the thing before I came to school,” Sirius started. James nodded eagerly. “And last Christmas, they got _so_ mad. I don’t even remember why, I think it was because I said I was friends with a half-blood. Remus.” he explained, not meeting James’ big and brown eyes.

“And in the summer I thought it was all okay. They were being nice, sort of. And then they saw you sent a letter, and Father was so mad, he punched me and all that kind of stuff. But I guess I was in the wrong, I was owling you and picking fights. They’re both Legilimens too.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Then Mother got all mad, but they’ve been mad at me since I was sorted. Obviously. SHe uses this curse - it’s called the Obfulus Curse,” he winced as he said it, “and it’s, like, really dark magic. Borderline Unforgivable, in my opinion. But there’s so many enchantments on our house, the Ministry can’t track it. That’s why nobody’s been sent to Azkaban yet.”

“Oh.” James whispered.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to bring down the mood.”

“You’re not,” James whispered, scooting closer to Sirius’ stiff body. “We’re making progress.”

Sirius let out a small laugh, and exhaled deeply. “One time they sent me away.”

“Huh?” James blinked.

“They sent me away. Out. Didn’t wanna deal with me,” Sirius said, his voice well below a whisper. He had never told anyone, only immediate family knew. Mother had told the extended relatives that he was ‘out with a friend’, but they all knew he had none of those.

“Like… Sirius, I’m not sure I understand.” James said thoughtfully.

“One time, it was winter a few years ago, I did something really bad. To them, at least. It was the year before last, I was eleven.”

“What did you do that was so bad?” James' voice was quavering and slightly growing higher. His heartbeat was fast, too.

“I was at home, in my room. They lock me in there, a lot of the time. Kreacher slides my meals under my door, but they’re usually stale, anyway. I’m pretty sure they locked me away because I was mingling with Muggles, at the park across the street. They don’t let me leave the house anymore, not unless we’re going somewhere. Which is rare.”

“You don’t talk to your neighbors?” James murmured, staring uncomfortably at Sirius.

“They don’t even know our house is there. It’s Unplottable and concealed by magic. Mother’s idea,” sighed Sirius.

“Oh. Well, go on. I’m listening.”

“I was in my room, and I’m _young_ , mind you, I didn’t have a wand or anything. They knew I was magic, because of pure breeding. I showed my first signs before I could walk. Everyone in the family thought I’d be a good heir. When I got older, after Regulus was born and when I was a toddler, I didn’t show many more signs. All my magic sort of… disappeared, I guess. Bellatrix told everyone I was Obscurial, and they were all scared of me from then on. Little bitch.”

“Obscurial?” asked James tentatively. His hands had moved from fiddling with Sirius’ pajamas, to the duvet, to his own pajamas, and now to the bed curtains. 

“Y’know. An Obscurus. ‘S kids who hide their magic. Like, repress it. ‘Cause of mental problems. But I _don’t_ have mental problems. I’m normal. And I never had problems, not until they started to get scared of me. Mother was so terrified, she didn’t want another Squib in the family. We’ve only had two, and they were both disowned,” he explained hurriedly. “She didn’t want to disown me, ‘cause I’m the heir.

“Bella told them all this over that summer, and I barely left my room. They wanted to keep me locked up, they didn’t want to see me in case I wasn’t magic enough. But I was, and I don’t know why they believed her. She was fourteen, I think. Since I was all alone, it was hard to control it all. And I was growing older, so it was too powerful to keep controlled.”

“I’m listening,” whispered James.

“It was Auntie Druella’s birthday, that’s Bellatrix and Narcissa’s mother. She was turning fifty-five, I think. Not that it matters,” he shrugged. “But anyway, Mother let me go out of my room for the celebratory dinner. There’s a big stigma with dinners, they always have to be perfect in the House of Black.

“When I was locked in my room, I read a lot of my Uncle Alphard’s old books - besides Andromeda, he’s the only one nice to me. I hate reading, but it was the only thing to do. ‘S not like we have a telly, they say it's ‘too Muggle’. A lot of them were about wizard and Muggle relations, and I thought they were really interesting. I used to believe most of what my family said, about people lesser than purebloods,” he admitted, turning red. “But in these books, they talked about how magic can be easier spread if wizards… y’know, _mate_ with Muggles.”

“Mhm.” James nodded.

“Which, I guess, changed the way I thought. And at that dinner I think they realized how difficult I would be. I used to act like Regulus all of the time, I just followed what Mother and Father would do. But when I had all of that time alone, it was really easy to… I dunno, to _forget_ everything they had taught me.”

He took a pause, letting out a deep breath.

“We were at the dinner table, and Mother sat me next to Bellatrix. I’ve always been scared of her, so I think they just wanted to make sure I didn’t step out of line. Anyway, they got into a long discussion about Muggleborns, except they used the, er, the _other word._ Maybe it was because I hadn’t been in a room with other people for a few months, or maybe I was subconsciously doing it. I don’t remember. But I got so mad, and my magic went haywire. It was really, _really_ bad.”

“D’ya wanna tell me what you did?” James said softly. “You don’t have to.” He lay comfortably pressed against Sirius, who was rigid as he stared at the ceiling.

“I didn’t _do_ anything. I didn’t mean to. But it was all really bad. There was broken glass and fire everywhere and after Father put it out, everyone knew it was me. Even though I said so many times I didn’t mean to.” He shivered.

“I know you didn’t.” James said.

“That’s when they sent me away. It was the middle of December, and they sent me to this reform camp until the New Year.”

“What was it called?” asked James softly.

“Durmstrang’s Winter Institutional Reform Camp.” Sirius whispered.

“No!” James gasped.

“They wanted to send me to Durmstrang for school. With all their focus on the Dark Arts. But they knew I had to prove myself in Slytherin and be Head Boy and all of that.” he shivered. “It was so awful, and so cold, it was always freezing and miserable. They had you do manual labour, y’know, strengthen yourself up. Be a real man.”

“I’ve never even heard of that,” whispered James.

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal. They would force you to practice dark magic, and for people younger than schooling age, like how I was, they would have us be the testing dummies.”

“Sirius…”

“It’s fine, I guess. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.” he murmured, turning to his side.

“Goodnight, then,” James whispered, allowing Sirius to drift off to sleep. After a few minutes, though, the still-awake Sirius heard James creep off, scratch a quill on parchment, and return to his own bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS SAID YOU LIKED LONG CHAPTERS SO HERE YOU GO AHAHHAH i've been lamenting writing this chapter because this idea was the reason i wanted to write this fic and it means a lot to me. i feel like i have a new family with you guys - almost 4K READERS!! WHAT THE FUCK! that's so insane to me. anyway, this chapter's cntents hold a special place in my heart and i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did. love always!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders


	32. Second Year: Slug Club and Supermoons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James attend the Slug Club party.

“Oi, Sirius, hurry up in there!” shouted James, rapping on the bathroom door.

“Oh, come in, sweetie, door’s unlocked!” Sirius teased, running a golden brush through his black hair, tugging on his waves. James murmured a few curses under his breath before pushing the wooden door open, and sliding in. 

“I hate these dress robes,” grimaced James, tugging on the powder blue collar of his robes, readjusting the billowing bottom around his black trousers. “So much static. Dunno how you wear these all the time.”

“Oh, I’m used to it.” Sirius grinned, smoothing his hair down. His robes were a deep indigo, complimenting his grey-silver eyes. “They get unbearably hot.”

“Merlin,” James groaned. “You know what? Wear that ring, the one from your birthday. It’ll look good with your robes.”

“No way in hell, James.” Sirius tutted, whacking James’ head with his hairbrush. “I’ll only wear that if my family sees.”

“Whatever. I think it would be a good occasion,” he said, grabbing the brush out of Sirius’ hair and angrily dragging it through his curls. 

Sirius took a moment, fabricating an excuse not to. “Fine.” he grumbled, walking to his bedside table and slipping the band onto his ring finger. “Brushing your hair for dearest Evans?” called Sirius smugly. “Don’t know why you still try.”

“Hey, it’s only been two years. I’ve got five and a half more to woo her,” James said, tapping his fingers on the marble sink. 

“You wish. Are you going with her tonight? You remember our bet.” Earlier that week, James had asked Slughorn if bringing dates was permitted, to which he replied _’Yes, absolutely, young man!’_ Sirius had settled on asking Marlene, who was pretty, but more a friend rather than a partner. Besides, she had seemed down after not receiving an invitation - Lily was invited, and Mary had an exciting vacation to America planned. As far as anyone else knew, Marlene would be staying at the castle anyway.

“Going with her?” James laughed, his expression comedic. “Nah, nah. I wish, though.”

“You didn’t get her to go with you?” Sirius asked incredulously. “ _James!”_

“You knew she wouldn’t say yes!” James pouted. “I’ll find another bird.”

“You dote, there’s no girls that stayed,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes and thumping the back of James’ head. He wasn’t wrong - not many students stayed for the holidays this year. Peter and Remus both went home via Hogwarts Express, as did Mary. As far as Sirius knew, the only people staying for the holidays were NEWT students or Slug Club members. 

“I’m sure _someone_ has,” said James hastily. 

“I’m not being the only one with a date,” Sirius shuddered. “You _promised_ you’d get one!”

“Woah, slow down, who’d _you’d_ get?” James gasped, fiddling with the belt of his robes. 

“Marlene! Duh.” Sirius scoffed. “She was going to stay with Lily anyway. I asked her in Herbology last week.”

“I wonder if Lily would say yes if I asked again.” James sighed. “She’s really pretty.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, slumping his shoulders. “I can’t believe you didn’t get a date. You _promised.”_

“Why are you so hung up about it?” James quipped, finally giving up on brushing his hair. “Even I’m not sulking as much as you. And my ego is insanely bruised.”

“I dunno,” sighed Sirius. “It’s embarrassing.”

 _”How?”_ James blinked, taken aback. “When the rest of the class learns you took Marlene to dinner, they’ll be talking about it for weeks.”

“We’re just friends. I don’t like her like that.” Sirius explained, rolling his eyes. “Not in the slightest. She is quite pretty, though.” He wasn’t _lying_ , he did think Marlene was pretty. She had piercing eyes and nice hair. But it would be so awkward going with a date when James was going stag - he had _promised_ weeks ago he would find a date.

“Well, if I can have Lily and you have Marlene, Remus could have Mary. Shame Peter hasn’t got one, but I always see Odette Dubois staring at him. The Ravenclaw.” James explained. “I reckon we could go on quadruple dates.”

“Oh, you wish,” Sirius grimaced, sticking his tongue out. “C’mon. I promised Marlene I’d walk her from the common room, I’m sure Evans’ll be down there too.”

“One can only hope,” sighed James. 

Sirius smoothed his velvet robes as he descended the steps, behind James bounding down. He labored over choosing which pair of robes to wear - he had a pair for each color in the rainbow, excluding yellow. Yellow clashed with his undertones. The blue, he thought, would match Marlene’s eyes. Besides, he liked the velvet and the intricate silver patterns embedded into the soft fabric. 

“Marls,” he said, eyeing the two girls chatting by the fire. “Lovely to make your acquaintance.”

“Oh, shut it, Sirius, just be normal.” she giggled, turning an unusual shade of red. Sirius shrugged this away, flashing a grin.

“Evans.” James sauntered up to Lily, whose hair was tied back in a neat plait down her back. “Looking lovely as ever.”

“Shut it, Potter,” she warned, squinting her green eyes. 

“She’s mad because Severus is going. They got into a fight, she’s really torn up about it,” Marlene explained quietly, out of earshot of the other two. “Mary and I have been trying to tell her, he’s a prat, but she won’t listen.”

“Snape’s going?” Sirius asked cooly, preventing his grin from creeping onto his face.

“Oh, yes, he’s wonderful at Potions. He’s been in Slug Club ever since first year, Lily only joined at the beginning of this year,” Marlene continued as Sirius led her out of the common room. “But he’s incredibly rude, did you know he wrote a nasty letter to Petunia? Lily only intercepted it right before he sent the owl off, she was crying all last night. It’s a shame, she’s known him for so long I suppose she doesn’t understand how awful he is.”

“Mm.” Sirius nodded, watching Marlene’s hair bounce as they walked down the Grand Staircase. She rambled a bit, and was insanely talkative, but she was nice.

“I also think she has a little crush on Sev. Don’t tell James, I won’t hear the end of it, he talked about her all summer. I swear, his brain is either fixated on Lily or Quidditch, there’s nothing in between! Well, maybe pranks, but that’s all. He’s quite nice, though, at least to me. He can be a git to Lils, he flirts with her endlessly. I reckon he should take a break from all of that and just get to know her.”

“Good to know. I’ll relay the message,” Sirius said as the cold from the dungeons crept up his trouser leg and spread to his fingertips. Slughorn’s classroom door was open, and the inside was bustling with people and the ringing of a viola concerto.

“Such a beautiful sound, that music is,” Marlene said wistfully as they waited for James and Lily, who were descending the stairs at a sloth pace. “Wish I could play an instrument. You play piano, don’t you?”

“Mm? Oh, yeah, I dabble,” he murmured. “Mother taught me how. I’m not great, Regulus is much better.”

“Regulus is your brother, right?” she asked, swaying back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“Mhm,” Sirius nodded. “He’s a first year. Slytherin.”

“Oh, so, that’s how most of your family is,” Marlene nodded, furrowing her brows. “Narcissa and Bellatrix Black, they’re your cousins, right?”

“Oh, er, yeah…” It was that moment in which he was incredibly grateful to see Lily Evans swipe a hand across James’ hand, which he had held out for her to grap. James let out a yelp, and shook his head, approaching Sirius.

“She touched me! She touched my hand!” he hissed, eyes wide with excitement. He held out his reddened knuckles, and let out a whoop of glee.

“Come on, James.” Sirius snickered. “Let’s join Ol’ Sluggy.” He let James hold the door open for Lily, allowing Marlene to enter first. Mother always said _’Ladies first, Sirius, you must set a proper Black heir example,’_ which Sirius understood just fine, just subconsciously wondering _why._ She had always imprinted pureblood and antique beliefs onto Sirius, trying to mold him into a substantial heir. They all knew he wouldn’t be. He twisted the band on his finger anxiously.

“Ah, gentlemen, ladies, we were just about to crack open the butterbeer! Sit, sit!” Slughorn’s voice boomed from a long table in the center of the room - he had switched out his usual classroom desks for a feast table, about the same size as the staff table in the Great Hall. There were about fifteen other students sitting down, and Sirius recognized over half. 

Enchanted doilies with each attendees’ name sparkling in gold ink signalized where to sit - fortunately, Sirius, Marlene, James, and Lily were all placed next to each other, across from two third years: Alice Fortescue and Frank Longbottom. Snivellus sat directly next to Slughorn, his greasy black hair almost dripping on the linen tablecloth. He shot Lily a small wave, and that was that. There were tall champagne glasses set to the left of each persons’ shining china, and Slughorn lazily lifted his wand, filling each glass with the bottle of butterbeer in the middle of the table. 

“So, Ms. Fortescue, I’ve heard from Professor Kettleburn your treatment of Flobberworms was quite dedicated,” Slughorn sang, absentmindedly twirling a drink stirrer around his glass - that surely had something stronger than butterbeer in it.

“Yes, thank you, Professor.” Alice smiled from across the table. Sirius didn’t know her well, but she seemed nice enough. 

“No doubt you’ll be a wonderful caretaker, Ms. Fortescue, there’s lots of effort being put into class with Silvanis - ope, that’s Professor Kettleburn to you!” he chortled. “Oh, and Mr. Black, Professor Griffis had mentioned your Boggart-Banishing spell was incredibly powerful.” Slughorn noted, turning his head to meet Sirius’ blinking eyes.

“Actually, Black didn’t-” Snape seethed from across the table, but was met with an interrupting, dismissive hand.

“Oh, Severus, let Sirius speak.” Slughorn chuckled.

“Oh, er, sure. Yes, thank you.” Sirius said tentatively. His Boggart-Banishing charm was the worst in the class - he was the only one not to banish it completely. Griffis had done it for him, though he was under the impression nobody had seen - obviously, someone had told Snape, for he wasn’t even there to see it himself (it was a Hufflepuff-Gryffindor class, Sirius reminded himself).

“Wonderful teacher he is, hope he never leaves.” sighed Slughorn. The dungeon doors creaked open, and Sirius turned his head, along with every other occupant of the table, to face the two boys standing in the doorway.

“Mr. Crouch! Mr. Black!” Slughorn bellowed jubilantly, and Sirius turned his head to meet his eyes. “Oh, silly, me the _younger_ Mr. Black.” Regulus, who had entered with a newfound charisma, sat in the two empty seats far from Sirius and James.

“So glad you two scoundrels could make it,” cooed Slughorn, his tone the same as you would use with a newborn baby. Sirius felt his eyes go cold as he stared in Regulus’ direction - he didn’t know _he_ would be there.

“Now that all of our guests are here, let’s toast!” Slughorn giggled, swaying slightly in his seat. “To the Slug Club!”

-

The rest of the dinner passed slowly - James refused to smuggle in Dungbombs, because he thought Lily wouldn’t enjoy it. Slughorn continued to chat with _every_ student, taking specific measures to butter them up ( _’Oh, Mr. Potter, you’re so wonderful on the Quidditch field, you as well, McKinnon!_ ).

After dropping Marlene off at the foot of the staircase to the girls dormitory, James doing the same with Lily, who insisted it wasn’t a date and she was being kidnapped against her will, Sirius slumped down in his favorite loveseat down in the common room.

“I didn’t know Regulus would be there,” grimaced James, sitting across from Sirius on the plush sofa. “He looked out of place.”

“No, you’re right,” Sirius agreed, tapping his long fingers on the arm of the chair. “He looked different. Like, less put together.”

“Hm.” James frowned. “Weird. Didja notice _half_ of the people there were Slytherins?"

“Yeah, there was only one Ravenclaw, that was McLaggen. The Quidditch commentator,” Sirius yawned. 

“Did you see Snape at the end of the table? No idea where _he_ got dress robes, must have been grease-repellent.” James giggled.

“He’s nasty. And didja hear what he said, right after Slughorn was talking to me?” Sirius quipped, sitting up.

“No,” James frowned, kicking his legs over the backseat of the couch and letting his head swing to the ground.

“I think someone told him that I couldn’t get rid of my boggart. Which was so embarrassing,” Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms. 

“Huh. Maybe it was a Hufflepuff. No, they’re all too nice. Evans is friends with him, but she would never,” scoffed James, his head turning red as a result of his unbalanced blood flow. 

“Well, Marlene told me that Lily and Snivellus got into a fight, a few days ago.” Sirius blinked thoughtfully. “Maybe it _was_ her.”

“Ask her.” James offered, playing with the fringe on the throw pillows. “She doesn’t like us much, so it’s not like she’ll get offended.”

“Oh, she likes me much better than you,” Sirius winked, casting a gold pillow at James. 

-

The dorm was empty, besides a snoring James, and though he never interacted with Remus or Peter at night, the absence of them was eerily unsettling. The only thing more unsettling was the cold, golden ring on his bedside table, which he aimlessly twisted all night long. Marlene scolded him on this, but as stupid as it sounded, he was incredibly nervous about Regulus being there - which he knew was _dumb_ , because Regulus was fine to him. Wind blew through the dorm, and Sirius was reminded of how cold Scotland winters really are. He missed Peter’s grunts and thrashing sheets, and Remus’ string of curses each time Sirius would pull his bed curtains open to wake him for lessons. Remus was gone a solid amount of time, in the hospital wing recovering, but he was the most personable, in Sirius’ opinion. Blunt and sarcastic, he never spoke unless spoken to - but once he broke out of his shell, the endless _’Fucks!’_ and _’Buggering shits’_ were quite classy. 

Peter had a brother, named Philip, who was a Ravenclaw a few years back - Pete was very obviously jealous of his brother, who was Quidditch captain, a prefect, and Head Boy. He had mentioned going to visit his brother in Australia, but Sirius couldn’t remember why Remus hadn’t come to the Slug Club meeting, actually. He had an engagement, Sirius knew, he just couldn’t remember what. Turning over in his bed, and catching a glimpse at the wall from between his curtains, the one covered in nonsense.

_Shit._

“James.” Sirius yawned, opening his curtains.

“Mmm, _ti_ red,” groaned James. “Come ov’r,” Sirius rolled his eyes, skidding across the wood flooring and gently opening James’ drawings. 

“Full moon. Tonight.” Sirius blinked, stretching his arms behind him.

“What?” muttered James, propping himself up. “ _Oh_ , right. I always forget.”

“Yeah.” Sirius sighed, rubbing his eyes.

“Get in,” James said, making room for Sirius in his small bed. There was enough room in James’ bed for the both of them now, at only twelve and thirteen they could fit comfortably next to each other. As they grew older, though, they wouldn’t have room. It seemed to Sirius, he thought, everything got worse as you grew up.

“Wonder how many moons he’s done,” James said groggily, now slightly more awake.

“I never thought about it like that,” said Sirius, crossing his ankles under the duvet. “I mean, at least for the past two years.”

“Yeah,” James frowned, deep in thought. “You know, I wonder where he actually goes when he transforms. I always thought it was the hospital wing, and they just put up silencing spells, but there’s windows all over the walls. It must be better at home, or else he would have stayed. He lives in Wales, so, that’s in the middle of nowhere,” he rambled.

“He’s reserved.” Sirius remarked. “About being a werewolf, I mean. It must be awful.”

“Yeah,” James yawned, sliding a hand under his pillow. “Awful.”


	33. Second Year: Christmas Morning, Christmas Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius attends the Christmas feast, with a few other activities to lead up to it.

The common room was warm and comforting, and Sirius held a mug of tea closely to his chest as a pair of footsteps padded down the stairs behind him. It was quiet and he had been alone, with an open book on his lap and his teacup steaming up onto his face.

“It gets quite lonely here, doesn’t it?” Lily’s shrill voice rang from the landing of the girls’ staircase.

“Depends,” sighed Sirius, chewing the inner corner of his lip. “James can be a handful sometimes.”

Lily rolled her eyes, perching next to Sirius on the vacant sofa. She flicked her wand, and the kettle above the fire began to shake as it reheated. “The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection.” she read, peering over his shoulder at the now-closed books. “You’ve been doing a lot of reading lately.”

“There’s a lot of books in the library.” he shrugged, passing Lily a slightly-chipped mug. She grabbed the empty mug, muttered a quick thanks, and picked up the book from where it rested on his thigh. 

“Werewolves.” she read, downturning the corners of her lips. “‘Those infected with lycanthropy are dangerous individuals who should not be permitted to mingle with wizards.’ Sirius, this is _awful!”_

“I’m just reading it, doesn’t mean I agree.” he noted, taking her mug and filling it with the bubbling hot water. “It’s good to get different opinions. On a subject.” he explained, straightening his shirt.

“I dunno,” she frowned. “It seems inhumane, how these people are treating werewolves. I mean, they’re just regular people.” 

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, glancing at her fingers, which flicked through the pages of the book.

“Severus always talks about how we ought to gather them up, and put them down.” Lily said matter-of-factly.

“That’s messed up,” Sirius scoffed, grimacing. “He’s awful, Lily.”

“He’s only awful to _you_ because you and Potter are so rude to him!” Lily trilled, her green eyes ablaze. 

“It’s not like we do it for no reason,” snapped Sirius, rolling his eyes. 

“Sev’s got an awful home life,” she said pointedly, sipping her tea. 

“Oh, right, Evans, because he’s the _only_ one at this school whose parents hate him.” he spat, scrunching up his nose in disgust. He didn’t meet her eyes, but he could feel them on the side of his head. 

“Oh, Sirius, don’t act like that,” she tutted, eyeing him gently. “I know your situation is bad, but his father _beats_ him. It’s… well, I s’pose I shouldn’t say much more.” Lily stood up, setting her empty mug on the side table and frowning at Sirius. He bit his tongue, meeting her eyes with an expressionless gaze. She didn’t know him very well. Not in the slightest.

“Marlene says you two got into a fight,” he said, pursing his lips. “You and Sniv - Snape.”

“Well, that wasn’t Marlene’s information to tell.” she harrumphed. “And _for your information,_ Black, Severus and I are on perfectly fine terms.”

“Must be,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “Don’t you find it funny how Marlene wasn’t the only one to tell a secret?”

She furrowed her eyebrows, sitting up. “What?”

“Oh, just found it _funny_ that _someone’s_ been feeding information to the Slytherins. You know, the ones _not in our Defense class.”_ Sirius grumbled, brushing his hands on his thighs.

Lily’s face dropped, and she opened and closed her mouth, searching for words. “I didn’t mean to say!” she whimpered. “I didn’t mean to!”

“Well, you did it.” Sirius snapped, clenching his jaw. “You did it anyway.”

“But it was an _accident_!” Lily retorted. Her eyes were blazing, and her cheeks were slightly flushed. “Besides, it’s just a boggart. Honestly, Sirius, nobody cares. No one paid you any attention.” Her tone was calm, but Sirius wasn’t - he was furious, and had finally snapped. Of course, he knew he was acting like Father. He knew he was overreacting, he knew he had crossed a line, and he _knew_ Lily had never meant to hurt anybody. She still did, he supposed. She still told Snape.

“Whatever, Evans.” he scoffed, walking towards the portrait hole.

“You know, Black, you just get too angry sometimes!” she called, crossing her arms. “Remus never acts like this!”

“Nex time, get _Remus_ to read those letters from your bitch sister,” Sirius hissed, his grimace falling. Lily’s blush faltered, and her eyebrows furrowed, anger now overtaking his expression.

“You’re just like the rest of your family, Black.” she said dismissively. She stared at him for one more moment, then continued up the stairs to the girls dorm, stomping up the way. 

The portrait door swung open only seconds later, James and Marlene clambering in, giddy and sweating.

“Alright, Black?” Marlene laughed, playfully punching his arm. He flinched.

“Fine.” he said, watching the staircase, wishing for Lily to come back down, or for time to reverse itself.

-

Christmas Eve morning came in a blur of cold freeze and December flush, and the few students that stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays were buzzing with excitement of the evening feast, and the festivities to come with it. The crowd of students was fairly mediocre; Sirius was enjoying himself exceptionally.

Days were spent playing Quidditch on the empty fields with Marlene and James, using his broom which had lay unused in his wardrobe since the beginning of the year. He was still making sure to ignore Lily - still pulsating with anger.

“Y’know, we’ve got three people graduating,” Marlene remarked one day after running drills. “Gideon, Ken Trotter, and Mariette Chandler,” she counted, listing them off her fingers.

“Sirius, go for Chandler’s spot. She plays Chaser too, we’ll work together,” James begged, nudging Sirius’ side. James and him had been the same height since first year, and even though they had both grown since then, they had remained pretty constant.

“I dunno,” he shrugged, tossing his hair. “I might.”

“You’ll make it, I’m sure,” Marlene assured him, pulling a band out of her thick, brown hair and letting it cascade down her back. “You’re the best flyer in the year. Besides James and I, obviously.”

“Shut it, McKinnon,” Sirius teased, rolling his eyes.

“Evans’ in the stands,” James remarked, stopping in his tracks on the path back to the castle. 

“I didn’t tell her I was coming out,” Marlene frowned, furrowing her brows. “Hm.” Sirius pursed his lips and followed James, who didn’t pull his eyes from Lily, even as they continued off of the field.

Soon, Hogwarts would find itself covered in a foot of sold snow, ice submerged underneath. Owls that had either arrived or departed were shivering, and some’s feathers were dripping with a wet layer of icicles. The cold was rougher than it had ever been in Scotland, at least, that Sirius had experienced, and he and James spent most time nestled in the common room, in front of a warm, blazing fire.

Christmas morning was no different - Sirius and James were both awakened by the hoot and rustle of a bird pecking on the window. The handsome Potter owl danced around the room momentarily before allowing James to remove the parcel tied to its leg.

“Oh, Sirius, mum left this for you,” he said casually, through a mouthful of homemade biscuits. “She told me not to tell you, ‘s a surprise.”

“You’re joking,” he blinked. “I didn’t-”

“Shut it, Sirius, she loves you. You didn’t have to get her anything.”

“She’s never met me,” Sirius smirked, throwing a package addressed to James in his general direction.

“I talk about you enough,” James grinned, handing him a package wrapped in brown paper.

“Remind me next Christmas to get something for your parents,” Sirius smiled, eyeing the small pile of gifts at the foot of his bed - significantly lesser than James’. But it was fine; he had _actually_ received a present that wasn’t an antique heirloom that had been passed down through generations. The gifts from his parents, which he had opened minutes earlier, were a new set of robes in gold, a Black family crest-engraved cologne bottle, and a David Bowie record from Andromeda and her boyfriend, Ted. Sirius held the hand-knitted red sweater from Mrs. Potter up to his torso, watching James clamber as he pulled his on, disheveling his hair even further. Glasses askew, the small Gryffindor lion on the left breast of the sweater seemed to smirk at Sirius, who put on his identical one seconds later.

“We look like brothers, now!” James remarked, pulling Sirius by his collar to stand in front of the small vanity mirror. James was right - they were the same height, the same build, and had the same length of hair. James’ stuck up and fell like a mop around his face, though, whereas Sirius’, though wavy, was more satiny and well-kempt.

Sirius snorted. “Brothers.” he repeated.

“Mum wants you to come over the summer,” James said cooly, his face not yet blemished by his infectious grin. “To stay. Her and Dad really want to meet you. They think you’re a ‘nice young man’.” James mocked, adding an accent to the last phrase.

“Are you sure they’re not… I dunno, suspicious?” Sirius frowned. “You know, Black family stuff. Purebloods, and that nonsense.”

James’ brows furrowed, and his expression was almost comical. “No. Why would they care?”

Sirius blinked a few times, unsure of what to say. “Yeah. perfect. I’ll see if they’ll let me.”

“Perfect, mate!” beamed James, gleefully clapping his hands on Sirius’ upper arm.

-

Marlene and Lily were equally excited about spending Christmas at Hogwarts. The Great Hall was decorated with golden Christmas crackers and enchanted confetti, which floated above the heads of the students, intermingled with the floating candles. A distinct scent of peppermint and cloves seemed to fill the room, potpourri set in a clear bowl in the center of each table.

“It’s just so gorgeous,” Marlene breathed. “You know, I don’t think Milo ever spent Christmas here. With all the siblings, y’know.”

“Oh, of course,” Lily nodded, deeply immersed in their conversation. Sirius turned to James across from him, who stared at the Slytherin table.

“Your brother and Crouch are whispering. Gossiping,” he noticed, tilting his head.

“Probably about me,” Sirius shrugged, suddenly aware of the flush the color of his sweater creeping up the nape of his neck.

“Yeah,” James agreed. “They’re looking over.”

Sirius sighed, adding a sugar cube into his tea and stirring it around aimlessly. A shiver ran down his back - even with Mrs. Potter’s sweater, he was cold. He was always cold, though, what with living in both London and Scotland. He hated the cold.

“Reckon we go?” James asked, cracking his knuckles on the wooden table. 

“Yeah. Yeah. Sure,” Sirius nodded, staring over James’ shoulder at Regulus.

“Why don’t you go talk to him?” James asked, once the two were alone in the warm, fire-insulated common room.

“Who?” Sirius yawned, stretching his arms behind his back and laying his head on James’ lap.

“Regulus.” he frowned, looking down and meeting Sirius’ eyes. “You’re brothers.”

“I thought I recognized him,” Sirius murmured dryly. 

“Oh, you.” James sighed, shaking his head and grinning. “It’s Christmas. Go on and talk with him.”

“I don’t want to.” Sirius grumbled, scrunching up his nose. 

“Can you at least tell me why?” James asked, his smirk falling. “He hasn’t done anything to you.”

“That’s the whole thing,” Sirius sighed, pressing his lips into a thin line and rolling onto his side, still on James’ lap. 

“Oh,” James said slowly, puzzled. He just didn’t get it, thought Sirius, scrambling to sit up. “Why don’t we make him a Christmas card?” he continued, toying with the hem of a cream chenille blanket laying askew next to him on the sofa. 

“Christmas card?” Sirius asked confusedly. They had never received Christmas cards at Grimmauld Place - the only people they were in contact with would come in person for the holidays. Mother called cards ‘muggle atrocities’, so they were always out of the question. 

“Please don’t tell me you don’t even know what a _Christmas card_ is!” James groaned, shoving his face into a nearby throw pillow.

“I’m not thick, I can put two and two together.” Sirius retorted. “Cards. About Christmas.”

“Bingo,” James smirked, grabbing a stack of parchment papers from the underside of the coffee table in front of them. On the desk nearby, across from the piano, lay an old Mason jar full of colored pens and pencils - Muggle art supplies, Sirius thought. 

“Alright,” James sighed, setting the jars down on the table. “May the best card win.”

Hours later, with the Christmas dinner upon them, Sirius and James contemplated who the winner might be. Sirius had charmed his cards so that the calligraphy on it twisted and turned, whereas James took the traditional approach of coloring Father Christmas with his nine reindeer, along with a wintry scene behind.

“Will the two of you _stop?”_ groaned Marlene, her and Lily stomping behind the two arguing boys. They had both received cards, one from each boy. “They’re both fine. Now, stop bickering!”

That had shut them up.

“Still think mine was better,” James muttered, so quietly Sirius had to perk up his ears in order to hear.

“You wish,” Sirius hissed in retortion, jabbing James in the side. The journey down to the dungeons was cold and dank, and Sirius thought he could _never_ be a Slytherin, not of this was how they lived. He would request a separate sleeping chamber, because quartering underground seemed absolutely absurd.

Slughorn’s door creaked open, where the feast had been located. By merging the Slug Club meeting and Hogwarts’ annual Christmas night feast, the few students who stayed at Hogwarts for the end of the term could enjoy a dinner filled with Slughorn’s newest festivities.

“Oh,” Sirius started, eyeing the tables respectively for each year and house. His gaze wandered to the small bistro table in the back corner of Slughorn’s room, covered in a green tablecloth and reading ‘Slytherin: First Year’. “Give me one second.” And in almost a blink, he slipped an extra card onto a barstool, ensuring the _’To:Regulus’_ was on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg sorry for the wait guys this chap took a hot minute. pls leave a comment and kudos i love u all goodnight
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauder


	34. Second Year: Hope Lupin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus doesn't show up after winter holidays.

The New Year came about in a lesser snowfall, but the small, twinking flakes seemed to illuminate as James and Sirius watched from the roof of the Astronomy Tower at midnight. Muggle fireworks went off in the vast distance, miles and miles away, the _’boom!’_ of the explosions incredibly muffled. The piles upon piles of white snow covering the ground outside melted in the first few days of 1973, leaving a fresh slate to the new year. The chill did not fade, and the castle still shook with shivering students, but the warmth of an assured new year seemed to raise Sirius’ spirits. 

The Hogwarts Express came just days later, dropping off students who had gone away for the holidays - more or less, the entire school. James and Sirius spent the last few days of winter holiday in the library, for it was too cold to go outside, but too warm in Gryffindor Tower. They sat at the same table in the back corner each time - snickering and enchanting paper balls to hit other occupants.

Once the train arrived, Sirius and James stood by the entrance, waiting for Peter and Remus to appear through the wooden doors. But when Peter walked in, only accompanied by Mary Macdonald, Sirius’ stomach dropped. Mary looked unphased, but Peter’s expression changed from a giddy smile to a thoughtful frown. The rest of the students back from holiday began to funnel in, but there was no sight of Remus even after the doors had closed and the horseless carriages had departed.

The dinner in the Great Hall that night was slightly altered on the boys’ side of the massive table; Remus’ seat seemed cold and uninviting. Peter babbled about his holidays, spent with family from all over the UK. 

“But he wasn’t on the train,” Peter frowned. “Remus, I mean. I just thought he came here, something to do with his furry little problem.”

“No, he hasn’t been here,” James frowned, polishing the lenses of his glasses and squinting. “It’s not… er, one if his nights. Not for two and a half weeks.”

“He wouldn’t’ve missed the train, that’s _so_ unlike him.” Sirius added, absentmindedly twirling his fork in his fingers. “But it was one of his… _nights,_ last month. Maybe it just went badly.”

“He’s never been in the infirmary for more than a few days,” James added. “Let’s just wait it out.”

And so they did, but the wait was significantly more subdued than expected. The night was short - Peter was exhausted from the train ride, and James and Sirius were exhausted with worry, so they took an early lights-out. Sirius didn’t sleep for a few more hours after Peter flicked the lights off, and he assumed James and Peter weren’t asleep either. It was nice to pretend though, sometimes.

Remus was also absent for lessons the next day, which Peter deemed _’incredibly uncharacteristic and suspicious.’_ Transfiguration was first, and Professor McGonagall seemed not to bat an eye to the boys’ extreme confusion. She knew. By the time dinner came around that evening, and the bench next to Sirius was still vacant, he was overcome with perplexity.

“Buggering Christ,” he exclaimed, standing up from where he sat. “I’m _done_.” 

“With what? You’ve hardly touched your food,” asked James, motioning to Sirius’ full plate.

“Remus! I’m owling him, come if you want,” he sighed exasperatedly, opening the invitation to Peter and James. They both scrambled up from their seats, following Sirius as he stormed down the Great Hall between the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables.

By the time they had arrived in the owlery, the sun had set and the crescent moon teased them from above. Monet had caught Sirius' eye, and a small spark of jealousy rose in his throat. He missed his owl, and head hooted from inside his cage as he saw his former master.

“Just use mine,” James said, waving a hand and setting the other on Sirius’ shoulder. He hunched over at the bistro table in the center of the rotund room, quill and parchment in hand.

_Remus-_

_Hi. It’s Sirius (and James and Peter, in spirit). We miss you! Where are you? How was your Christmas? James and I had a cozy holiday here, though the Slug Club wasn’t anything exciting. Snivellus was there. Anyway, please write back when you can. Hope to see you here soon._

_-Marauders_

“That’s good.” James nodded, skimming over the letter as he tied it onto his tawny owl’s foot. She hooted, scuttling to the edge of her cage, then flew towards the circular window, before hitting it with a _’splat!’_

“Oops,” Peter gasped. “Should have opened it.” he blushed, hastily opening the window and setting James’ bird on the ledge, giving her a small push. “Off you go.”

-

Sirius woke up the next morning with a start, an owl pecking on the outside of the window just next to his head. Muttering a few curses, and tripping over multiple books and trinkets on his way to crack open the window, he was overcome with a gust of frigid chill, allowing the owl to prance around before he untied the twine wrapping the letter to the owl’s foot. The envelope read, _’Sirius Black’_ in a small and untidy scrawl on the brown casing.

_Hi Sirius (and others),_

_Things are ~~okay~~ ~~fine~~ not great, actually. Mum passed and that’s why I’m absent. Don’t worry about me I’m fine. Be back tomorrow. Had a bad transformation too. Thanks for worrying about me. I really appreciate it._

_Remus_

Sirius re-read the note countless times, skimming his eyes over the second sentence and pressing the creases out of the letter. He hadn’t thought Remus’ mum was _actually ill_ , just thought it was a cover for his monthly disappearances. His heart sunk as he sat back on his plush bed. With a final _’hoot!’_ , the owl had departed through the window and back to the owlery. Sirius shut the window gently, frowning. So - she was dead. Gone. Remus didn’t have a mother anymore. She had left. He sighed, placing the letter on his nightstand table and rolled over in his bed. He didn’t get much more sleep.

-

“I got a reply,” Sirius said once Peter and James awoke, hours later. “His mother passed.” James’ shoulders dropped, and Peter’s jaw did, too.

“I didn’t know she was sick.” Peter said.

“Me neither,” Sirius shrugged. Both Peter and James looked heartbroken - if he didn’t know better, he had thought they would both erupt into tears.

“Couldn’t imagine _my_ mum dead,” James mumbled, ransacking his trunk for school clothes.

“Me neither,” Peter sighed. “That’s awful. That’s so awful.”

Sirius blinked a few times, his eyebrows subconsciously scrunching up as he stared at the two boys’ turned backs. He just couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around loss. 

Remus arrived that morning right as James entered the shower and Peter had dashed down to Herbology to turn in a late essay. He seemed subdued - not yet himself, but not too different, either. There was a fresh scar running down his inner elbow to his knuckles, and he was pale, a contrast to his usual tanned complexion.

“Hi,” he said, setting his trunks down at the foot of his bed.

“Remus.” Sirius blinked, scrambling up from where he sat and walking over to sit on Remus’ bed, where the curtains were drawn. “How… er, how are you?”

“Me?” he asked, incredulously. “I’m fine. It’s fine. I’m good.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Sirius whispered, his eyes darting from the bathroom to the open door from the staircase.

“I’m fine. I promise,” he smirked, cracking his neck from side to side. It was silent for a few moments as Remus sat down next to Sirius. “She was sick. For a while. Muggle blood cancer.” 

Sirius nodded, string at the wall in front of him.

“Dad and I, we expected it. Not to happen this soon, but it was gonna happen sooner or later,” he explained, his voice soft. “Funeral was awkward. It was all Muggles, from her side of the family. Obviously they don’t know about my condition, they thought I was homeless, I think. From all my scars. It was right after the moon, too.”

“Did they not recognize you?” Sirius asked, dumbstruck.

“Her family lived in Ireland. We didn’t see them much,” he said. “Besides, they weren’t too keen when their daughter ran away with a man she had just met.”

Sirius grinned. “Really does suck. We didn’t know, we just thought you said it so we wouldn’t suspect you. Probably should have paid a little more attention.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Remus shrugged, waving a hand. “Sad, really sad, but it’s fine now. And I know your situation...” He trailed off.

“My situation?” Sirius smirked, rolling his eyes dumbly.

“I’m not thick. The stuff that goes on at your house. They hurt you, don’t they?” It was less of a question, and more of a statement. Sirius pursed his lips.

“Yeah.” he nodded, his right hand drifting to clasp around his left wrist. 

“Thanks for telling me,” Remus sighed. “How bad is it? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Sirius paused, glancing at the bathroom door, steam emitting out of the cracks and the shower water still running.

“It’s pretty bad,” he admitted, crossing his ankles as he lay his head down. 

“Oh,” Remus murmured, drawing his knees to his chest.

“They’re dark wizards, so it’s not like I’d expect anything different.” Sirius shrugged. “Is your father well?”

“Fine.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, obviously gutted, but fine.”

“I’m really sorry about your mother, Remus.”

“I’m sorry about yours, too.”

-

The rest of the day seemed to lift from the somber haze covering them the past few hours - Remus ensured them that he was perfectly fine, and didn’t want to talk about it. So they didn’t push. History and Defense were both that afternoon, and Sirius was not yet ready to get accustomed to the usual school schedule. James continuously nodded off in class, no matter how many times Professor Sprout scolded him, and Peter chattered about his recent vacation all day. It’s not like Sirius was jealous, because he most definitely was _not._ He just sometimes wished he could go on vacation on every holiday like Peter, instead of being cooped up in Grimmauld Place all summer. But James _did_ say the Potters wanted to have him over. He would have to beg, and surely would be hexed for even showing interest in attending a ‘blood traitors’’ household, but perhaps they’d say yes. Perhaps they’d even let him stay the _entire_ break. They’d have Regulus, they wouldn’t need him.

After a long day of lessons, Sirius slumped back down on the common room couch next to James, his eyes strained and hair rumpled.

“I’m knackered,” Peter yawned from across the coffee table.

“Same,” Remus added, rubbing his eyes as his quill ran across the parchment in front of him. “But I’ve got to finish this.”

“I thought you got excluded from doing that essay.” James said, grabbing tufts of Sirius’ hair and splaying each strand apart. His hair seemed to grow faster and faster, it now reached the tips of his ears as it parted down the middle, and the shaved sides seemed to even out. It was still short, but much more bearable than what Mother deemed acceptable.

“Not Sprouts’ essay,” he said, smirking. “This map. I think, once we finish putting all the passages and trick steps on it, we can start charming it.”

Peter had come up with the genius idea of tracking the four of them using a Tracker Charm, which was a NEWT level spell. By using this spell, pranks could be executed easier, sneaking out would be simpler, and most importantly, nobody would be able to find out about Remus’ hospital stays, which he made obvious he didn’t want anybody to worry about him, ever. It was a wonderful idea on Peter’s behalf, and James had already begun researching other additions they could charm the map with - he and Sirius _really_ wanted every student to appear on the map.

This wasn’t the only thing they had been studying - the brief discussion of becoming Animagi had been eating away at Sirius’ brain for the past month. The process was lengthy, but he could maneuver it. He could take care of the Potions aspect, Peter takes care of the Herbology parts, and James with the charms needed to make the transformation. It was exciting, but Remus couldn’t know. He wouldn’t let them, that was apparent, but they knew it was safe. Besides, they didn’t have to accompany him in his transformations. Even though that was the sole purpose, becoming an Animagi would have other perks.

The scratching of Remus’ quill on the parchment was one of many sounds filling the common room - the creak of the shabby wood chairs, the loud chatter of sixth years, Peter’s yawns and shifting in his loveseat, and even James’ fingers playing with his hair. The warm fire shone from the fireplace, illuminating the rooms’ occupants, and all was calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! how are you? let me know how youre doing :) i just made a tumblr so follow me on that! its under the same user hehe pls leave a comment and udos i love you guys mwah
> 
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	35. Second Year: Cheer Up, Sleepy Jean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and the marauders partake in a holiday prank.

February was a blur of pink and red - Cupid Arrows being shot from wands and singing Valentine’s being sent among the older students. Streamers lined the corridors, enchanted to float well above the heads of the entranced students, and balloons bounced through marble hallways on Valentine’s Day. The rest of the month caused snow outside to melt, much to James’ excitement, freeing the Quidditch pitch for endless practices. The weather warmed up significantly, sun shining through the clouds constantly and illuminating the old brick of Hogwarts’ exterior. 

“I hate Valentine’s,” Peter moaned one day on the way to Charms. “So lovey-dovey.” He made a retching noise, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh, I think it’s charming, Pete,” drawled Sirius, watching the streamers’ enchantment finally wear off days later, sinking to the ground and covering the corridor floor with crepe paper. 

“Seems very… public.” Remus noted, grimacing at a couple in the corner, their hands groping at each other’s robes and their lips smacking together. 

“Blegh,” James gagged. February was a blur of pink and red. 

There was a small sliver of warmth just under three weeks into the month, where the temperature rose and the snow faded completely, which caused Sirius to be in a wonderful mood. He hated the cold; once he was of age, and could leave Grimmauld Place, he would live somewhere warm, somewhere _not_ like London. 

Late into the month, with visions of pink and red behind them, the tiresome four boys trudged from the Great Hall to Professor McGonagall’s classroom, their eyes drooping and shoulders slumped.

“It’s those trolls,” whined Peter, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Those stupid trolls.”

There had been trolls delivering singing Valentine cards to students all of the week of the fourteenth, but even a week and a half later, they were still belting gruesome poems to students - Sirius had suspected Gideon Prewett had been sliding them a couple Sickles to sing those _stupid_ poems in the middle of the night. It was funny the first two days, but James insisted that even Gideon had no idea who was behind the prank. The endless crooning at dawn had been the talk of the school for the past week, and _nobody_ was getting good sleep.

“Don’t,” moaned James, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “Don’t want to talk about the bloody trolls.” Remus pushed open the wooden door, the light from the floor-length windows inside the Transfiguration classroom blinding them. They gave out a unified groan.

-

Purple eyebays sunk into the skin of almost every student, for all houses fell victim to the mystery Valentine’s attack. Sirius felt his long fingers dig into his temple as he sunk his face into his hands, his elbows resting on a slick piece of parchment, hearing the grandfather clock tick loudly from the corner of Professor Binns’ classroom. The mixture of Binns’ droning voice and the lack of sleep seemed to infect every student in the room - that is, besides Lily Evans, who seemed to be scribbling down every word Binns uttered, at impeccable speed.

Sirius let out an exaggerated yawn, stretching his arms out to his side and throwing his head back.

“Oh, you,” Remus grumbled, slapping Sirius’ arm as his stretched out hands smacked him right in the eye. “Bugger off.”

“Reckon I take a nap, right here,” Sirius murmured, nuzzling his face into a nest he had constructed using his robe, which he had pulled off, balled up parchment, and a few broken quills he had rummaged from the bottom of his bag.

“Do it.” Remus snickered, extending his legs underneath the table. He was much taller than Sirius, and _much_ lankier, and even at the two-person tables his long limbs were constantly nudging Sirius’. James and Peter fought to stay awake a few tables over, their heads bobbing up and down as they struggled to stay awake.

“Don’t think I can _take_ this any longer.” Sirius grumbled, folding his robe into what he deemed a satisfactory pillow.

“Don’t think anyone can,” argued Remus, motioning lazily to the class, who all seemed sleepier than usual in Binns’ boring class. Sirius let out a final yawn, and shut his eyes, drowning out the lecture. 

-

_**Chocolate frogs and Valentine cards  
Giggling smiles and eyes full of stars ** _

“Bloody _stop!”_ Peter cried, shoving his face into his pillow. The clock struck four in the morning, and there had been no sleep for any of the boys, nor for any of the people around the school building. 

“I wish Flitwick taught us silencing charms today,” Remus groaned, his bed curtains tightened around him. 

“Could’ve used it.” James grumbled. 

_**With roses bright red  
And violets deep blue** _

Sirius shot up, grasping his curtains and sliding them open roughly, the four-posters rattling as he stomped up. 

“I can’t do this!” he hissed, rubbing his grey eyes. “I can’t fucking do this.”

“Merlin, Sirius, nobody can,” Peter whined, rubbing his eyes and flicking on the room light. 

_**Oh, how I wish you were mine!  
You’re absolutely divine! ** _

“You know, we need to do something about it,” snapped Sirius, pacing the area between Remus and James’ bed. “Something big.” 

“How? Unless you propose we find a way to silence those… things.” Remus mocked, opening his curtains to glare at Sirius. He was moody when he didn’t get proper sleep. 

“Nah, they’re too ugly. Probably make me go blind,” he giggled. 

"Well, I've got the cloak," James yawned. 

“Cloak. Perfect.” mumbled Sirius, tapping his fingers together. 

****_**I don’t need Amortentia, so don’t be a grump!** _ ** **

“Oh!” Peter gasped, his mattress creaking as he sat up abruptly and slammed his curtains open. “Sleeping Draught!” 

“What?” James asked, furrowing his brows. “Madam Pomfrey has some. Do you need them?” 

“No! We take them, or brew some, and… er…” Peter stammered, tapping his bare foot on the floor. “Well, I’m not sure what we do with it.” 

“Slip it into the pumpkin juice.” Remus grinned, finishing Peter’s sentence. 

“Oh, Peter, Remus, you beauties!” Sirius grinned, his grey eyes ablaze with fire. “James, get your cloak. We’re headed to Sluggy’s.” 

****_**I only need your love, today  
So be my Valentine, sugar lump!** _ ** **

****-** **

“Stop moving.” 

“Well, I can’t make the potion if I’m not moving.” 

“Then don’t make it.” 

“Woah, slow down!” 

“Shit, Remus, add another sprig of lavender.” 

“We’ve already added enough, I’m sure of it.” 

“Says who?” 

“Says Lily Evans.” 

“She’s so pretty.” 

“We know.” 

“Where’s the Flobberworm Mucus?” 

“Oh Godric, we haven’t got any!” 

“Oh, I have some!” 

“Pete, where did you _get_ that?” 

“Sprout. She likes me.” 

“Or pities you.” 

_“Sirius!”_

\- 

It was well into the morning when the potion was finished brewing and had turned a beautiful shade of violet. The pendulum clock behind Slughorn’s desk teased them as the hands twirled in an untimely fashion, signifying the passing of hours upon hours. Remus had ultimately decided to add Muggle food coloring to the potion so the purple mixed with orange pumpkin juice wouldn’t look suspicious. Sirius had taken it upon himself to levitate the cauldron up to Gryffindor Tower, where Peeves frightened him so much he almost dropped it, earning a scolding from James. Once back in their dormitory, Peter carried the heavy cauldron to the kitchens, where he kept concealed under James’ cloak until his second arrival at the dormitory, cauldron empty and grin toothy. 

“The elves didn’t see me,” Peter giggled. “They didn’t notice. I slipped it into each goblet.” 

“Wonder how long it’ll take to go into effect,” James said thoughtfully. “Cause it’s diluted. With the juice.” 

“Hm,” Remus mumbled. “Probably a few hours. The matrons give them to me, the morning after… after the full moon. They work straight away.” 

“Mm.” James nodded. “Mum used to be a Healer, I bet she would know.” He trudged to Sirius’ bed, his usually delicate tanned skin now tainted with purple eyebags. 

“Probably’d take a couple hours to set in,” piped Sirius, covering his ears with two pillows to drown out the music. “Breakfast is only in an hour. Reckon we get ready?” he added, motioning to his disheveled hair poking out from between his pillows. 

“I think you look _gorgeous_ , Sirius,” James teased, yanking a strand of Sirius’ hair. 

“ _Marlene_ thinks the same.” Peter chaffed, scrunching up his nose and grinning. 

“McKinnon?” Sirius asked, removing the pillows from his ears and bolting upright. 

“Are you that thick?” Remus grinned, running his tongue around his teeth. Sirius just stared at him, bewildered. “She _fancies_ you, Sirius.” 

Sirius blinked a few times. “Well, do I have to fancy her back?” 

“I reckon so,” piped Peter. 

“Oh. Okay.” Sirius said, confused. “I’ll fancy Marlene.” 

\- 

Breakfast was a haze of giggling into their pumpkin juice goblets, sleep-deprived and running only on the fuel they had scarfed down in the Great Hall. Giddy and snickering on the way to Potions, Sirius seemed to dart from wall to wall, bouncing through the corridors and laughing as his eyes drooped. The potion seemed to have some aspect of calming to it - similar to a sedation. His feet sunk into the ground like quicksand but his head was floating, drifting in and out of sleep as he skipped with the equally giddy marauders to Slughorn’s room. The inside, however, seemed to draw them back to their senses. 

Professor Slughorn stood, frowning and face bright red, in front of his potions library, where bottles were turned over and ingredients leaked onto the floor, one red vial spilling ferociously fast, considering how tiny the bottle itself was. He sputtered for words, spit flying, and everyone in the class seemed to snap to reality as they were dragged out of their potion-induced haze. 

“Someone’s been in my cupboard,” he frowned, his voice balancing between disappointment, disbelief, and pure anger. “Someone’s taken my ingredients.” 

“Well, Sir, I hope you find the culprit,” piped up James, who swayed where he stood in the doorway. 

“You stay there, son.” said Slughorn coldly, trotting out the doorway at an exceptional speed, his hands gripping his pinstriped vest. 

“Was that… that wasn’t us, was it?” Peter whispered tentatively. 

“No!” Remus said, taken aback. “No, we cleaned up. Someone else must have been in,” he yawned. He slid down in his seat next to Sirius, eyeing the cupboard, which was an incredulous mess. Liquids and slimes dripped down between crevices, leaking onto the usually pristine flooring - Filch would be furious. Puffs of smoke rose, and different bubbles popped and sizzled on the wood, singing holes. 

“He won’t ever suspect us, either,” said Sirius, reassuring himself more than the others. But a familiar feeling rose from his navel to his throat, and he stopped talking. Instead, he let out a yawn, and around the room were fifteen kids fast asleep, snores galore. 

He settled into a nice position, snuggling his face into his arms, and closed his eyes, feeling hair fall in front of his eyes, and he joined the rest of the students in golden slumbers. 

****-** **

“I do not understand what your motive was, nor do I need to.” Albus Dumbledore said, his blue eyes piercing and bony hands folded. His gaze was merely nonchalant, and his tone was calm. Sirius hated it. 

“As you know, a sleeping spell seems to have fallen over our school, rendering students unconscious for the past two class periods. I suspect you four have something to do with this.” Dumbledore said, eyes twinking. Sirius glanced at James, then Peter, then Remus, squirming in his seat. 

“Due to… circumstances, regarding a Valentine’s prank that has gotten, dare I say, out of hand, I do not blame you for the Sleeping Draught. In fact, I’m quite astounded that you four have found a way to apply your studies to the real world.” Sirius held his breath, his mouth straight. He prepared to be yelled at, cursed even, but nothing came. As Dumbledore stood from behind his desk, Sirius flinched slightly, drawing further into his chair. James set a finger on his hand. There was a bald, ugly bird perched in a cage, covered in ash, who groomed itself as Dumbledore paced around the room. 

“Unfortunately, depriving Professor Slughorn of his potionary needs and raiding his personal apothecary is unacceptable. I have spoken with Peeves the Poltergeist, who claims he saw four boys in Professor Slughorn’s room early this morning, who seemed to have disappeared under a spell of invisibility. A cloak, perhaps.” Dumbledore said, twisting his lips into a smile as he stared at James, whose face had fallen. 

“The singing trolls have been taken care of, and the rest of today’s pumpkin juice batch has been removed from the possession of the house elves, who also had partaken in a few goblets.” His eyes danced with notes of humor, and he sat back down. “Peeves has admitted to ransacking Professor Slughorn’s apothecary, but the four of you have stolen from a teacher. I have no punishment for you, by request of your Potions professor, besides to owl your guardians and educate them on your newest misbehavings.” 

Sirius’ heart dropped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG UGH IM SO SORRY. NEW CHAP SHOULD BE UP IN 2 DAYS. HAPPY JEGULUS WEEK. I LOVE ALL OF YOU. PLS LEAVE A COMMENT AND KUDOS!! <3
> 
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	36. Second Year: Potions and Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius attends Potions class and has a talk with his Professor afterwards.

“I’m not too fussed,” shrugged James, eyeing Sirius as they exited Dumbledore’s office, shutting the golden door behind them. The gargoyle perched upon a tall pillar stared at them as the four uncomfortably continued down the hall, heads down. 

“I am.” Sirius said shakily. He could feel three pairs of eyes staring at him, and his pasy cheeks flushed scarlet.

“But it’s just an owl, Sirius,” Peter said, shrugging. “Not that big of a deal.”

“Pete.” Remus said warningly, shooting him a wary glance. 

“Not just an owl,” Sirius said, shaking his head and sarong at his feet. “They’ll be _so_ mad.”

“You haven’t gotten in trouble yet, have you? I mean, this is the first time your parents will know?” James asked, placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. He looked worried, and his glasses were sliding down his nose.

“I guess so,” he shrugged, staring at his shoes. “I don’t want them to know.” he said in a small, childish voice. He knew he sounded immature, but there was nothing more he wanted than to roll up into a ball and stare into nothingness.

“That’s okay, Sirius.” Remus nodded. “Slughorn isn’t that bad. Honest. It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah,” Peter added, though Sirius could tell he wasn’t quite sure what the problem was. “Yeah, it’s okay!”

“Big mistake,” Sirius grumbled, shaking his head. “Big mistake.”

-

“Sirius.” whispered James that evening, the rustling of his bed curtains barely drowning out the small voice. He didn’t reply, just broke his transfixed gaze at the ceiling. “Hey, wanna talk?” he asked, pulling the curtains aside and squeezing in. There was a bleak storm outside, and the thunder and lightning was loudly contrasting against the silent room. 

He knew that he looked disheveled - he had been running his hands through his hair constantly the past few hours, and he could feel the grease buildup on his scalp from excessive-tousling. He had purple bags under his eyes, and his long eyelashes were wet. James, though glasses-deprived, had just left a steamy late-night shower, and looked, although nervous, clean.

“I’m just scared,” he mumbled, twisting his hands. “Really scared.”

“Why?” James blurted, tilting his head quizzically. Sirius sighed.

“I dunno.” he lied. Rain pattered on the window behind his head, and he was indefinitely reminded of the rain in London. Surely they had already received the letter from Slughorn, and surely they were planning his punishment already.

It wasn’t that he snuck out late, or stole from a teacher - the Slytherin Head of House, to be specific - or even that he pulled this prank in the first place. It was the fact that he was sorted into Gryffindor, and that he hadn’t been speaking to Regulus, and he had been ignoring Narcissa all year. He was digging his grave.

“Do you think they’ll do anything?” asked James tautly. “At least you won’t be going home for a few months. It’ll all have blown over by then.”

“I guess,” Sirius shrugged. “No, they probably won’t do anything. Maybe a few curses. But besides that, no.”

“A few _curses?”_ James’ voice trembled. “D’ya want to come to my house for summer? We’ve got spare rooms. Or we can share mine. Mum _really_ wants you to come.”

“Do you talk to her about me?” Sirius asked, smally. “Your mother?”

“Well, yeah,” James said, as if it was the most obvious answer. “All the time. She thinks you seem nice. I showed her a picture of you - the one from out by the lake, with the squid, from the end of last year, she wants to meet you real bad.” He paused, scrunching up his face in concentration. “You probably shouldn’t ask them to let you come over right now, though.”

Sirius snorted, grinning. “I’ll be there. I promise.”

“Orright!” James whisper-shouted, his grin bright even in the dim dorm room lighting.

-

He didn’t know how he would make this promise, nor how he could execute it. There was no way Mother and Father would let him stay with a family like the _Potters_ if he wasn’t even able to listen to Muggle music. But he would figure it out. For now, that wasn’t the only pertinent obstacle involving the Blacks.

“Wait for me!” Sirius yelled, pulling a dirty grey jumper out of a nearby hamper and over his collared shirt. Most days, he spent minutes in front of the mirror, ensuring his collared shirt was pressed to perfection and his tie was centered, but today, he was running late, and as he skid out of the room, his tie was untied and his shoelaces were barely laced.

“Gawd, hurry up,” Remus groaned, rubbing his eyes. It was a full moon night, and tensions were high in the boys’ dormitory.

“Oh, leave me be.” Sirius called, darting out of the room behind an angry Remus. “You look dead, Remus.”

“Charming, Sirius, thanks.” he mocked, rolling his eyes and adjusting his robes over his shoulder. His fingers fidgeted around the crooked collar of his shirt, the same way he anxiously busied himself on the days leading up to the full moon. Sirius knew it was common for werewolves to act like this - their senses were enhanced, and it was uncontrollable. In the books he had read, it described the days leading to the full moon as almost the same as the night of (the moon, obviously). With their hearing and scent senses activated, they were almost the same as the wolf that overtook their body that same night.

“Double Potions in ten, tosser, hurry up!” Remus tutted, his long strides placing him significantly farther down the corridor than Sirius.

“Hey!” Sirius laughed, sprinting behind. Remus turned on his heels, walking backwards as he shot a lopsided smirk at Sirius, raising his eyebrows.

“Hey, Remus, how does my hair look?” asked Sirius, jogging and smoothing out his ebony hair - his pride and joy.

“Fine. Short. Black. Dark.” Remus shrugged. “Literally the same as always.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, and continued to self-consciously brush the backside of his hair. “ ‘S like a barber shop at home, I swear, Mother’s got Regulus and I _matching_ haircuts.” he grimaced.

“It doesn’t look too bad,” replied Remus. “Does look a lot like Regulus’, though.”

“She wants us to match, old bat. My mother, I mean,” he harrumphed. “She bought us matching robes until I was _ten_.”

Remus laughed, rubbing the back of his head. “My mother used to cut my hair,” he said wistfully, pulling a curl above his forehead until it straightened, then releasing it to revert to a ringlet.

“Sorry,” Sirius blushed, sputtering, and suddenly overcome with embarrassment.

“No, no, you’re fine,” Remus shook his head. “Barbers always ask questions when they cut my hair, y’know.”

“Why?” asked a puzzled Sirius. “Never been to a barber.”

“You’ve never been _anywhere_. Anyway, there’s a long scar down my neck. Mum always told them it was from a surgery, and I guess that’s believable, to Muggles, but you can tell it’s a magic scar. If you’re a wizard.”

“Right.” nodded Sirius. He didn’t have many scars, but there were a few littering his calves and torso - the combination of the Obfulus Curse and Durmstrang’s Reform Camp’s idea of a proper punishment. The lines on his legs had turned a pale white, and they almost blended in with his light complexion. But Remus was pinker, and had more color in him. As he stood behind him on the stairs, his eyes drifted to the nape of his neck, but he couldn’t catch a glimpse of his scar. He continued behind Remus, and noticed the snails’ pace in which they were moving. 

“Hey,” he said slowly, stepping down a stair to be in line with Remus. “Just skive off today.”

“What? No, never.” Remus laughed, shaking his head and cracking his knuckles. 

“Why not?” Sirius asked. Remus looked tired, almost as if he’d fall asleep on the vacant stairwell. “Come on, off you go.” Sirius tutted, clapping the small of Remus’ back. “Back to the dorms.”

Remus rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “Fine. Whatever.” he harrumphed, and retreated back to Gryffindor Tower. There was a pause, and Sirius watched Remus turn around. 

“Thanks.”

Sirius waved a hand, grinning. “I’ll get your notes.”

-

Sirius sat by himself in Potions, for Remus was absent, most likely sleeping alone in the dormitory with a record playing in the background. He felt sorry for him - how tiring would it be to sacrifice three days a month to the moon? 

“Sirius! Been so long!” James squealed, slinging his arms around Sirius’ shoulder, as if he had been waiting for him.

“Sluggy doesn’t seem too mad about our little prank.” Peter said quickly once Sirius entered the classroom, only minutes before the bell. 

“I’m pretty mad _at_ him.” grumbled Sirius, setting his bag on Remus’ empty chair. “He won’t be here today. He looked awful, it’s… the thing is today.” he explained.

“Partner work today, too.” James grimaced, leaning his elbows on Sirius’ desk. “That’s our first practical lesson in two weeks. You’re good at Potions, at least. I’m _dreadful_.” he said, slapping Peter’s arm.

Sirius groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Partner work?”

“Marlene’s not here, she’s sick with Black Cat Flu,” James continued. “Mum says her parents are worried sick. So you’ll be with Mary, I bet, then everyone’ll have partners.”

“Mary?” Sirius gaped, peeking through his fingers. “ _Mary?_ ”

“Oh, man up,” Peter said. “She’s not that bad. Super nice to me and James.”

“She hates me, though,” Sirius groaned, pulling on James’ robe sleeve as he walked to his and Peter’s table. 

“Maybe she’s flirting.” Peter offered, digging his cauldron out from under the table. “Girls do that. Right?”

“Ooh, then you’ve got her _and_ Marlene,” teased James, squirming giddily. “Snivellus, the git, he’s still with Lily,” he scoffed, glancing over his shoulder at the two sitting near the back corner. “Shame. I wonder if the grease dripping off his nose could ruin their potion?”

Slughorn’s booming footsteps interrupted Sirius’ snickers, and the pea green color of his suit jacket shut Sirius up almost immediately. 

“My, my, quite the small class today!” he bellowed, glancing around at the room - which had such little students, the absence of just two seemed to shrink it incredulously. “Let’s see… Ope, Mr. Anderson, wands away!” Warren Anderson, a Slytherin in their year, had let out an evil smirk before waving his wand aimlessly. Slughorn had ducked just in time to miss the green hex.

“Mr. Anderson, what might I do with you?” he tutted, chortling and shaking his head. “Five points from Slytherin, I’d say. Hm, Mr. Black, would you mind working with Miss Macdonald today?” Slughorn suggested, motioning for him to move next to Mary, who looked disgusted.

“Can’t I work with Lily, Professor?” Mary whined, her hand shooting straight into the air.

“Well, Miss Macdonald, then Mr. Black would be partnered with Mr. Snape, and the last time they were together, a brawl broke out in my classroom!” he chuckled, clutching his stomach. “Mr. Black, if you will.” Sirius sighed, and picked up his bag.

“Swelling Solutions today. That’s page 342 in your books, ingredients in the back of the classroom! I’ll be in my office, some… er, housekeeping I’d better get done for the Headmaster. Don’t be shy to ask me questions! Twenty points to the best. Good luck!” he rambled, before deftly ducking into his office.

Sirius turned to look at Mary, whose nose was upturned and arms were crossed. He pursed his lips together, and tried to refrain himself from rolling his eyes. _Black family manners,_ he thought. 

“So, Swelling Solutions!” he said, clapping his hands together. 

“Just get your cauldron out.” she said coldly, turning her shoulders away from him. Sirius nodded, grabbing his pewter cauldron from below the table. 

They worked in almost silence for the majority of the class - with brief interludes of Mary scolding him. He didn’t understand what he did to make her hate him so much - had he said something? Had he done any wrong? Maybe he had done something at the beginning of first year - it truly was hard shaking the blood prejudice he had ingrained into his mind. 

“You need to add another pufferfish eye.” she said, blinking rapidly. “Can’t wait ‘till Marls is back,” she muttered under her breath. 

“Remus is a better partner too.” he retorted, face turning red and eyes blazing. “He actually helps me. You know, instead of just _sitting_ there.”

“It’s not like you don’t know what you’re doing!” she snapped, her face tinted red. “Honestly!”

Sirius clenched his jaw, rolling his eyes as he stirred the potion, turning a marigold color. How he hated the color yellow.

“There. It’s done. Go show Slughorn,” he scoffed, pushing down on the table as he turned to stand. Mary looked at him, puzzled. “What?” he asked, upturning his nose.

“Nothing.” she said slowly, not breaking eye contact as she emptied the contents of the cauldron into a vial. “Nothing.”

Sirius spent the rest of the class correcting James and Peter’s potion - they were both equally tragic, Peter was only _slightly_ better. He had potential, that was undoubtable. It wasn’t like he’d ever act on it, though.

“No idea how it got to be _that_ color,” James frowned, scratching his head and staring at the powder blue, opaque potion in front of him. 

“Maybe add some more bat spleen?” Peter offered, and James emptied the rest of their cutting board covered in bloody bones into the cauldron. A puff of smoke emerged, and the concoction turned a bright yellow almost immediately. 

“Blimey, Pete!” exclaimed Sirius, glancing up from the cauldron to Peter’s blushing face. “You might be giving Remus a run for his money.” Peter just shrugged, trying to mask the red flush creeping up his neck.

“Ah, ah, perfect, wonderful, students!” Slughorn giggled, collecting the vials from each table in the classroom after the extended period was over. Naturally, Lily and Snivellus had the best potion - with both of their combined ambition and smarts, they had a gorgeous golden vial sitting on their table. “You all are dismissed!” he exclaimed, and the bell rang promptly afterward.

“Mr. Black, would you mind staying a few minutes?” asked Slughorn quietly, after a majority of the class had left. He gulped, glanced at James, and was greeted with a meaningful squeeze to the arm. 

“See you in Defense,” James nodded, and him and Peter were gone.

“Professor?” Sirius asked warily, approaching his desk. Covered in the vials he had just collected, there was a wax seal, a pot of wet, green wax, and a piece of parchment written on in neat script. Slughorn exited his office, opening the window inside his study to allow a tawny bird to enter. It perched on a textbook on his desk, nipping its beak at a spare quill.

“Mr. Black, you must know I have had the pleasure of educating your entire family in these years I have been teaching.” Slughorn explained, motioning for Sirius to sit in a plush chair that had just appeared.

“You can call me Sirius.” he offered, his stomach twisting and brain spinning.

“Sirius, in the multitudes of Blacks I have had the privilege to teach, I have never taught one so prone to mischief making like yourself.” he said, a glint in his eye as he sorted between the stack of papers in front of him.

“I have also never taught a Black who was not a Slytherin. Nor has any teacher, alive or deceased. Or ghastly,” he chuckled. “I have learned recently that you are the heir to the House of Black?” he proposed. Sirius swallowed.

“Yes, sir.” he said, meeting Slughorn’s eyes and feeling his face pale.

“Lots of pressure on a young lad like yourself.” he tutted. “I suspect that this family role is… strenuous on yourself?”

“You could say that, yeah.” he mumbled, shifting awkwardly. 

“Professor Griffis speaks quite highly of you, in this sense.” Slughorn smiled gently. “Because of these family roles, I have decided not to alert your parents of your recent misbehaving.” he explained, intertwining his fingers on top of the desk.

“Really?” Siris asked, bewildered. “Professor, thank you-”

“Not me you need to thank,” he laughed, waving a hand. “Have a chat with Professor Griffis. All his doing, the chap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI ALL. so sorry this chapter took so long. i like to keep it real and i've been struggling mentally more o than usual recently. writing is my escapism and i'm so happy i have people to share it with :) also - 5000 reads?! 1k comments?! 200 kudos?! i fucking love you. all of you. don't forget tp leave a comment and kudos. mwah.
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders  
> tumblr: @glowingmarauders


	37. Second Year: Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has a conversation with a worried professor.

Warm and lush, the green moss-like garden underneath their feet seemed to illuminate in the pale sunlight, dahlias and petunias gleaming and twisting, trying to grasp a glimpse of sun, blocked by the writhing tree above. It was a pleasant early March day, temperature finally rising into a mellow sun-bathed glow. 

James stretched out his legs, groaning as he reached his fingertips to brush against his feet, stretching his back. “Knackered!” he sighed, running a hand through his masterfully messied hair. 

“Me too,” Peter added, slumping down against the trunk of the Whomping Willow. The grounds were crowded - it had been the first nice day in months, and each student was taking advantage of the temperate weather before exam season fell upon them. 

“Ugh,” Remus grumbled, cracking his neck from side to side. They had hit the soft spot between full moons, a comfortable interval for Remus - for at least a week and a half, before the upcoming anxiety and stress would lead him to experience wolf-like symptoms days in advance. 

The four boys had spent most of their day outside underneath the twisting branches of the Whomping Willow - it had been quite a struggle to get to the trunk between the writhing branches, and they didn’t quite know how to get out. It was a beautiful Saturday, only days before the most exciting two-week span the marauders could wish for - James and Remus’ birthday. Only just over two weeks apart, Sirius considered their birthdays being this close to be a huge accomplishment.

Sirius stood up, stretching his stiff limbs, and glanced warily at the tree limbs in front of them. Barricading them from retreating up the grounds, the Whomping Willow had constructed a cage they could not escape. He leaned on the trunk of the tree, watching the others get up gingerly.

“How do you reckon we get out?” Peter asked awkwardly, his cheeks flushed a slight red.

“I didn’t think of that,” James said, eyes wide as saucers. “Well. I guess we’re stuck. Forever.” he blinked, clapping his hands together.

“Oh, shove it, you tosspot.” Remus grinned, rolling his eyes and nudging James in the side. He flipped his head around, curls falling over his eyes, and grazed his fingers around the trunk level with his shoulders, eventually finding a knothole in the shape of a floret. He pressed it, and the limbs immediately immobilized, creating a path for James, Peter, and Sirius to walk through.

“Go on. I’ll be one second,” Remus shrugged, unbeknownst to the three pair of gawking eyes staring at him. Sirius blinked, but eventually followed James, who began tugging at his sleeve to get him to move. The tree branches began to flail around once again, and Remus deftly ducked between the moving limbs, safely making it through.

“Are you just not going to _tell_ us how you knew that?” Sirius scoffed, grinning.

“Oh!” Remus exclaimed, blushing scarlet. “Just a lucky guess.”

“Alright,” James said slowly, catching Sirius’ eye. They didn’t believe him. Not for a second.

-

“Not _again!_ ” Sirius snickered, watching James throw down a pile of Exploding Snap cards on the table he and Peter sat at, papers billowing with smoke as Peter laughed in his direction. He wasn’t the brightest - but he was quite good at games; chess, Snap, Gobstones.

James harrumphed, crossing his arms around his chest. Remus glanced up from his essay, looking tired and disheveled. The full moon was only two days before, and he was behind on homework given by teachers. Sirius didn’t understand why they reprimanded Remus so much for being late after the full, or turning in homework a few days late, or missing class. He couldn’t _control_ the moon phases.

“Maybe I’ll let you win next week,” Peter teased, flicking a stray card at James, who swatted it away.

“Why’s that?” he asked, scrunching up his face.

“Your _birthday_ , you dunce.” Sirius grinned, calling across the common room. “Thirteen’s a big age.” A few older students looked over at them, playfully giggling.

“Mum and Dad want me to owl them,” he groaned, as if this were the worst thing in the world. “Don’t even know what I’d say.”

“That’s nice of them to offer,” Remus said pointedly, hunched over his parchment. “Done. _Finally_. I’d better drop this off with Griffis,” he said, cocking an invitational eyebrow at Sirius. He leapt up, and pranced after Remus out of the portrait hole as he heard the bickering, evidencing a new game of Exploding Snap had begun.

“Is Professor Griffis good with your deadlines?” asked Sirius, trailing behind Remus.

“Oh, yeah, he’s great,” Remus nodded, glancing back at Sirius. “Best out of any teachers, besides maybe McGonagall. I hope he’s here next year.”

“Me too.” Sirius sighed. “I like Griffis. He’s nice to me.”

“All teachers love you, Sirius,” Remus pointed out, tilting his head.

“I mean, _some.”_ he drawled, kicking the floor of the corridors. “Griffis told Slughorn not to owl my parents. About the potion.” he said, staring at his feet.

“That’s great, Sirius.” Remus said, taken aback. “That’s really good.” He paused, and Sirius felt his eyes on him. “Isn’t it?”

“I guess so.” he shrugged. “Sometimes I want to fight my own battles.”

“So what, fight your parents?” Remus quipped. Sirius stayed silent. 

“That’s not what I meant,” he said roughly, looking up. 

“Wasn’t it?” Remus said quietly, turning the corner into Griffis’ classroom. The door creaked open, and Professor Griffis sat at his desk, platinum strands of long hair falling into his eyes. He was bent over a wooden table, his elbows sinking into the rosewood as he scribbled earnestly on a letter, handing it to a pestering owl before it flew off, fluttering its feathers out of his office window. 

“Lupin, Black!” he said tiredly, clasping his hands together as he finally glanced up to see them. He stood up gingerly, wincing and rubbing his back. “Pardon me. Old man here.” he laughed, and Sirius smiled in response, because he knew that’s what his professor was looking for. He wasn’t old - in fact, he was their youngest professor. But he was greying prematurely, and his youthful face was tainted with a few wrinkles. 

“Just here to turn my essay in.” Remus said. “Thank you for the extension, by the way.” 

“That’s no problem, Remus,” Griffis said thoughtfully, waving a hand and taking the pieces of parchment Remus had scrolled together. “Wonderful work,” he murmured, skimming over the first page before putting it on a stack of papers. “You can go, you two, I’ll see you in class next week. Lots of work for Dumbledore, though I’m sure I shouldn’t say any more.”

“Goodbye, professor.” Sirius said, ducking out of the wooden door behind Remus. "He seems stressed,” he mused.

“I bet it’s something about the turmoil, y’know.” Remus said with a frown. The tensity in the wizarding world was slowly rising, and Dumbledore seemed to be in the center of it all. He _had_ to be the smartest wizard ever, Sirius thought. “You know, he was an Unspeakable. I’m sure he has inside information.” Remus continued.

“Oh,” Sirius said with furrowed eyebrows. “I only ever hear the other side of the story. From my parents.”

“They sound like idiots.” Remus grinned. “Bloody idiots.”

Sirius gave a soft grin in response, watching his feet as he ascended up the moving staircase. It had taken a few months to get used to them moving underneath his feet back in first year, but the shifting of steps was now commonplace for him. Once the two of them had arrived at the landing, right in front of the portrait hole, an irked-looking Professor McGonagall scurried across the hall, clutching the skirt of her robes. 

“What are you two doing out this late?” she trolled, Scottish accent high and agitated. 

“We had to turn in something to Professor Griffis,” Remus stammered, red flush creeping up the nape of his neck. Sirius stifled a laugh.

She paused, contemplating. “Very well. Mr. Black, come with me to my office.” she tutted, billowing her robes as she bustled to her office, just across the corridor. 

Remus stared at Sirius, blinking, but finally resolved to furrow his brows and shoot a small smile before climbing through the portrait hole, where he could hear James and Peter screaming at each other. That would be a conversation for another time. 

He had been in McGonagall’s office a few times, but he spent most time in her study, just off of the Transfiguration classroom. Her office was larger, redder, and scarier. 

“Professor?” he blurted, eyeing the room. He hadn’t done anything _wrong,_ had he?

“Sit, Mr. Black.” she said, ignoring him and waving a dismissive hand. Once he was seated on a rigid throne, she sighed, her chest falling. 

“Tea?” she offered, passing him a plate of scones and a teapot perched in the center. He waved his hand in refusal. 

“Do you know why you are here?” she asked. She, similar to Professor Griffis, looked weary and tired. 

“No.” he said slowly, racking his brain for something he must have done wrong. He had cheated on his last Potions test, glancing over at Remus’ parchment, but surely that was nothing to be invited to his Head of House’s office for. 

“Professor Griffis has told us a few things about yourself.” she said knowingly, tidying up her desk. 

Sirius felt his heart drop, and he couldn’t control his jaw from slightly falling agape. There was an unfamiliar bubbling sensation in his chest, and it felt like his throat was sealing closed.

“Summer holidays are in three months,” she said casually, stirring her tea with a small spoon. “Are you planning to return home?”

“Yes,” he said slowly. “With my brother. Regulus.”

“Smart little boy.” she murmured, sipping her teacup daintily, a pinkie held out. “Much like you.” Sirius blushed and muttered his thanks. 

“How is your relationship with your parents?” she asked, setting her teacup on its matching saucer. 

“It’s… it’s fine,” he replied, shocked. “I’m the heir, so.” he said, as if it was a proper response. 

“Yes, yes, I know.” she said calmly. “You’re a smart boy, Sirius. Can’t be older than… what, thirteen?”

He blushed. “Yeah, thirteen.”

“Very smart, Sirius, and this is why you need to tell the truth.” Her tone was harsh, but kind, and Sirius felt uncomfortable. 

“I _am_ telling you the truth, Professor.” he lied, shifting in his seat. 

“You get along fine with your parents, yet your mother is your deepest fear.” she said, a note of regret in her voice. Sirius sat up straight, his eyes blazing.

“So, what, I’m just the talk of the staff room?” he scoffed, standing up and gripping the edge of the desk. McGonagall stood up right after him, her scowl ready to reprimand him. But she didn’t. 

“So you just _gossip_ about me with Slughorn and Griffis and Dumbledore? You just _talk_ about me?” he said, clenching his fists and slamming the chair he had just stood up from into the wooden floor. 

“Never, Mr. Black,” she snapped. 

“Don’t _call_ me that!” he groaned, and all was quiet.

Once the words had left his mouth, he sputtered, searching for something to say that would reverse it. His eyes turned a dangerous gunpowder grey, and his eyebrows raised, saucers where his eyes usually rested. _Godric._ He fucked it all up.

McGonagall, who was poised and stoic almost all the time, looked at a loss for words as well. “I will see you tomorrow.” she said sadly, her hand reaching over to the small of his back. He flinched, and ducked out of the door, staring at his feet and breathing heavily. He paused outside her now-closed office door, staring back at it. And all was quiet once again.

-

It was a lonely March night, and Sirius sat by the fire revising lazily. He had a quill in hand, and his Transfiguration book opened in front of him, trying to pry his eyes open as he skimmed the paragraphs written in faded ink. He felt a tap on his shoulder, and looked up to see a frazzled Lily.

“Something you want, Evans?” he said cooly. Things between them had been tense for months, ever since Christmas. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he missed her.

“Remus’ birthday is next week.” she said, motioning a hand for Marlene to join them. She bounded over, sitting with Lily opposite Sirius.

“Yeah,” he nodded, rubbing his eyes and arching his back in a stretch. “God.”

“And James’ is the twenty-seventh,” Marlene pushed, crossing her ankles and swinging them back and forth under the table. She accidentally kicked Sirius' shin, and her cheeks flushed red.

“We were thinking that _maybe_ we could throw a little party, y’know, a get-together. Or something.” Marlene babbled, waving her hands and beaming. “Oh, unless you and Peter’ve already planned something. I- _We_ wouldn’t want to overstep,” she said, looking at Lily.

“No, we haven’t done anything.” he yawned, catching Lily’s eye. “Planned anything, I should say.”

“Great!” Lily breathed, all too eagerly. “Do you think the eighteenth? Maybe?” she offered, batting her eyes. Sirius bit his lower lip, furrowing his brows. When was March’s full moon? It had to be later in the month, it had always been.

“Sure. Eighteenth.” he nodded, closing his book.

“It’s a surprise, okay, so don’t tell anyone.” Marlene said. “I s’pose you can tell Peter though.” The two girls skipped up the staircase, ponytails bouncing and hair ribbons intertwining.

Sirius retreated up the stairs to the boys dormitory, book tucked under his arm and head heavy. He opened the door, and inside were three fast-asleep boys, snores and gusts whooshing in through the open window right above Remus’ head. Sirius shivered, and leaned over Remus’ sleeping form to seal the aperture, casting away the cold. Remus shuddered, and with a grumble, rolled over to his side. 

The moonlight casted a friendly shadow on the wall next to James’ bed, and Sirius tiptoed over. The once-scarlet wall was almost completely wallpapered in prints, photos, and Polaroids from Peter, covering not only the hole James had punched, but the entirety of the wall as well. Sirius looked at the school years’ calendar, skimming over the months that had passed. _March._ His glance diverted to the red circle covering a date only eight days away. 

March eighteenth.

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone :) sorry this chapter took so long! i'm feeling a lot better LMAO hope you enjoy this chap <3 i love you all
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders  
> tumblr: @glowingmarauders


	38. Second Year: Double Birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius organizes Remus and James' birthday celebrations in a way nobody had ever expected.

It was well into the week of Remus and James’ joint birthday celebration when Sirius was so overcome with guilt, he just _had_ to confide in someone. Someone who knew Remus’ secret, but also someone who wasn’t Remus or James, because their birthday surprise would be ruined. He racked his brain, searching for somebody to divulge this secret information in, but he had known since the beginning that there was only one option.

Peter Pettigrew.

Peter Pettigrew was a _weak_ secret-keeper, and could never keep his big mouth shut - whether it be disclosing private information, or eating pasty after pasty after pasty. He was a goody two-shoes, who even after performing a massive prank had the idiotic headspace that they should reveal themselves to a teacher, and had cold feet, always. But he was a marauder, and marauders stuck together. 

So as he and James led Remus and Peter down to the greenhouses for a riveting Herbology lesson, Sirius scuffed up the cement path in front of him, knowing that of all people, Peter Pettigrew would be the one he had to admit a big mistake to. 

“Hurry up, boys, these toadstools aren’t going to dice themselves!” Professor Sprout chortled, clapping her hands together as she held open the greenhouse door. Sirius liked Herbology, because it was outside, and he was never allowed outside much growing up. He burnt easily and the humidity made his hair stick up, but it was comfortable, and Sprout was nice enough. They were the last four in the classroom, and stood with the other clump of students - both Gryffindors and Ravenclaws - bunched along the wall.

“Can anybody tell me the purpose of a Leaping Toadstool?” Sprout called, closing the glass door and sealing off any traces of cool air. 

“They’re used for potioneering,” Mary said, raising a dark hand. “In potions like Baruffio’s Brain Elixir.”

“Perfect, Ms. Macdonald, five points to Gryffindor.” Sprout beamed. “I need these toadstools organized into height, size, and shape, and then diced. You may choose your own partners.” Sirius felt James’ head turn to look at him, but he kept his eyes attached to their plump professor. “Buckets due by the end of class.”

The class erupted into high-pitched chatter, and Sirius soon felt two hands grab both of his arms, pulling him equally in either direction - Marlene on one, James on the other. For a second, James looked puzzled, but his furrowed eyebrows turned into a knowing smirk. 

“Oh, sorry, James, I just thought maybe Sirius and I could work together today-” Marlene rambled, turning beet red as James slowly pulled away.

“You’re _fine_ Marls, I’ll work with Remus today,” James grinned, waving a hand and strolling over to Remus, who had three buckets lined up neatly in front of him. James slid down on the bench next to him, and began to dump the squirming toadstools onto the chopping board set on their table.

“So, partners?” Marlene blushed, twirling a caramel curl around her finger. 

“Er,” Sirius stammered, taking a step backwards. “Marlene, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think I’m going to work with Peter today.”

“Oh.” Marlene said, her face falling. “Oh. Okay. See you at lunch.” she said softly, pivoting to find Mary, glaring at Sirius and linking arms with Marlene.

“She really doesn’t like me.” Sirius sighed, slumping down next to Peter.

“Who? Marlene? She’s _obsessed_ with you.” Peter laughed, shaking his head as he plucked a mushroom from the barrel and inspected it.

“No, no, Mary. I didn’t even do anything to her.” he complained, choosing a silver knife from the selection provided and slicing a short and stout mushroom in half. “You really think Marlene fancies me?”

“Do owls fly?” replied Peter, awestruck. “I mean, Sirius, lots of girls fancy you, but Marlene takes the cake.”

“Lots of girls?” Sirius grinned, flicking a toadstool into the bucket labeled _Tall_. 

“Oh, I never should have said that.” Peter groaned, wringing his hands. “Besides, I thought you liked Marlene back.”

“I do, I do.” he shrugged, glancing at Mary and Marlene laughing together a few tables over. “She’s quite pretty. Oh, did Evans and McKinnon tell you about the party next week?”

“They mentioned it. For James and Remus,” he nodded, not breaking his gaze from the mushrooms he was dividing into clean fourths. 

“They told you the date?” Sirius said, sliding closer to Peter.

“The eighteenth? Right?” asked Peter, furrowing his brows.

“Yeah. It’s the full moon, though.” Sirius blurted, his voice barely over a whisper.

“Sirius!” Peter exclaimed, receiving stares from the nearby students around them.

“I _know_!” groaned Sirius, setting his knife down and grasping a rogue mushroom that had pranced over to the group next to them.

“Well, what do you want to _do_?” Peter asked, his beady eyes darting to James and Remus, far enough away so that they couldn’t eavesdrop.

Sirius shrugged, running a hand through his hair. It was getting longer, for Mother hadn’t had the opportunity to cut it over the winter holidays, and now brushed the helix of his ear comfortably. James had told him he ought to start using Sleekeazy Hair Potion, but Sirius refused.

“I dunno. I can’t tell anyone.” he exhaled. “Marlene’s too chatty, she’d ask too many questions about why it’d have to be postponed.”

“So ask Lily.” suggested Peter.

“No, Merlin no!” Sirius said, shocked. Peter pursed his lips in response.

“I mean, you could always find a way to cancel it. And we could do something else. Just us marauders, I mean.” 

Sirius looked up from his chopping board, meeting Peter’s eyes. “Yeah. I never thought of that.” He paused. Thanks, Pete.” He picked up the knife once more, and continued sorting and dicing the squirming mushrooms, his head spinning.

-

Soon, it was March seventeenth, and the Potter/Lupin Birthday Bash (dubbed by none other than Frank Longbottom, third year) was the next day. Peter’s words kept ringing in Sirius’ head - _Find a way to cancel it._ And he tried, and tried, and tried. But Lily Evans wouldn’t budge.

“Please, Lily, can’t you just do the nineteenth?” Sirius begged, trudging behind Lily one day after Charms lessons. She whipped her head around, a fiery red mane blazing from the plait it was in.

“It’s _our_ party, not yours.” she scoffed, grabbing her books and shoving them into her bag. “Marlene and Mary and me.”

“But you asked Pete and I if James and Remus would like it, and they wouldn’t!” he said, exasperated. “They’re busy!”

“Doing what?” she retorted.

“I… er, we’ve got something planned. Something that can’t be changed.”

“What, so you plan a second party after you know I’ve already organized one?” she snapped, holding her books to her chest. She stormed out of the room, and Sirius was left with a meek Peter, who had stayed for ‘moral support’. 

“You two aren’t getting along.” he noticed, stepping forward to stand next to Sirius, looking out the open doorway where Lily had just stormed out of. Peter was slow, and wasn’t the smartest in the class, but he could read people impeccably.

“No, not since Christmas.” He stopped, pausing for a second. “Told Snape about my boggart.” 

Peter nodded, patting Sirius on the shoulder. He had to stretch to reach him, but it was the sentiment that counted. Sirius knew nobody wanted to hear about his problems with his family, especially not Peter. His parents were divorced, but him and James had shockingly healthy relationships with their parents, and Sirius knew they couldn’t relate. Remus had mentioned a few times before her passing that his mother was kind hearted and sweet, and he knew mentioning his _own_ mother was disrespectful to Remus, who didn’t even have one. Truthfully, the only person he could talk to was Lily, and he had been trying his best to ignore her since that December evening.

“Ah. Well, we all make mistakes sometimes,” Peter said. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it.” Sirius did not reply, and sighed.

The remainder of the day was met with spurts of giggles from the three girls, laughing whenever Sirius met eyes with any of them. He spent most of the evening theorizing what to do with the party the next day, knowing there was _no_ way to reschedule it, but no way to continue with the plans.

“Your hair’ll fall out if you don’t stop that,” James noted, sitting down by Sirius in the common room and removing his pale hands from where they were intertwined with a black lock.

“Says you,” grumbled Sirius, nudging James in the side. 

James rolled his eyes. “Well, _I’ve_ got an inheritance from a hair potion company,” he smirked, stretching his arms back. His face was flushed from flying - he and Marlene had just returned from Quidditch tryouts, and sweat lined each crevice on his face. “You trying out next year?” he asked, but it was more of a statement than a question.

“Hm. Probably. I’m sure Mum’d throw a fit if she heard I wanted to play for Gryffindor.” he laughed softly, yawning.

“She wouldn’t have to know,” James said, with a glint in his eyes. 

“Discussion for another day.” Sirius said, waving a hand and staring at the wall opposite him. He couldn’t tell James, or the surprise would be ruined. He couldn’t let the surprise party happen, or Remus’, whose birthday the party was _for_ , wouldn’t be able to attend.

“Hey, James.” he said, after minutes of silence. “You’re close with Marlene, right?”

“Mhm. Grew up together. I thought you knew this?” he said, brows furrowed.

“Can you…” he started, glancing over at the bouncing head of brown hair towards the piano. “Can you tell her that you don’t like birthday parties?”

“I _do_ like birthdays.” he said, taken aback.

“No, no, it’s a code… language. A code between the girls. And this is how I tell her that we’ve cracked it.” he lied, eyes growing wide.

“Okay.” James said, a condescending look on his face. “Hey, Marls!” he called, and her head whipped around. “I don’t like birthday parties. Not in the slightest.” he shouted, and Marlene met eyes with Sirius. She hung her head, and bounded up the stairs, her hand clutching Mary’s wrist. 

“They seem awfully sad that we found out.” James said, cocking his head.

“Oh, yeah, it’s been an… an ongoing thing between me and Marls.” he said. “Er, fancy a walk by the lake?”

-

Sirius watched Remus throughout the entirety of the next day, noting his tense, scrawny arms, his shaking fingers, his clenched jaw, and his nature to flinch whenever anyone came near. A few weeks earlier, he had confided in the same space of their dorm room to the marauders that the days before the full moon were the most difficult and uncomfortable, and James, Sirius, and Peter had silently vowed to make these days as normal for Remus as possible.

His hair stuck up in all directions, and there were aubergine bags under his eyes, screaming his lack of sleep to anybody who made eye contact with him. His fingers picked absentmindedly at the scar just below his jawline, and Sirius gently slapped it away during one _exceptionally_ boring History of Magic lesson.

“You’ll make that bleed.” he said through a yawn.

“S’rry.” he mumbled, cracking his knuckles. “Moon’s tonight.”

“I know,” Sirius said, and he could feel the pretentiousness in his voice. He was quiet for a few moments. “When your thing… happens, is it by the Whomping Willow?”

Remus tensed up, and his wide, honey-brown eyes met Sirius’ startled grey ones. “Who told you?”

“No one, you tosser, I’m just not stupid,” he smirked, glancing at James and Peter at the next desk over. “That’s how you knew about that button, the one that makes the tree go still.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s… promise you won’t say?” Sirius nodded eagerly. “They - Madam Pomfrey and McGonagall - they put me in this room. There’s a tunnel, right under the tree. It leads to a room, that’s where I go. It’s fine. Shabby, but fine.”

“Sounds miserable.” Sirius said, furrowing his brows. “There’s nowhere better?”

“No. Home’s better, I guess. Dad built a shed in our backyard, it’s enhanced to… _hide_ me. Basically.”

“Really?” Sirius asked, his eyes widening and suddenly becoming more interested. Remus looked at him, confused, and Sirius’ expression went blank. “I mean, that’s awful, really. But, can you just go in? You press the, er, the knothole, and it lets you in?”

“No, no, there’s a tunnel that leads you in. It’s tedious.” Remus explained, his eyes darting around. 

“We don’t have to talk about it anymore,” Sirius said, except his mind was completely transfixed on Remus’ confession. _Push the knothole. Climb in through the tunnel. Push the knothole again before going inside. Follow the tunnel._

Suddenly, it was all clear.

-

“I’m going to the infirmary after this,” Remus muttered over dinner’s loud chatter. Sirius nodded knowingly, but it took Peter a few seconds to realize why.

“Are you feeling sick? Was it the - _oh!”_ Peter rambled.

Moments passed, and Sirius picked at his salmon, too excited to actually eat any of it. James continually bounced his foot under the table, and Sirius nudged his knee, stopping him. James’ fidgets overtook him when he was excited, and Sirius was sure his electrification seeping out of his ears was radiating onto James.

After the quiet dinner, Remus made his way to the hospital wing, excusing himself from the other marauders. They continued to their dorm, where Sirius was bursting to tell his exciting birthday plans for Remus and James.

“Remus really seemed sick today. Like, sad.” James frowned, flopping on his bed. 

“I think we can cheer him up.” Sirius said, slapping his thighs. “James, get your cloak. We’re going out.”

“Out?” Peter yelped. “There’s going to be a _werewolf_ on the grounds tonight!”

“That werewolf is your best friend, Pete.” scolded James, slapping Peter upside the head. “But I dunno, Sirius. Is this safe?”

“Moon isn’t full until four in the morning. We can go for two hours, and he’ll have four more until the moon.” Sirius shared. “Please? For your birthdays.” he said, batting his eyelashes at James.

He paused. “Fine. Let me grab the cloak.”

The trip around the castle was nothing special - they had used James’ Cloak of Invisibility numerous times, and rarely got caught. The hardest part was sneaking out on the grounds. Argus Filch had stood guard in front of the main entrance, just outside the Great Hall, and as a gust of wind blew the main doors open, Sirius led them through the open doors.

“Where are we going?” James asked, his breath hot on Sirius’ neck.

“Just follow me.” Sirius snapped, pushing James’ head off from where it lay on his shoulder. It was a chilly night, and the sun was just setting, coloring the sky above them. Hues of purples and oranges colored the fluorescent grass, illuminating each step they took. A few rogue stars twinkled in the ombre sky, and Sirius saw a figure retreat backwards from the Whomping Willow - it was Madam Pomfrey, for Madam Fabray was significantly shorter and wider.

The three boys picked up their pace as they approached the tree, and the limbs began to flail around once more. Sirius felt a branch brush between his and James’ jaw, and let out a small grunt.

“I haven’t got my wand, Sirius, you know me,” James grinned,lopsided and meek. Sirius grinned, and muttered a small “Wingardium Leviosa” towards a small rock. The rock met the trunk of the tree and the limbs paused once again. 

“Come on!” Sirius hissed, and heard four feet scuttle behind him, ducking between frozen branches. He paused, and noticed a small gap between the roots on the ground. It was big enough for even Peter to get through, and Sirius smiled to himself. Discarding the cloak, Sirius slid in between roots, motioning for James and Peter to follow. Reluctantly, they agreed, and continued down the narrow tunnel, crouching.

“Ouch!” James shouted, hitting his head on a boulder and tumbling forward, out the other side of the tunnel. There was a loud gasp from Remus, who had his shirt halfway over his head. Pulling it back on hastily, he stared at the other three, eyes wide and sputtering.

“You… how did you… Sirius - you…” he stammered, standing up from where he sat on the dusty four poster bed. 

“Oh, keep your shirt on, wanker.” Sirius said, slapping Remus’ back. “For your birthday. And James’.”

“I never thought… I never… _thank_ you.” he settled, sagging his shoulders. “But you are _such_ a bloody idiot!” he hissed, slapping Sirius’ exposed forearm. He rubbed it, wincing.

“You had better be gone in thirty minutes, or I’ll kill you all,” he said, and met Sirius’ grinning face. His smirk faltered, and he stared at his shoes. “I’m not kidding.”

“But we can stay for now?” Peter whispered, wringing his hands.

Remus paused. “For now. For now it’s perfect.”

And with the small sound of a meowing cat in the bak=ckground, the four boys spent the next thirty minutes knowing that sometimes, there was good in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS IM TRYING TO GET BACK ON SCHEDULE i love all of you. did u know that? i do. now pls leave a comment and kudos! also pls follow my tiktok i'm active on there LMAO
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders  
> tumblr: @glowingmarauders


	39. Second Year: Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius leaves second year behind.

Sirius despised exam week.

The constant stress, the underlying anxiety, the rush to remember _every_ little thing he had learned thus far - he despised it. Constant shrieks and sobs coming from OWL and NEWT students seemed to infiltrate every room in the castle, leaving little to no quiet anywhere. He spent most days revising in the library, much to the surprise of James, Peter, and Remus.

He had barely survived first-year exams, spending most of his time sulking off into dark corners, but Sirius had made a silent vow to come top of the class this year. It was well-known that, even if they didn’t apply themselves, James and Sirius were the top second year students (Remus coming in a close third), and were undoubtedly incredibly intelligent. The thought of placing highest among his other students ignited a spark inside of him - especially the praise he was hoping to get from Mother and Father.

He hadn’t heard from him at all since November - his birthday. They hadn’t bothered to contact him, and even Narcissa was ignoring him, rarely meeting his eyes in the corridors. There had been no owls from Andromeda, and even though he knew each day nothing would come, he couldn’t stop himself from glancing at the parliament of owls swooping in each morning. 

Was she ignoring him? Was she done with constantly looking after him? Family was always supposed to stick together, even if it cost your own sanity. He knew this, it had been engraved in him ever since childhood. But a small voice was telling him that _she doesn’t care, she has a life, you know, she can’t always look after you._

It was a tiresome few weeks. 

As Sirius stared at his History of Magic written exam, quill scratching the nape of his neck and brushing against his hair, he let out a loud sigh, earning nothing but a silent scolding from their proctor, Professor Flitwick. He rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair and tipping it onto two legs, exhaling slowly. He was finished with his exam, he _had_ been finished for a quarter of an hour. His gaze turned to James next to him, whose tongue stuck out slightly as he hunched over his own test sheet, shooting straight up after a few moments and slamming his quill on the rickety desk.

“Done!” he breathed, punching the air.

“Mr. Potter!” Flitwick scolded. James shot him a sheepish grin, his ears blushing scarlet. Sirius glanced over at Peter and Remus, who were both diligently working on their respective exams. It was quite easy, Sirius thought, all of their tests so far had been. There was one more exam left - Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Sirius had expected that to be a complete ease. It was Griffis, and Griffis was easy. 

“Time’s up!” Flitwick cried, leaping from the pile of books he stood on top of the desk. The bright blue timer rattled on the wooden table, shrieking and screaming as each second passed. Flitwick lazily waved his wand, and the ringing ceased. 

Sirius watched his parchment be collected, and added to the pile accumulating in Flitwick’s arms, almost taller than the professor himself. He stifled a laugh, following the tottering teacher with his squinted eyes. Peter scribbled down a few extra words as Professor Flitwick snapped his fingers, bringing the parchment to his hand, and Peter let out a small moan of acquittal.

“Quite easy,” Sirius boasted, sauntering out of the classroom with the other three trailing next to him. “Exceptionally easy, actually, I’m surprised Binns didn’t throw in a few trick questions.”

“Shut up, Sirius.” Peter muttered, rubbing his crossed forearms and staring at his shoes as they continued down the corridors to the Grand Staircase, leading to Gryffindor Tower. 

Sirius’ hands were stuffed in the pockets of his trousers, his robes lazily discarded on his bed all the way up in the tower. His last week at school for the term was coming to an end, and he didn’t quite know how to feel about it. 

There was Andromeda, of course, who he had been looking forward to seeing for months. That is, if she still cared. It wasn’t like she made any effort. But besides her, there was absolutely nothing to anticipate regarding his home life - there wasn’t even Regulus. They had passed each other in corridors insurmountable times, knowing that neither of them would ever acknowledge the other. 

Sirius knew Regulus would need him once they were back in London. He was never quite targeted in the sense Sirius was, but it wasn’t like he could protect himself. Regulus was smarter, kinder, more reasonable, and a follower. He knew his place and realigned Sirius into his own. But Sirius didn’t _like_ his place. 

So even as Sirius strutted down hallways, grinning and winking at girls he knew were too old for him, he felt a bubble of nausea rise in his throat, blocking his airways. He stopped, swallowed, and shook his head slightly. Mother and Father couldn’t reach him; not at Hogwarts. The closest thing he had to a blood family at Hogwarts was Narcissa, and she was tolerable. She cared only about blood purity and her boyfriend Lucius, who would be graduating this year. She never cared much about what _happened_ to Sirius, but he supposed it was kind of her not to partake.

Lost in thoughts, Sirius stumbled over one of the trick stairs, his foot falling through before he grasped Remus’ forearm, bringing himself up.

“You good?” asked Remus, nose upturned and eyebrow raised slightly. Sirius let out a nod and a grunt, dusting off his trousers and smoothing his hair down. Soon enough, Mother would take her emerald scissors to his hair, chopping it to the desired length, directly above his ears, and Sirius would hold in any snarky remarks. He didn’t like short hair - it made him look like _Reg._ Not that he didn’t love Regulus, that was obvious, but rather because he didn’t want everyone to think of them as the same. The only distinguishable thing Mother would allow any of the Sacred Twenty-Eight know about Sirius was that he was a rapscallious troublemaker. Besides that, he was just the heir to the most important English Wizarding house. 

He lifted his chin, regaining any crumb of regal posture he hadn’t discarded, and promptly collided into the small chest of a girl in front of him.

“Watch where you’re going, or I’ll hex you into next week.” she hissed, swinging a sheet of blonde hair over her dainty shoulders.

“Cissy,” Sirius grinned, catching James’ eye. 

“Oh. It’s just you.” she frowned, looking down on him with a disdain look plastered across her thinner-than-usual face. 

“What, am I that bad-” he began, ruefully insulted, but was interrupted by a call from the landing just below them.

“Narcissa, dearest, what on earth are you _doing?”_ sneered the voice of Lucius Malfoy, holding out a hand for Narcisa to clasp. “Consorting with Gryffindor Mudbloods?”

“Talking to the heir of the House of Black in that tone is a nasty look, Lucius,” Sirius frowned, exaggerating the downturn of his lips. “How’s your family doing, again? Hopefully no longer in that nasty debt scandal with Gringotts? I’d hate for the details to get out.” he shrugged, merely staring at Lucius with but an inch of interest. The Malfoy’s debt had been an interesting conversation over the past few years among Sirius’ family - truth be told, he had no idea whether their monetary ordeals were still prevalent, but judging by Lucius’ sputters, he had struck gold.

“You- you-” he spat, pressing his lean shoulders back. “Come, Narcissa, we must.” he scoffed, and they disappeared, though Sirius _swore_ Cissy had looked over her shoulder, even just for a moment.

“Sirius!” she called over her shoulder, losing all composure. For a second, Sirius saw a scared, shaking, terrified girl, and he felt _sorry_ for her. He opened his mouth, hoping to empathise with her, but as their eyes met, she was regal once again, vertebrates aligned, and not a wrinkle in her blouse. “I… I’ll… I’ll see you over the summer.” she gulped, and bustled away, Lucius’ arm wrapped diligently around her thin frame.

Sirius’ chest tightened, and turned around, seeing James, Remus, and Peter all eyeing him.

“Real dramatic family you’ve got there,” James said, clapping Sirius on the back, and helping up upwards on the stairs.

-

“Mr. Black, in, if you will.” a shrill voice rang, and Sirius reluctantly entered Professor McGonagall’s office, clutching a piece of parchment in his sweaty palms. It was wrinkled, and seemed to be coated in a fine layer of moisture, but that was expected. Creaking open the tall rosewood door, he stepped in, watching his Head of House collect herself, placing a pearl barrette in her black bun. It was the day before the Hogwarts Express would depart, and the constant threat of 12 Grimmauld Place was right on the horizon. 

“Your schedule,” she said sharply, holding out a hand. He took a step backwards, shocked. “I don’t have all day.”

Sighing, he tenderly laced the paper in her outstretched hand, and under half-moon spectacles, she skimmed the page. “Divination and Muggle Studies.” she said, lips tightened. “Have you… have you revised your decision?” She stared at Sirius, and he shifted his weight uncomfortably. It had taken him little to no time to decide he wanted to take Muggle Studies - it was _interesting,_ and Mother and Father wouldn’t be able to change it once it was set on his transcript. He began second-guessing himself as McGonagall peered over her glasses at him.

“I have.” he replied, flushing an awkward shade of red.

“Very well.” she said, shuffling her papers into a neat stack. “You may go.” Her voice was slightly curt, more so than usual. As he pivoted on his heel, headed towards the door, he heard McGonagall stand up abruptly. He glanced over his shoulder, meeting her eyes. 

“Have a good summer.” she smiled, the corners of her eyes creasing. 

“I’ll try my best.” he replied jokingly, only both of them knew he wasn’t kidding. 

-

He sighed, watching the tall, looming castle in the foreground disappear behind smoke and trees, a warm ray of sun shining in through the holes of leaves. It was a bittersweet goodbye, but he knew he would be back soon. Hopefully. 

“I just wish we could use magic already. Outside of school, I mean.” Peter lamented, folding a chocolate frog box into an origami swan. 

“Nice to practice with,” Remus added, shimmying his back further into the corner of the train compartment. A book lay spine-up on his kneecap, and he flipped it upwards, picking up where he left off. 

“It’d make my summer less _boring.”_ James grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning his head on Sirius’ shoulder. 

“That's bollocks.” Sirius drawled, rolling his eyes. 

“Wish any of you could come,” said James sadly. He had invited all of the marauders to stay at his mansion, but they had all been forced to decline. Peter was staying at his summer estate, a vista of beach breeze and sunny afternoons, whereas Remus would be staying home, spending the summer with family in their Welsh cottage near the beach. 

Sirius had _tried_ , he had tried so hard, but he couldn’t bring himself to owl his parents. There was no way they would let him stay with blood traitors like the Potters, and the engagements he knew would occur over the holiday would leave him in no fit state to stay with Mr. and Mrs. Potter. 

“Sorry, mate.” Remus shrugged. “You’ve got the mirror.”

“Shit! I forgot!” James exclaimed, scrambling to sit upright from where he lounged against Sirius. “Seven o’clock every night. Dad says if you go three days without checking in he’s going to Apparate over to London to make sure you’re… fine.” 

Sirius turned scarlet, and Remus and Peter both perked up their ears, staring into Sirius’ soul. He was incredibly embarrassed - it wasn’t that serious. He would be fine. There was no reason for Mr. Potter to care so much, and no reason for James to say it in front of Peter and Remus. Of course they _knew,_ there was no way to keep it secret. But they didn’t know as much as what James did, and he would like to keep it that way. 

“Seems quite a bit excessive.” Sirius murmured, self consciously brushing a hand through his black waves. James stared at him for a moment before wrapping his arm around Sirius’ shoulders, melting into his collarbone. 

The rest of the ride was subdued, for all four boys weren’t quite ready to part. They would never be, and the haunting feeling of departure and loss seemed to carry with Sirius from Hogsmeade Station all the way to London. 

With the _crack_ of Narcissa departing not far behind him, and the whistle of the lotus flowers in the house next door’s beautiful garden from the summer wind, and the quiet birdsong from the park just across the street, Sirius took in a sigh, opening the front door with his trunks in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYO LATE CHAPTER CHECK sorry baes i’ve already started chap40 HA hope you all enjoyed this and don’t forget to leave a comment and kudos!
> 
> where to find me:  
> tiktok: @glowingmarauders  
> wattpad: @glowingmarauders  
> tumblr: @glowingmarauders


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